Welcome to week 22.
First off, sorry that the column is a little late. I had every intention of turning this thing in last night after watching RAW on the DVR, but due to circumstances beyond my control, that didn’t happen. I just recently switched from Dish Network to DirecTV so that I could finally watch the NFL Sunday Ticket, not to mention the ability to tape 2 shows at once on the DVR. Well, I can now safely say that DirecTV is a piece of shit. I’ve had it for over a week and it has yet to work once. Not only that, but their customer service people rival the writers of the “Bill Engval Show†in terms of intelligence. Thanks to their shoddy product and piss-poor assistance, I was unable to watch RAW last night. So, thanks to the magic of torrents, I am currently downloading this past week’s episode.
On a happier note, my boy Eric is still alive in the Big Brother house! Man, that show keeps getting better and better. As soon as Dustin voted to keep Eric in the house, the shit hit the fan. How can you not like Eric? The guy is in fact lying to everyone, yet any time someone catches onto that, he turns it around to make them look bad. Not only that, but he got Amber to vote to keep him in. Amber. Now in case you missed it on YouTube, Amber (the bitch that keeps crying every week about how much she loves her family and her religion) went on a crazy rant about how much she dislikes Jews. It rivaled Mel Gibson in terms of coherence and intelligence. I can’t wait until she’s out of the house and realizes that she’s been outed as an anti-Semite. That’s f*cking fantastic. I like it because Big Brother has a live call-in show on Fridays where you can call and ask an evicted houseguest a question. You better believe as soon as Amber’s gone that I’ll be calling in to ask her about her hatred of the Hebrew people. Then I’ll sit back and watch her cry. What a whore.
Well, since this is usually the portion of my column where I talk about RAW, I guess I’m gonna have to alter my format. Ah well, it did all work out for the best because I was planning on writing a TNA column anyway. That’s right, a TNA column. Anyone who reads me regularly or catches my Roundtable picks knows that I despise Total Nonstop Action.
That’s not a fair statement. I don’t despise TNA. I don’t wish anyone actual ill will. I guess anyone that does wish actual physical bodily harm on someone due to wrestling has a few screws loose in the first place. No, my problem with TNA is that they continue to squander every single opportunity that is presented to them, yet there are still people who want to give them the benefit of the doubt all the time and I’m sick of it. So, as sort of a bookend to last week’s column, I present to you:
For your consideration Why fans should hate TNA
First off, let me warn that there might be some SPOILERS lurking in this column. I did read the reports from this week’s taping to make sure I didn’t write something only to have a show contradict me (like the time I wrote an extensive article on Mister Kennedy’s MITB countdown only to watch it get taken away that night). Thankfully, I’m good to go.
Now I am going to work off the assumption that there are a healthy number of people who hate the WWE. Trust me, I know this to be a fact. I get e-mails from these people on a weekly basis. There are major complaints that people have with World Wrestling Entertainment, and I tried in earnest to address those last week. In short, people want more wrestling, people hate John Cena, people are sick of the McMahons, people hate the Boogeyman, people hate Randy Orton, people hate a weak Women’s Champion, people hate the lack of surprises, people hate Jim Ross and Michael Cole, people hate Todd Grisham, people hate the Great Khali, people hate Mark Henry, people hate squash matches, people hate bad comedy angles and people hate RAW, Smackdown and ECW. That about sums it up.
Yeah, it’s always easy to hate the big guy. Fans (like myself) did it with WCW. I always hated WCW throughout the Monday Night Wars. I felt loyalty to the WWE since that was the company that brought me to the dance, and I firmly believed that there was enough of a wrestling audience for both shows to thrive without going head-to-head. When TNA came to Spike TV, they put them on in a late-night Saturday night slot. That slot didn’t compete with any WWE programming, so wrestling fans were more then free to watch all the Jarrett they could handle.
The fact that TNA is still around and kicking is a bit surprising. Few thought that a company that aired exclusively on PPV would last a week, let alone extend their survival long enough to wind up on cable. TNA attempted to position itself as the antithesis of the WWE, which was the smartest move a company could make. Sure, they lured you in with the promise of seeing some of your favorite ex-WCW and ex-WWE guys like Scott Hall and Ken Shamrock, but they hooked you with unique wrestling that you weren’t getting from Titan Tower.
