So we start the show with a recap of last week’s main event.
We’re back to the Marilyn Manson theme this week. What the hell is going on with this show? Just a little bit of consistency would be nice.
We start with the Boogeyman making his way down to the ring and Jesse Guilmette is already in the ring. Uh oh.
Boogeyman over a Red Shirt by frogsplash
poor Jesse Guilmette. Boogey makes short work of of his with a few clotheslines, a body slam, a power slam and… a frog splash? Post match, we get the usual worm celebration and to add insult to injury, Boogey makes Guilmette eats worms. Striker comes out to attempt to talk sense into Boogey, calling him uncouth and telling him to get out of his life.
This lasts just long enough for Big Daddy V to begin clobberin’ time on Boogey. Hearing Striker call out for “more Daddy, more is kinda disturbing. Boogey sells the beat down and Big Daddy V does his best Mark Henry impersonation standing over him.
Dusty Rhodes: I’ll tell ya baby, national television exposure!
Jesse Guilmette: The money’s right.
Dusty Rhodes: Alright Jesse-baby! Get out there and lose to the Boogeyman.
Jesse Guilmette: Alright! Let’s do it.
Dusty Rhodes: And you have to get worms in your mouth at the end.
Jesse Guilmette: What?
Dusty: Go go go! Time to go on!
So the only mention I can find of this dude online is him being trained at Les Thatcher’s wrestling school. School teaches wrestling, and, more importantly, how to entertain. He’s a footnote in the article, so don’t get too excited. I suppose the WWE likes Les’ school.
We go “moments ago” to watch Big Daddy V dismantling Boogey, so no one’s excitement. It’s hard for me to root for this joker. I still root for anyone who’s fighting against him. Hell, I wanted Guilmette to win the match. Anyway, Elijah Burke comes to the ring and he’s looking as upset as ever. Maybe it’s cause his braids are different this week.
Elijah Burke over Tommy Dreamer by Elijah Express
Tazz calls Tommy “all business” as he takes a moment to slap hands with anyone at ringside. I see an error there. Anyway, collar and elbow to start with Elijah getting the advantage, but Dreamer fights out with some kicks and knocks him out of the ring with a clothesline. Tommy follows suit and Elijah slams him off of the ring apron.
Elijah throws Dreamer into the ring and stomps the back for fun and Elijah hits the hanging elbow, this week without almost falling over the other side of the top rope. That only gets a one and goes to the surfboard. Dreamer turns that into a back suplex and follows it up with some punches. Dreamer locks on the Texas Cloverleaf. I mark out and Burke grabs the bottom ropes. Dreamer keeps holding onto the legs and catapults Elijah to the turnbuckle. Tommy goes for the DDT and Elijah drops to the ground. Elijah goes to the ropes as Tommy pursues and gets a boot to the face as Burke flips over the ropes and goes to the top turnbuckle.
Dreamer throws a few haymakers and goes for a superplex, but Elijah reverses it and pulls Tommy’s neck down over the top rope. The kneepads are down and Elijah hits the Express and gets a three count easy as Elijah solidifies himself as the #3 ma on the show (following Morrison and Punk).
We go to the back to the #1 man in the company who gives his thoughts on his 15 minute match with Punk tonight. His thoughts are that he’s… well a bunch of rhetorical statements. He thinks Punk is excited to have 15 minutes of Morrison in the ring, but the rest of us are bored after 2 minutes of Morrison speaking.
It’s the Miz and the Nitro Girls! Everyone celebrate! Wait, did I just say celebrate? I meant sulk. The girls sit ringside and the Miz gets a mic. He does the usual “chick magnet” schtick until Balls’ music hits.
The Miz over Balls Mahoney by Reality Check
Round II. Remember when Balls beat Masato Tanaka at One Night Stand II? Shame they haven’t let him win other matches. Balls goes to the Balls punches quick, but gets kicked a few times and knocked out of the ring. Kelly helps him up slowly and Balls gives a little grin until the Miz pulls him back into the ring. Miz hits the Reality Check and this thing’s over. The Reality Check is a pretty ice series of a knee lift and a neck breaker. KElly Kelly looks a bit upset over Balls’ misfortune.
