50 Cent is a f*cking choad. Yes, so is Kanye West, but 50 Cent has him beaten by a long shot. For the first time ever, this writer will go on the record as supporting Kanye West, in this, 50 Cent’s recently concocted “record-selling feud”.
For those of you just joining us, Kanye West’s Graduation and 50 Cent’s Curtis will both be released on Sept. 11. While the usually pompous West has shied away from any sort of inflammatory talk towards his fellow rapper, 50 Cent is chock-a-block full of hot air vis-Ã -vis proclaiming that his album is by far the superior one.
For those of you doubting this, 50 Cent decided that it would be a good idea to try and set up a presidential-style debate on BET, to determine which album is better. “What am I going to debate about? I’m going to go in the studio and make music. … When I heard that thing about the debate, I thought that was the stupidest thing. When my album drops and 50’s album drops, you’re gonna get a lot of good music at the same time.”
While I’ll be the first to point out that Kanye West is an egotistical prig, at least he makes pretty good music, whereas 50’s material often leaves much to be desired, and this stunt seems like more of a red herring to distract fans from the flaming pile of shit that Curtis will likely be.
Moreover, after hearing that West would not be taking part in his shameless publicity stunt (perhaps instead opting to let the music do the talking?), 50 Cent upped the ante, saying that if Kanye West sells more records than him on Sept. 11, he’ll “no longer [perform] music,” adding, “I’ll write music and work with my other artists, but I won’t put out any more solo albums. … They would like to see Kanye West give me a problem because I’ve worked myself into a space where I’ve become the favorite. … And I bet this: When Kanye West’s sales come in, he’s gonna have a 70 percent decrease cause Def Jam is gonna buy records [during the first week] to keep him closer to 50 Cent. So watch the first week and then watch the second week. Watch his ass drop off the planet.”
He also added that Kanye West might get more awards and media recognition, but he makes more money, showing that he really has no passion for the music at all, instead preferring to market subpar rap music to the same impressionable idiots who buy albums by musicians like Soulja Boy (I use the term “musicians” very loosely when referring to him) and Nickelback.
But do you realize what this means? If 50 Cent doesn’t sell as many records as Kanye West, we’ll never have another 50 Cent solo album, not to mention the sure kick in the rocks that this would do to his ego. So for those of you out there reading this, do us all a favor and buy Kanye West’s Graduation on Sept. 11. Sure, you can go ahead and leave it in the cellophane and return it two weeks later, but even if you keep the album, it’s not only going to be better than Curtis, but fifteen dollars is a small price to pay to see 50 Cent take a shot like this.
Of course, if Kanye West does manage to sell more records, watch 50 Cent retract his statement after getting stir-crazy (cough*Jay-Z*hack) or slip in some sort of loophole that will have him releasing older, unreleased recordings for the next ten years. Either way, we haven’t seen the last of him.
But still, the shot to his ego would be f*cking priceless. Sure, he’d still be around in some capacity, but he’ll always be marked with the stigma of having to end his solo career because he wasn;t as good as he says he is.
Do it for the children. And if you hate children, do it for Widro.
