AT MADISON SQUARE
D-LO IS IN THE HOUSE!
T H E
M O N D A Y
N I G H T
R A B B L E
Joining us for this descent into madness as we comment on the show that you all are commenting on anyway. Here are our Rabbletiers tonight!
BILL – Mickey!
HERNANDEZ – The Spanish Bird from 3 Caballeros!
JEFFREY – Pluto!
MIKE – Goofy!
DANI – Daisy!
and your host, Donald Duck… Me, James Hatton.
Let’s not forget the forumites.. those who tire away of commenting along with us over at the Inside Pulse Forums. I give to you The Insyders.
Now let’s get to the show….
First we get Vince saying that the last time we saw him he was…
“FIRED!” – Bill
“..that was bad.” – Hernandez
But so Congress wants to check on Vince. The IRS wants to check on Vince. McMahon wants to bring his family around. Oh, and he has a kid.
Tonight we’re going to have the Royal Coronation of Booker T and we’re starting with ALL of the superstars…
“Everyone’s here.. even V’s boobs.” – Hernandez
“I just hope Vince wears the “I’m your papi” t-shirt at some point” – Insyder Jack The Ripper
“Or the “I Did It” shirt. Hey, they printed them, why not sell them under some pretense or another.” – Insyder SychoJason
There was Maria.
“Think this is going to be the package for Bryan Adams now?” – Hernandez
“Yes, ten bell salute for Crush.” – Me
“They should do a ten bell salute during all these shows just in case.” – Bill
“Second week in a row we open with everyone at ringside. This week’s battle royal will name a new member of Demolition! … What? Too soon?” – Insyder SychoJason
Here cometh Vince. Vince wants us to know he has an illegitamite child.
“MVP!” – Hernandez
“Ric Flair!” – Bill
“I still want Vince’s kid to be Elijah Burke. I’d just love to see how it gets explained.” – Insyder The Australian
“His kid is Coach and we all know it.” – Insyder A Faceless Name
“Patterson should come out and claim himself as Vince’s kid” – Insyder SarcasticWolf
“ITS TEDDY LONG!!!” – Insyder Jack The Ripper
He doesn’t even know the name of the woman…
“Linda McSomething..” – Me
“It was Ultimate Warrior.” – Mike
He feels he is being extorted and he can’t be intimidated by anyone… especially not some woman who should have been on the pill. Vince also wants the support of all the fans as the ‘Who’s Your Baby’ chant continues on.
So this is all cut off by Stephanie McMahon. Wow, those things are huge!
“Trips is punching them nightly… WHACK – BIGGER!” – Hernandez
“Annnnnddd Steph’s tits are here!” – Insyder CaptainSpaulding
“I’d do her… but I REFUSE to listen to her.” – Insyder Kerry B
Steph gets into the ring and she wanted to talk to him properly, but given that he accused him of a publicity stunt…
“Getting fingered by Macho Man?” – Bill
Vince explains that she’s in all of this for the money. She calls him sick.
“He had you abducted by Undertaker, what did YOU think?” – Hernandez
Steph has no guilt for what she’s about to say. Steph explains that her half brother or sister is standing right here.
“MISSSTERRRR….” – Hernandez
“It’s both of Cryme Tyme.” – Me
All the wrestlers watch on. Ric is laughing. Orton looks pensive. The crowd chants for Kennedy.
“Eugene’s just happy he might get another push.” – Me
Finally he leaves, having looked around the ring. At the end, he goes to face to face with Kennedy to a pop. Finally, Mark Henry.
“All Vince is doing is wishing it’s not a diva.” – Dani
COMMERCIAL ONE – 9:14
“I hope it’s Eugene..” – Bill
“So he’s related to Bishoff?” – Me
“So that means he f*cked Bischoff’s sister.” – Bill
“Wait.. so that means that he had Doink?” – Hernandez
“So you are somehow related to McMahon?” – Mike
“Yes. That is pro-wrestling for ya.” – Hernanadez
(For more understanding, you should listen to the Rabblecast)
Last week at Birmingham, Milk Dud had surgery on his shoulder. We mark as during the surgery scenes we hear ‘Kennneedddyyyy’
“You think the doctor heard that and slipped?” – Hernandez
“BOBBY? Could he be the son?” – Insyder Kerry B
“Eh, I’d buy Lashley as Linda’s son, not Vince’s. Lashley has Linda’s superb public speaking skills.” – Insyder SychoJason
Now… Kennedyyyyyyy! He summons the mic… the lights dim…
“He’s going to evolve into a McMahon.” – Bill
The man who took out Bobby Lashley.. Misssssstaahhhhh
“Lindsay?” – Bill
“Uh oh, Sandman cut off his entrance, now however will we know what this guys name is?” – Insyder Khali Sucks
MR. KENNEDY vs. SANDMAN
Beer!
