TNA World Heavyweight and IWGP World Heavyweight Champion Kurt Angle vs. TNA X Division and World Tag Team Champion Samoa Joe
Danny Cox: It’s time for the love of God it is time!
Winner and EVERY Champion – Samoa Joe
Mark Allen: I really don’t see how this Karen Angle angle is going to do anything to raise buyrates, but whatever. I see Karen turning on Joe and going back with Kurt to help him win. The final Kurt-Joe blowoff will be at Bound for Glory.
Winner – Kurt Angle
Andrew Wheeler: Oh come on, not another TNA PPV. I never thought I’d long for the days of WWA. This match is the epitome of what’s wrong with TNA. I hate TNA so much that it’s becoming indescribable. I no longer give TNA any slack when it comes to anything. They have the talent pool necessary to succeed. They’re on a network that pulled in massive numbers for the WWE. They are the lead-in to UFC, which is quickly becoming the most popular thing on the planet. They have Vince Russo, the man who was partly responsible for one of the best eras in wrestling. They also have Jim Cornette, who rivals only Paul Heyman when it comes to wrestling acumen. They have Kurt Angle, currently the best pro wrestler in the majors. They have Samoa Joe, the hottest independent superstar since the era of ECW. They have a rabid, intimate collection of fans who would appreciate good wrestling. The gravy train is over, TNA. Hiding behind the lie that you can’t compete is complete and utter bullshit. Ten thousand buys for a PPV? That’s pathetic. If ROH pulled that number in, they’d be thrilled. Then again, ROH has zero television coverage and isn’t on every cable and satellite provider. This match is the reason why TNA is so unbelievably screwed. Kurt Angle versus Samoa Joe was at one point a dream match. How laughable a concept is that now? Joe/Angle is no longer considered a dream match thanks to TNA’s consistent mismanagement. And worst of all, TNA has zero faith in Samoa Joe. Zero. No faith in Joe. How do I know? Look at what this feud is about, Angle’s wife leaving him. This is reminiscent of Wrestlemania 18 where the Jericho/Hunter match was about Trip and Stephanie’s dog. Why was that? Vince didn’t think Jericho had enough to carry the feud alone. Same here. You’ve got every piece of gold in the company on the line in one match and THAT isn’t enough to tell the story. Nope, we have to go through the “breakdown of Kurt Angle†nonsense. And your go-home main event to hype the show? A segment with Karen Angle emasculating Kurt. This was so tainted with bad Russo booking that you could see the fingerprints on the camera lens. I wanted the fans to boo the crap out of this thing. I wanted the mindless collective at Universal to chant “bullshit†or “we want wrestling†or something. Joe’s the face in this because he got Kurt’s wife to leave him? Why would anyone care about that? That’s bad storytelling. Samoa Joe’s now a homewrecker. In fact, he’s about as manipulative as a housewife. All he needs are hair curlers and a bathrobe. And people really complain about WWE Creative dropping the ball? They built Lashley/Cena around the concept that they were tough, unstoppable guys who were gonna beat the hell out of each other. Bobby Lashley is no Samoa Joe and John Cena is no Kurt Angle, yet the WWE didn’t stoop to cheat soap opera theatrics to build that match. TNA has two wrestlers who are far and away superior and are both more then capable on the stick, yet management chose to build the feud around the “implosion of Kurt’s psycheâ€Â? I’d say who cares because at least we’d get a good match, but we’re not. Karen’s gonna be at ringside, a constant reminder that this feud isn’t about either guy in the ring trying to beat each other. TNA took great care to put all the belts in play for this match. You would think the storyline should just be that the two best wrestlers in the world are going to fight to see who is the best (and most decorated) wrestler on the planet. Hell, that’s a never-before-done storyline, something you can’t really say in pro wresting. That should be enough to sell a show. Now, with Karen at ringside, you know you’re gonna get shenanigans. Here are the two possible scenarios: Angle wins or Joe wins. Simple enough, right? Nope. The fans have waited for Joe to win for so long that it’s almost meaningless now. Worst of all, if he wins, it’ll probably be because of