08.06.07
Live from Buffalo, NY
We start the night with Vince McMahon walking in and Coach catches up with him, and Coach asks how he is doing, and Vince orders all wrestlers under contract to be in the ring when the show starts, to show his freedom of expression as a USA citizen.
Opening video and pyro.
The RAW guys are filing into the ring, and Vince comes out and shows us the limo explosion. He says that he staged his own death to see if we really cared about him. He said the outpouring of sympathy was overwhelming to him. He says that there is a lot of things he needs to discuss tonight, like US Congress, hypocracy of the media, and things with the members of his family. At this time, Coach shows up. Vince says that first off, he is going to ring the bell, and there will be a battle royal, with the winner becoming the NEW Raw GM! Coach looks flabbergasted, and the bell rings.
Battle Royal
Umaga clears house to begin, tossing out Murdoch, Super Crazy, London, Robbie, & JTG. Booker T is staring down Lawler, and Sandman comes underneath him and tosses Booker from the match. Umaga then tosses out Shad & Haas. Regal looks to have hurt himself, and he slid underneath the bottom rope. They cut to some…
Commercials.
During the break, Cody Rhodes eliminated Daivari. We come back and it seems like the rest of the superstars in the ring, except for Carlito, are ganging up on Umaga to try and eliminate him. Umaga fights out and Umaga tosses Rory out by his beard. Venis tossed out Cade, and Umaga tossed Venis in return. Umaga lifts up Kendrick to run him out, and Sandman pulls down the ropes, and both Kendrick and Umaga go over the top. Duggan then tossed Kennedy out. It looks like Regal is still at ringside tending to his injured ankle. Shelton & Carlito then toss Hacksaw. The final four are Sandman, Cody Rhodes, Carlito & Shelton. Shelton tries to toss Cody, but Cody skins the cat, only to get a kick to the head from Shelton. Cody then gets tossed by Carlito. Sandman and Carlito go up top, and Sandman shoves Carlito back in the ring, and Shelton runs up and leaps to the top turnbuckle, then SUPERPLEXES Sandman off the top. Carlito & Shelton both go over the top, and are fighting on the apron, and Sandman runs up and shoves them both off the apron to eliminate them! Sandman wins….doesn’t win…Regal comes up from behind and drills Sandman with his boot, that he took off to help fake his injury. Regal then tosses Sandman and wins the match!
Winner – William Regal
JR & King show some footage of Regal getting hurt, and then faking the injury at ringside.
Commercials.
Coach is complaining about Regal becoming the new Raw GM, and Vince says that Regal will make a good one. Vince then says that 2 separate Congressional committees want to investigate the WWE, which doesn’t make much sense to him. He then tells Coach that he still has job, and he is Regal’s assistant.
Todd with King Booker. Booker says that next week on Raw at MSG in New York, the loser of tonight’s match with Jerry Lawler will place the crown on the winner’s head.
Later tonight, John Cena is on Carlito’s Cabana.
Commercials.
WWE Rewind – Cryme Tyme winning and auctioning off the jobbers boots.
Rory McAllister (w/ Robbie) vs. Snitsky
Snitsky with a quick clothesline, and then a Pumphandle Slam for the pin.
Winner – Snitsky
Coach catches up with Vince, who had a call. Vince takes it, and it’s his accountant. Vince tells the accountant that he can open everything up, and that he has nothing hide. Vince hangs up and tells Coach that the IRS wants to investigate him. He says that he has nothing to hide, and that the same thing will happen last time the IRS investigated him…the government will owe him money. He feels as though the media will have a field day with this. They walk away and Irwin R. Schyster is sitting in the distance readying the Wall St. Journal.
Commercials.
Jillian Hall comes out for her match, and she asks Lillian about her new album, and the laughs are her and starts singing herself.
Pretty typical woman’s match-up. Mickie dominates the majority of it, and goes to the top. Jillian rolls out of the ring, and then comes back in, and hits a variation of The Stroke for the pinfall.
Winner – Jillian Hall
Coach extends his congrats on Regal. Regal says that he always wanted to be a Game Show host, so tonight, he is going to have the first rendition of WWE’s Dating Game. He tells Coach to go round up some contestants, and to get him some tea.
Commercials.