Dani comments how she feels they look really similar. They push to the corner and Kennedy rubs Sandman’s head and gets pushed out. Frong headlock leanding to a waistlock from Sandman.
“Proving Sandman knows ‘A’ technical manuever.” – Me
“This is blonde vs. blonde… somewhere Steve Austin is masterbating.” – Dani
From the Great Minds Thinking Alike Dept:
“Wow. Anyone think the Sandman and Kennedy could be the next Hollywood Blondes?” – Insyder Jack The Ripper
Now they go punch to punch, that’s more like it. Sandman on top. THrows Kennedy to the ropes and bends over to get hit in the ches.t Ends up hitting a russian leg sweep on Kennedy!??!
“JR, how is a Russian Leg Sweep a modified Russian Leg Sweep?” Insyder CaptainSpaulding
“Shhhhhhh….. Here. Have fruity, delicious, fruity fruity skittle.” – Insyder Jack The Ripper
“When it’s a White Russian Leg Sweep!” – Insyder SychoJason
“One is communist the other isn’t…” – Insyder Trigzilla
“Communism was merely a red herring.” – Insyder CaptainSpaulding
Sandman runs up to the top rope, and eats a snapmare off the top turnbuckle. Kennedy now on top of Sandman, punching and stomping him up. Throws him to the corner hard.
“He held triangle the whole time” – Me
Drives a knee and hits the front flip fireman’s carry FOR THE WIN! Then sits and just stares at Sandman
WINNER: MR. KENNEDY
In the back Coach and Vince are talking. Vince is upset about his kid being part of the roster. Coach wants to help him figure out who it is.
“Oh boy, Coach is running the investigation, this will get results for sure.” – Insyder Khali Sucks
What year did he become sexually active? Vince admits to it being when he was twelve… funny as it’s interrupted by a ‘WOOOO!’ and Ric standing there with a huge jester grin.
“WOOO!” – Ric
“Hi Dad” – Bill
“WOOO!” – Ric
“KENNEDY!” – Me
“DAMN!” – Bill
“”Hey Vince, I wrote the book on having illegitimate children! Woooo!”” – Outsyder Cash Kerouac
“Every wrestler on the roster under 30 is mine!” – Insyder A Faceless Name
We then get a flash of Shawn Michaels being ended by Orton in repeated slowmo.
COMMERCIAL TWO – 9:28
Anyway… last week, Regal made became GM!
“Power of the foot!” – Me
“Who throws a shoe… seriously..” – Mike
“Das Boot?” – Bill
Tonight… WWE IDOL with Regal! Nice. In the back Regal is dressed like Simon Cowell. JBL and Cole are singing Hall and Oates… dressed like them too. Nice.
“JBL…..the karaoke god?” – Insyder Jack The Ripper
Anyway, Maria and Simmons are going to be there for Idol and next week they have their date next week.
Santino shows up to be upset and is going to sing on WWE Idol. Maria gets upset and follows after him… leaving Ron to stop JBL and Cole singing by saying…….. ‘WHAM!’
“You’d think that this Ron Simmons business would get old, but it just doesn’t.” – Outsyder Cash Kerouac
YO YO YO! It’s CRRRYME TYME!
“…versus Snitsky…” – Me
“They’re getting a huge push on Heat.” – Mike
“…I’VE recieved a push on Heat.” – Me
JTG gets in the ring and pumps up the crowd. Major pops around. Shad hits the money money chant. Anyway, they head over to Lillian…
“They are going to sell Lillian Garcia!” – Me
Actually just her chair. They show Bow Wow.. and I swear they went and said hi to Konnan. Anyway they sell the chair and her ecomes Lance and Cade…
COMMERCIAL THREE – 9:39
CRYME TYME vs. CADE & MURDOCH
Cryme Tyme Push?