Karen-ference, negating any legitimacy to Joe’s win. That’s what makes me think that Joe won’t win. TNA might be run by monkeys pounding on typewriters (not unlike the writing staff at “According to Jimâ€Â) but even they know that Joe’s big win cannot come from outside interference from Kurt’s wife. Right? Right? On the other hand, this is Joe’s last main event for a long time if he loses. The next PPV is gonna be headlined by the winner of the Chamber of Horrors. The PPV after that? J-e-double f, J-a-ha ha-double r, e, double t. I just can’t see the logic in this company at all. By having Joe lose AGAIN at his chance for the gold, you’re getting closer and closer to the CM Punk level of apathy. Keeping the gold on Angle will allow him to continue his “descent into madness†storyline. He can go to the ring with all the gold in the company and either say that he doesn’t need his wife or he can say that none of it fills the void left by the loss of her. Either way, I won’t care. If Angle wins, it allows TNA to have him lose all the belts due to Joe-ference. Kurt’s gonna have to lose to an X-Division guy, a tag team, a Japanese guy and a “main eventerâ€Â. You think TNA wants to job him out all those times clean? Nope. Joe is a convenient tool to use to justify all the losses. Joe keeps costing Kurt his gold. Kurt and Joe now have yet another reason to fight, maybe one that’s more legit. So here we go, yet another Samoa Joe loss. Then you can have Angle beat whoever comes out of the Chamber match, only to finally lose to the “triumphantly returning†Jeff Jarrett. At least Angle dropping all these belts will give the rub to someone. In fact, how better to turn around a guy like Jay Lethal then to have him secure a pinfall over Kurt? Maybe some good will come from all this nonsense.
Winner and TNA World Champion, TNA World Tag Champion, X-Division Champion, IWGP Champion, ROH Tag Champion, WCW S.H.I.T. Champion, WWWF Champion, GLOW World Champion – Kurt Angle
Raffi Shamir: Joe and Angle owe us. They owe us an excellent match. When Angle made the jump to TNA, every wrestling fan on the planet expected these two to put on a masterpiece and so far it hasn’t happened. Not that their matches were bad, but when you’re talking Joe and Angle, “good†just isn’t good enough. So the first I want to see is a great match. Now, the other order of business – GIVE JOE THE F’N TITLE ALREADY!!! Joe is one missed title shot away from being branded as TNA’s Lex Luger. Some people say he shouldn’t win the title until Bound for Glory, but that would have been true had Joe been kept away from the title scene. Once they gave him the title shot, with every title on the line, he has to win. Not in a screwy way, but a real, decisive, clean win, that will kick of a championship reign of at least six months.
Winner – Samoa Joe
Vinny Truncellito: Without a doubt, the time for Samoa Joe to take TNA on his shoulders is right now. Angle’s a big star, and will continue to be if he loses this match. Joe, on the other hand, will be rendered useless if he fails here. The stage is set, they just need to do the best thing for long-term business in this match.
Winner – Samoa Joe
Matthew Michaels: I’m picking JOE, even though the IWGP title being on the line makes me think Angle keeps it; so really, this pick is going to affect all of my others. I’ll either have a good day or a really bad one.
Winner – JOE
David Brashear: First off, let me say that having one man holding every title in your company is one of the most idiotic things I’ve ever heard of. Yes, WCW kind of did it with Lance Storm, but 1) he won three supporting belts (US, Hardcore, and Cruiserweight) in three matches (which meant that the World and Tag Team belts were still out there) and 2) he soon relinquished the Cruiser to Elix Skipper and the Hardcore to Carl Oulette.
The big question here is, if the IWGP belt is on the line, how is their parent company going to feel? Are they going to go along with Joe winning all three belts? If Angle wins, he can hand the tag belts back to Team 3D (who could conveniently drop them to the Steiners if necessary, giving a reason for a rematch). I’m not sure who he’d hand the X title to (another one of his buddies – AJ Styles, perhaps?). Overall, much as I’d love to see Joe go all the way, I don’t think it’s going to happen here. There’s a rematch down the road.
