The SmackDown Report

Reviews, Shows, TV Shows

Did I ever mention how unhappy I am that SmackDown follows Cheaters? Well, I am. It means I have to stick through about five minutes worth of that crap before I can watch this crap. But this is enjoyable crap; that Joey Greco guy just pisses me off to no end.

Recap of Khali vs. Kane opens us up. SmackDown opening video follows and we’ve got Finlay vs. Batista tonight! McMahon’s music starts us off, and he’s joined by Jonathon Coachman who notes that Vince McMahon is white, amongst other things. Kane’s music interrupts Coach. Coach says that Kane has McMahon’s eye – remember when Jonathon Coachman was so unbelievably annoying? Kane calls McMahon a bad father for not being there for his little league games, his first fire, killing his first Squirrel, and that he has a lot to make up for. Kane says that he doesn’t want Vince’s money or gifts, just Finlay. Vince puts the two in a match at SummerSlam before Master’s music hits. Masters clams to have proof that he is Vince’s son, but it’s just a picture of Masters when he was young – one teased Masterlock challenge later and Kane has hit Masters with a Chokeslam. Chuck Palumbo comes out for some reason, so Vince books Palumbo vs. Masters okay?

Opening Contest: Chris Masters vs. Chuck Palumbo
Palumbo dominates to start. Big short arm clothesline by Palumbo is followed by a back drop. Masters drops Palumbo throat first on the top rope before hitting Palumbo with a scoop slam. Masters goes for the Masterlock but Palumbo escapes and no sells the elbow and hits Masters with a few rights. Overhead belly to belly by Palumbo , big boot follows. Palumbo with the Full Throttle for the three count.
Winner: Chuck Palumbo

Palumbo didn’t look too bad out there, but this was just a minimally impressive squash. One out of Ten.

Still to come: Diva’s Bikini Contest. Ah, this is the price I pay for watching SmackDown. This sort of tomfoolery was acceptable when Kendrick and London were here, but now it’s just cruel.


Second Contest: Chavo Guerrero vs. Funaki
Guerrero takes it to Funaki right away. Few uppercuts, few scoop slams. Funaki gets a head scissors and face buster on Guerrero. Funaki with a shining wizard. Funaki goes up top but Guerrero drops him. Guerrero sends Funaki’s leg into the steel post a few times .. And gets disqualified? First time I’ve ever seen that happen.
Winner: Funaki

Guerrero continues the assault by putting the mask on Funaki and sandwiching his knee between the steel steps and a steel chair. One out of Ten.

Still to come: Batista vs. Finlay


Third Contest: Number One Contender for Cruiser Weight Championship: Jamie Noble vs. Jimmy Wang Yang
Some quick stuff starts us off; Yang getting a two count off of a standing moonsault. Noble gets a body scissors on Yang, but Yang escapes and flips Noble face first into the top rope. Yang with clotheslines. Yang runs into a high knee by Noble, who goes up top. Yang stops Noble and gets a hurricanrana off the top rope for a two count. Noble ducks a heel kick, and Yang misses a moonsault! Noble with the double knee gut buster for the three count!
Winner and Number One Contender: Jamie Noble

Two out of Ten. Noble goes under the ring, looking for Hornswoggle, but cannot find him. Hornswoggle appears behind Noble, but disappears before Noble sees him.

Video for the Boxing Match from Saturday Night’s Main Event; tonight, they’re in a Basketball Challenge.

MVP walks into Long’s office. Porter claims to be the reason that people watch SmackDown, and says he’s better than anyone on SmackDown. Porter says he’s better than everyone, and Long asks if he could win the Tag Team Championship by himself. Porter suggests that the next person who walks into his office, he could win the Tag Team Championship with so Matt Hardy walks on in. Long books Hardy and Porter against Deuce and Domino for the Tag Team Championships next week on SmackDown! Neither is too pleased about it, which is understandable. After all, why would Porter want to team with a multi-time tag team champion. And why would Hardy want to team with the United States Champion? Idiots.


Palumbo’s cleaning his Motorbike backstage, so McMahon begins talking to him about his bike. Palumbo says that his dad was hit by an Eighteen Wheeler, which was driven by his Mum McMahon and Coach walk away.