Cade in the ring beating up on Shad. Quick tags back and forth in the corner. Tag into Murdoch and side russian leg sweep stops Shad’s fight out. Another tag and Cade drops Shad with a forearm.
Murdoch puts Shad into a sitting headlock while there is the fight for the hot face tag. Shad elbows out of it. Throws Murdoch into the corner and the big crawl for the tag.
JTG in – ducks Murodch – throws out Cade – crossbody to Murdoch. Middle rope legdrop! Fantastic for two! The leg sweep clothesline from Cade and Murdoch and in runs Shad to clock Murdoch with a chair! The end! Crazy!
WINNER via DQ: LANCE & CADE
We’re building a feud with Cryme Tyme.. Nice!
We now get Orton killing RVD.
COMMERCIAL FOUR – 9:47
Time for the coronation! Oh no, I’m wrong.
SNITSKY! RORY! CRAP!
“Well it looks like there is going to be another commercial break in about a minute and a half” – Insyder Soak1313
SNITSKY vs. RORY
Why?
So Snitsky boots. The end. Sidewalk slam. Lame.
Snitsky then boots Robbie.
WINNER: SNITSKY
In the back, Vince and Coach are talking. Coach explains that they could have DNA tests… Hey, it’s Cody Rhodes. He knows his daddy!
And the lights go red…. Boogyman!?
“Laaaaaaaaame.” – Me
Ok, he’s singing Cats In The Cradle…
“Ok, that’s funny.” – Me
Boogy laughs. The end. Next… WW IDOL!
I’d like to comment that we’re not commenting so much as because Jeffrey was dumb enough to bring photos of the past. We’re a bit nuts looking at old photos. We’ll be back when Maria gets on the screen.
COMMERCIAL FIVE – 9:58
Todd Grisham is at the top… here are the judges. William Regal. Maria! The nice one. She comments that Todd doesn’t sing well… he wasn’t singing.
Finally, the last judge, Mick Foley!
“Iron Shiek and Nikolai coming out tonight too!” – Hernandez
Mick’s happy to be RIGHT HERE in NEW YORK CITY.
He will also do anythign for money.
First Contestant… of course… Jillian Hall. She doesn’t look horrendous, but her boob job is obvious. So she’s going to sing her own song… badly. We get it.
So she sings to the melody of Cats. Mick claims he’s happy he has no right ear. Maria finds that her singing was… she looks pretty. Finally, Regal just looks upset.
“I should change tonight’s main event to Roe vs. Wade, because that was an abortion.” – Regal
“Half the audience didn’t get that!!” – Dani
Yep.. Iron and Nikolai… awesome.
“You arrrre faaagoooots.. I humble youuu under moooonlight” – Bill
“Iran #1! USA hack-ptuey” – Insyder SarcasticWolf
So we’re supposed to rise for the russian national anthem. Maria stands up.. brilliant. As a note, upon seeing Nikolai, Dani yelled out, “THAT MAN HIT ON ME!” – which is true. We were at a signing and he kept saying she was ‘verry lovely’.
“What is the over/under on how many words we will understand?” – Insyder The Australian
So Mick gets everyone to say USA.
Maria liked her voice, she didn’t know the words though.
Regal makes fun of Iron Sheik losing hte title. Sheik grabs the mic and nobody understands him… but… well we assume it was horrible and humbling.
Next.. Lillian Garcia.
“Wow, she has her own Titantron?” – Hernandez
“Santino is going to run her over.” – Mike
She sings New York, New York and is interrupted by Santino, which is brilliant.
“Just sing with his theme song.” – Bill
“I wish he had pyro..” – Hernandez
Santino then calls Lillian a, how you say, filthy prostitute. Santino as heel… funny. He sings Amore. This gives us a long shot of Maria. Cool.
“Someone throw a turtle shell at this tool right now!” – Insyder Soak1313
Mick grabs the mic – “Listening to that was almost as painful as watching you wrestle.”
“And did I mention I had my ear ripped off.” – Bill
Maria won’t leave because she’s still judging. Hey… wait… RON SIMMONS HAS A THEME SONG!??!?! It’s just the APA music with ‘DAMN!’ at the beginning.
Ron then grabs Santino and throws him into a pillar. Regal claims that Ron is the winner. TO which he states… DAMN.