Winner – Kurt Angle
Whoever Scores Winning Pinfall Gets a Championship Match
AJ Styles & Christian Cage & Travis Tomko vs. Sting & Abyss & Andrew Martin
Mark Allen: Could the stipulations and gimmick name for this be any more convaluted? I see Sting picking up the pinfall here so that he can challenge Angle in September while Abyss gets Christian one-on-one finally.
Winner – Sting, Abyss and Test
Andrew Wheeler: Test. Tomko. What the f*ck is going on?! Look, I’m all for bringing back the crappy gimmick matches that end in disaster. I want to see the 21st century Chamber of Horrors. I want something to rival the Punjabi Prison match. I want a Dog Kennel from Hell match. Hell, I want to see anything where TNA screws the pooch. But this? Listening to Cornette rattle off the stipulations of this match just made me embarrassed for him. I guess a re-re would have to come up with this match, so it goes with the Abyss motif. So this match has the potential to be a big, ugly, bloody brawl, which might even be passable. Styles and Tomko are settling into their lackey roles really well. It would be cool if Styles gets the win here and it would be Styles/Joe for the gold. Will that happen? Of course not. Tomko’s not gonna win it because it’s Tomko. You don’t turn around sagging buyrates with Tyson Tomko. You don’t lead into 2-hour broadcasts with Tomko/Angle, a match that wouldn’t have headlined Velocity. That leaves Cage left from his team. Christian can’t win this because we still haven’t gotten our big Christian/Abyss one-on-one match that this feud requires. TNA needs to have the blow-off for the Abyss/Christian storyline before Abyss can move on to fight the mystery monster Purple Monkey Dishwasher. So, let’s move to the faces. Well, since I knocked out Christian so he could feud with Abyss, I guess I have to do the same for fake Kane. Besides, Abyss/Angle doesn’t exactly light the world on fire. Angle/Test? Hahahaha. Yeah, two of ECW’s best and brightest, main eventing another show. Then again, I bet TNA could get Motley Crue to come back to back “their boy Testâ€Â. No, Test is here to feud with Tomko because both guys are big, both guys use a boot as a finisher and both guys were frequently seen on Heat. That leaves us with Man Called Douche I mean Sting. “Well he’s a Man Called Douche and he really sucks, if I see him coming I’m gonna kick him in the nutsâ€Â. TNA pays Sting a fortune. Sting is a mainstream name. Sting/Angle could be a good match to headline their next PPV. Sting/Angle could carry TNA into their 2-hour block. Since Sting’s the only choice for Angle to face, there’s no way for this to end any other way. In fact, the winner of this match essentially gives way the end of the Angle/Joe match. For more on “How to Book Yourself into a Corner 101â€Â, tune in to “Hard Justiceâ€Â.
Winner – Team called Sting
Raffi Shamir: Two names we can rule out immediately are Andrew Martin and Tomko. While Martin is better than most people give him credit, he shouldn’t be challenging for any championship, at least not now. I also wouldn’t be surprised to see Martin turn heel in the match and giving the victory to The Christian Coalition. Now all that’s left is to decide between Cage and Styles, and I think they’ll give it to AJ. Not only can it be used to drive more dissention between him and Cage, but it will also give us another Joe/Styles match, and that’s always good.
Winners – AJ Styles & Christian Cage & Travis Tomko
Vinny Truncellito: It makes sense for Abyss to win a match of his own creation, but they seem to enjoy giving the ex-WWE guys a big push right out of the gate, so
Winner – Andrew Martin
Matthew Michaels: I want AJ to win, but I’m thinking Christian.
Winner – Cage
David Brashear: Let’s see. We’ve got Lockdown on the horizon and feuds brewing between Martin/Tomko and Abyss/Christian. That rules all four of them out, since they’ll be otherwise occupied in their own cage matches. That’s fine. That leaves Sting and AJ. AJ’s been the champ, but that was before the influx of former WWE guys. Got to go with Sting here.
