Q: Is Hulk Hogan going to make one more WWE comeback?–Kim Zelter, Toronto, Ontario.

A: Kim, first of all, I am so glad you asked that question. Come and have a seat on my couch while I ponder the answer. Would you like a glass of wine? Maybe champagne? That’s right girl, I got whatever you’re looking for downstairs in my cellar.

Not thirsty? That’s fine too, Kim Zelter. Zelter. Your name sounds so foreign, like you’re Swedish or Jewish. You’re neither? That’s so interesting. Why don’t you take off your shoes, get a little more comfortable? Kim Zelter, you’ve got the most beautiful feet I’ve ever seen. I could lick those five headed sexy mother freakers for days.

Baby, you gotta stop bringing up Hulk Hogan. He’s the past. We’re the future. Me and you are gonna go into my bed shaped like a wrestling ring and we’re gonna have a match. I’ve gonna cover you and you’re gonna kick out, and I’ll back on and you’ll kick out again, and we’ll repeat this for up to six minutes depending on how long I can…

Oh no. Please, put the gun away. Nobody is holding anybody hostage here. Will Hulk Hogan have another WWE run? Um, I guess? OH GOD! SHE SHOT ME IN THE GROIN! HOLY CRAP I’M NO LONGER A MAN! KIM ZELTER, WHY HAVE YOU TAKEN MY MANHOOD? WHY?