Carlito is in the ring, and introduces John Cena has his guest on Carlito’s Cabana. Cena charges out and stares down Carlito. Cena sits Carlito down and takes the mic. He welcomes us to Cena’s Cabana. Cena says that he has Huey Lewis & The News later, but now his first guest, John Cena. Cena keeps talking to himself, and guest Cena tells host Cena that he is pissed that he got apple spit in his face. They show Cena losing to Carlito last week, and Orton interfering in the match. Host Cena asks Guest Cena who the skinny metro sexual man was. Guest Cena runs down Orton, and says the Champ is Here. He then says he has the top 3 reasons why he should trash the Cabana set, and beat up Carlito.
3) (holding a coconut) These are the only nuts Carlito will ever have.
2) Carlito doesn’t like eating or spitting out apple, he’d rather swallow a banana (this brings Carlito nose to nose with Cena.)
1) Because, that’s cool
Cena then brawls with Carlito. Orton comes in and stalks for a RKO, but Cena catches it, and shoves Orton to the outside. Cena hits the FU on Carlito. William Regal comes out and tells Cena he will have a match tonight, and Carlito & Orton will determine which one of the two of them will face Cena.
Commercials.
William Regal asks Carlito & Orton if they choose who will face Cena tonight. Orton says that Carlito beat Cena last week, and Orton will beat him at SummerSlam, so why doesn’t Cena face Umaga.
Vince is sitting there the whole time, and approves the match. After Orton & Carlito leave, Vince confides in Regal. He says that when he was blown up, his family deserted him. He son Shane was no where to be found. His daughter Stephanie, even though she had a heartfelt speech on Raw the week after, was at her lawyer’s office that morning finding out how much of Vince’s estate she got. And the morning after, Linda was being comforted by his longtime friend & employee, Basil DeVito. Vince says that he has to find a way to bring his family back together, and he feels as though he can actually do it this time.
King Booker (w/ Queen Sharmell) vs. Jerry ‘The King’ Lawler
The winner of this match will be crowned next week on Raw by the loser. They go back and forth a bit to start. Booker finally retains the advantage, and stomps away on Lawler. Booker with a savant kick for 2. Lawler finally fights back, but Sharmell distracts him, and Booker hits the Scissors Kick for the pin.
Winner – King Booker
Commercials.
Recap of Kennedy destroying Lashley’s shoulder last week. JR tells us that Lashley has a torn rotator cuff, and that he will be out of action for a bit.
Mr. Kennedy comes down. He says his name multiple times on the mic, says that this is all Lashley will hear for a long time.
Commercials.
We come back and Carlito & Orton are motivating Umaga.
We go back to the ring and William Regal has the ring set up for the Dating Game. The 3 bachelors are Hacksaw, Faarooq & Santino. The contestant is Maria, obviously. She asks a series of questions, and Santino tries to tell Maria it’s him, and Maria says that he knows Santino well, and thinks it’s a bad impression. Maria asks #1 (Hacksaw) how he would show that he’s classy. Hacksaw said that he wouldn’t call her a HOOOOOOO. She then asks #2 what war he’d go back to stop, and Faarooq said ‘NAM’ HAHAHA. Maria eventually picks Faarooq. Santino comes out and says that he & Maria are leaving and there is no one that can stop him. Umaga’s music hits, and Santino books it!
Commercials.
Coach signs for a summons, looks it over and goes to deliver it to McMahon.
Umaga vs. John Cena
Umaga gains the quick advantage. Cena hits the Throwback, but Umaga no-sells it, and hits a spinning heel kick. Cena rolls to the outside, they cut to…
Commercials.
Umaga has Cena in a shoulder nerve pinch when we come back from the break. Cena finally fights out, and ducks a clothesline from Umaga, and lifts him on his shoulders for a FU, but falls on his face. Umaga nails the Catatonic (which JR & King call the sidewalk slam). Umaga goes to the top, and misses a giant slam, and Cena gets on Umaga’s back and tries the STFU, and Orton & Carlito hit the ring.
No Contest
Orton & Carlito pummel down Cena in the corner. They try to rile up Umaga to ass bump Cena, but Umaga doesn’t like that, and he takes out both Orton & Carlito. Regal comes out and make Umaga/Cena vs. Carlito/Orton next week.
Backstage, Vince walks through the hallway towards the door to the arena. He tells Shelton that he can have that tag match next week. London sees McMahon, and puts a giant grin on his face, and Vince calls him out on it. Vince walks out of the arena, and there are 2 guys on the dumpster behind him. He turns and looks. He gets to his limo, and gets in. He stops, and puts his foot back out, and before he can close it shut, Coach rolls up and says that the summons is from the State of Conn, and that it was a Paternity suit, saying that he sired a child. Great ending.
Who will be this ‘new McMahon?’ Vote now in a poll exclusive to our reader forum!
~Pk
