The SmackDown Report

Sorry for yet another late report everyone. I’ve been very, very bad with these lately haven’t I? Thankfully, Tom had a report up, but here’s the other one.

Montel Vontavious Porter kicks us off right away. He gets on the microphone and says some stuff, doing the usual bash the hometown’s sport teams promo. I hate that. It’s so cheap; surely there can be better ways to draw a reaction from the crowd? Matt Hardy interrupts.

Opening Contest: Montel Vontavious Porter vs. Matt Hardy
Lock up and Porter gets a headlock over Hardy; Porter off the ropes with a shoulder block. Typical. Another headlock by Porter, Hardy pushes him off and Porter gets a scoop slam on Hardy. Porter taunt = boos. Test of strength is won by Hardy with a nice roll; shoulder body toss on Porter by Hardy for a brief pinfall attempt. Porter with a backslide for another pinfall attempt. Hardy with a hip toss on Porter, followed with a headlock takedown. Hardy gets the clothesline bulldog combo. Hardy with a headlock, Porter trips Hardy and goes after the arm. (Cole now begins talking about Hardy’s transition from tag team to singles; forgetting to mention that Hardy’s been a singles wrestler for, let me just check my watch for a moment, around five years) Hardy with elbows to Porter for a two count. Clothesline gets Hardy another two count. Hardy misses a leg drop and Porter kicks the leg of Hardy, before trying to remove the knee brace of Hardy. Hardy fights Porter off and outside of the ring, and we head to a commercial break.

Commercials.

We’re back to see Porter hitting Hardy with a clothesline for a two count. Porter with a snap mare and kick to the back, before resuming to work the arm. Hardy with a shoulder body toss, followed with the Yodel Elbow for a two count. Porter with a nice belly to belly on Hardy. Hardy gets sent off the apron into the security barricade. Back in the ring, Porter gets a pair of failed pinfall attempts over Hardy. You know, one of these days, I’d like to see a failed pinfall attempt followed by a successful one – just for something different and to prove that it’s not just filler. That would be nice. Hardy gets punches to Porter, but a single punch by Porter gets him a pinfall attempt over Hardy. Porter with a reverse bear hug on Hardy. Hardy off the ropes with an elbow to Porter; Side Effect shortly follows for a two count. Another Side Effect gets Hardy a two count. Porter spears Hardy into the corner and looks to go for the boot but Hardy gets his feet up! Hardy goes up top but Porter gets a top rope belly to belly on Hardy! Porter covers for a two count. Porter and Hardy exchange elbows / forearms, and Hardy clotheslines Porter down. Hardy goes for the Twist of Fate but Porter pushes him off, Hardy comes back into a flapjack Samoan. Porter kicks Hardy right in the head for a two count. Porter goes for the running boot but Hardy avoids it, Porter pushes him off the bulldog and gets the big boot in the corner! Porter covers for a two count. Hardy with the Twist of Fate for the victory!
Winner: Matt Hardy

It’s official: Porter’s good. And he’s still improving. I would really like to see a feud between these two, possibly leading into a conclusion at SummerSlam or Unforgiven. Seven out of Ten.

Still to come: Ric Flair vs. Finlay. First. Time. Ever. So long as you ignore them starting the Royal Rumble (they did start it this year, right? Or am I just imagining things?), or their Money In The Bank Match last year. Third time’s always the most important, I suppose.

Commercials.

Michelle McCool went shopping. She loves life, apparently. It is nice to see that she doesn’t have depression, but is there a reason she needed to take cameras shopping?

Kristal Marshall and Theodore Long are going over table plans for their wedding, when Edge storms in. Edge says he’s going home, so Long suggests he simply do The Cutting Edge instead and he’ll select a special guest – the biggest superstar to ever appear on the Cutting Edge.

Second Contest: Chris Masters vs. Jimmy Wang Yang
Very weird combination here; so weird that I think we may have struck gold! Lock up and Masters throws Yang down, but Yang jumps back up. Headlock by Yang; Masters picks Yang up and slams him down. Military press by Masters. Masters with elbows and a leg drop. Yang gets in forearms and comes off the ropes into a clothesline; bright idea to run into a clothesline. Masters locks in a backbreaker, but Yang falls behind Masters. Yang comes off the ropes, ducks the clothesline this time (smarter idea). Yang with dropkicks to the legs and a failed clothesline. Spinning heel kick in the corner, by Yang of course. Yang comes off the top rope with a cross body attempt but gets caught in the Masterlock for the submission.
Winner: Chris Masters

During his post match celebration, Master’s music is interrupted by the Great Khali. Khali hits Yang with the double handed choke bomb; Khali gets on the microphone, and the manager guy – I forget his name – says stuff, as good managers do, and long story short is that Khali wants a match at the Great American Bash. I kind of actually enjoyed this match; it was alright for a three or so minute show filler contest. If you went into this match forgetting that you knew the outcome and didn’t have any expectations, I suppose you might have enjoyed it as well? Two out of Ten. I can’t believe I didn’t give Masters negative points.

