The SmarK 24/7 Rant for the Monday Night War – February 24 1997
Part One – Monday Nitro!
It’s the night after SuperBrawl VII in the Arco Arena in Sacramento. I can’t stand the excitement, hopefully you can.
The Public Enemy v. Jeff Jarrett & Steve McMichael
Jarrett had just won a spot in the Horsemen by beating Mongo at SuperBrawl, so of course they’re teaming up tonight. Totally makes sense. Rocco is sporting a new bald look here, which thankfully didn’t last. Grunge stops a Jarrett criss-cross with a punch and follows with a neckbreaker, and TPE double-teams JJ in the corner and dances a lot. Rock misses a charge and Jarrett stomps him down, and the Horsemen actually do some teamwork, as Jarrett takes Rock down into a Mongo legdrop. Jarrett chokes him out on the ropes and Mongo comes in with a pair of clips. Man, it’s like the Rock N Roll Express reborn. Jarrett blocks a leapfrog attempt with a rather impressive powerbomb, but Mongo rather casually turns on his partner by hitting him with the briefcase, and Rocco gets the pin at 4:26. Well, no one ever accused McMichael of keeping his feelings bottled up, for sure. An OK tag match until the abrupt finish. *1/2
– Afterwards, the Four Horsemen (minus Lord Voldemort) have a verbal debate in the ring about Jarrett’s worthiness as a member, but Flair points out that Jarrett earned his spot, and they all flash the four fingers.
Jim Duggan v. Galaxy.
Duggan quickly dumps him with a clothesline and beats him up on the floor, which brings them past what might be a “Hi Netcop” sign. Thanks for the thought if that’s what it was, but we didn’t get Nitro in Canada until 1998, so I wouldn’t have seen it. Duggan beats on him in the corner and dumps him again, and back in Galaxy tries a moonsault press to come back, but gets finished with the three point stance and dumb taped fist punch instead, at 3:14. Total squash of the foreign foreigner from Luchadorea. 1/2*
– Duggan throws down the challenge to Hogan. I’m sure he’s quaking in his boots at the prospect of getting hit with the athletic tape.
Joe Gomez v. Hugh Morrus
The commentary goes silent as they start, so obviously this is the edited version again. Morrus pounds on Gomez in the corner, but Joe rolls him up for one. Another rollup gets two, and he goes to the armbar. Hugh fights up, so Gomez dropkicks him and goes back to the arm. A leapfrog is blocked by a spinebuster, however, and No Laughing Moonsault finishes at 3:17. That one spinebuster laid out Gomez for like 10 seconds, he should have just used that as his finisher. *
Juice Train v. La Parka
Powerslam from the Train to start and he follows with a shoulderblock and pounds away. Parka comes back with a step up enzuigiri and goes up with a leg lariat for two. Train shrugs him off and powerslams him, then follows with a corner splash. Parka gets a jawbreaker to fend him off and hits another leg lariat, but Teddy Long gives him advice. La Parka takes this opportunity to hit a tope con hilo, and back in we go. Train no-sells Parka’s stuff and clotheslines him, then blocks a bodypress with another powerslam and finishes with the Steroid Splash at 3:54. Good thing wrestling has advanced past the days where roid freaks get pushes based solely on their look. Oh, wait. Parka tried, though. **
Chris Jericho & Eddie Guerrero v. The Faces of Fear
It’s another wacky teaming of opponents from SuperBrawl. Barbarian beats on Jericho, but gets dropkicked in the knee. Jericho throws chops and follows with a missile dropkick, and Eddie springboards in for two. Barbarian just creams him with a faceplant and tosses him into the corner, where Meng pounds him with a headbutt. A powerbomb is sold like death by Eddie, but he comes back with a flying headscissors and brings Jericho back in. They double-team Meng with a backdrop for two. Meng comes back with a backdrop suplex off a cheapshot by Barbarian, and Barbarian comes in to follow with a superplex. That gets two. Jericho comes back with a rollup for two, but Meng overpowers him. Jericho keeps coming with a springboard bodyblock out of the corner, but Meng stomps him down and chokes him out. Eddie gets lured in and the Faces stomp on Jericho, and the double-team powerbomb gets two, as Eddie saves. The FOF go up with stereo flying headbutts, and Eddie saves again. Barbarian slams Jericho and Meng stomps away, but Jericho moonsaults him, hits an enzuigiri, and makes the hot tag to Eddie. Dropkick and Jericho comes in with a high cross, but he’s not legal. Double dropkick and they double-team Barbarian with a double-suplex, but Meng trips up Jericho during the Lionsault, while Dean Malenko (pissed off about the night before) comes out and turns on Eddie, allowing Barbarian to boot him for the pin at 7:36. Jericho and Guerrero as a team was an idea that was never fully explored in WCW, and would have ruled hard if they had. Especially once Jericho turned heel. Fun match with lots of double-teaming. **3/4
Juventud Guerrera v. Rey Mysterio Jr.
