The SmackDown Report

Reviews, Shows, TV Shows

I tried doing this yesterday, but I was just simply not in the mood for it. Not like I’m in the mood for it tonight, but I’m trying to quit my habit of procrastination and doing a lot better than I thought I would. If you want to know why I’m not in the mood for this; everyone’s been far too argumentative lately, and of course blaming it on me (takes at least two to argue last time I checked), which is making me exhausted. There’s also this stupid idea of “working” for a diploma, which is making me more exhausted too. How the hell a Certificate Four can be so easy and the Diploma be so full of work I’ll never understand, since the certificate is meant to prepare you for the diploma.

To kick start the show, Theodore Long and Kristal Marshall decide that they’ll be getting married on SmackDown, the 21st of September edition. Yay. Khali interrupts the two making out and scares Kristal out of the ring. Singh begins ranting, so Long says that Khali will defend against Batista at SummerSlam. Kane’s pyros hit and he’s apparently set to wrestle up next. So, even with their house show matches apparently being too bad even for house shows, they’re going to have them wrestling on one of the big four pay per views? Isn’t this the same situation as Khali vs. Undertaker from last year?

Commercials.

Opening Contest: Kane vs. Chris Masters
Some basics start us off, headlocks and the like. Kane hooks Master’s arm on the rope and kicks it. This is a much more technical based move than I was expecting. Masters with elbows in the corner. Kane turns a Masterlock attempt into an arm drag, and Masters escapes the ring as Kane goes for the Chokeslam. Masters tries for the Masterlock again but Kane gets into the corner. Short arm clothesline gets Masters a two count. Masters with a swinging neck breaker for a two count. Kane with a backdrop. Kane goes for a quick Chokeslam but Masters gets to the ropes, Masters goes for the Masterlock but doesn’t lock it. Kane with a suplex, big boot, and offence in the corner. Sideslam by Kane for a two count. Kane misses the Flying Clothesline and Masters locks in the Masterlock, but Kane gets to the rope. Chokeslam finishes this.
Winner: Kane

VERY surprisingly good match! Honestly, that was about twenty times better than it should have been Okay, so I’m being a bit dramatic about it, but I enjoyed it. I like matches that are a lot better than I’d think they’d be. Four out of Ten.

Deuce and Domino are hyping up their match against Flair and Batista tonight. They don’t know where Cherry is, though.

Commercials.

Second Contest: Mark Henry vs. Cannon Fodder Jobber
The guy’s name is Nate Nickerson or something, but like it really matters. Bearhug ends it.
Winner: Mark Henry

-Five out of Ten. Henry shows the footage of him destroying the Undertaker a few months ago.

Jesse and Festus talk about fashion. Kind of nice little segment.

Commercials.

MVP and Matt Hardy Arm Wrestling Contest. I don’t fully get why both guys are in their wrestling attire. Porter delays, and Hardy wins. Porter makes excuses on the microphone and looks to challenge Hardy to a match tonight; Hardy accepts, but logically speaking they should have been in street clothes or something.

Commercials.

Third Contest: Matt Hardy vs. Montel Vontavious Porter
Hardy works the arm right away; makes sense. Hardy with a nice roll before he resumes working the arm. Hardy blocks a clothesline and hits an arm breaker for a two count. Hardy with a small package for a two count. Hardy gets an elbow off the second rope; Porter rolls onto the apron and drops Hardy throat first on the top rope. Snapmare by Porter. Porter gets in a nice full nelson variation but Hardy escapes and gets a short arm clothesline. Porter kicks the leg of Hardy and gets the nice running boot, but not in the corner. Porter covers for a two count. Hardy positions Porter on the top turnbuckle and hit’s a superplex. Clotheslines by Hardy and a small package gets him a two count. Porter rolls outside after Hardy gets a two count over him, but Hardy baseball slides him into the security rail. Back in the ring, Hardy hit’s the Side Effect for a two count. Porter escapes the Twist of Fate attempt and begins walking backstage, only to get counted out.
Winner: Matt Hardy

Usual good match between these two. Five out of Ten. Any reason this match couldn’t have been given more time to develop by cutting the Arm Wrestling segment by about four minutes?

Backstage, Deuce stands outside of Batista’s locker room and waits for him to exit – but Cherry walks on out. Deuce gets angry, Domino calms him down, and Ric Flair walks out of Batista’s room. Right.

Commercials.

Shannon Moore and Funaki are laughing at Jamie Noble for losing to Hornswoggle last week. Short jokes follow.

Rey Mysterio returns at SummerSlam.

Chavo Guerrero makes his way into the General Manager’s room and talks to Vickie about Mysterio’s return. Chavo reminds us that he made Mysterio quit and Vickie books Chavo Guerrero vs. Rey Mysterio at SummerSlam.

Commercials.