Commercials.

Jesse and Festus on Navigation. They’re hicks, and they don’t want to get lost, and Festus is apparently a navigation wizard. Ah .. Okay. Good for him?

Third Contest: The Major Brothers vs. Jobber Cannon Fodder
They’re cute; no London and Kendrick, but oh well. They’ll do. Brian starts against Fox and the pair trade arm locks, with Brian doing some flips before Brett is tagged in. Brett does some flips as well, even doing a hip toss at the same time. Brian back in with a sunset flip for a two count. Brett tagged in and the brothers hit a double team hip toss, with the pinfall broken by Jobber No. 2. Other brother tagged in, Brian I think, and he clotheslines Jobber 2 down. Brian with knees to both jobbers; Brett tagged in and the pair hit an interesting leg sweep for the victory.
Winners: The Major Brothers

Even though it was a jobber match, it wasn’t all that terrible – but they’ve still got a long way to go if this is any match to go by. -One out of Ten.

Commercials.

Rey Mysterio’s returning soon! Very nice clip.

Fourth Contest: Ric Flair vs. Finlay
About an hour into the show and we’re already at our fourth match? Maybe they figured out something from last week’s format? Lock up and Flair gets Finlay in the corner, before backing into the middle of the ring. Finlay with a headlock to Flair. Flair grabs the arm and nails a shoulder, Finlay reverses it and flips Flair over. Flair goes for an ankle lock on Finlay. Another lock up, with Finlay sending Flair into the corner for a spear this time. Finlay with forearms and uppercuts. Short arm clothesline by Finlay for a one count. Finlay with a shoulder claw, which ends up with Flair in the corner. Finlay with more forearms and uppercuts, but Flair gets an eye poke! Chops by Flair. Flair with a hip toss. Finlay sends Flair into the corner, back into a shoulder body toss for a failed pinfall attempt.

Finlay with a single legged Boston crab. Finlay with a body drop on the worked leg of Flair, before Finlay locks in the Celtic Knot (Indian Death lock) but Flair gets to the ropes. Finlay with a body drop off of the second rope. Finlay sets Flair’s leg on the bottom rope and goes for a body drop but Flair sends him outside for chops! Flair sends Finlay back inside for .. More chops! Flair attacks the leg of Finlay and goes for the Figure Four – Finlay almost gets to the ropes so Flair drags him back, stomps the leg, and goes for another Figure Four but Finlay turns it into a small package! Flair kicks out and gets a back drop on Finlay. Hornswoggle runs in only to get a chop from Flair! Celtic Knot locked in and Flair taps!
Winner: Finlay

Not the instant classic that Michael Cole was making it out to be, but certainly a good way to debut the Celtic Knot as Finlay’s newest finisher. So long as this doesn’t mean he’s dropped the Celtic Cross (Emerald Fusion) then I’m happy. Five out of Ten.

Still to come: The Cutting Edge with someone Oh, the anticipation.

Commercials.

Torrie Wilson is backstage doing a pretty crappy photo shoot, so Victoria storms in, and she‘s annoyed. I know, surprising! Torrie calls Victoria mean and crazy, so Victoria hits her with a deadly blow up ball. Next time she might use a sponge. Catfight with Blair Witch Camera movement follows. Two pointless diva segments in one night: take that, RAW!

The Great Khali with managerial services dude are backstage; Khali attacks a stage hand. Way to prove Khali’s a threat; taking out cruiser weights and stage hands. Let’s see him steal some candy from a baby.

Commercials.

Kenny Dykstra makes his entrance. He gets given the microphone temporarily before Chuck Palumbo makes his “debut”, riding his manly motorcycle. You know he’s a bad ass because he rides a motorcycle. I guess that’s why my hot pink tricycle never gave me much street cred, or something.

Fifth Contest: Kenny Dykstra vs. Chuck Palumbo
Dykstra actually suit’s the plain black tights look. Palumbo is better than what I remember him. Lock up and Dykstra gets a hammerlock on Palumbo but Palumbo elbows him off and gets a shoulder block. Another lock up and Palumbo forces Dykstra into the corner. Dykstra with right hands. Palumbo with a overhead belly to belly. Palumbo misses an attack in the corner and Dykstra gets a cross body off the top rope. Palumbo runs into a boot by Dykstra. Dykstra with knee drops to the arm of Palumbo, before driving Palumbo arm first into the corner. Dykstra with an arm breaker on Palumbo for a one count. Palumbo catches a Dykstra cross body and hit’s a power slam. Palumbo with the Full Throttle for the victory.
Winner: Chuck Palumbo

Went on too long. Watchable, but I can‘t see why you‘d want to. One out of Ten.

Commercials.

RAW Recap: Beat The Clock Challenge. Beat The Clock is always a good watch, but I slept through the entire episode on Wednesday. That spear on Cena looked pretty good, though.