Lockup battle to start and Juvy chops him in the corner off that. Rey stretches him with a submission move, but Juvy counters with a DDT and works the knee with a kneebar. They do the knucklelock sequence and Juvy blocks a powerbomb and follows with a spinkick. Juvy elbows him down for two, but Rey slugs back and tries a moonsault press. Juvy dodges him and gets his own for two. We hit the chinlock as they’re having trouble getting out of the starting gate here, and Rey fights out into a flying headscissors, and another one to the floor. Back in, Juvy powerbombs him off the top for two. Rey crawls to the apron, so Juvy dropkicks him to the floor and follows with a tope suicida. Well, they’re letting it all hang out here, but the crowd’s not buying it. Back in, a somersault tope is blocked by Rey with a powerbomb, and the West Coast Pop finishes at 5:35. Kind of a dull match and the crowd wasn’t into it. **
World TV title: Prince Iaukea v. Pat Tanaka
Tanaka, dressed like he’s running a Chinese laundry at the turn of the century, uses his kung fu in the corner to start, but gets chopped down by the Prince. Tanaka takes him down with a leg whip, but Iaukea clotheslines him out of the corner. Tanaka is nice enough to give him the somersault sell, but c’mon. Bad sequence with Iaukea awkwardly reversing an irish whip into a leapfrog, but Tanaka powerbombs him. Iaukea comes back with a springboard butt splash and goes up with a high cross to finish at 2:51. Blah. *
Dean Malenko v. Ultimo Dragon
Dragon takes Dean down to start and they fight for the arm in a nice mat sequence. Dragon escapes a backdrop and Malenko escapes an enzuigiri, and it’s a stalemate. Malenko offers the handshake and then turns on him, stomping the crap out of him and dropping an elbow for two. Dragon fires back with the kick combo and a dropkick for two. Malenko, still clearly pissed off at the world, takes him down and throws fists, and they fight outside, where Dragon hits the railing. Back in, we’re silent again, so they must be talking about You-Know-Who. Delayed vertical suplex gets two for Malenko. Dragon tries the bow-and-arrow, but Malenko comes back with a sunset flip for two. Dragon kicks him down again and wants a powerbomb, but Dean backdrops out of it, into the butterfly powerbomb for two. They fight for an abdominal stretch and Malenko ends up on the floor, and Dragon follows with a badly botched springboard dropkick. Malenko is a generous guy, selling it as though the foot actually made contact. Dragon follows with a better baseball slide and pescado, however. Back in, Dean tries a powerbomb, but it’s countered to a sunset flip, and Malenko counters to his own for two. Dragon takes him down with a cradle for two. Handspring elbow is caught by Dean and turned into a german suplex, which gets nothing, as he opts to choke Dragon down instead. Sonny Onoo gets involved and Dean slaps him around, and then goes back to choking and gets disqualified as a result, at 8:55. See, don’t mess with the ref’s five count! ***
DDP v. Dave Taylor
Taylor was dressing like Outback Jack at this point. Taylor attacks from behind and follows with a suplex, as the Outsiders come out to watch. DDP grabs him in a fireman’s carry, into the Diamond Cutter, and it’s a Sports Entertainment Finish at 1:00 as the ref and Taylor just kind of leave. New NWO inductee Randy Savage uses the distraction to clobber Page and start the big feud of 1997, and some idiot fan hits the ring and gets pwned by the NWO as a result. DDP gets the spraypaint treatment and Savage drops an elbow on him.
– Back from the commercial break and the NWO continues right on, bringing out Hollywood Hogan for another exciting interview segment. Hogan’s welcome present for Savage — Miss Elizabeth, who actually looks happy now.
WCW World tag titles: Lex Luger & The Giant v. Harlem Heat
Eric Bischoff comes out and strips Luger & Giant of the titles before we start, because god forbid fans have something to cheer for at this point. Luger agrees to give the titles back in exchange for all the titles being on the line at Uncensored, which of course didn’t actually happen because they had no idea what they wanted to do. Sting comes out and stands with the NWO for some reason, and we’re done.
