Pulse Wrestling’s WWE SummerSlam Report

PPVs, Reviews

InsidePULSE’s WWE SummerSlam Report
Report EXCLUSIVELY for Pulse Wrestling by: PK

Before we start, word from East Ruthaford is that Cade & Murdoch defeated London & Kendrick in the dark match.

We open up the show with the ‘We can re-build him’ video.

Kane vs. Finlay
Kane dominates the beginning of the match. They fall to the floor, and Kane gives Finlay a big boot on the floor. They roll back in the ring, and Kane tries to go up to the top, but Finlay slugs Kane in his still-taped up gut. Finlay with a cannonball drop on Kane’s gut. Hornswoggle comes in the ring, but Kane quickly chases him away. Kane boots Finlay in the face, and the tosses Hornswoggle in the ring. He goes to choke slam Hornswoggle, but Finlay charges, and Kane drops Hornswoggle, and goes to choke slam Finlay, but he can’t due to his ribs. Finlay starts to untie the turnbuckle pad, but the ref stops him. The ref starts to put the pad back on, so Finlay grabs his shillelagh. Kane knocks it out of his hand, and the ref takes it, and while his back is turned, Hornswoggle give Finlay another shillelagh, and Finlay hits Kane in the gut. This kind of snaps Kane, who finally gets a choke slam up for the pin.
Winner – Kane

Coach, Regal, Long, and Armando are in ‘Party Central.’ McMahon walks in, and tells Armando to try and find the baby’s momma. Santino comes in, and calls McMahon his pappa. Regal kicks him out. MVP comes in, and says that Long dropped the ball, and doesn’t have a MVP match. He wants to issue an open challenge for Matt Hardy in a non-wrestling match competition. McMahon approves.

Umaga (c) vs. Mr. Kennedy vs. Carlito – Intercontinental Title
Carlito has a mouthful of apple, but Umaga hits both Kennedy & Carlito. Umaga dominates right off the bat. Kennedy & Carlito regroup outside the ring, and double-team. Carlito knocks Umaga to the floor, and Kennedy kicks his shoulder against the ringsteps (like he did to Lashley). Kennedy rolls back in, and Carlito rolls him up for two. Kennedy tries to kick Umaga while he gets on the apron, but Umaga pulls Kennedy to the floor. Umaga tosses Carlito into the turnbuckle, but Kennedy pulls Carlito out of the way when Umaga charges, and Umaga’s head hits the top of the ringpost. Kennedy gets an announce table monitor, and knocks Umaga in the head. Kennedy then picks up Carlito and his the rolling slam. Umaga picks up Kennedy from the pin, and nails the Samoan Spike!
Winner – Umaga

Come back video for Mysterio.

Chavo Guerrero vs. Rey Mysterio
Mysterio hops out, and he is covered in silver body paint. It looks awful. Mysterio has some quick fire offense to start, but Chavo eventually catches up to him, and works over his knee. Mysterio tosses Chavo into the ropes, and tries to 619 Chavo, but Chavo ducks, and Mysterio seems to have twisted his knee a bit, and Chavo nails the Gory Bomb, but only gets a 2 count. Mysterio finally gets Chavo in the ropes, nails the 619, and then hits a springboard splash for the pin.
Winner – Mysterio

Todd with King & Queen. Booker says that if HHH were to win, it would be a tragedy of Shakespearean proportions.

Candice Michelle comes out to sit at ringside for the next match.

Maria vs. Beth Phoenix vs. Melina vs. Mickie James vs. Jillian Hall vs. Torrie Wilson vs. Kristal vs. Michelle McCool vs. Victoria vs. Kelly Kelly vs. Brooke vs. Layla – Diva Battle Royal – #1 Contender for the Woman’s Title
Ya…nothing of note here. Final 2 were Beth & McCool…guess who won.
Winner – Beth Phoenix

After the match, MVP comes out with a giant cooler. MVP calls out Matt Hardy for a beer drinking contest. Matt comes out and says that since MVP got a replacement for the boxing match, Evander Holyfield, that Matt got a substitute for tonight’s competition, and out comes Stone Cold! Austin warms up a bit, and then both Stone Cold & MVP have 2 cans of beer. They give cheers, and MVP gets a Stunner.