TNA in 2007 is by almost all accounts a failure. That’s a bold statement, I know, and there is ample evidence to support the opposition, but again I come at these problems using logic and reasoning. TNA’s buyrates are downright embarrassing and the company has yet to turn a profit. If TNA wanted to do a PPV that fetched 15,000 buy, they wouldn’t need guys like Steiner, Sting and Angle. They could probably grab 15,000 people based on the names Samoa Joe, AJ Styles and Abyss. TNA is paying a fortune to have “big names†around, yet those big names have translated into nothing. And what’s worse is that TNA is traveling down that same path that WCW took. It amazes me that no one realizes that this is running off the rails here.
Let’s start with the problem at the top. The main event at TNA is muddled and blurry and confusing. The fans don’t know who to care about from week to week. If TNA was smart (and lets continue the belief that they are not), they would have established Samoa Joe as their top face. The guy is liked by the fans and can deliver in the ring. He’s got a unique look and does well on the stick. This should be the face of your company. But the problem here is that TNA doesn’t have faith in Samoa Joe. Part of me is conspiratorial and believes that its because Jarrett wants to come back as the top face. Part of me thinks that TNA genuinely doesn’t trust Joe to carry the company. What makes me think that? Well, as I said in my Roundtable, if TNA wanted Joe to hold the belt, they wouldn’t have done this Karen Angle bullshit storyline. Most of the Net saw the “swerve†coming last week, so TNA effectively telegraphed their main event finish. And just to cement it, they had Abyss go over for the #1 Contender slot.
Kurt Angle is not a comedy act anymore. The WWE learned the hard way about 6 years ago that comedy-heel Angle doesn’t draw money. Yeah he’s funny and yeah he is willing to debase himself, but at the end of the day that doesn’t do anyone any good. Christian is your chicken shit heel. That’s his niche. Angle should be the badass. He can be a badass heel. Look at his run against Lesnar. Book Angle as the cocky asshole and you’re okay. But this week after week of him crying and bitching didn’t serve any purpose. Sure, it set up the swerve, but they didn’t need it. They didn’t. Angle/Joe sells itself without the Sports Entertainment. If fans want SE, they would tune into the WWE. I said that this should have been booked more along the lines of Cena/Lashley. There were two guys nowhere near as good as Angle and Joe, yet they got a straight up man up storyline. A cocky Angle versus a determined Joe is a good storyline. Hell, rip off Cena/Hunter from last year. There was your Hollywood slick champion against the gritty underdog. Replicate that. Do that. Now the fans have the images of Angle crying and moaning and that doesn’t exactly make him a tough guy. The WWE worked so hard to erase the “You can dance and you can prance but when it comes to relations keep it in your pants†Angle and replace him with the guy that could snap your ankle off if he wanted to. Kurt Angle is a legit badass and he can do cocky heel better then anyone, so why not let him and Joe do a straight-up storyline? Oh yeah
Jeff Jarrett is worse then Triple H. The fans hate the very sight of Jarrett. Jarrett’s not as good in the ring as Triple H. He’s not as good on the stick. He’s not even as established a superstar as Triple H. To a lot of fans, Jeff Jarrett is the guy that couldn’t get past midcard in the WWE and wound up holding the ball in WCW when the bottom fell out. I wish that Jeff would stay behind the scenes. The fans aren’t clamoring for him. Hell, there isn’t even room for Jarrett on the roster. TNA is gonna have to bump yet another guy to make room for Double J. So here’s another example of TNA burying in-house talent to put over someone older who doesn’t draw. Kurt Angle occupies the #1 heel slot that Jarrett held. Joe should be the guy occupying the #1 face slot that Jarrett’s gonna wind up taking. For months Kurt Angle has been built as the evil heel at the top, and whoever unseats him is going to be a hero in the fans eyes. Unfortunately, that guy riding in on a white horse is going to be holding a guitar. In a company where even Sting is being used in the midcard, maybe its time Jeff realizes that his main event days are over. Speaking of Sting
