D2 Review: Victoria Beckham – Coming to America

Posh ain’t no dummy by doing this reality show. However, her blow up is and doll is a great dummy and makes for a pretty deceptive decoy.

I have to admit that normally I would have had no interest in watching this show. But my penchant for reality shows seems to sway towards those containing celebrities. Within the first 2 seconds I was hooked. Mainly because the beginning contained a shirtless and uberhot David Beckham. What girl in her right mind would change the station? Exactly. I ain’t no dummy. And I ain’t no decoy. I’m a soccer fan. Men’s soccer. Hell, I’ll even be a futbol fan once every four years for the World Cup.

The hour special was a great publicity move on camp Beckham’s part to put them in a different light than the one dimensional print publications have done thus far. Jolly good!

Some of the most memorable quotes and moments from our skinny sexpot:

W Magazine Photo Shoot
“David’s so handsome and I’m the funny one. Which is basically a pig with a sense of humor.” Yeah, Posh, you’re a pig… with a sense of humor. What’s even more surprising is that you’re referred to as the funny one. Boy did this hour prove that. The ubiquitous paparazzi pout that you wear disappears in this one hour special.

Upon arrival
“Maybe they were expecting Madonna to be on the plane!” – about the paparazzi at LAX.
”From the outside it looks like a giant, dusty ice cube” – pulling up to the rental house.
“I reckon this is what Paris Hilton does every single day” – laying out by the pool.
“I’ve got a lot to do. I’ve got to find a house, a school for the boys, a manicurist”.

Throwing out the first pitch @ Dodgers Game
Her throw definitely needed some prep work. What better place to do that than with a pee-wee league. And what better thing to wear than 4 inch heels?

“Why do you talk funny?” “Cause she’s from England!” – oh, kids are so cute.

At the DMV
“My hair looks flat can I do another one?” “This is the DMV.” “You don’t do retouches?”
“Now if I can just have your signature?” “Do I need to write it to anyone?” (no… it’s not an autograph… it’s for your license)
“I see that you were talking to that lady I want to make sure you’re not asking any questions.” “No I was asking about my hair.”

Perez Hilton. Oye.
This was a potential disaster that he somehow turned around with his gay charm. But pushing a cookie on her was a classic move. Who would’ve guessed that she’d refuse?

“Let me get myself miserable before we go out. I can’t ruin my reputation of being a pouty face and they can’t see me eating.”

Beverly Hills Socialite Welcome “Lunch”
“This is so American. I watch Desperate Housewives.” – after receiving the gift basket and invitation to lunch.

The Beverly Hill Socialites were completely out of control. Now, this “liquid luncheon” seemed pretty random, but I couldn’t help notice that Marla Maples was among the “naturally-aged” beauties. They were a visual mess! And like a true “rock star” Posh was doing shots of who knows what until she was smashed. That’s a good British word, right? Smashed. Or would it be smashing. Much like her frequent use of the word “major”. Maye-jah.

House Searching
“The house was built from the ground up.” (realtor) “Aren’t houses normally built from the ground up?” (sassy spice)
“Oh, it’s exhausting being fabulous”
“Duck. Cover. Hold” – earthquake preparedness.
“It’s like somebody with no taste had come in and thrown up everywhere.”
“Lionel Richie laid the floor down WHILE he was dancing on the ceiling! “ (witty spice)
“What famous people live in the neighborhood? Spider-Man lives down the road in one direction and Batman lives in the other direction so I figure if it’s good enough for all those superheroes its good enough for a second opinion. “

Blow Up Doll Decoy
Did anyone notice the Kitchen Aid scissors cutting the blow up doll’s new coiffe? I guess it doesn’t matter for a wig. On a blow up doll. Behind tinted windows of a car.

What did we learn today kids?
Intersection. Duck, Cover, Hold.

Victoria is “The Funny One Spice” Girl.

“I don’t want any animal product in my temple.”

And it’s very refreshing to see that Posh Spice actually smiles. But I didn’t see her eat.

Sir Linksalot: Reality Television

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