The SmackDown Report

Reviews, Shows, TV Shows

Sorry for the lateness of the coverage, guys. I thought I’d already posted it, but turns out I was wrong. All these assignments are screwing with my mind.

Apparently we’re only nine nights away from SummerSlam – that’s gone quickly, hasn’t it? Tonight we’ve got a WrestleMania Rematch in Kane vs. The Great Khali! Batista will speak! But Montel Vontavious Porter is in the ring with a new talk show, the V.I.P Lounge. How many god damned talk shows do we need nowadays? Porter announces Evander Holyfield and Matt Hardy at Saturday Night’s Main Event before introducing Hardy as his guest for the evening.

Hardy runs down the last few times that he beat Porter. Porter accuses Hardy of lying to the fans, so Hardy says that the only heart condition that Porter has is a lack thereof. Porter introduces Hardy to his next opponent; Chris Masters. It’s a Masterlock Challenge. Hardy punches Masters before the lock is applied. The Masterlock gets locked in, and Hardy looks like he might break it but Porter kicks him in the gut and Masters lets go of Hardy. Playmaker on Hardy, and Porter celebrates with the belt.

Recap of Stephanie McMahon announcing that her half sibling is on the roster. Vince McMahon and Jonathon Coachman are backstage, surprisingly at SmackDown. Coach says that Big Daddy V could end up being Vince’s son – odd thought. McMahon says he’s worried about who it could be.

Commercials.

Jesse and Festus on Mr. McMahon Jesse wishes that he was Vince’s illegitimate child, but can’t help but notice the striking resemblance between Festus and McMahon. A long stream of droll from Festus is his reply. I’m curious to see how the Festus character will work in the ring.

Opening Contest: Deuce and Domino w/Cherry vs. The Major Brothers
Domino and Brian start. Brian with a few arm drags; Brian continues the arm before Brett gets tagged in. Brian then gets tagged back in and covers Domino for a two count. Brett back in and Domino gets hit with a double flapjack for a two count. Deuce gets tagged in with a knee drop to Brett; Deuce with a Snapmare and stomp to the head for a brief pin. Brett gets a sunset flip for a two count. Domino back in with a neck breaker for a two count. Deuce with a fist drop for a two count. Brett gets a back drop on Deuce and Brian gets the tag; Brian with offence to Deuce and Domino. Spinebuster on Deuce gets Brian a two count. Brian misses the cross body and gets hit with the Crack ‘Em In the Mouth for the three count.
Winner: Deuce and Domino

Basic stuff here. One out of Ten.

The SmackDown GM trio are with McMahon and Coach; Khali and Singh storm in, arguing about the upcoming match with Kane. Khali shakes McMahon’s hand, and Coach brings up the time in India – McMahon’s reaction is class.

Commercials.

Recap of Finlay / Noble / Kane shenanigans from last week

Second Contest: Finlay vs. Jamie Noble
Finlay forces Noble into the corner and gets counted off by the referee. Finlay with an attack to the throat of Noble, but Finlay runs into a high boot by Noble. Noble sends Finlay outside and gets an elbow off the apron, but Finlay sends Noble into the steel steps knee first. Back in the ring, Finlay drops his weight on the knee of Noble before scoop slamming Noble – his knee hitting the ropes – and Finlay repeats the slam. Finlay with a single legged Boston Crab but Noble gets to the ropes. Finlay drops his weight on Noble’s knee again before applying the Celtic Knot – but Kane’s pyros hit! Finlay goes to attack Finlay with the shillelagh, but Kane gets the first shot in! Kane goes for the Chokeslam, but Noble attacks Finlay – Kane throws Noble away and readies Finlay for the Chokeslam, but Hornswoggle sends Noble into his weakened ribs, only for Kane to Chokeslam Noble!
Winner: Finlay

If only this wasn’t a squash. One out of Ten. That’s for the fun ending, since the match really went too quickly and was practically all Finlay.

Still to come: Batista, as well as Khali vs. Kane

Commercials.

Third Contest: Chavo Guerrero vs. Shannon Moore
Guerrero takes it right to Moore to start the match. Moore gets some offence, including a dropkick and head scissors to Guerrero, which sends Guerrero outside. Moore misses a baseball slide and Guerrero sends Moore knee first into the steel post. Back in the ring, Guerrero kicks Moore down using the knee, before hooking the knee on the bottom rope. Guerrero continues going after the knee of Moore; Moore gets in an ensiguri and spinning heel kick. Moore goes up top and hit’s a corkscrew for a two count. Guerrero tries for the Gory Bomb but Moore turns it into a pinfall for a two count. Brainbuster gets Guerrero the three count.
Winner: Chavo Guerrero

Enjoyable but brief. Post match, Guerrero puts a Mysterio mask on Moore and hits Moore’s knee with a Frog Splash. Two out of Ten.

Still to come: Michelle McCool vs. Victoria, but next is Batista

Commercials.

