I’M BACK FROM CONNECTICUT..
NOTHING BUT A HIVE OF
SCUM & VILLANY
T H E
M O N D A Y
N I G H T
R A B B L E
We’re one week away from Great American Bash. I won’t see the PPV, I’ll be in Maryland for Otakon. The Rabble aren’t watching it anyway. Nobody cares.
Here is who doesn’t care:
BILL – Who doesn’t care about comics.
MIKE – Who doesn’t care about independent wrestling.
HERNANDEZ – Who doesn’t care about Native Americans.
JEFFREY – Who doesn’t care about our beer.
And me, who doesn’t care about webcomics.. James Hatton.
Not to mention the people that don’t care about anything we do here each week at the Inside Pulse Forums – The Insyderz!
We’re starting with… TRIPLE H’s THEME MUSIC!?
“Please be Jericho!!!” – Me
“TRIPS MOUTHA FUCKKKKAASSS!!!!!!!!!” – Insyder CaptainSpaulding
“ok Bookah got me!!!!” – Insyder CaptainSpaulding
It’s King Booker! KING F’N BOOKAH!
“Brilliant!” – Bill
“I bet you are expecting someone else..” – Bookah
“King Booker is officially the greatest heel EVER!” – Insyder SarcasticWolf
“I actually had to watch for a tenth of a second because of that.” – Insyder SpiderPig
Book continues on about explaining how there is only one King of the WWE..
“Haku?” – Me
“Viscera?” – Mike
“Excuse me, that’s Big Daddy V.” – Hernandez
Book goes out to yell about another king in the WWE. Jerry Lawler. He wants Jerry to remove the ‘King’ from his name.
“Is this going to be like where Booker lost the ‘T’ from his name?” – Mike
Lawler says he’s been a fan of Bookers for years.
“Even in the south, where they look down on that.” – Me
Lawler has been a King for 30 years though. They should just share the title. Booker feels that two people being a King is completely against a monarchy.
“Ok if we can have Bookah Vs. Lawler for Kingship…I want JBL Vs. JR for Cowboyship!” – Insyder CaptainSpaulding
Lawler then explains that he will not call himself King anymore, but everyone else can still. Booker then wants him to kiss his ring.
Lawler then stands up and looks down at the ring and says he won’t kiss it.
“How about you kiss my sweet black ass.” – Hernandez
Book isn’t asking. He’s ordering him to kiss his ring.
“SUCKAAAAAAAAAH” – Mike
Lawler says no, and then he gets his ass kicked. Lawler ducks underneath a punch and throws Booker down.
“Are they in the south?” – Jeffrey
“Texas.” – Hernandez
“Which means they’ll be a lynchin!” – Me
“We never lynched a King before, hyuck.” – Bill
“If Harley Race shows up, I smell a fatal four way at summerslam” – Insyder Jack The Ripper
We then get Ric Flair discussing Booker and Cena at Great American Bash to try and get us to buy this show.. we aren’t.
COMMERCIAL ONE – 9:11
We’re back and we get a shot of Santino losing the IC title. So who do we get right now? A fourway elimination match for the IC shot at the GAB.
First – it’s Jeff Hardy!
Next – Shelton Benjamin!
“One half of the kissing cousins.” – Hernandez
“CHRISSSSTIAAAANNN” – Me
– Sadly, it’s just Santino Marella.
“Midget Luigi…GOD DAMMITT!” – Insyder CaptainSpaulding
Finally.. our hopeful winner. William Regal. He is in the greatest robe ever.
“Coming stragiht his booking at Medieval Times.” – Me
“Regal and Flair should have a fashion show-off” – Insyder Crippie
JEFF vs. SHELTY vs. SANTINO vs. REGAL
“Santino wins with the Tanookie suit.” – Insyder A Faceless Name
“Jeffykins vs. Shelton vs. William Regal vs. Hatton’s OTHER arch-enemy” – Insyder The Titan
“Shelton gets a title shot after several weeks of inactivity followed by two singles losses…..k” – Insyder Jack The Ripper
On my love of Maria:
“WWE: “James Hatton, you have one our competition to book one match at Wrestlemania. Name it, and it shall be done.”