Fourth Contest: Deuce and Domino w/ Cherry vs. Shannon Moore and Eugene
Random teaming, huh? Eugene hugs Charles Robinson to start; aw. Deuce with a clothesline to Eugene, but Eugene with a few shots before tagging in Moore. Deuce runs into a dropkick by Moore, which gets Moore a two count. Moore goes up top but Deuce flips him back onto the canvas for a one count. Domino in with a backbreaker and scoop slam, before tagging back out. Eugene is tagged back in. Eugene with punches to Deuce, big boot and leg drop for the two count. Moore with a spinning heel kick on Domino; Eugene flips Moore outside to Eugene. Eugene turns into a kick by Deuce for the three count.
Winners: Deuce and Domino

Went as quick as possible, but was fun. One out of Ten. Moore and Eugene could be an interesting tag team experiment actually; they don’t have a similar look, they don’t have a similar style, but they still seemed to mesh together.


Basketball Challenge Yeah, I don’t care. Long story short is that Deuce and Domino attack Porter and Hardy, and I think it happens before things could be settled. This could become quite the enjoyable situation; I’m hoping that they work well together for a while before resuming to feud.


Fifth Contest: Mark Henry vs. Cannon Fodder Jobber
You know the drill.
Winner: Mark Henry

Henry gets on the microphone afterwards, but the lights black out and the bells gong. A video package plays (you’ve just got to love WWE production values), and Henry is scared in the middle of the ring.


Diva’s Bikini Contest. For some reason, they all come out together, but thankfully Victoria tries to separate herself from the others. There’s a special participant, introduced after all the girls have stripped Mae Young. Always nice to see that Mae’s still alive, that’s one way of looking at it. Mae Young wins it and tries to show her female breasts afterwards. Always was a classy one too.

Still to come: Batista vs. Finlay


Batista makes his entrance.


Recap of Khali vs. Kane

Main Event: Batista vs. Finlay
Batista goes technical briefly to open the match. Batista gets a one count off of an elbow. Batista hooks Finlay’s arm using the rope. Finlay with a clothesline to Batista, sending Batista outside. Finlay jumps on Batista but Batista catches him and sends him spine first into the ring apron. Batista gets pushed into the steel post by Finlay, before Finlay spears Batista into the steel post afterwards. Khali makes his way on out.


We’re back and Finlay has a sleeper hold on Batista. Batista fights back but Finlay gets a drop toe hold. Finlay with a dropkick for a two count. Finlay resumes the sleeper hold over Batista. Batista with a Snapmare. Batista pushes Finlay outside and looks to send Finlay through the announcer’s table, threatening Khali with a chair. Finlay is back in the ring and hits Batista with a neck breaker for a two count. Batista with a running clothesline in the corner, but Finlay comes off the ropes only to get hit with a spinning sidewalk slam. Batista goes for the Batista Bomb but Khali is on the apron, and Batista attacks him.
Winner: Batista

Khali gets a chop over Batista and tries for the claw but Batista blocks it and hit’s a low blow and a spear! Batista punches away on Khali but Finlay fights him off briefly, before Batista resumes going back after Khali. Referees run out to separate the pair and SmackDown fades to end, with Khali bleeding. Not the good match that I was hoping for. Two out of Ten.

The Inside Pulse
Chuck Palumbo defeats Chris Masters via pinfall: 1/10
Funaki defeats Chavo Guerrero via DQ: 1/10
Jamie Noble defeats Jimmy Wang Yang via pinfall: 2/10
Deuce and Domino defeats Eugene and Shannon Moore (Deuce pins Eugene): 1/10
Mark Henry squash: -5/10
Batista defeats Finlay via DQ: 2/10
SmackDown 24/08/07: 2/60

Bland episode all around this week. A few of these matches could have ended up quite good given five minutes more, but that’s just bad luck I suppose. Not much of a strong sell for SummerSlam here either. This is the sort of episode I’d expect to have seen back in the days of brand specific pay per view events. You won’t miss anything important if you decide to skip this show, so go out or do something different instead. Have a good week!