Did you read my Greatest Wrestlers write up for Lance Storm? Check it out Pulse Wrestling’s Top 100 Wrestlers of the Modern Era: #84 – Lance Storm.
Anyway, let’s move on with the Lance Storm-less show tonight, shall we?
“Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome the reason you’re all here tonight, the new face of extreme, the man who defeated CM Punk in the middle of the ring at the Great American Bash, the greatest ECW champion of all time… John Morrison”
I can’t make that stuff up.
Morrison takes to the ring and celebrates in his non-chalant way. Wasn’t I worried about this kinda stuff weeks ago?
His mission is to make believers out of all of us. Apparently the crowd thinks he sucks, and lets him know. “Some are born to seek the light and other born to endless night.” Apparently he’s going for the heavily scripted promos. HE says Punk will never get another shot at the new face of extreme, John Morrison. He’s going to move onwards and upwards. IS he listening to this garbage?
He’s gonna prove he’s a fighting champion, and he’s going to give someone 15 minutes of fame. If they can last fifteen minutes in the ring with him, then they’re entitled to an ECW championship match. An interesting concept to say the least. He’s gonna fight a tag match tonight, but there was someone that intimidated him. Luckily for the crowd, he’s a local boy from Fresno California. CUE THE SCRUB!
I SWEAR TO GOD IT’S MURTZ JAFFER.
John Morisson over Murtz Jaffer
Very similar to the Kurt Angle challenge. About 0:28 in, he hits the corkscrew neck breaker and that’s the match. The crowd is hot against Morisson after that, which is a good thing. This guy needs all the heat he can get.
So now we know the direction that the ECW title picture is going. At least we’ll see John Morrison out there each week pretending to fight someone. The Kurt Angle invitational worked, so this one should too, right?
I’d check the hometowns of the different face wrestlers on the roster before Summerslam and I think we;re looking at our #1 contender.
Did you know that Triple H is coming back? This is week three and we’re going with a six million dollar man theme. Funny, not once when Steve Austin was injured did they use that, but now for Triple H they do?
Thorn looks THRILLED to be here tonight. At least with Dreamer in the main event, we know that there might be an actual fight for Thorn tonight.
Stevie Richards over Kevin Thorn by a back slide
Man was I wrong about that. Stevie is playing the face tonight. Stevie wants a test of strength to start, but gets booted and a clothesline. Stevie gets thrown corner to corner and gets stomped for good measure.
Stevie comes back with some kicks and Thorn goes outside to recollect. A nice drop kick by Stevie. Stevie goes outside to go after Thorn, but thorn takes out the legs with a chop block and Stevie flips forward and goes back first onto the ring apron. Ow.
Thorn brings him back in and thorn’s got Stevie draped over his shoulder wrenching his back and drops to his knees just as the crowd gets behind poor Stevie. Damn it that looks like it hurt. Tazz brings up the neck issues in the past. Thorn throws Stevie in a few bodyslams to emphasize the back.
Thorn makes a hsitty pin and gets a one. This only gets the vampire mad as he keeps the punishment on Stevie. Thorn stares down the ref and Stevie comes back with two kicks to the gut, followed by a few to the mid section. He catches a kick and gets spine busted instead. Thorn keeps the beating on Stevie and puts him on the top turnbuckle with his back to the ring.
Thorn goes for a crucifix and Stevie GETS A THREE COUNT ON A BACKSLIDE!!!
So I’ll admit that I’ve been hard on Stevie as a rib on Matt Reed, but now… but now Richards has a win!
Matt Reed: YOU SEE THAT MOTHERFUCKER?
YOU FUCKING SEE THAT?
It’s the Miz! Wait a second. That doesn’t deserve an exclamation point. What’s the opposite of an exclamation point.
The Miz can’t help it if chicks dig him and their men fear him. What did I say last week about the Miz doing the Sable thing? Anyway, Extreme Expose gets called out to watch the Miz’ match.
The Miz over Nunzio
Back and forth a little bit with signs of hope for Nunzio with shots of Extreme Expose between almost every move. Did you see RAW with Santino calling Maria’s tag match? This is like that, but worse with the cutting away.
