TNAnalysis – September 6, 2007

They show a recap of last week’s activities, including something that…didn’t actually happen last week, involving Robert Roode and Kaz. Was that the week before?

Earlier today, we awaited the arrival of Team Pacman, where some random blonde chick interviews them about any fear of repercussions they have about last week’s activities. They’re all like, “Repercussions? What repercussions,” and say that there’s one “big dog” who hasn’t gotten an autograph yet, and then they’re off.

Match 1:
Kaz vs. Tomko

Umm…do they have any reason to be wrestling each other? Huh? No? But it DOES give them a chance to review Team Pacman spraypainting Sting, which is what’s really important right now.

Kaz goes for a few quick kicks, but Tomko dodges, and the big man lands a chop, only to get a few kicks and elbows in return. Kaz elbows him in the corner, and then works the arm by stretching it around the rope, then kicking the rope. Okay…Kaz works on the arm, and down comes Robert Roode and Ms. Brooks, so that we know not to get too into the match before the inevitable screwjob. Kaz is, naturally, distracted, and Tomko uses the opportuniy to power himself off the ground, and clothesline the crap out of Kaz. Tomko beats him up in the corner, pushing him down, and tries to do one of those yanks where the guy is pulled out and lands on his back, only Kaz lands on his feet. Neat. A bit of back and forth between the two, but Tomko hits a powerslam for two. Some reversals end up with Kaz whipped into the corner, and clotheslined by Tomko. Another whip into the corner by Tomko, and Kaz kicks him, and gets to the outside, stepping down off the apron just long enough to dodge a Roode clothesline, and Roode hits his hand on the corner post. Ow. Kaz back in the ring to screw with Tomko a bit more, and as Kaz gets whipped to the ropes, he baseball slides Roode on the outside. Kaz gets back in the ring, and nails Tomko with a tornado DDT, which gets two. Kaz backflips over Tomko, who comes back with a kick to the mush. Tree slam by Tomko, and that’s the end of it.

Hey, look, no real screwjob! Which means…Kaz lost cleanly…to Tomko…when he has a PPV match this Sunday…damn.
Winner: Tomko, pinfall via Tree Slam

Post-match, Ms. Brooks comes into the ring to see how Kaz is doing, and Roode just runs in to kick him while he’s down. Kaz rolls to the outside, and Roode starts yelling at Ms. Brooks, saying, “I own you!” He’s reaching such levels of irritation and douchery that even Tomko, no prince in his own right, gets in Roode’s face and pushes him down, then leaves. In a subtle little bit of acting, Ms. Brooks gets a look on her face as if to say, “Oooh…I have a little bit of power.” Small, but nice.

Interview in the back with Sting and Kurt Angle, where Sting basically tells Kurt that he doesn’t like him or his wife, and that he knows Kurt doesn’t like him. Kurt seems rather surprised by that statement, as if to say, “I never said I didn’t like you…” Sting says that the victory last week guarantees him a shot for revenge against Team Pacman, and that before he wonders if Kurt has his back, Kurt should wonder if Sting has HIS back. It’s all about the back-having, which sounds a bit like something you’d hear in prison, but we can see past that. Oh, and the wife stays in the back tonight. Karen is none too happy about that, but Kurt just says, “He’s my partner. You stay in the back.”

(Commercials)

Oooooh Black Reign promo, and I don’t caaaaare!

Random blonde chick interviews Chris Harris, who points out that Harris used to consider Dustin Rhodes his friend. He says that he did NOT face Dustin at Hard Justice, but some crazy sick freaky dude by the name of Black Reign. So now, Harris says that Dustin will see how freaky HE can be. They gonna screw? Cause that might be worth my Pay-Per-View dollars. If we get “Black Harris,” I’m officially boycotting. Unless he’s in blackface, because that might be so offensive that it would be hysterical.