Winner – Sting
Danny Cox: I really wish this match had more stipulations and rules. Seriously, I do. coughSARCASMcough!!! I say that Test and Christian have a feud built already, maybe Styles and Sting could feud, and Tomko can sit back and look stupid as usual. Abyss gets the pin on probably Tomko to feud with Joe.
Winner – Abyss
Team 3-D vs. Rick and Scott Steiner
Andrew Wheeler: “You know, I’ve attempted to enjoy your family on a personal level, on an ironic level, as a novelty, as camp, as kitsch, as cautionary example…nothing works. Frankly, I’ll be quite relieved when we get back to England and we won’t have to deal with them.†– Hugh, Lisa’s almost fiancé on the Simpsons. It’s also an appropriate quote to describe this match. The Dudley Boys versus the Steiner Brothers would have been awesome 10 years ago. Now it’s just sad. I did a very long time ago used to like the Steiner Brothers when they were a respectable duo of Michigan alums. Being a Gator, I never really had any reason to hate the Wolverines. Now, you’ve got two roided out freaks so far past their prime that even Terry Funk is getting embarrassed for them. I also have little to no sympathy for the Dudleys. They balked in negotiations with the WWE and wound up here. And they’re not even the only washed up ex-WWE team on the roster. Plus this match serves to help no one since the Steiners are coming in as the faces and the Dudleys are heels. What does a win for either team mean? They’re both accomplished enough that the win doesn’t help either’s cred. The Steiners can’t hold the belts since they’re always 30 seconds away from snapping mentally or physically and the Dudleys can’t hold the belts any time soon if Angle’s gonna be tag champion. In the end, keeping the Dudleys stronger makes more sense then keeping the Steiners stronger, but it’s pretty marginal.
Winners – Dudley Boys
Raffi Shamir: “Dream matchâ€Â. Maybe five years ago, but not today. I don’t think this will necessarily be bad, but with both teams so far over their prime, it can’t be that good. With the sympathy factor on Scott Steiner’s side and the recent face turn, I assume they will do the safe thing and give this to the brothers.
Winners – Rick and Scott Steiner
Vinny Truncellito: If the Steiners win, were does the storyline go from here? 3-D should win and brutalize Rick and Scott in the process, giving the Steiners strong motivation to keep chasing the former Dudleyz.
Winner – Team 3-D
Matthew Michaels: Since I think Joe’s gonna win it all, I say Team 3-D.
Winners – Team 3-D
David Brashear: If everything goes like I predicted in the main event and Angle hands the belts to 3D, a win here gives the Steiners the ammo they need to challenge the Duds to a title match in a cage next month at Lockdown.
Winners – Steiner Brothers
Danny Cox: So we had the quadruple face/heel turn and now the Dudleyz have won every belt imaginable so they should be putting over younger teams right? In step those up-and-comers, the Steiners. I’d give anything if they came out in the matching neon spandex to “STEINER LIINNNEEE!â€Â
Winners – Steiners
Mark Allen: The Steiners will take this one easily – they’re not jobbing out after Scott’s comeback. But then again, this Total Nonstop Swerves, so who knows?
Winner – Steiner Brothers
Rhino vs. James Storm
Raffi Shamir: This should be a fun brawl. Their last match was pretty good and with no holds barred (I assume that’s what the stipulation means) it should be even better, as both men have taken things to the extreme in the past. I really dig James Storm as a heel and I think he can be a main event player in a year or so with this persona.
Winner – James Storm
Vinny Truncellito: Rhino’s due for a victory in this feud.
Winner – Rhino
Matthew Michaels: I think Storm should keep the heat here, but he can easily do that post-match.
Winner – Rhino
David Brashear: And we see Rhino making a return to the element that suits him best – no DQ. Have to say that I see Rhino getting his win back from last month’s show.
Winner – Rhino
Danny Cox: I think it is quite ironic that Rhino can’t stand booze and such yet he’ll be involved in a bar room brawl. Makes sense while this feud still does not.
Winner – Rhino
Mark Allen: Rhino’s feuds usually run a minimum of three PPVs any more so I say the Cowboy wins this one so another stipulation can be added to next month’s card.