Hatton: “CM Punk vs Santino Marella. In a Fight to the Death. If possible, lower them both from the ceiling.” – Insyder JP
We start with Santino armbarring Regal as Jeff & Shelty bail to the outside.
Regal pulls him all the way to the outside, while Jeff and Shelton come on back in. Punches from Shelty to the corner. Jeff kicks him down now. Throws Shelty to the ropes, reversed, and they cross body at the same time.
In rolls William. Pin on Jeff – failed. Pin on Shelty. Failed. Tight roll-up from Santino for two. Suplex now from Santino and Regal bails outside as Shelty now attacks Santino.
Tight suplex from Shelton for two. He goes to throw Santino to the ropes, but a quick snapkick to Shelty – a couple punches and a flying elbow. Goes for a slam and Shelton gets to his back. Club to his back and there is a quick roll-up set-up between Shelty and Santino and a quick SNAP KNEE to Santino and WILLIAM GETS THE PIN!
Shelty and William go at it, but in runs Jeff and goes right for William! He climbs up for the ten punches, and Shelty runs in and sets Jeff up in the electric chair… Down! William tries to get the pin and TWO!
COMMERCIAL TWO – 9:21
We’re back and Regal and Shelty give Hardy a double suplex to bring him in the ring. They BOTH pin Hardy and he kicks out!?
“Silly.” – Hernandez
They fight for the pin. Then finally Regal goes to give him a handshake and tells him to go for Jeff. Shelty turns his back and WHAM TBone from Regal to Shelty. Drops a STIFF knee on Jeff’s face for two.
He pick sup Hardy for Shelty to come in and hit Regal. They fight it out and end up they cracked each other’s skull and they BOTH go down.
Regal gets up and Jeff goes buckwild! Kicks around for everyone. Spinkick to Shelty. Backbody drop to Jeff. He goes for the corner kick from Jeff…. MISS! Jeff out of nowhere hits the Twist though!
WILLIAM REGAL HAS BEEN ELIMINATED
“Regal should have gone over” – Insyder SarcasticWolf
“Why would you want to see Regal squashed by Umaga? You british hating bastard!” – Insyder Jack The Ripper
Shelty on the top… Flying neckbreaker! ONE.. TWO.. THR!??! Umm…. we think that was three.
It wasn’t seemingly, but we think it was.
Shelty throws Jeff to the corner. He heads up! Whisper in the Wind and Jeff hits it. Haas on the top, Jeff drops him. Grabs Shelty. Throws him out. Suicide dive…. throws Shelty in and goes for the Senton…. MISSES! PIN FROM SHELTY! NO!
“He won a few moves ago.. whatever.” – Mike
Shelty goes to pick up Jeff… Jeff dropped back and landed on Shelton… And THAT wins!?
“That ending sucked?!” – Me
“Crowds popping.” – Mike
“Yeah, that roll-up was Gymborie.” – Bill
WINNER: JEFF HARDY
“Great. Chubbykins vs the Hungry Hungry Hippo for the meaningless title” – Insyder The TItan
We hope for the botched ending in the midst of the replay.. and nope.
Edge’s prediction for the Bash main event.
COMMERCIAL THREE – 9:32
In the back – Orton discussing gymbags and such.
Actually, he discusses how he crippled Shawn Michaels, so think what he can do to Dusty Rhodes.
And in the back… Maria talking to some Italian breast…
Santino then discusses that he wants to hooters.. I mean quit. If it wasn’t for Maria, he wouldn’t have made it tis long.