This was kind of a pointless show, as they had no direction for Uncensored yet and just kind of threw matches out there to fill two hours. Some pretty good wrestling, however, so it’s worth a look for that.
– And now, RAW is ECW!
– Live from the Manhattan Center.
– Your hosts are Vince McMahon, Jerry Lawler & Paul Heyman
– So with everyone off touring Germany and establishing the European title, we’re left with a skeleton crew, to be filled out by ECW’s roster. This was, to say the least, huge for ECW.
The Godwinns v. The New Blackjacks
This is the debut of the short-lived revamp of Bradshaw & Barry Windham. Big brawl to start and Henry slams Windham, and Phineas dumps him in the corner. Over to Bradshaw, who can’t overpower PIG, so he slugs him in the corner instead. An elbowdrop misses, however, and it’s back to Henry for a quick double-team elbow, and that gets two for Henry. Clothesline as the rough and tough cowboys continue to bump all over the place for the pig farmers, and finally Windham gets a cheapshot and drags Henry out to beat on him. Back in, Bradshaw gets two. Windham gets a backdrop suplex as we cut to a visiting Ultimate Fighter in the audience, someone named Ken Shamrock. That guy should try wrestling sometime. Bradshaw pounds away with forearms in the corner, but runs into a boot, and it’s tags on both sides. Phineas puts Windham in a sleeper for god knows what reason, and Bradshaw breaks it up with the Clothesline From Hell to finish at 5:51, despite the foot being on the ropes. Another ref tries to overturn the decision, to no avail. It’s funny that they cared enough to protect the GODWINNS. This one pretty much killed the Blackjacks out of gate, although it’s not like the original team was such a huge draw that they needed another one. *1/4
– Just for the heck of it, the Eliminators hit the ring with Paul Heyman and lay out a ringboy with Total Elimination.
Little Guido v. Big Stevie Cool
Vince’s non-plussed reaction to the BWO is surreal stuff. I’m pretty sure that Rob Feinstein’s appearance here as “7-11” is his only RAW appearance. Stevie gets a blockbuster slam on Guido and a sideslam. Awesome bit on commentary as Lawler calls the BWO a rip-off, and Heyman immediately responds “Who are they ripping off?” in a great moment, leaving both Lawler and Vince speechless. Raven comes out and distracts Stevie, allowing Guido to get a rollup. Whip into the corner gets two, and Guido hits the chinlock. Bulldog gets two. Stevie comes back with a fameasser for two, which sets up the powerbomb and Steviekick to finish at 3:37. Vince again reiterates that they’re not to be confused with the “New World Order clothing line”. Match was nothing special. *
– And now, from revolutionary to time-wasting crap, as we get an arm-wrestling match between Sunny and Marlena, with the usual heel stalling from Sunny and lecherous refereeing duties by Honky Tonk Man. And if you’ve watched wrestling for more than two weeks, you’ll be able to figure out that Sunny cheats and attacks Marlena when she’s on the verge of losing. Savio Vega and Goldust hit the ring off of that, and we take a break before returning with…
Savio Vega v. Goldust
We’re joined in progress with Savio choking Goldust on the mat, and a sideslam gets two. The ECW fans amuse themselves by chanting “Candido” at Sunny, in the days when that was still a big secret. Savio does some more choking in the corner. Miguel Perez on color commentary is the DEFINITION of excitement. And why do they always ask Spanish-speaking wrestlers to say something to their fans in Spanish? They’ve been doing that since Pedro Morales. Savio dumps Goldust and pounds on him out there, and back in for an axe kick and some more choking. He switches to a nervehold, but Goldust breaks free and gets a bodypress for two. Savio takes him down with another kick, for two. He pounds away in the corner to maintain the blistering pace of this match, but Goldust fights back with a DDT. Savio recovers first, but misses a splash and Goldust comes back. A pair of clotheslines and he gets the mounted punches in the corner, but goes up and gets crotched. Savio makes the mistake of slapping Goldust’s ass, however (truly a cardinal error) and gets knocked down. Goldust stomps him, but misses an elbow, as does Savio. This is a total trainwreck. Savio totally whiffs on a leg lariat, missing by a foot, and Goldust kind of half-sells it as things get more embarrassing by the minute. Finally Crush runs in for the DQ at 8:27 to mercy-kill this. This just went on and on. 1/2*
– Jerry Lawler stops by to annoy Ken Shamrock at ringside.