Winner – James Storm
Andrew Wheeler: Where’s Ron Simmons when you need him? A Bar Room Brawl? Russo, you’re just not even trying anymore. You’re booking using old Smackdown video games. Hit the randomizer and see what comes up. So I said last month that Rhino losing would make no sense, so what happened? Rhino lost. Now we get this ridiculous rematch in a bar. Putting an alcoholic in a bar? Smart. Well, Rhino has to win this or they might as well just release him. I’m not even sure what this is supposed to accomplish. Storm and Rhino were feuding because Rhino got beer poured into his mouth and it unlocked Pandora’s box full of bad memories. He then brought in his personal life to pump up the feud. And what happened? He lost. Not only that, but the loss didn’t even elevate Storm. Both guys are in the same dead-end midcard feud. Where can either one go from this? If Storm wins again, it’ll help him about as well as his last win over Rhino helped him. If Rhino wins then he won a match that he was supposed to win anyway and that doesn’t move him up. As I said in my column a few weeks ago, this is why TNA needs a secondary title. This match should be for some sort of gold. Or something. Maybe loser buys first round?
Winner – Rhino
Eric Young vs. Robert Roode
Vinny Truncellito: Are you kidding me? Are these two former Team Canada teammates STILL at war? When will it end? Hopefully here and now.
Winner – Eric Young
Matthew Michaels: It’s time for Young to stop being a joke.
Winner – Eric Young
David Brashear: To quote MST3K’s Tom Servo – “END! END!! EENNNNNNDD!!!!!!â€Â
Winner – Eric Young
Danny Cox: Get this sh*t over with PLEASE!
Winner – Eric Young
Mark Allen: I don’t care anymore, but in a sick way I do want this to go all the way to November just so it would be a full year of feuding for these two.
Winner – EY
Andrew Wheeler: It’s too easy to make the joke that this is the theme for the entire PPV, right? Every match features prominent superstars debasing themselves in humiliating matches. You got Angle and Joe embarrassing themselves by doing this dumb divorce story. You got Sting and Christian in a ridiculous stipulation match. There’s nothing at all good about Steiners/Dudleys. And Rhino/Storm in a Bar Room Brawl? And now THIS?! This feud has gone on since the Reagan administration and there is no way anyone could possibly care anymore. I guess since Young got turned into a chicken a giant chicken that he should win. But why? Where does he go from here? Does he need the win since he’s a comedy act? Are they setting him up to unseat Angle as X-Division champion? And poor Robert Roode! He’s got nothing to fight for. He ain’t gonna be champion, and the addition of Test means he just moved yet another spot back. This is yet another reason to hate TNA. Yet another in an ever expanding list.
Winner – Eric Young
Raffi Shamir: Is this really still going on? Haven’t these guys been feuding since 1984 or something? Since Roode gave Young the old tar & feather treatment, I guess Young has to somehow pay him back. But please, make this the end.
Winner – Eric Young
Matthew Michaels: Sorry LAX; you’ll be facing Serotonin next month while VKM moves up the ranks.
Winners – New Age Outlaws
David Brashear: Let’s break this down. LAX is a young tag team on the way up. VKM is an old tag team fighting to hold onto their former glory, but they’re also former WWE guys. Let’s see if TNA will grant my wish here. But before my wish of VKM getting axed is granted, let’s see if they’ll also give LAX the win. They cut the Naturals and VKM still have jobs. Argh.
Winners – LAX
Danny Cox: The other two teams in the quadruple turn. If this match was going for realism, then LAX would destroy NAO. But with the Steiners I think winning the other tag-match, then I see the heels going over here.
Winners – VKM
Mark Allen: Remember when these two feuded two years ago over Konnan and Jesse James’ old man? Yeah, TNA doesn’t either. And when did these two teams switch sides? Weren’t VKM just faces like two weeks ago feuding with Christy Hemme?