We go backstage to the #2 man in the company who’s discussing how he’s gonna approach the match tonight. He throws out the rhetoric about being straight edge and his only addiction being competition and that’s about it.
They replay Vince’s return to RAW. There were two good things about RAW last night. The first was Santino’s line of “I am in terrible pain” and the second was Vince telling Paul London to “keep smiling”.
They replay the unlikely wins of Stevie Richards and they go backstage to Stevie! He gets about two sentences in before he;s absolutely clobbered by Kevin Thorn. This lasts a few moments before it’s broken up by a few referees, Arn Anderson and Mike Rotundo.
John Morrison makes his way out to the ring and now his music has lyrics. I can’t make any of them out, probably to my benefit. Quick commercial break…
By the way, I know this probably isn’t the place for it, but Anderson Cooper 360 uses the old La Resistance theme. Check it out some day, it’s entertaining. I wonder if they paid for it?
CM Punk over John Morrison by GTS with 0:05 remaining
So this is a 15 minutes of fame match. Punk doesn’t even have to win. Considering it’s 10:45, there’s a good chance that it’s gonna go the full 15. Match starts and Morrison makes a point of pointing out the clock… seemingly wasting time? Them Punk makes a point to point out the crowd. Collar and elbow to start all around the ring, it gets broken up in the corner and more facing down. 14:00 left. Punk gets an arm bar and turns it into a seated hammer lock. Morrison gets up and grabs a leg , but gets kicked off by Punk.
More stare down and Punk goes behind and gets a takeover into a front chancery as we hit the 13:00 mark. Morrison reverses it and can only get a one and goes into a rear choke. Punk powers out and sweeps the leg and slaps in a rear choke of his own. Morrison goes tot he ropes at 12:00. Morrison throws some punches and surfboards Punk using his hair to stare at the clock. Morrison gets a few kicks in and gets a whip to the corner reversed at 11:00. Punk hits a drop kick NASTY on Morrison into the corner and can only get a two. TWO!
Punk hits a few kicks and twists a hammerlock into a clothesline. Morrison slams Punk at 10:00 and hits his swinging leg drop on Punk. Punk goes and gets kicked in the gut by Morrison a few times before clearing Morrison out of the ring with a clothesline and follows it up with a plancha. Punk gets Morrison into the ring at 9:00, but Morrison follows that by drop kicking Punk to the floor.
Morrison pulls Punk back, but Punk suplexes Morrison to the floor from the ring apron! We head to commercial with 8:00 left.
We’re back at 4:00 and Morrison’s got Punk in what looks like a Cobra Clutch on Punk, a two count (TWO!) and a leg lariat by Morrison. Morrison goes to the second rope and misses a corkscrew moonsault. At 3:00 Punk throws some sloppy punches, hits a few kicks and a clothesline. This is followed with some knees, a whip to the corner, the knee in the corner and a bulldog. Punk puts an exclaimation point on it with a springboard clothesline, but only gets a two. TWO!
At 2:00 Punk rolls Morrison up and Punk hits a standing enziguiri for a two. TWO! Morrison ducks a clothesline and hits a modified backbreaker and neckbreaker for a two. TWO! A few punches later Punk tries for a sunset flip and Morrison goes for a crab unsuccessfully and goes for a catapult. Punk stands n the ropes and tries for a sunset flip and gets a two at 1:00. TWO!
Punk has Morrison up for the GTS but Morrison elbows his way out of it. Mirrison blows a springboard enziguiri, but because of the time crunch he just rears back and kicks Punk in the face. We’ve got :30 left and Morrison goes for a pin. TWO!
:20 and Morrison gets reversed into the GTS. At :10 Punk hits the GTS and goes for the pin with 0:05 left on the clock. Punks’ heading to Summerslam for a title shot and we just had ourselves a great main event between these two guys.
