Through the magic of my digital video recorder, courtesy of CineMax, I recently watched WWE Films’ tale of a heroic former member of the United States Marine Corps, aptly named The Marine, starring perennial champion and RAW mainstay John Cena.
TODAY’S ISSUE: WWE Films presents The Marine.
Not including films in which Vince McMahon and company are graciously given co-producer credit, the first McMovie theatrically released was a pathetic attempt at horror starring Kane known as See No Evil, which I saw in the theater and massacred in my review. The third offering from WWE Films was a passable-to-good action flick called The Condemned starring Stone Cold Steve Austin. I saw this one on the big screen as well and liked it for what it was, but I want one more viewing in the comfort of my own home with the ability to pause and rewind before I write that review.
The Marine was the second release from WWE Films, hitting the silver screen almost a year ago, but I never had an urge strong enough to buy a ticket. I always figured I’d check it out on one of my many movie channels at home, and that’s exactly what I did when it debuted this Saturday night. I was actually a bit surprised at how palatable it was, as long as you’re up for a simple, somewhat fun action movie and not expecting too much character development or riveting dialogue.
In the opening scene, Cena’s character John Triton is established as a super-solider Marine who isn’t afraid to disobey an order when other Marines’ lives are on the line. He rescues three fellow warriors in Iraq ala Rambo, after being ordered to wait for “Alpha Team†to move in. Triton correctly deduces that there’s no time to wait, and it’s clear that if he had stood by, the three other Marines would have died execution-style at the hands of nine al-Qaeda terrorists.
Back on friendly soil in Germany, a Colonel informs Triton that while he personally believes Triton’s one of the best Marines ever, the Judge Advocate General disagrees, and hands Triton his discharge paperwork for failing to obey orders. I’m sure the concept of a Court Martial proceeding was avoided for the sake of saving the film running time, but last time I checked it takes a little more than a board meeting to discharge a member of the US military.
So home Triton goes, back to the loving arms of his wife Kate (Kelly Carlson) and the prospect of settling into a life outside the Marine Corps, which will no doubt be difficult for such a dedicated military man. I sure hope he can find some action to occupy his time and keep his killer instinct honed to a razor’s edge.
Enter the villain, right on time. Rome, portrayed by action movie veteran Robert Patrick (perhaps most noted for his turn as the evil “liquid metal†cyborg T-1000, opposite hero Arnold Schwarzenegger in Terminator 2) is the criminal mastermind behind a gang of jewel thieves who brilliantly planted members of his team all over a jewelry store before robbing it during his first screen appearance. He displays a scary sense of humor throughout the heist, even while killing one of his own men.
Triton’s not happy with his new job as a security rent-a-cop, so wife Kate suggests a little get-away to South Carolina might be the cure for what ails him. But in a plot turn that can be seen from 10 miles away, the two lovebirds accidentally stumble into the latest crime by Rome’s gang: killing a local cop at a gas station and blowing the place to bits. Believing Triton to be dead in the explosion, Rome kidnaps Kate, thinking a hostage might come in handy at some point. Triton of course survives, and chases the band of thugs who now hold his wife, after stopping first to check the health of a wounded cop and calling in to dispatch requesting medical aid for the officer and reporting the explosion and the directional heading of Rome and his crew. Only then does Triton get on with attempting to rescue his bride single-handedly.
After catching up to the bad guys, Triton is once again believed dead when Rome and company shoot up his commandeered police Camaro and watch it drop 150 feet into a small river while engulfed in flames. Even the investigators that survey the scene a bit later declare that “nobody could have survived this.†How wrong they were.
Triton is now tracking the villains on foot, who also lost their stolen vehicle during the previous battle with the former Marine. Their plan is to simply walk along the river until they hit civilization again, drop their hot diamonds, and lay low. Little do they know that an expert tracker is on their tail.
The story was following typical action movie protocols until a 5-minute side trip found Triton captured by a different pair of criminals who mistake him for a cop and tie him up, until he makes a most implausible escape and jumps right back into the original chase for Rome’s goons and his wife. I’m not sure I understand that sub plot. Things were moving along fine without it, and it didn’t add anything to the overall story.
Another inexplicable detour off the main tale was the revelation made by Anthony Ray Parker’s character Morgan, the trigger-happy, ultra-violent, racially sensitive psycho of the group, who far too easily offered up his history of being abused by a camp counselor one summer at the tender age of 13. The problem is, his fellow gang members wanted to hear about this horror about as much as the viewing audience did, which is to say, not at all. This backstory amounted to nothing but two minutes of wasted screen time that added absolutely nothing to the action, especially since it occurred mere seconds before Triton killed Morgan, having finally caught up to the group. So why was it presented at all, one wonders?
As Triton battled the next member of Rome’s squad, Bennett, he actually hit a chokeslam en route to taking Bennett out and dumping his body on top of Morgan’s. Triton then runs into Van Buren, the lead investigator in the robbery/homicide, as Triton ridiculously talks this career cop into letting him go handle the hostage situation himself. I’d love to hear Detective Numbnuts try to explain that to his superiors downtown. But wait! At the moment of truth, Rome reveals that Van Buren is a dirty cop, in on the whole thing and looking for his cut of the loot. Now there’s a pro wrestling swerve for you!
Of course, Triton escapes certain death at the point of Van Buren’s pistol and another building-collapsing explosion to continue the hunt, as Rome’s force is now down to only himself and his evil gal-pal Angela, who are still dragging Kate along for the ride.
Speaking of rides, modes of transportation change again as Triton avoids arrest at the hands of a local yokel cop and knocks him out, taking his speedboat in the process, while Angela feigns hitchhiking in order to kill a trucker and make off with his rig. Triton somehow, with a little help from his lovely wife, jumps aboard the semi and tosses Angela by her throat through the windshield of another truck, as we see the diamonds she carried in her jacket now stained with blood.
Only Rome remains, as he does his best to rid himself of the former Marine once and for all, but I’m sure you all know where this is going. John and Kate Triton survive one fiery cataclysm after another, kill the bad guy, and ride off into the sunset together.
Cena did a serviceable job, as his charisma, rugged good looks and ability to command the screen have never been in question. Robert Patrick’s performance was actually very enjoyable, as he added depth to his character and avoided playing Rome like a mustache-twirling stereotype. He was a deranged lunatic who remained focused and calmly in command despite all the events that knocked him off course from his original plot to steal the diamonds and slink away with his millions. Kelly Carlson was also a plus, showing the fire you’d expect from the wife of a Marine who believes her husband was killed by the gang of thieves and killers now dragging her through a swamp.
The rest of the cast, however, was not able to provide anything to the production, and the weak script and tired storyline made for an average action flick, although there’s nothing really wrong with it. As far as WWE Films is concerned, this is no worse than The Condemned which was itself palatable enough for one viewing, and mile ahead of the awful See No Evil, a horrendous waste of time and effort.
If you like John Cena and appreciate the skills of Robert Patrick, there are worse ways to spend 93 minutes than watching The Marine. But don’t look for anything original, gripping, well-developed, or logical, because you might find yourself disappointed.
We now return you to your regularly scheduled reality.
p.s. – You can tell how big a person is by what it takes to discourage him. – Unknown