Winner – LAX
Andrew Wheeler: Jesus, Mary and Joseph I don’t care. This has got to be the single worst thing ever. This whole PPV is a colossal disaster. Why are these two teams even fighting? Does anyone care? The New Age Outlaws cannot go over here. I’m sorry, I’m putting my foot down. Ya hear me, TNA? This sh*t stops now! Put another washed up team over a better team and you are officially WCW. LAX should win this and then take the tag gold from Angle. Then they can re-feud again with the Dudleys, only this time they’re the full-on faces. What does TNA have to lose? Seriously. The Outlaws don’t draw, the Steiners don’t draw, the Dudleys don’t draw. Just let Homicide and the Lummox carry the belts and let the fans have someone to cheer for that they won’t be embarrassed about. This is how low TNA has gotten, they’ve got me begging them to push Homicide.
Winner – Latin American Xchange
Raffi Shamir: Just a few short months ago LAX were the hottest thing going in TNA and now they’re feuding (not even feuding, they just have a match) with VKM. I truly hope this is just a temporary thing and not some sort of cruel game where Homicide and Hernandez are paying for Konnan’s mistakes. In any case, LAX needs to win here and get back on track towards winning the TNA tag ttiles, once they’re back in the game.
Winners – LAX
Vinny Truncellito: Tough call here. Things are changing at breakneck speed in the tag team division, and I’m not sure where they plan to go once the solo tag champ needs to select a partner. A pick-em for sure, but I’ll go with LAX, keeping they strong. VKM always has their legacy to fall back on, while LAX is still building their own legend.
Winner – LAX
Danny Cox: Cuz this feud makes sense. Dustin Rhodes first feud or Chris Harris’ push which takes the loss? Also, the Goldust references are really not funny considering that character was, pardon the pun, gold!
Winner – Dustin Rhodes
Mark Allen: I really don’t care for Dustin Rhodes in TNA at all. His only usefulness left is in WWE either as Goldust or a part of the Cody Rhodes angle.
Winner – Chris Harris
Andrew Wheeler: You know, “John from Cincinnati†makes more sense then this card. F*ck anyone that gets on the WWE’s case about anything storyline related. Seriously. Go to hell. Chris Harris was almost poised to be a new main eventer. Now? He’s fighting Goldust. But you can’t blame TNA because Rhodes is over. He’s been gaining fan support and looked pretty good in the ring. One problem. His first name is Cody. TNA needs to justify this feud I guess so they’ll have Dustin go over. Why not? Is Cowboy Bill Watts booking this f*cking show?
Winner – Dustin Rhodes
Raffi Shamir: Does anyone get Rhodes’s new gimmick? Me neither. Still, it’s his first match back on TNA and logic states he should win here. That’s too bad, because Chris Harris needs this more, but I guess he’ll settle for another hard fought match with a close and dirty finish.
Winner – Dustin Rhodes
Vinny Truncellito: “Black Reignâ€Â, huh? I get it – it’s like gold dust, but darker. Oh boy. Guess he gets the duke here to introduce his new/old gimmick. Does anyone remember when Dustin was “Seven†in WCW?
Winner – Dustin Rhodes
Matthew Michaels: I’m thinking Chris needs the win, but Dustin’s going to do something wacky afterwards. Actually, no. No decision.
Winner – Neither
David Brashear: And again we try to recreate Goldust. At least Dusty’s not still booking, so Dustin could come in as a cowboy. Sorry, Harris. Looks like this just isn’t your month.
Winner – Dustin
Mark Allen: Should be the best match on the card, so it’s got that going for it.
Winner – XXX
Andrew Wheeler: Welcome to the WCW Cruiserweight Tag division revisited. Build up a sh*tty card with guys like Sting and Steiner and old guys going over young guys and hope that there are some little workers who can bounce around to justify the paychecks of the big guys. Remember when TNA promised us that these guys were gonna be the true main event? That the X-Division was gonna be on par with the world title and that size wasn’t the only determination of a champion? You’ve got a great collection of enthusiastic guys in this ring in this match and it’s about as important as the Dustin Rhodes/Chris Harris feud. Oh who am I kidding? It’s not even that important. This is lazy booking at its finest. Who wins? What does it matter? Dutt’s gonna take the pin. It’s either gonna be from Triple X or Motor City. I say Triple X just because.
