H.O.T.S. – DVD Review

Available at Amazon.com

Gerald Seth Sindell

Susan Kiger… Honey Shayne
Lisa London… O’Hara
Pamela Jean Bryant… Terri Lynn
Kimberly Carson… Sam

Release Date: June 5, 2007
Running Time: 98 minutes

The Movie:

H.O.T.S is a simple movie with simple aims. It attempts to fill its 98 minute running time by combining hilariously wacky situations with lots of scenes that involve attractive women taking off their shirts. Unfortunately, while the movie is quite good at getting the female cast topless, the wacky situations are seldom hilarious.

The main plot is set up in the opening scene with some of the clunkiest exposition ever to appear on film. In the scene a group of girls feel shunned by the elitist Pi sorority. They decide that the best way to get back at Pi is to form their own sorority (they claim its not a sorority, but for all intents and purposes, it is) and steal all the attention/guys away from Pi. Shockingly enough, their attempt to woo the guys involve lots of scenes where the H.O.T.S. women take their shirts off.

H.O.T.S. sets up shop in a formerly vacant house which just happens to be the same house a criminal stashed a lot of money before he was arrested. Said criminal died before he could let his partners know where in the house he hid the money. After the man’s death, his partners break out of jail and determine to do everything in their power to find the money hidden inside the house, even if it is now inhabited. This serves as the major subplot for the film.

The movie is pretty insulting in its depiction of not just women, but people in general. The moral seems to be that if a woman wants to be popular she should put out and be willing to show her body to pretty much anyone, for pretty much any reason. And if you’re a guy, when it comes to relationships, always choose the easier woman. To demonstrate the positive message of this film, here’s some actual dialogue in reaction to the announcement it was time for a wet T-shirt contest:

Pi Girl 1: Well, I’ve never heard of anything so disgusting.
Some guy: You know, you can’t let those H.O.T.S. girls show you up.
Pi Girl 2: John’s right; let’s go (as in go participate in the contest).

Though it does try, it’s not a funny movie either. The humor, such as it is, is presented via a series of wacky events. Often there’s little or no reason for the situation to be occurring in the first place, and the events are rarely funny. There are quite a few attempts made to convince the audience that what they’re seeing is hilarious; characters will often point and laugh at the alleged comedy; cliche ‘This is silly’ music will play and they even speed the video at one point, Benny Hill style. All these attempts really do is underline how little there is to laugh about in the film. Throughout the duration of H.O.T.S., there was only one bit that the got the slightest chuckle out of me (when the escaped cons tried to sneak into the house by having one of them pretend to be a cleaning robot) and even that mildly successful bit overstayed its welcome.

The one area where H.O.T.S. succeeds is in having lots of attractive women showing lots of skin – though not too much much; the movie limits its nudity to the topless variety. So if you are just looking for a movie with a lot of hot babes getting topless, then that’s what you’ll get with H.O.T.S. Though, if your only objective in seeing a movie is to see naked women, I’ll point out that you are reading this on the Internet; there are literally thousands of easily accessible websites out there that will provide you with the very same thing.

The entirety of movie is like that really. There’s literally nothing in this movie that hasn’t been done before, or can’t be seen somewhere else. In 1979, this movie could at least serve as a relatively accessible source for T&A. In this day and age however, it’s just a tamer version of what could be more easily found somewhere else.

The Video:

The video is in 1.85:1. H.O.T.S. looks like a movie that was made in 1979. Many scenes have some minor dirt and scratches and the whole thing looks a bit faded.

The Audio:

We only get mono for the audio. The best you can say for the sound is that everything is more or less audible. It doesn’t sound great, but you can usually understand what people are saying.

The Extras:

This isn’t really the sort of movie that lends itself to lots of cool extras. So it’s not surprising that all we get here is the theatrical trailer.

The Inside Pulse:

H.O.T.S. isn’t a good movie. The comedy doesn’t work and the nudity, while frequent, is relatively tame and easily surpassed by both the internet and more recent sex themed comedies. It doesn’t even work as a “so bad, it’s good” movie – failed comedies seldom do. There’s really no reason to see this movie.

The DVD Lounge’s Ratings for H.O.T.S.
(OUT OF 10)