“They’re turning him heel.. nice.” – Me
“What is that murmuring I am hearing while paying close attention to Maria’s breasts.” – Insyder SarcasticWolf
“And somewhere CM Punk opens a bottle of whiskey.” – Insyder CaptainSpaulding
“SHHH. Thats breaking kayfabe.” – Insyder JP
So what does Dave think of Cena/Lashley. Well Dani isn’t here to see him in a suit, so the Rabble is fairly quiet about this. He picks Lashley.
COMMERCIAL FOUR – 9:40
In the back Snitsky staring at us. Eww. His fake teeth tell us that he likes to hurt people.
“I also like eloquently phrased sentences.” – Bill
“He’s a rioot baby.. yeahhh.” – Me
“He’s just not my bag.” – Bill
As he comes down, his music is distinct..
“So.. umm.. is he in the NWO?” – Me
Now here comes Val!
“Why are they feeding him the big Valbowski!” – Hernandez
GENE SNITSKY vs. VAL VENIS
“My prediction?…pain…for everyone watching.” – Insyder The Titan
“My prediction? BAAAAAACKNEE!!!!! and yellow teeth, jesus christ!” – Insyder The Titan
So Val wrings his arm. Snitsky tosses him to the corner. Charges. Eats some boot. Val gets to his top and jumps. Caught and a shoulder to his back.. Owwie.
“Val deserves better!” – Insyder A Faceless Name
“Put him on smackdown. He might win the U.S. title!” – Insyder Jack The Ripper
Snitsky pushes him into the ropes and clubs his back. A few times. Val finally hits a back elbow.
“This crowd is dead for everything.” – Mike
Powerslam from Snitsky. The End.
“Given what this show is supposed to be.. I think it’s ok that it’s dead.” – Hernandez
“What is this?” – Jeffrey
“The replacement show for the Benoit tribute.” – Hernandez
Another powerslam to Val.
In the back with Todd.. Cody Rhodes! Cody explains that he is proud of his dad and blah blah blah.. he’s wrestling Orton next.
“I think Randy is going to try to give Cody his own splotch.” – Insyder Kromadas
COMMERCIAL FIVE – 9:49
In the ring, Jerry Lawler discusses the Texas Bullrope match.
“First you take the rope and wrap it around a blondes neck..” – Mike
So there’s a bell in the middle of the rope.. and Jerry tries to tell us that it’s 7 lbs.
“It needs more cowbell” – Jeffrey
Lawler explains the ways he’s seen Dusty Rhodes use that rope.
“On a ringboy.. dragging him into the ring.” – Me
“On Golddust.. telling him his career sucks.” – Mike
“HEY! Listen to that music.” – Bill
Here comes Orty Ort.
RANDY ORTON vs. …
Wait, we get a flashback of Orton clocking Shawn & RVD..
“Is this what’s going through his mind right now?” – Hernandez
Oh, it must have – as we’re back and he’s staring in the ring.
“It looks like he’s trying to breathe through gils” – Bill
Here comes Cody with Dusthty.
RANDY ORTON vs. CODY RHODES
Yellow & Green?!
“Randy vs the lead singer of My Chemical Romance.” – Me
“It’s the Dusty eyes..” – Mike
“Randy versus his younger clone” – Insyder The Titan
“Hey! Nothing you can say! Nothing’s gonna change what you did to my dad!” – Insyder Jack The Ripper
Lock-up turns to a waistlock from Cody. Back elbow from Randy. Cody gets a shot. Gets thrown to the corner, leaps Randy then eats a hard clothesline.
“If that didn’t cave in Cody’s chest, I don’t know what will.” – Lawler
“Umm.. a cement block?” – Me
“A car?” – Bill
“Viscera?” – Jeffrey
“Viscera in a car?” – Bill
“That’s just too much.” – Jeffrey
Orton now chokes Cody against the top rope. Then throws him out. He follows suit and Cody gets a shot on Randy against the mat. He ducks a few clotheslines – throws a big flying crossbody and is ducked.