Winner – Triple X
Raffi Shamir: In a perfect world this would get 20 minutes. This is TNA so it will probably be 7. If these guy are allowed to do whatever they want, they can easily put on a MOTYC. Dutt and Lethal have no chance of winning here, so it’s down to The MCM and XXX. With XXX just reforming last month they’ll probably go over here. And then we should get a tournament for the tag titles with these three teams, Steiners, LAX, VKM, 3D and perhaps Basham and Damaja. I’d like to see LAX vs. XXX in the finals of that tournament, but I don’t think I’ll be this lucky. But going back to this match? It’s XXX all the way.
Winners – Triple X
Vinny Truncellito: The Machine Guns need the big push, but Triple X has been looking very good in recent weeks. This one’s a toss-up, but either way, it should lead to a Triple X/Machine Guns feud, which would really work for me.
Winner – The Motor City Machine Guns
Matthew Michaels: Actually, maybe LAX will be facing XXX next month.
Winner – Triple X
David Brashear: Make no mistake. I would love to see Sabin and Shelley get the win here, but I don’t think it’s going to happen. Triple X just reformed and they need some impressive wins to get them back to where they used to be. Of course, if I was booking this, Lethal would get pinned after Sonjay realizes how stupid the whole “Guru†thing is, attacks him for letting Nash turn them both into goofs, and then Dutt and Macho Lethal could feud. But what do I know? Not much, considering I’m probably going to blow about every match on this show.
Winners – XXX
Danny Cox: Three worthy teams of holding the tag straps right here although Lethal should be holding the X-Title right now anyway. XXX doesn’t need the win to be over and the Machine Guns really need to stay on a roll. This is going to be the second best or best match of the night easy.
Winners – Motor City Machine Guns
Andrew Wheeler: Welcome back to WCW Saturday Night. Coming up next, Norman Smiley versus Glacier. But first, a former ECW world champion and guy that used to mean something in wrestling versus a guy who’s most famous for showing up for a cup of coffee on Velocity. Kaz is a pretty impressive kid but he blew his shot in the WWE and has suffered ever since. Raven’s been sick, so you can’t fault him for slacking. This is the culmination of the Serotonin breakup. Expect run-ins from other Serotonin members like Shawn Michael’s relative and Shannon Moore. Moore’s in this group, right? I guess TNA will let one kid get the win over a veteran, so it might as well be here so Kaz can move into the amorphous blob of midcard.
Winner – Kaz
Raffi Shamir: Does anyone else think this angle is a based on the Raven’s Flock breakup from WCW, with Kaz in Saturn’s role? Raven can still bump and Kaz is a good wrestler, so again, we should get at least a decent match here. I’ll give Raven the victory here, since I don’t think this is over, so Kaz will spend another month chasing Serotonin until he gets his two friends away from Raven’s influence.
Winner – Raven
Vinny Truncellito: Kaz has broken free from his slavery at the hands of Raven, so now what? Do the other members of Serotonin find their own identities and join Kaz, or do they assist their leader Raven, gang up against Kaz, and drag him back down to the depths of whatever Serotonin does for kicks? The second choice sounds more interesting to me.
Winner – Raven
Matthew Michaels: What about Raven? Let’s start a nice program with these two IN RING. I say give the match to Raven first.
Winner – Raven
David Brashear: Remember when Raven’s Flock was a dangerous group that dominated ECW? Neither does TNA.
Winner – Raven
Danny Cox: Here is another example of a match that really has no validity. Sure this has been a feud in the works for a long time, but when is the last time it was really given any time on Impact anyway? Thrown together again as most are. And does Raven mean a damn thing to anyone any more as it is?
Winner – Kaz
Mark Allen: Raven looks to have lost some of his weight as he fit back into his old jean shorts on Impact this week. He still looks pretty rough though. It doesn’t really matter who wins here because I don’t see much mobility out of either guy coming out of this match.
Winner – Kaz