The guys in the truck miss something that the Miz says after the match, but they get the next thing he says when he invites Extreme Expose into the ring and they all begin to dance together to Marilyn Manson. Bleck!
Up next, it’s Big Daddy V and he doesn’t look happy. Someone took away his happy meal!
By the way, check out Matt’s RAW coverage. Not bad for a greenhorn, eh?
Sound the alarms! It’s Big Daddy V in a handicapped match.
Big Daddy V over two red shirts
I think Murtz Jaffer is in the ring again. OH MY DOG HE’S GOT ONE OF THEM IN A HEADLOCK! He’ll never be able to wash that off!!! After they give Matt Striker some time to talk on the mic with the announcers. Credit to Striker for breaking out “lower lumbar region”. You get an A+ Mr. Striker. A fun squash. If you want to watch a bunch of good squashes, go get the Andre the Giant DVD.
Do you read Historically Speaking? You should, mostly because you can read up on why Big Daddy V and Matt Striker works so damn well. Historically Speaking: The Best Ways to be Bad.
CM Punk & Tommy Dreamer vs. Elijah Burke and John Morrison
All four men get individual entrances to make sure that there’s as little wrestling in the main event as possible. This time, Morrison’s got his Johnny Nitro jacket on. Maybe he should be ditching that jacket now that he’s got a new look.
The crowd is hot for Punk as Punk calls for Morrison to be tagged in. The two start and Morrison takes an early advantage. Morrison keeps a headlock in and follows it up with some punches and tags Burke in. Burke throws Punk from corner to corner and takes a boot to the face. Burke misses again in the corner and Punk knocks Morrison to the floor and back body drops Burke to follow him. Two men outside We must be going to commercial…
We’re back and Burke has control over Punk, but that lasts about 3 seconds. Punk tags Dreamer, who drops an elbow for a two. TWO!
Dreamer hits a snap suplex and Punk hits a slingshot somersault senton for another two. TWO!
Back to Dreamer who hits another elbow as Punk holds Burke up in a sidewalk slam position. Burke tags in Dreamer, who runs into a fall away slam and a slingshot into the corner, and Dreamer follows it up with a bulldog for two. TWO!
TEXAS CLOVERLEAF!!! /marking out. Morrison grabs the ropes to break the hold and Draemer throws him to the corner, but Morrison jumps out of the way and gets drilled on the ring apron. Morrison floats through a suplex attempt and slaps Dreamer in the back of the head and hits a standing enziguiri and a short dropkick to the head of Dreamer for a one. ONE!
burke is tagged in and the beat down continues on Dreamer. Burke wrenches in a rest hold to get the crowd back into the match. It works and Dreamer hits a jawbreaker and gets cut short as Burke hits a running boot to the back of the head. Burke goes back to the rest hold as Dreamer fights out, but gets pushed to the heel corner.
Dreamer begins to fight out, but gets cut short by a few kicks from Elijah Burke. Tommy’s down and elijah hits the springboard hanging elbow and tags in Morrison. John grounds, pounds and puts Dreamer in a triangle choke scissors. Dreamer gets into the standing position and hits the electric chair on Morrison.
Dreamer crawls to Punk and Morrison tags in Burke, who cuts off Tommy before he can reach Punk. Burke chokes Dreamer on the ropes a bit and drapes Dreamer over the ring apron. Burke springboards to the outside and hits a double axe handle. Dreamer lays prone on the apron and tags Morrison in, who hits a springboard turning drop kick on Dreamer.
Dreamer gets put in a move close to a cobra clutch and Morrison goes to the top rope and Punk crotches him on the turnbuckle. Dreamer hits a hanging neckbreaker on Morrison and gets the hot tag to Punk, who cleans house with a back elbow to Burke and a plancha to the outside on Morrison, who was attempting to get away. Back into the ring with a springboard clothesline on Burke, followed by some kicks and an exploder suplex, but that only gets a two. TWO!!!
Punk send Burke to the corner and hits the rising knee and bulldog. The count is cut short as Punk hots up to get Morrison with a standing enziguiri and turns around and hits Burke with the GTS.
Wow. Those last few minutes really kicked into high gear. I wish they’d let Puk and Burke or Punk and Morrison loose on each other for fifteen minutes or half an hour, going non-stop. Good main event tonight.