More PPV rundown, and Borash pimps the hotline. THEN, it’s an interview with Jay Lethal, who cuts a promo that’s more or less unintelligible (just like the real Macho!), making bingo references and talking about how he’s going to win the X Division title. Abyss shows up on the other side of Borash, and screams, “Angle…your blood…my gold…rarrr!” Then he snorts and leaves. Machismo just goes, “Bingo! Oh, yeah” What?

Samoa Joe is walking to the ring to wrestle Raven (three guesses who’s gonna win that one), and Team Pacman almost crosses him, as Ron Killings wonders aloud, “Could he be the next victim?” Pacman puts his hand on his chin, because he’s THINKING, and says, “Maybe.” Now THAT’S acting. Take notes, Chris Jericho; follow this man, and see why your film and theatre career never went anywhere.

(Commercials)

Now we have James Storm at an AA meeting with a bottle of beer. He figures Rhino MUST be here, and he’s gonna kick his ass. They show the meeting, which makes these people…slightly less than anonymous. He brings a beer, and basically gets booted by the group leader. Unintentionally funny bit: Storm asks if they’ve seen Rhino, and they point out that their Alcoholics ANONYMOUS, meaning that even if they’d seen him, they can’t tell him…even though they’re all on camera right now. Wow.

Match 2:
Raven vs. Samoa Joe

Raven opens with a knee to the gut, and throws Joe out of the ring, but Joe quickly gets the upper hand and slams him into just about every corner of the safety rail, then charging with a running boot to the face (ROH fans would know it as the Ole’ Ole’ Kick). Raven is tossed back into the ring,and Joe whips him against the ropes and hits him with a running elbow. Then he whips him to the opposite end, and hits a jumping knee in the corner. Raven on the ground in the corner, and Joe rubs in the boot, the goes against the ropes to hit him with God knows what…but Raven holds the kendo stick up like a gun, and stops him in his tracks. They have a bit of a faceoff, circling each other, and as the ref tries to talk Raven into dropping the stick, AJ Styles runs out and whacks Joe in the back with a kendo stick of his own. He looks all smart and proud of himself as we go to…

(Commercials)

Joe has already recovered from the kendo stick, and he’s palm striking the hell out of Raven, knocking him down, and then hitting him with the running Senton. He tries to set Raven up for the muscle buster, but Raven pushes him off, and hits a leaping knee to the head of Joe off the turnbuckle. Joe wanders too closely over to Styles, who tries to hold him so that Raven can shove a sweaty rag into Joe’s face. However, Joe moves out of the way, so that Styles tastes it in his stead, and Joe locks the Coquina Clutch onto Raven for the win.
Winner: Samoa Joe, submission via Coquina Clutch

Post-match, Joe brings Styles in and beats on him, but Tomko runs down to interfere, followed by Christian Cage with a chair. They beat Joe down, and handcuff him to the second rope, hitting him with the chair and doing a fair job of bitch-making. They let up for a moment, and the Samoan fire dancers from Joe’s entrance run down to protect him. Tenay says, “The heritage of the Samoan people, so protective.” Wha? Can someone send me a link somewhere showing the proud protection heritage of Samoa? Anyway, they beat down the fire dancers too, giving one of them a Conchairto as Joe screams in anguish, kind of like the infamous “Darth Vader Noooo.”
Loser: Nameless Samoan Fire Dancer, by concussion

(Commercials)

Hey, it’s a Judas Mesias promo from James Mitchell! Haven’t seen one of those in months! Thing is, if it’s Ricky Banderas, he’s nowhere NEAR as big as Abyss. Seems like kind of a downgrade, unless he’s just really evil, like a gremlin or something.

We get a recap of what just happened before the commercial break, and then, according to the guys in the TV truck, Rhino’s on the phone! He says that if James Storm wants to find him, he’ll be in the ring at No Surrender this Sunday with an “I want to kill you look” on his face. So, I guess we have a rematch from last month, then.