Taz v. Mikey Whipwreck
Taz takes him down a couple of times and then hits a northern lights suplex for two. Tiger suplex follows, but Mikey gets a sunset flip for two. Taz creams him, but Mikey evades him in the corner for a bit before Taz whiplashes him on an alley-oop attempt. Sabu hits the ring by diving off the “R” in RAW onto Team Taz, but Taz finishes Mikey with the Tazmission anyway at 3:33. Vince calls him “Mickey” and Paul counters with “You need to watch the tapes that Bruce Pritchard leaves on your desk” in a great comeback.
The Headbangers v. The Legion of Doom
And so the LOD returns, although really they had nothing for them to do. The LOD cleans house and they work on Thrasher’s arm, but Mosh comes in and Hawk beats on him, too. Funniest line of the show from Vince: “No censorship here in the WW[bleep]” Hawk holds a chinlock for a while, and gets a dropkick for two. Mosh tries a sunset flip and gets hammered as a result, and Hawk gets a delayed suplex. The LOD works on Mosh in the corner, but he fights over and tags Thrasher, and he’s got nothing either. Animal chokes him out in the corner, but Hawk misses a blind charge and the Bangers double-team him on the floor as we take a break. Back with Thrasher getting two. Hawk makes the hot tag and it’s a big brawl. A big boring brawl. And everyone is counted out at 7:36. The crowd’s initial excitement at the return of the Road Warriors was tempered by how much they sucked, I think. 1/2*
– And now, the greatest moment of this show or any other, “Tell Me A Lie,” a music video dedicated to Shawn Michaels. And a more appropriate song title you couldn’t think of.
D-Von Dudley v. Tommy Dreamer
Tommy blocks a hiptoss with a bulldog to start and tosses him, and he grabs some weapons from fans at ringside. Then, for fun, he dropkicks the ring steps into D-Von’s face. It’s funny to hear Vince and Jerry all morally outraged by this stuff when 2 years later the entire promotion would be based around that style. D-Von comes back with a chairshot, and a sideslam on the chair. Legdrop on the chair as Paul and Jerry into an epic argument on commentary. D-Von misses a flying headbutt and Tommy gets the piledriver, but Sign Guy gets involved with Beulah at ringside, distracting everyone. She goes low on D-Von and Tommy finishes with a DDT at 4:27. This was crazy stuff for a RAW in 1997, especially when the Dudleyz hit 3D for the first time on RAW, but of course not for the last time. Sandman makes the save and lays them out with chairshots, although Jerry isn’t impressed. The match was fine, but Lawler calling Paul Heyman a “jock-sniffer” adds an extra star. **
– Last week, Sid wins the title back from Bret Hart and pisses off Bret in the process. Not as bad as Vince would later that year, of course.
– We take another crack at interviewing Ken Shamrock, with Todd Pettingill doing the honors this time.
Faarooq v. The Undertaker
Undertaker beats on poor D-Lo Brown, who doesn’t even have a name at this point, and then hits the flying clothesline on Faarooq in the ring. Old School ropewalk and UT follows with an elbow, and Faarooq bails. Back in, Taker walks into an elbow and Faarooq walks into a boot to even things up. That gets two for Taker. Short clothesline, but he misses an elbow and Faarooq gets two. He dumps Taker, and D-Lo gets his revenge as he stomps UT. Back in, Faarooq goes to work on the knee, clipping him twice and getting two as a result. Taker comes back with a rather impressive fameasser, but misses a legdrop and hurts his knee again. Faarooq goes back to it and wraps the knee around the post, but Taker evades a charge and gets a rollup for two. Faarooq hits the chinlock as the crowd gets embarrassingly thinned out, with tons of empty seats after the ECW guys are gone while the supposed big stars are in the main event. Taker fights back, but Faarooq powerslams him for two. He goes up, and Taker powerslams him off the top to come back. They head out and Faarooq tries to use the stairs, but gets them kicked back at him. That looks pretty laughable compared to what Dreamer and D-Von were doing with them. Back in, Faarooq gets a piledriver, but UT no-sells, and Savio runs in for the DQ at 10:56. Why am I not surprised? Dull but watchable. **
I gotta say, this one makes for a tough decision as to who the winner is this week. Nitro wasn’t about anything, but the matches were pretty good. RAW was vital and fresh on the ECW side of things, but the WWF matches featured an array of screwjobs IN EVERY MATCH. Would one clean finish have killed them? As much as it pains me to say, I liked Nitro better this time around, as RAW was a chore to watch during the matches and only felt fun when ECW was invading. Still, both are well worth watching this time around.