Mark Henry, Mister Silverback, says that it’s only a matter of time until one of the new additions to SmackDown will come face to face with Henry. The strong survive in Henry’s jungle; spread the news.

Commercials.

Sixth Contest: Deuce w/ Domino and Cherry vs. Eugene
Eugene tries to lift Cherry’s skirt before the match begins – pervert. Cole says he wanted to play with her skates, though. Eugene gets a head butt, knocking Deuce down and sending Eugene outside – which is the signal for Khali’s music to hit. Cherry sells the music pretty well (no, I’m not being sarcastic, she actually reacts pretty well).
Winner: No Contest

Khali chops Deuce down; Domino sends Eugene back into the ring and Khali hit’s the double handed choke bomb. Khali yells into the microphone, and the manager asks if there is anyone brave enough to accept his challenge for the Great American Bash. Well, no, apart from Batista. You know how there’s some matches which look like they could be so bad that you need to see them? Well, I can’t wait to see Batista, Khali, and Henry at SummerSlam! Batista needs to be shirtless to talk trash, and both of them being challenging the other to a fight (I assume that’s what Khali is saying). Khali leaves the ring to heat from the crowd while Batista shakes the ring ropes. Oh, the match? -Five out of Ten. When the best part of the actual match is Eugene looking like he’s perving on Cherry, then you have a very bad match indeed.

Commercials.

Another Rey Mysterio vignette.

Edge makes his way out, needing the ridiculous pyro show even for the Cutting Edge. There’s about seven million “Edge Sucks” sign, all together – so, most likely plants by the WWE. Pathetic. Especially since they’re written in the exact same way. Couldn’t even show some originality. Edge reminds us that he doesn’t know who the special guest tonight is, but he does know how to say several clichés. Edge introduces the guest, which turns out to be Kane Oh, I mean, oh my god! It’s Kane! Wow! Cough. Kane stares Edge down, and Edge brings up something I didn’t even notice – in October it will be a “Decade of Dominance” for Kane. Decade of Destruction was better. Edge hypes Kane up, bringing up the Inferno Match, before putting his foot in his mouth and beginning to get arrogant about it all (typical) and Edge begins running down his list of accomplishments before saying that the show is out of time. Edge goes to leave but Kane won’t let him, and Kane gets the microphone and tells Edge he doesn’t like him. Kane throws Edge outside. Edge, in anger, says that Kane will never be a guest on the Cutting Edge ever again (oh no!), nor will Kane ever step in the ring against Edge. Theodore Long comes out and says that Edge will be defending the World Heavy Weight Championship against Kane. That’s random, but makes sense at the same time seeing how Kane is someone who easily swaps between midcard / main event jobbing. Even though this year’s Great American Bash looks like it could be the strongest WWE produced yet (although, that really depends on what you thought of last year’s), I find it extremely odd that all the main events (Edge/Kane, Nitro/Punk, Cena/Lashley) are nothing better than upper midcard at best. Of course, this is the same event which Layfield won the belt at.

Also: Kane is always a nice and easy guy to pretend can be the champion. I’d love to see him get an actual reign, even though he most likely won’t unless it’s over in ECW. An actual reign by Kane could be one of the more shocking storyline moments of recent wrestling. I agree with Tom that Edge / Kane don’t work great together, but Edge can work a decent match with Batista, and these two have had enough matches that they should know how to have a good one. Or at least an acceptable one. Hopefully. Maybe.

The Inside Pulse
Matt Hardy defeats MVP via pinfall: 7/10
Chris Masters defeats Jimmy Wang Yang via pinfall: 2/10
Major Brothers defeat Cannon Fodder via pinfall: -1/10
Finlay defeats Ric Flair via submission: 5/10
Chuck Palumbo defeats Kenny Dykstra via pinfall: 1/10
Deuce draw Eugene – Giant Khali interference: -5/10
SmackDown 06/06/07: 9/60

Apart from Porter / Hardy, and Flair / Finlay, this was an absolute shocker of a night. Sad part is that last week’s show was better – and that featured Crime Time against Deuce and Domino AND Khali against Eugene. I mean, really, how do you not top a show with those two matches?! Some of these matches tonight would’ve been better if they’d simply thrown a coma patient in the ring and saw what happened. Though Palumbo / Dykstra wasn’t bad wrestling wise, it was just incredibly boring; two of the matches where blatant job matches; the final match’s best moment was Eugene looking at Cherry.

Sigh.

Until next week, people, don’t forget to read the Top 100 List. So far two of the wrestlers are amongst my favourites (DDP and London. Long time readers would know of my fandom for London; Page was one of the few guys in the WCW videos I saw which I always enjoyed), I’ve never seen one before (Adrian Street), and I’ve seen too little of two to make a judgment (Steve Williams and Homicide). But do enjoy it even if you don‘t know all the wrestlers on the list, it’s going to be quite the read over the next few months. And have a good week!

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