Back at Party Central, Cryme Tyme comes in and says that one of them can be McMahon’s kid, because they like the ‘Money..Money..Ya, Ya.’ Coach & Long join in, and JTG puts his hat crooked on Regal..who then joins in too! Regal starts to break down dancing, and the rest stop. Regal turns around and Faarooq is there, who then says ‘DAMN.’

John Morrison (c) vs. CM Punk – ECW Title
This is a pretty boring, back and forth match-up. Punk has Morrison in the corner, but Morrison slams out of it, and folds up Punk, pinning him with his legs on the ropes.
Winner – Morrison

They show Batista & Khali warming up backstage.

King Booker (w/ Queen Sharmell) vs. Triple H
Booker with a cheap shot to the gut. HHH quickly regains control, and tosses Booker to the floor. HHH pounds Booker all around the ring. Back in the ring, HHH hits the ropes, but Sharmell pulls his legs. HHH still on his feet though, decks Booker. HHH has Booker in a abdominal lock near the ropes, but while the ref was helping Booker, Sharmell racks HHH’s eyes. Booker hits the Book End, and then a sidewalk slam in the corner. Booker goes for the Houston (Harlem) Hangover, but misses. HHH then kicks Booker in the gut for the Pedigree, but Booker twists out, and goes for a roundhouse kick, but HHH ducks it, then kick to the gut, Pedigree, pin.
Winner – HHH

Recap of Batista/Khali.

The Great Khali (w/ Translator) (c) vs. Batista – World Heavyweight Title
Batista fires up quickly, but Khali chops him, and tries to pin him with only his foot. Khali then with a nerve pinch holds down Batista. Batista fights out, tries for a Demon Bomb, but Khali shoves out of it, and then hits Batista with the Choke Bomb and gets a 2 count. Batista then back up, hits a spinebuster, but Khali rolls out of the ring, Khali gets a chair, and then hits Batista with it for no good reason.
Winner via DQ – Batista

Khali tries to hits Batista with the chair again, but Batista ducks it and spears Khali. He then slaps the hell out of Khali with the chair.

Back at Party Central, Mae Young wants to come in and have relations with McMahon to have his bastard child. Young then jumps on McMahon and tries to rape him. After they finally get Young out of there, McMahon admits that he kind of liked it.

Recap of Orton/Cena.

John Cena (c) vs. Randy Orton – WWE Championship
They tie-up to start. Eventually, Orton gets Cena down in the corner, and pounds away on Cena. Cena fights back, and sends Orton off the ropes, puts his head down for a back body, but Orton stops and kicks Cena in the face. Orton locks on a choke, and wrenches back on Cena’s head. Cena finally flips Orton over, but Orton keeps control by ducking a charging Cena in the corner, and Orton locks the choke hold back on. They keep this slow paced, and on the mat. Cena gets out of the choke, and hits a series of rights and lefts, then the pick up powerbomb. Cena hits the Five Knuckle Shuffle, and picks Orton for the FU, but Orton slides out, goes for the RKO, but Cena shoves out of it, and charges Orton, who pulls down the ropes, sending Cena to the floor. Orton gets Cena on the apron, and then props his feet on the ropes, and hits a DDT in the ring. Cena racks Ortons eyes, and hits a twisting neckbreaker (which looked like it was supposed to be a Throwback). Cena goes up to the top turnbuckle, Orton follows, but Cena shoves him off, and Cena hits the top rope famasser. Cena goes for another FU, but Orton grabs the ropes, and slides to the apron, then hangs Cena’s neck over the top rope. Orton goes to punt Cena’s head, but Cena dodges it, hits a drop toe hold, and drops Orton, locking in the STFU. Orton takes some time, but finally gets to the ropes. Cena rolls off of him, and then charges toward Orton, but Orton drills the RKO. Orton is slow to get to Cena, as it looks like he twisted his knee, and only gets a 2 count. Orton starts to stalk Cena, and then he finally picks him up, but Cena was playing possum, dead lifts Orton up, and drops him in the FU for the pin.
Winner – John Cena

Show Over.

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