Fourth Contest: Jamie Noble vs. Shannon Moore
In a nice touch, Noble looks under the ring before the match. Nice to see Jamie Noble back in a storyline, however. Noble gets Moore in the corner first, Moore ducks a chop and gets right hands against Noble but runs into a high knee. Noble with a Northern Light’s for a two count. Noble with a Camel Clutch variation. Snapmare and leg drop gets Noble a two count. Cobra Clutch by Noble. Noble with a face lock; Moore looks to escape and eventually gets a shoulder body toss on Noble, Moore follows up with a heel kick. Noble runs into an elbow by Moore, and Moore gets a corkscrew moonsault for a two count. Double knee gut buster gets Noble the three count.
Winner: Jamie Noble

Post match, Hornswoggle gets in the ring and shows off his title belt. Hornswoggle goes under the ring and pulls out a pie only to shove it in Noble’s face. Then, Hornswoggle sprays a fire extinguisher at Noble and runs backstage. I’d like to have seen the match get a few minutes more; this was all Noble dominating. One out of Ten. Sigh; this match has gone and gotten me all nostalgic for Velocity, and WCW for a lesser extent (never saw too much of it).

Commercials.

Fifth Contest: Kenny Dykstra w/ Victoria vs. Jimmy Wang Yang w/ Torrie Wilson
I hope Victoria becomes a part time manager for Dykstra; now all she needs is a bit of Sherri like make up and she’ll have my vote for Manager of the year. Lock up and Dykstra gets a headlock; off the ropes with the typical shoulder block. Yang with a headlock on Dykstra, including a nice high headlock takedown. Yang kicks Dykstra in the face and gets a hurricanrana off the second rope before getting a vaulting body press to the outside. Yang goes after the legs of Dykstra but Dykstra gets a leg drop on Yang for a two count. Neck breaker by Dykstra for a two count. Yang off the ropes only to quickly get tripped by Dykstra; Dykstra vaults into the ring from the apron with an elbow drop for a two count. Dykstra gets Yang in a tree of woe where Victoria gets a boot to the head, getting Dykstra a two count. Yang ducks a clothesline and gets a dropkick. Yang kicks Dykstra into the corner for a spinning kick. Yang up top with a cross body, but Dykstra gets his knees up and turns it into a gut buster for a two count. Dykstra goes up top and jumps into a spinning heel kick by Yang. Yang goes for the moonsault by Dykstra drops him onto the top turnbuckle. Dykstra goes for a backdrop but Yang shoves him off and gets the moonsault for the three count.
Winner: Jimmy Wang Yang

Get him to grow some facial hair and put Victoria permanently in his corner and I could become a Dykstra fan. Enjoyable match, otherwise, and I really did like that cross body / gut buster bit. Four out of Ten.

Deuce, Domino, and Cherry get into their car backstage.

Commercials.

Main Event: Deuce and Domino w/ Cherry vs. Ric Flair and Batista
Batista and Deuce start. Deuce gets aggressive to start but Batista gets the upper hand and tags out to Flair. Flair with a hip toss on Deuce, hammerlock follows and Flair lets Batista back in. Batista hooks Deuce’s arm on the rope and then gets a bad arm drag, which looks more like a shoulder block. Domino in for spears in the corner, Flair back in. Domino with a shoulder body toss on Flair; scoop slam and knee drop get Domino a one count. Deuce in for a little offence, and Domino gets tagged in for chops.

Commercials.

We’re back and Batista hits Deuce with a scoop slam. And another. Flair in and he goes directly for the Figure Four and connects until Domino breaks it up. Domino resumes being the legal man and gets a one count over Flair. Domino applies a cobra clutch but Flair turns it into a arm drag; Domino keeps an arm lock applied. Deuce back in with a fist drop to the face of Flair. Flair gets in a few shots but Domino is quickly tagged back in. Domino clubs away at the arm and Deuce comes back in. Flair and Deuce exchange shots but Deuce resumes the upper hand with a takedown for a two count. Flair tags out to Batista, and Domino is in too. Batista with offence all around, spinning sideslam to Domino. Batista sets up for the Batista Bomb on Domino but Khali’s music hits; Deuce and Domino double team Batista until the five count is over and we have a disqualification victory.
Winners: Batista and Ric Flair

Deuce and Domino hit Batista with the Crack ‘Em In The Mouth before fleeing, allowing Khali to attack Flair. Khali gets Flair in a claw (which could be really entertaining to watch if he put it on a cruiser weight he can toss around a few feet off the ground). Nice to see Khali’s learnt another move. Three out of ten.

The Inside Pulse
Kane defeats Chris Masters via pinfall: 4/10
Mark Henry defeats Cannon Fodder Jobber via submission: -5/10
Matt Hardy defeats Montel Vontavious Porter via count out: 5/10
Jamie Noble defeats Shannon Moore via pinfall: 1/10
Jimmy Wang Yang defeats Kenny Dykstra via pinfall: 4/10
Batista and Ric Flair defeat Deuce ‘n Domino via disqualification: 3/10
SmackDown 03/08/07: 12/60

This is one of those episodes which while acceptable for the most part, just doesn’t inspire any reaction other than “Meh”. Could’ve used another match, or at least another minute or two added onto most of these matches. That’s my entire summary this week; fascinating, wasn’t it? Until next week.