“Ron Simmons, WWE Idol for saving Maria from an Abusive relationship.” – Insyder The Hypnotoad
“Also acknowledged for his contributions to the Institute of Excalmationology, otherwise known as The School Of DAMN!” – Insyder The Australian
Second week of game shows. Still good.
COMMERCIAL SIX – 10:12
Hey, Randy killed Dusty.
Hey, here comes Cody! Wrestling Haas… hmm, nice mix up.
“Charlie Haas in the second hour of Raw?? What universe am I in?” – Insyder Khali Sucks
CODY RHODES vs. CHARLIE HAAS
Technicallllll!
Technical start up with a shoulderblock taking down Cody. Cody then hits a hiptoss. Haas picking up Cody, but Cody rolling him up for two. Side headlock from Cody. Pushed to the corner.
Shouldercheck from Haas. Cody fights for a side russian, but Haas holds onto the ropes to drop him for two.
Sitting headlock from Haas. Boot from Charlie for one. Haas pulling him RIGHT back into the headlock. Haas drills some knees on Cody and RIGHT back into the headlock. Rams his head into the turnbuckle. Cody then hits a jawbreaker out of nowhere.
Cody now throwing Cody into the corner. Then eats the throwing release german.
“Shades of He Who Shall Not Be Named!” – Me
HEADLOCK! Knee lifts from Haas. Reversed by Cody and hangs him on the top rope! Cody now getting top of the game with Rhodes punches. Kneedrop. Dropkicks. Ducks a clothesline and a beautiful bulldog from Cody!
Cody up to the top now!
“Son of bionic elbow!” – Bill
Hits the crossbody, floatover by Haas for two. Haas throws him to the ropes and Cody drops and hits the inside cradle!
WINNER: CODY RHODES!
Now it’s time for the coronation!
COMMERCIAL SEVEN – 10:23
In the ring, Bookah with pyro and pinky raised.
“Ow ow ow ow ow ow” – Me
“And THIS is what I get for piledriving Andy Kaufman..” – Hernandez
Sharmel grabs the mic…
“The KING… OF ZAMUNDA!” – Hernandez
“That crown is REAL Wakandan Vibranium.” – Bill
“So D-Lo is going to sing ‘Queen To Be’?” – Hernandez
Book grabs the mic. Bibbles on.
Book demands Lawler to humble himself and place the crown on the ‘dome’ of the King.
“Dome? That’s all he could come up with?” – Hernandez
“Do it.. and do it–” – Book
“At a medium pace.” – Hernandez
“I feel so humiliated.. I’m about to blow my load.” – Me
Lawler gets the crown to his head.. almost. Finally, says he’s NOT going to put the crown on his head. Lawler had JUST been handed a note by Regal. At Summerslam he is going to face Triple H at Summerslam.
Cue the Trips Video Package.
“Way to bury Booker.” – Hernandez
“Hey, look at that Vince’s son is on the titantron” – Insyder Khali Sucks
We’re back with Book just looking upset.
“F…Five time? …F…F….Five time?” – Me
Lawler then clocks Bookah and Sharmel low blows him so Book takes over and beats the hell out of Jerry.
Book then clocks him with one of the tv’s.
“OUCH! FORGOT THE HAND FORGOT THE HAND!” – Me
“Nice to see J.R. is making a nice concerned effort to stop him.” – Insyder DarkStar
And the New York crowd gives the ‘Asshole’ chant. Gets into JR’s face.. and that’s that.
“Now lissin hea’ Booker.. you best check yerself before you wreck yerself.” – Me as JR.
And my favorite obscure post of the Insyders this week:
“I guess Booker is the king. oh he’s the king. he’s the king of memphis, tennessee. after all, he did beat jerry lawler for the one, two, three…” – Insyder Black Scorpion
COMMERCIAL EIGHT – 10:33
JR is joined with Todd Grisham. We get a run down on Summerslam.
Randy Kills Slaughter.
Randy’s shirt sucks… it’s a skull with hand-antlers.
“Can we call him Bullwinkle?” – Dani
Anyway, he grabs the mic and discusses how he’s going to defeat John Cena at Summerslam. We didn’t listen.
COMMERCIAL NINE – 10:45
So Umaga gets to the ring and just stares at Carlito & Orton.
“He is top face. God I love New York.” – Insyder Jack The Ripper
Finally, Cena.