Sting is the biggest drain on TNA’s resources. Sting is making a fortune. He’s a name, yes, but he isn’t a big enough name to bring in the fans. I said in the Roundtable that Sting should have been the winner of the Chamber of Horrors 2007 match. Instead they went with Abyss, which I think was a mistake. I think that TNA should have used Sting to be Angle’s next big feud. I say this because Sting/Angle would draw enough attention from nostalgia fans and it would leave room for Joe-ference. Sting and Angle are marquise names that can usher in the 2-hour era of TNA. Plus, you can job Sting out to Angle to feed the monster that should rightfully be slaughtered by Joe. Unfortunately, Joe’s been screwed over so many times that it’s beyond anti-climactic. Now, with Abyss fighting Angle, Sting’s gonna do another midcard feud despite not making midcard money. Who would benefit from a Sting feud now? Did Vampiro get a huge bump because of his Sting feud? TNA needs to realize that a guy like this is a drain on their bank account. Plus, if Sting were to pop up in WWE and do one more nostalgia run there, he could secure a place in the Hall of Fame, sign a Legends contract and leave in the spotlight. But TNA isn’t using Sting in the main event, they’re going with
Kane I mean Abyss. Yeah, he’s big-ish. Yeah he takes some cool bumps. Problem is, Abyss is Kane. Abyss has been jobbed out so many times that he’s kind of a non-entity. Yet, like Kane, TNA thinks that they can keep bringing Abyss up to the main event to be a placeholder. Abyss/Angle doesn’t make me want to buy a PPV. It doesn’t even make me want to tune in to Impact. Now TNA is going to spend a few weeks making this guy look credible again, which means guys like Christian and James Storm better get ready to do the JOB, which is one letter off from
Samoa Joe is f*cked. There is no other way to put it. He’s got the Lex Luger thing around his neck. He had fan support and then they dropped the ball. Three times! Even WWE isn’t that stupid with CM Punk. TNA should have let Angle and Joe do a straight-up storyline and end it with Joe holding all the gold. Now he’s their Chris Jericho (though Jericho at least got to be Undisputed Champion) because he’s gotten near the top but the powers that be still won’t push him that extra inch. What the hell does TNA have to lose? Why not establish ONE homegrown superstar? He better be making a lot of money, that’s all I know. With Abyss taking the slot at this PPV and probably Jarrett at the next, Joe’s going to just sort of flounder. What else is there? Christian Coalition? Robert Roode? Shark Boy? This is pathetic.
TNA’s midcard is screwed. Like I’ve continued to say, TNA needs a midlevel belt. Now more than ever, TNA needs something for all these big guys to do. You’ve got Test, Tomko, Roode, Storm, Goldust, Hoyt, Harris, Rhino, Young, Raven and K-Kwik and none of these guys have shit to do. What are they fighting for? Fuck, even ECW had a TV Title. Give them something to fight for. The X-Division title is fine for the X-Division guys, but no one wants to see Test versus Alex Shelley for the gold. These guys are another drain on the purse strings, and while they make great cannon fodder for the people at the top, the fans need to remember that these folks do win every now and again.
The X-Division cannot go. TNA needs the X-Division to carry the dead weight of this show like WCW needed its cruiserweights. You can’t expect us to choke down Abyss versus Bubba Dudley and not give us Daniels/Lethal. TNA, you’re going to have 2 hours to kill. Give these guys 20 minutes a show. Hell, give them a whole half hour. Call it the X-Hour, I don’t give a shit. Let them do what they do. People like high-flying, and they sure as hell aren’t getting it from Scott Steiner. Speaking of that useless pile of shit
Do SOMETHING with the tag division. The tag division has a lot of fossils who are at the top. You’ve got the Steiners, the Dudleys, the Outlaws, the Bashams, LAX, Triple X, MCMG, Dutt/Lethal and Serotonin. That’s a huge tag division. So why does it feel so stale? Oh yeah, because some of these guys were wrestling for almost 20 years! Look, TNA, I sympathize with you. It’s hard to cut a guy like Scott Steiner. He seems like he’s a big name. I get it. Unfortunately, he isn’t. Sorry. Neither are the Dudleys. Vince cut them for a reason. If he thought there was any money in them, he’d have renewed their contracts. But he didn’t. Same for the NAO. Same for the Bashams. The fans realize this, and they’re not buying your crap anymore.
So fans, I urge you to hate on TNA. Don’t take up arms or anything, just don’t buy into their crap anymore. They aren’t giving the fans what they want with the talent they have. Instead, they are giving us stupid storylines and pathetic wrestling. We want a viable alternative to the WWE, not WCW.
This has been for your consideration.