Batista says he’s had a week to think about what happened to Ric Flair, and that Batista has never been humiliated the way that he was when Khali laid him out to end SmackDown last week. Batista goes to promise something, but Khali appears on the screen and Singh says that Batista will suffer the same fate that he did last week. Khali deflates a basketball using the claw – Batista says that Khali won’t be in the ring against a Basketball.

McMahon says that he has a feeling that Khali will retain the championship – Coach asks if he could be bias because Khali could be his son. Coach says that Batista could even be his offspring. Coach says that anyone could be his son; cue ugly fat guy dancing.

Still to come: Khali vs. Kane

Commercials.

Fourth Contest: Mark Henry vs. Cannon Fodder Jobber
Here we go again. World’s Strongest Slam looks to end it, but Henry applies the bear hug instead for the submission.
Winner: Mark Henry

-Five out of Ten. Henry says he wasn’t intimidated by the druid figure from last week on SmackDown, so Henry shows the video of him destroying the Undertaker again. Video turns into another Undertaker return clip, this one showing a group of druids in Death Valley. Post video, the gong is heard and the lights black out, with two druids in the entrance way. When the lights return, there’s no one there, but there is a pile of spooky sand The way they’re hyping the Undertaker’s return, it’s almost too Scooby Doo isn’t it?

Commercials.

Kristal Marshall asks Michelle McCool and Torrie Wilson to be her bridesmaids; Victoria gets mistaken and thinks that she’ll be one too. Victoria slaps Mc, so Mc slaps Dykstra! Long tells Dykstra to take Victoria to the ring.

McMahon runs into Jimmy Wang Yang and Funaki – Funaki says that his mother loves McMahon long time. Kane comes up from behind McMahon and Coach, and Kane calls Vince Dad.

Michelle McCool makes her entrance

Commercials..

Fifth Contest: Michelle McCool vs. Victoria w/ Kenny Dykstra
The two exchange shoves to start; Victoria kicks Mc but Mc sends Victoria out of the ring and hits her with a baseball slide. Mc with a clothesline. Victoria escapes the suplex attempt and slams Mc face first on the canvas. Nice hip toss by Victoria. Victoria with a hair toss. Victoria works the arm of Mc, but Mc gets a very nice arm drag. Mc with a dropkick for a two count. Mc with an uppercut followed by an elbow. Mc takes Victoria down with a clothesline and follows with a chick kick. Mc with a clothesline off the second rope for the three count!
Winner: Michelle McCool

Not the good match I was hoping for, but the two work well together. Two out of Ten. SmackDown Diva Standards. If McCool doesn’t go over to RAW come next draft or at least get promoted to being the SmackDown top blonde, then there’s something wrong.

Commercials.

Coach hopes he has an answer by tomorrow night. Howard Finkel runs up and McMahon pushes him away. I miss Finkel.

Great Khali makes his entrance.

Commercials.

Main Event: The Great Khali vs. Kane
Kane with punches to Khali right away but Khali shoves him down. Kane back up with punches, but Khali goes right after the ribs. Kane tries to irish whip Khali but can’t, so Khali tosses Kane over the top rope. Kane with a throat shot to Khali; Kane climbs up top and comes off with a flying clothesline, but it misses! Kane tries to scoop slam Khali but Khali attacks the ribs. Khali with a scoop slam. Kane comes off the ropes into a big boot by Khali. Khali with a forearm shot to the back of Kane’s ribs before he claws away at the tapped ribs. Kane makes a comeback by elbowing Khali off of him; Kane slams Khali’s head against the top turnbuckle and connects with a pair of running clotheslines! Kane tries for the Chokeslam, but Khali gets the claw! Kane tries again for the Chokeslam but Khali wins with the claw; Khali gets Kane on the canvas with the claw for the three count.
Winner: The Great Khali

Another interesting Khali match; I suppose that’s all that can be said about his matches, really. Two out of Ten. Finlay attacks Kane post match, but Batista makes the save! Batista takes it to Khali, spears to Finlay and Batista tries for the Batista Bomb on Finlay but Khali locks Batista in the claw! Khali puts Batista down with the claw again, and SmackDown comes to an end.

The Inside Pulse
Deuce and Domino defeats The Major Brothers (Deuce pins Brian): 1/10
Finlay defeats Jamie Noble via DQ: 1/10
Chavo Guerrero defeats Shannon Moore: 2/10
Mark Henry Squash: -5/10
Michelle McCool defeats Victoria: 2/10
The Great Khali defeats Kane: 2/10
SmackDown 12/08/07: 3/60

Almost the same show as last week, really. Khali and Henry take someone out, Victoria takes on a blonde, Finlay and Noble get into an alteration which ends in Kane destroying someone, Guerrero defeats someone in the SummerSlam build up Only differences are the opening tag match and the segments. The McMahon segments should get a chuckle, at least. The Batista promo was a bit too over done, even by sports entertainment standards. Acceptable show. Until next time, have a good week.