-Apologies for not doing a ramble for last week’s show – my Sky+ box conked out on the recording, meaning I only had half an hour o f the show. There’s no excuse this week though, apart from general apathy towards all aspects of WWE programming. Seems I’m not the only one feeling this way, either. Hopefully it’ll give Vince the kick up the backside he desperately needs, although judging by what’s gonna happen on Raw on Monday, it seems his answer, as it has been for the last ten years, is simply more McMahons = ratings.
-Anyway, I left you in the more than capable hands of Troy, although it seems he’s as disillusioned as I am.
-Last week, Khali was in the party mood, and Batista wasn’t.
-With Michael Cole and JBL, TAPED! from Phoenix, Arizona.
–GM Theodore Long and Kristal come out to start the show. Man, I love those angles where loads of non-wrestlers are involved and no active wrestler actually gets over. Make a note in your diaries; the wedding of the year is taking place on September 21st. I’m sure the seven of us still watching will just love that. I’m actually grateful for Khali interrupting (see how low this show’s gone?), and he talks gibberish and scares off Kristal. The end result of this is unsurprisingly Khali vs. Batista for SummerSlam, a match I’m sure internet fans are just gonna love breaking out all those stars for. Kane’s pyro takes us to a break.
-I should just clarify that for the above paragraph, by ‘love’, I of course meant ‘detest with a passion’.
[b]-Kane vs. Chris Masters[/b]
They trade headlocks to start with, before Kane knocks Masters down with a right hand. Kane works away on the arm for a while, but misses a blind charge and nearly gets caught in the Masterlock, but Kane escapes. Clothesline gets two for Masters as Cole says he can’t wait for the wedding. Swinging neckbreaker gets two for Masters. Kane tries a chokeslam but Masters makes the ropes, and Kane then fights out of the Masterlock. Kane suplexes Masters and knocks him down with a big boot. Sidewalk slam gets two for Kane. Flying clothesline misses and Masters tries the Masterlock, but Kane makes the ropes. Chokeslam finishes for Kane at 7:12. Solid little match, actually. *3/4
-Deuce and Domino talk about their match against Flair and Batista, which is tonight’s main event.
-Chuck Palumbo likes riding bikes.
[b]-Mark Henry vs. Nate Nickerson[/b]
Henry dominates with the usual. Bearhug finishes at 1:24. DUD
-Jesse and Festus have been dressing up, courtesy of their first pay check. I wish I got paid for talking for 30 seconds about random topics like fashion.
-Next is an arm wrestling contest between MVP and Matt Hardy. MVP tries to cheat by wrapping his leg around the table and then bails off a few times. Jimmy Korderas is pretty good here. The contest finally starts and it’s pretty even, but Matt gets the victory after around 45 seconds or so. MVP says afterwards it wasn’t fair, so he wants Hardy one on one, next.
[b]-Matt Hardy vs. MVP[/b]
This is non-title, and we join it in progress. Matt works away on the arm as JBL tries to reason why MVP lost the arm wrestling match. MVP gains the upper hand with elbows to the head. Matt gets a nearfall as he continues the arm-related offence. Inside cradle gets one for Matt. Yodelling elbow, but Matt gets hung up on the top rope. That gets two. MVP takes over for a bit, before Matt gets the advantage with some punches, only to miss an elbow. Running boot knocks Hardy to the floor. Back in, a cover gets two. MVP gets a front facelock but Matt fights out of it, and puts MVP on the top rope, and hits a superplex. Both men are up and exchange some punches, but Matt knocks MVP down with a clothesline. Small package gets two for Matt. Corner clothesline and bulldog gets two as well. MVP tries to get counted out, but Matt brings him back in and gets the Side Effect for two. Scoop slam and second rope leg drop get two. Matt goes for the Twist of Fate, but MVP scurries to the floor, takes his belt, and gets counted out at 11:08. It was okay, but I wasn’t really feeling it as much as their other matches. The ending on it own sucked, but looking at the bigger pcicture, it makes sense.
-Backstage, Deuce is looking for Cherry, and finds her in Batista’s locker room. Turns out she was with Flair, however.
-Backstage, Shannon Moore and Funaki are joking about Noble’s inability to beat Hornswoggle.
-Rey Mysterio is coming back soon.
-Backstage, Chavo wants to talk to Vickie. She makes Chavo vs. Mysterio for SummerSlam.
-Chuck Palumbo likes riding bikes. Again.
[b]-Jamie Noble vs. Shannon Moore[/b]
They trade punches to start, and Noble gets a Northern Lights Suplex for two. Noble goes to a chinlock. He gets a scoop slam and works away at Moore, but a Tiger Bomb is blocked and Moore gets a spinning heel kick. Noble runs into an elbow and a corkscrew moonsault gets two. Running knee smash by Noble, and a gutbuster finishes at 3:17. *1/2
-Afterwards, Hornswoggle taunts Noble, and then hits him with a pie to the face. He also lets off a fire extinguisher. As long as this ends with Noble getting the belt, that’s fine. Whether it will or not is a different matter, though
[b]-Kenny Dykstra w/Victoria vs. Jimmy Wang Yang w/Torrie Wilson[/b]
Torrie looks pretty hot at ringside. Dykstra looks bland, as per usual. Dykstra works away in the corner, but Yang comes back with a hurricanrana, and he hits a crossbody on Dykstra. Nice leg drop stops Yang’s momentum though, and gets two. Neckbreaker by Dykstra for two. Chinlock by Dykstra, and an elbow drop gets two again. Dykstra hangs Yang up in a Tree of Woe, and distracts the referee as Vickie gets a kick to the jaw, for a two count. Yang makes the comeback with a dropkick and an enziguri. He only gets kenee s on a top rope crossbody though, and Kenny gets another near fall. Dykstra goes up, but gets caught with a spinning heel kick by Yang for two. Yang gets crotched on the top and Dykstra tries a back suplex, but Yang elbows him off and then hits the moonsault for the win at 6:02. Nice way to continue the Torrie/Victoria storyline, and the in ring stuff wasn’t bad, either. **1/4
-Michelle McCool = Fast forward button.
[b]Deuce ‘n’ Domino w/Cherry vs. Ric Flair and Batista[/b]
This is non-title. Batista and Deuce start off, with Batista getting the upper hand. Flair tags in and they work over Deuce for a bit, before Domino gets tagged in and gets the same treatment. Flair fights out of the corner with chops on Domino, but gets caught with a flying reverse elbow for two. We head to a break. Back from the break, and Batista gets the tag and works over Deuce with some kicks. Flair tags in and works over the knee, but Domino breaks up the Figure Four. Deuce tags in Domino, and he stops Flair from bringing in Batista. Domino works over Flair with an armdrag, and the tag champs work him over for a fair amount of time, before Flair makes the hot tag to Batista. Batista cleans house with right hands and clotheslines, Boss Man Slam for Domino, but the Batista Bomb is stopped by Khali and his music. Deuce attacks from behind, followed by a load of double teaming, and we have ourselves a disqualification at 15:43, including a lengthy commercial break. This just seemed to go on and on and then it had a shitty ending. *3/4
-Afterwards, Deuce and Domino hit Batista with the Crack Em In The Mouth, and Khali applies a claw to Flair, as we end the show.
The Inside Pulse
Not much to say about this show. It was alright and not terribly offensive, but nothing really to go out of your way to see. ‘Twas very average, really.
New tactic to up my interest in this show – I’m not reading the spoilers this week. Hopefully I’ll enjoy next week a bit more
Until next week, take care boys and girls…