Randy drags him in for the Garvin Stomp. Picks him up and goes for a shot. Blocked and now he goes for his own. Ends in a knee to the gut and a powerslam.
Each time, Orton goes back to Dusty to mock and taunt – and as the Insyderz noticed, JR reffered to Cody as ‘Cody Runnels’ WHOOPSIE!
“Give him a minute and he’ll say something about BBQ, slobberknockers or gummint mules.” – Insyder Kromadas
“Its those damn Skittles.” – Insyder Crippie
“JR: Skittles, taste the Runnels–I mean Rainbow!” Insyder – The Titan
“FRUITY FRUITY FRUITY RUNNELS!” – Insyder A Faceless Name
Throws Cody to the ropes. Back body drop. Kneedrop and a stomp and stepover.
“When did my sthon forget how to wresthle..” – Me
Forearms to Cody. Suplex… HARD from Randy. He then steps on Cody’s head. He throws Cody into a leaning rear chinlock.
“I think we found Cody’s first gimmick…John Deere” – Insyder SarcasticWolf
RANDY ORTON HOLD SPOT – 1
Cody fights out of it. Hits the ropes and a kneelift flips his ass over. Knee to his chest. Cody tries to wrap him up with his legs, but Orton drops and continues the punishing.
Back on their feet, Cody gets more punches… big roll-up. Hits the punch. Charges Randy and leaps out to the top turnbuckle. Top turnbuckle. Leaps. SOLID MISSLE DROPKICK! TWO!
“Never thought the day would come when I’d see a Rhodes come off the top rope.” – Insyder CaptainSpaulding
Back on their feet and Randy hits a european uppercut and the Orton-backbreaker. Set-up for the RKO… Cody gets to his feet. He turns and eats the RKO hard for three.
WINNER: RANDY ORTON
Before Randy even gets out of the ring, Dusty is in there to check on Cody. Randy watches and charges Dusty only to be caught… before he can do anything, Randy bails.
We’re kind of impressed with Cody.
Austin thinks that Cena will win.
COMMERCIAL SIX – 10:08
Melina coming out with Beth Phoenix.. she’s looking quite nice. Melina’s outfit has lucha masks on it.. neat.
“TIME TO PLAY THE GAME! THE CRYING GAME!” – Insyder A Faceless Name
“Every Luchador mask on Melina’s outfit equals 5 guys she spread her legs for.” – Insyder Crippie
Beth though looks kinda sexy though.
Melina gets in the ring and does her little Mortal Kombaty pose and Beth does her backflip.
Mickie James??? Holy shit! It’s Mickie James!! Light blue and shiny with bellbottoms from the knees.
“”Is it bad that I’m wondering if those are just Mickie’s pants or her meat curtains hanging out?”” – Insyder Hardygrrl
Finally, for commentary, Candice wearing jeans.
“Is this #1 Contendership match?” – Mike
“I don’t care.” – Hernandez
MELINA vs. MICKIE JAMES
Millions of breasts..
Mickie rolls up with a nice backbridge for two to start the match. Lock-up and wristlock from Melina. Monkeyflip out of it from Mickie. They fight ot the corner and Mickie wins it to slam her head down. Then against the ropes dropkick.
Mickie with elbows now. Kicks to the gut. Throws Melina to the corner. Reversed. Kick to Melina’s gut and as she leaps, she eats her own boot in the gut.
“You took too long.. DON’T YOU KNOW THE RULES!” – Hernandez
“I think her foot almost got caught in the curtains..” – Mike
“Melinas?” – Jeffrey
Now Melina sets up Mickie on the second turnbuckle, and eats two knees in the gut. Now a chokehold from Melina. Mickie gets up, out of it. A few hard elbows to Melina. Clothesline or two. Hairslam down. Wraps around her and a neckbreaker for two.
