Directed by
Olga Levens
Cast
Tien Pham ………. Leo
Courtney Scheuerman ………. Christina
Hannah Whalley ………. Gigi
Jon Ericksen ………. Peter
Brian Harr ………. Brian
Evan Andrew Adams ………. Kevin
Daniel Echegaray ………. Dany
Jon Eriksen ………. Peter
Mathew Fox ………. Simon
Travis Hammer ………. David
Alonnah Purkiss ………. White Rose
Skyler Purkiss ………. Red Rose
Sarah Scott ………. Summer
Courtney Sheuerman ………. Christina
Hayo Stekker ………. Gnome
Kosuke Ueyama ………. Party Guy
Running Time: 97 minutes
Rated R
DVD Release date: July 17, 2007
Haunted Boat was originally going to be titled Scary Boat Movie, without any sense of irony. Now, I must confess I only chose this DVD on our “Super Secret Writers’ Forum” because of the Haunted Boat moniker. Mostly, I was convinced that there was no such movie named Haunted Boat.
Oh, but if there were. . .
I would like to imagine that it would be the tale of an enchanted canoe, or perhaps kayak, dead-set on seeking revenge on the ones who lost its beloved oar “Lefty”. Or maybe the story of some malicious gondola wreaking havoc on the once proud people of Malta.
At any rate, upon having watched Haunted Boat I remain unconvinced that it is an actual film. I’m pretty sure that this is actually a YouTube re-edit of one of those cloying reality shows on the MTV. You know, like how those internerds made The Shining look like a romantic comedy?
Were Haunted Boat a real film, and not some sort of elaborate hoax at my expense, I would describe it as 30 minutes of confused boredom followed by an hour of boring confusion. Nothing makes sense, the dialog is forced, the production values are ultra-low, the character development is more like character dilapidation. Sarah Scott seems to have the most acting experience out of the entire cast, having a resume which boasts two uncredited appearances on Arrested Development, a “Pimp My Ride” video game, and tenth billing on a Reggie Bannister movie.
(You’re the man, Reggie!)
The (suspected) film is mostly joyless and uninteresting. The only diversion it provided me was in drawing parallels between Tien Pham’s character Leo and a guy I know named Thien. (If you are interested in such things, both are affable man-whores who cannot finish sentences.)
Again under the assumption that Haunted Boat was intended to be a movie, one is drawn inexorably to the question: why did it fail so remarkably at such a task? Perhaps the blame would lie with Olga Levens, credited by IMDB.com as the film’s Director/Writer/Cinematographer/Producer/Production Designer/Costume Designer/Casting Director/Art Director/Set Designer?
Maybe if she just took the time to do the catering and been a key grip,Haunted Boat could have passed as a film. Or maybe if she gave herself special thanks and dedicated the movie to herself, things would have turned out all right.
Currently, Haunted Boat could be mistaken for a film with the same probability that ZZ Top’s Billy Gibbons could be mistaken for Lucy Liu.
The DVD
Audio and Visual
The movie looks an sounds like it was shot by my Sony Handycam that I bought ten years ago. Though, I don’t think that this is a problem with the transfer.
The Extras
According to the back of the DVD box, FEATURES include:
16 x 9 widescreen presentation (not really a special feature)
5.1 and 2.0 Dolbyl audio (not really a special feature)
English closed caption (almost a special feature)
Trailers
English subtitles (they found different words for the aforementioned closed captions)
Spanish Subtitles
