Excerpts from This Morning's Alphabits: Something to Be Desired

I’ve always been closed-minded when it came to music. I now know I need to change that. As I’ve grown, I’ve noticed that my closed-mindedness has turned me into somewhat of a monster. When I turn on my car radio, I cannot simply blame my blown speakers for transmitting the poo that floats airborne. It’s not their fault. They play what they’re told to play. Dare I say, similarly to a radio DJ. The end result… I transform into a deranged, rabid, fire-orange gorilla and begin shrieking monkey jibberish at the radio and random passersby.

Swerving lanes and cursing the lack of creativity, I reach my gorilla fist at the preset buttons. With a hairy, twitching knuckle, I mash aimlessly toward the number “6” to change the station and find that the song which made me a raging simian-beast, is actually just starting on the new station. I have somehow gone back in time via radio to hear something to which I am totally opposed from the beginning. Now I’ve lost it. Straight-up Tom Sizemore-meets-Donkey Kong. Before rehab. Or that monstrous ape George from that game Rampage for Sega Genesis. I’m screaming like an enflamed primate, crapping in my hand and throwing it out of the passenger window at people. And I’ve got pretty good aim for a gorilla driving a two-door Saturn on Lake Shore Drive.

My mission, since I’ve chosen to accept it, to search out new music—I need to broaden my horizons so I won’t be left wanting. New artists and new genres. I find myself sticking only to hip-hop and some R&B and within that limiting myself to only a select few and whomever they feature on their stuff. I have to spread it out. There’s too much music out there that I’m missing out on in my “ears wide shut” behavior. I vow to seek out new audible entertainment through both the internet and my friends with more ecclectic musical tastes.

I just don’t want to get so fed up with music that I find myself with the radio ripped out, driving home in silence, on Lake Shore Drive, in monkey form and dookie residue on my right-side passenger rearview mirror.

Be good.