Mickie throws Melina to the corner. Reversed, but Melina eats a boot. Mickie hits the rana. She hits the ropes and Beth grabs her foot. Dropkick. Melina grabs her and hits the Crying Game..
COMMERCIAL SEVEN – 10:19
“Remember what happened last year at the Bash?” – Mike
“Punjabi Prison Match?” – Hernandez
During the Smackdown Rebound… Edge threw a Mardi Gras party.
“Were they in New Orleans?” – Jeffrey
“No.. Atlantis.” – Me
Kane then beat the shit out of him.
“Great American Bash: Kane’s annual world title shot” – Insyder The Titan
“Kane’s annual title match loss more like it.” – Insyder JP
In the back.. Hacksaw is crying on a flag. William Regal interrupts him. Regal asks for Hacksaw’s 2×4 so they could bronze it.
He demands that Hacksaw put his massive piece of wood in his hands.
Regal sees the set-up as Ron Simmons shows up… ‘DAMN’
This was the first one we predicted the ending, but Regal’s nose scrunch saves it.
COMMERCIAL EIGHT – 10:25
It’s Carlliiito Time.
“They should bring Scott Hall for this match.” – Mike
CARLITO vs. THE SANDMAN
Bell rings and Sandman hits Carlito in the gut. Wristlock.
“I like Carlito’s black tights.” – Mike
“They mean EEEEVILLL” – Me
Carlito tries to hit the flipping neckbreaker, but it somehow turns into Sandman’s move.
“Was he forced to train?” – Hernandez
Carlito though back on his feet, continues to beat the hell out of Sandman. Snapmare, and Sandman has no idea how to take it. Necklock from Carlito.
“Who would ever have expected Sandman to get a push on Raw?” – Hernandez
“In a solid feud..” – Mike
Sandman fights out of it. Slam from him, and as he goes to the top. Regal runs in and attacks Sandman for the DQ.
“Regal is all OVER this TV.” – Mike
“It’s official…RAW is Regal” – Insyder SarcasticWolf
So to save Sandman…. Hacksaw Jim Duggan!
“And here’s our main event tag team!” – Me
“WWE Creative Meeting: Sandman has a cane…Duggan has a 2×4…I smell a tag-team!!” – Insyder CaptainSpaulding
“Sadly that was probably the exact conversation” – Insyder Soak1313
WINNER via DQ: SANDMAN
“God I hope Sandman just clocks him over the head.” – Me
COMMERCIAL NINE – 10:39
“Did that commercial have a rabid wolverine?!” – Hernandez
Who is in the ring now…. MISSSTERRR KENNEDY!
He gets the mic as we see the Super Crazy footage, which he tells us he thinks is pretty cool. He explains that he weighs 244 lbs. He hails from Greenbay. He is MISTERRR KENNEDY!
KEN – ED – DY!
Now it’s time for the man who is SUP – ER – CRA – ZY.
“CAPTAIN BACARDI!” – Me
KENNEDY vs. SUPER CRAZY
“Fighting for his Visa” – Hernandez
“”So Kennedy should be fine in this business as long as he doesn’t fly a plane, go into a hotel kitchen, go to Dallas, or drive a girl home.” – Insyder Hardygrrl
He slides in and charges Crazy, but the ref stops it. Lock-up from Kennedy to the corner. They push each other and Crazy hits a heelkick. Side-headlock and Kennedy pushes him to the ropes only to lock in his ownly side headlock. Crazy pushes HIM to the ropes and shouldercheck drops him.
Elbow now drops Crazy and Kennedy just messes him up in the corner. Running knee driver.Pulls out Crazy for the pin. Two.
On their feet, Kennedy continues with the punches. Knee lift and the stomps from Crazy to fight back. Kennedy hits an abdominal stretch and uses the ropes.
Kennedy goes for a flying splash – Crazy lifts the knees and grabs Kennedy corner to corner with headslams. Bodyslam. First rope moonsault. Second rope moonsault! THIRD AND KENNEDY HITS THE ROPE.. SuperCrazy saves himself from dying.