“I like his new shirt…. wait.. I’m over it.” – Bill
“I would have gained new respect for Cena if he had come out in a Red Sox hat!” – Insyder CaptainSpaulding
ORTON & CARLITO vs. UMAGA & CENA
Wacky change up!
Umaga starting with Orton.
“I dare them to make Umaga the face in peril.” – Me
So Umaga chops Orton. Drops him. Punches him down in the corner. Goes for the running shoulder charge and eats the shoulder.. tag to Carlito and the double beatdown begins.
“FACE IN PERIL!” – Hernandez
He double clotheslines them.
“Spoke too soon.” – Me
Cena throws out Carlito and face to face Umaga & Cena.
“It’s a pleasure to be working with you again.” – Bill
COMMERCIAL TEN – 10:52
We’re back and Carlito is our heel in peril with Cena beating on him in the corner. Big fists from Cena and he stumbles to the corner. The back and forth Cena/Cena Sucks chant going on as Carlito eats the two shoulder checks. The blue thunder. The you can’t see me.
“Careful, Orton might do his cat scratch.” – Bill
He picks Carlito up for the FU, Orton grabs Carlito to stop it. He pulls out John and stomps him down while Carlito takes a breather. They bring in Cena and a pin count for two.
Carlito now on top with the tag to Orton. Stomping him all over the place. Quick tags. Frequent two counts. Bill has started a ‘Bring back Armando’ chant.
Cena fights out of a chinlock with Carlito. Sidewalk slam and Carlito gets the tag to Orton who DESTROYS him with a clothesline for two. Garvin Stomp time.
“He may be hurt here…” – JR
“He may have a bruise on the Reebok.” – Me
“This just in… his pumps… have popped.” – Bill
So Orton goes for the kneedrop and missed. Tag to Carlito and Cena is STILL the face in peril. Quick tags again between Orton and Carlito. 11:01.
ORTON HEADLOCK COUNT: 1
I think the NY crowd is chanting for the headlock too… nice.
Umaga screams.
“I”’mmmmm boorrred” – Bill
Cena fights out. Gets thrown into the corner, but ducks out of the charge. Crossrope bulldog. Finally the hot tag on it’s way. Oh wait. Carlito grabs Cena’s leg. Punchies from Carlito. He eats a back bodydrop and NOW it’s hot tag time. Christ…
UMAGA’S IN.. FINALLY! Umaga clears house. CLotheslines. Samoan drop. Superkick to Orton. Buttbump coming from Umaga to Orton. Carlito tries to hit the backcracker and just falls. FU from Cena on Carlito. The end.
So that means that Umaga got 30 seconds of face time, and Cena stole the pin. Stupid Cena….
WINNER: UMAGA & CENA
That was that. WAIT! Coach and Vince in the back. Coach has all of Vince’s discretions… for the 70s. Vince then discusses some flight attendents… and Coach seems upset. He tries to get Vince to turn around because guess who’s there.
Of course. Linda who throws Vince out of their home.
“Vince fears cardboard boxes” – Insyder SarcasticWolf
“I was just telling Coach about the time I banged those two flight attendents… ya know, you were there.” – Bill
The end. Again.
So what did the Insyders think of the entire show?
KHALI SUCKS – Ah, the award winning acting skills of Linda McMahon, perfect way to end the show.
CAPTAIN SPAULDING – “Wrestling was sub-par, everything else was classic…good RAW!”
BLACK SCORPION – “I bet you Vince will be holding every championship belt by the end of Summerslam.”
JACK THE RIPPER – “Regal, Simmons, and Maria are saving this show week after week.”
SYCHOJASON – “As long as they keep showing up I’ll keep praising RAW. Good show tonight.”
SARCASTICWOLF – “The show itself was a mixed bag, that was brought up tremendously by Maria’s beautiful breasticles and Regal being Regal.”
A FACELESS NAME – “I would rather there be good wrestling, but I have all but given up on seeing that on Raw.”
What did the Rabble think?
“I don’t care for this segment of the Rabble anymore.” – Bill
“WooHoo!” – Hernandez
“Kennedy?” – Mike
“Usual, but I really liked the last match.” – Jeffrey
“Wrestling.” – Mike’s friend Kelly.
“And I thought it was so so.. some good some bad. Whatev.” – Me
