CPO: Near-Misses
My friend DC had the following to say about the big ol’ list, and it gave me enough to talk about for a whole column. Huzzah!
(DC is in italics.)
I’ll readily grant that The Fog is the finest film about pirate ghosts, but if we’re talking about pirates not yet dead or undead I must put in a good word for Captain Blood, not only for the duel of swords between Errol Flynn and Basil Rathbone, but also for the duel of perfect shiny hair between Flynn and Olivia de Havilland.
-You’ve got a point. Mostly, I wanted to talk about the awesomeness of pirates without mentioning those Caribbean movies.
For strangest casting, Heston as a Mexican may be no less disturbing than Jessica Alba playing an Aryan in the Fantastic Four franchise.
-Noted, but Touch of Evil is a good movie. That I enjoy Fantastic Four brings me shame.
For kung-fu cripple fights, I’ll see your Rumble in the Bronx and raise you Dirty Ho.
I agree with your monkey movie if you mean “movie involving a prominent monkey-related theme” rather than “movie obviously made by monkeys,” in which case I nominate Transformers.
For the film with the best two remakes, Body Snatchers is solid, but Yojimbo presents a solid alternative. I guess that the third Body Snatchers is kinda better than Last Man Standing, so your verdict may have to stand.
-This is a good point. Last Man Standing is laughably bad, but Fistful of Dollars and Miller’s Crossing make an incredibly strong pair of remakes. Well maybe “remakes” is more appropriate. The Body Snatchers flicks are unquestionable remakes, while the Yojimbo pictures are a bit more hazy.
A case could also be made for The Postman Always Rings Twice, but there are five different film versions of that book, with the third one being the most famous.
I’m curious what you would choose for “Most Bizarre Adaptation of Hitchcock,” since the choices include Gus Van Sant’s shot-for-shot duplication of Psycho and John Woo’s clever ruse to pass off an homage to Notorious as a Mission Impossible movie.
-I’ll have to see this year’s homage to Rear Window before I can answer that question, although that seems rather routine. Running Time owes a lot to Hitchcock’s Rope, features a cast made up of Briscoe County regulars, and manages to drag despite being only 64 minutes long. Dressed to Kill is a bizarre failure of a movie.
The Psycho remake is definitely baffling.
This thing requires much pondering.
I’m also wondering about “best recent prequel to a standing franchise”
– Episode I, naw, just kidding. New Bond wasn’t terrible.
and “most better than the book”
– I’d have to imagine Bridges of Madison County is much better than Bridges of Madison County thanks to liberal usage of Clint Eastwood. I haven’t encountered either. Barring that, I’d say the fist Lord of the Rings picture. I have never successfully forced myself to read more than 100 pages of Tolkien.
and “best actor not to appear in a movie that he or she would have ruined.”
Ah, now here is a topic. I’m going to stick with casting choices that had a chance of actually happening: people who were wanted by the studio, lobbied or tested for the part. It would be too easy to absurdly cast Keanu or Jim Belushi or Natalie Portman.
I certainly would have enjoyed that aforementioned LotR picture less were Stuart Townsend or Keanu Reeves starring as Aragon or were Sean Connery Gandalf.
Speaking of that series, did you know Orlando Bloom was considered for the new James Bond? That would’ve left many hitches chromeless.
Brando was the first choice for Bob DeNiro’s role in Angel Heart. That was ten years after Brando was worth a damn. His period of suck started with Superman.
Speaking of which, Arnold Schwarzenegger tested for the title role of Superman.
Arnie also would’ve taken the fun out of Die Hard were he John McClane. Stallone and Richard Gere were also considered for Die Hard.
Sly Stallone as Han Solo probably would have killed Star Wars.
In Stallone’s defense, he made a much better Rambo than some of the studios other considerations: i.e. Dustin Hoffman, Al Pacino, or John Travolta,
Kevin Costner would’ve sucked all the good out of The Shawshank Redemption or The Fugitive. He was in the running for the lead in each of those.
Donnie Brasco was a passable Goodfellas-lite. Tom Cruise as Donnie Brasco would’ve killed it.
OJ Simpson as the Terminator would’ve ruined the picture. You know, until he actually murdered people. After that, the hipsters would find it to be cool and ironic.
So, I’m going to go with The Exorcist, who got lucky when Barbara Streisand turned down the Ellen Burstyn role.