Kennedy grabs him, heaves him up. Reverse suplex from the top rope!
WINNER: MISTER KENNEDY!
He grabs the mic – ‘YOUR WINNER IS…’
“The referee?” – Hernandez
COMMERCIAL TEN – 10:52
As a note – during the beginning of this break, there was a commercial for Triple H that included quite a bit about Hunter being like the Six Million Dollar Man. The noises, the ‘we can rebuild it’…
“So Hunter faked the knee to do a movie?” – Mike
“No big push for him.. not at all.” – Me
OUR MAIN EVENT POLITICAL DEBATE
“I’m sick of this shit.” – Hernandez
So Coach introduces Lashley. So here comes the milkdud.
“WHERE ARE MY POKEMONS!” – Me
Now here comes John Cena.. who gets the biggest pop in a long time.
SIGN OF THE NIGHT: TEXAS GAYS LOVE CENA
(It says Gals, but we read it too quick.)
Time – 11:00
Now they start talking.
“That click noise? 3 million people changing the channel.” – Insyder Kromadas
Coach now asks some questions… which includes showing the video package of Bobby spearing Cena.
“Which is not a question.” – Me
“Bobby Lashley says ‘drink your ovaltine'” – Hernandez
Does Cena think he’ll lose?
Cena says he won’t. God Bless America. Cena doesn’t answer it, just mocks Coachman.
He then explains that Lashley is an uncrowned champion and he’s bigger and stronger and faster. He’s never backed down though.
“John, I want you to put your hard wood in my hand” – Mike
Coach asks Bobby to know what was running through his head when he speared Cena.
“Owwie!” – Mike
Bobby then calls Cena ‘the Hype-Man’ – pushes his podium down..
“Hey hey hey that’s a 500 pound podium!” – Hernandez
Coach then tells them to get back to their desks and take this seriously.
Bobby on the otherhand is going to do something he should have done a long time ago.
“I’M GOIN TO 7-11!” – Me
So Bobby heads off to beat the hell out of Coach, but Cena interrupts him with zen proverbs…
“Your aggression will be your downfall.” – Cena
“Homie.” – Cena
So after some more discussion from Cena… the ref’s come out to stop him from going into the ring.
“Don’t make us tranq you.” – Hernandez
“Wait, didn’t Coach want him to go back in.. I’M CONFUSED” – Me
Cena then explains that people have said Lashley is invincible.
“Who has said that!?” – Me
So anyway.. the Champ is here.. and hey, here comes Bobby. They go nose to nose.
“Wanna kiss?” – Mike
“Once you go black, you never go back…
Once you go white, it’s pretty aight..” – Me
So.. what did the Insyders think?
KROMADAS: “I had fun rabbling tonight, but the show sucked.”
THE TITAN: “Way too much shit and too many squashes. Two weeks ago was pretty good, and we’re quickly going downhill. Time to watch The Godfather on AMC”
SARCASTICWOLF: “They should have just left us with two hours of Regal talking and fighting. That would have been a better build to GAB than that farce of a build between Cena/Milkdud”
A FACELESS NAME: “Sir William Regals Great American Bash: Featuring William Regal, God Save the Queen”
CRIPPIE: “Give Regal more time on screen, 4.0 every week”
So.. what does Jeffrey think?
“Fuckin suck my cock, and not in that fun way that I have to pay for.”
So.. what does Mike think?
“….I should have stayed home like I did the past two weeks.” “No, because then someone else might die.” – Hernandez
So.. what does Hernandez think?
He puts the glass of juice to his mouth and says things that are unintelligible due to the glass being in the way. He then ‘GWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAZZZZ’
Finally, what did I think.
“Boring.” – Me
And that is that – just as we all kind of believed.. a boring uneventful show moving towards a boring uneventful payperview.