Match 3:
“Black Machismo” Jay Lethal and Abyss vs. Sting and Kurt Angle

Sting and Lethal start, and they lock up, with Sting getting a quick headlock. Lethal whips him off, and Sting knocks him down with a shoulder block. Irish whip reversed by Lethal, and he gives Sting the hip toss/cartwheel/dropkick combo. He picks Sting up with an armbar, and tags in Abyss. It looks like we might get a mentor/student showdown, but Abyss wants Angle, and Sting has no problems obliging. Angle tries to German suplex Abyss, but he’s too big (although I guarantee you that he gets that move done to him at least three times this Sunday), and Abyss wrenches in a wristlock. Angle punches him a bit, but then ends up running into a gorilla press slam. Angle up and against the ropes again, but he just runs into an Abyss boot, and as Angle lays down on the ground, Karen Angle comes down to ringside.

(Commercials)

During the break, Angle, Sting and Karen argued a bunch, and Angle actually Karen backstage, screaming, “I hate you” to Sting all the way. Lethal is in the ring with Sting, but they cut out a bunch to show Karen being carried to the back, so by that by the time I’m looking up again, Lethal is eating a pump splash by Sting for two. Kurt Angle is tagged in, and he gives a European uppercut that almost knocks Lethal’s head off. Angle locks in a chinlock, but Lethal powers up and elbows out. He dodges an Angle elbow, and hits the tiltawhirl headscissors. However, Angle just knocks his block off with a German suplex. Tag into Sting, but he and Lethal knock each other down, and Sting tags Angle back in, and Lethal tags Abyss. Abyss cleans house, knocking down Sting and Angle, and hitting the latter with the Shock Treatment. Then, Lethal does an elbow drop OFF of Abyss’ shoulders onto Angle, but only gets two. Well, if that can’t do it, he has no chance of winning the title this Sunday. Abyss gets the double goozle on Angle and Sting, but actually lets Sting go. That’s rather nice of him. Angle gets chokeslammed and covered by Abyss, but Sting rescues him for two. Lethal is Irish whipped into the corner, and Sting charges but eats an elbow, and Lethal hurricanranas both of them out of the ring.

So now we have just Abyss and Angle in the ring, and Abyss seems to set up for a powerslam, but waits roughly forever to do it, and so of course Angle reverses and hits the Angle Slam, which gets two. It seems like we’re getting to endgame, and my feelings are confirmed: Angle goes against the ropes and ducks an Abyss clothesline, but gets caught the second time around with a Black Hole Slam, and that’s the end of that.
Winner: “Black Machismo” Jay Lethal and Abyss, pinfall via Black Hole Slam

After the match, Sting and Abyss are sort of hanging out together on the outside, and, lo and behold, James Mitchell is on the ramp, laughing like a giddy little schoolgirl! Abyss is obviously tempted by this, and drags his knuckles up the ramp after him. Meanwhile, Team Pacman runs into the ring, and while Sting is kept busy by Ron Killings, Jones spray paints “PAC” on Angle’s back before they’re chased out of the ring by the Stinger. We see them retreating up the ramp as the show ends about five minutes early.

Oh wait, we get a video recap and rundown of the Pay-Per-View.

Are you ready for two hours of this come October? Oh man, how excited am I? SO excited.

Anyone else interested in recapping TNA? I think a second hour may make my brain start trying to escape through my eyes.

The Inside Pulse

The show was fine, I suppose, but the booking is just too strange to make any sense in some cases, and too predictable to make me really worry about who’s going to win this Sunday.

If Team Pacman wins Sunday, I’ll eat a brick. Doesn’t mean they WON’T win, I just don’t want to live in a world where a “wrestler” can be champion despite not touching anyone. Unless they’ve found some way around Jones’ contract stipulation, he’s just going to end up betraying Killings, anyway.

So, we have some rematches, a potentially interesting bit with Kaz and Roode, and title matches where the champion will probably successfully defend all three titles. I won’t be able to catch the PPV this Sunday due to a prior commitment, so I’ll have the luck to “wait and see” with this one, as my hopes are nothing spectacular.

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