Welcome to week 25.
Let me begin by wishing everyone a happy Rosh Hashanah. May you be blessed with a sweet new year.
Well, there isn’t much I can say at this point. Really, I’m at a loss for words. You know, I tried to give the WWE the benefit of the doubt. I really, truly did. I hoped that the months and months of work that they were putting into this storyline was going to go somewhere. Call me naÃƒÂ¯ve. Call me shortsighted. Call me a f*cking moron. I don’t need to put a cutesy introduction on this thing or talk about what else is going on in the world, because frankly I’m just disgusted with the WWE.
For Your Consideration Shortsighted Thinking
Yep, it’s a bitter post-RAW column about how the WWE f*cked up and blew potentially a multi-million dollar storyline. I’m sure there’s going to be hundreds of them, and I generally try to stay away from the topic that everyone bitches about, but I can’t help it.
A few months back I wrote a column about how Vince’s limo explosion was what the fans asked for. The audience loves storylines. They do. They can’t get enough of cliffhanger endings and ridiculous soap opera-style drama. It’s one of the reasons anyone tuned into pro wrestling in the first place.
The limo explosion storyline at first seemed like a terrible stunt. The WWE played it up like Vince was a goner. There were candlelight vigils and memorial wreaths. There were actual articles written in legitimate business papers letting people know that Vince did not actually perish in the explosion. The thing got national headlines, which is pretty amazing for a STORYLINE.
Then the other shoe dropped (and we’re not even going there).
When the limo storyline was dropped, the WWE leak machine let out the rest of the story. It would have been revealed that Linda was the culprit, only to find out that she was framed and that it was a plot by Vince and Mister Kennedy. Yeah, it could have gotten a little stale and taken up way too much time, but at least it was a sign of forward thinking. This was going to be a major story arc, but circumstances cut it short.
Then, after realizing how much potential this story had, Vince and Creative revived it as the “Who is Mr. McMahon’s Son?Ã¢â‚¬Â mystery. Yeah, it’s a little corny, but so what? With the looming steroid controversy, Vince needed something that would eat up time and keep viewers locked in. SO, at the risk of doing anything new, the WWE decided to revive the limo angle, but retooled it as a new vehicle to get someone over.
Everyone already knew that Mister Kennedy was going to be Vince’s kid. Hell, he was the only choice that made sense. First off, they gave him the Kennedy name. Second, the Internet has been talking for months about how he’s the new anointed GUY for the company. And lastly, THE DAMN THING ALREADY LEAKED. The best part was that no one cared about the leak. In fact, people felt it was logical. Kennedy deserves to be in the main event. He’s got a good look, he’s good in the ring and he is good on the stick (he does do more then just say his name twice, for what it’s worth). Everything about it made sense. So what did this mean? Sit back and wait for it to happen.
Smart fans scoffed as we were subjected to multiple layers of the great “mysteryÃ¢â‚¬Â. “It’s a WWE superstar!Ã¢â‚¬Â “It’s a male!Ã¢â‚¬Â “It’s going to be revealed in Green Bay!Ã¢â‚¬Â “Things are looking up!Ã¢â‚¬Â Man, what a moment it would have been. You’ve got a rabid fan base in Wisconsin waiting for their hometown hero to be crowned the new McMahon. Then, as the clues begin to unravel, the lights go out with the exception of a single spotlight, and then from the ceiling drops the microphone. The place would erupt. Vince would embrace Mr. Kennedy as his own and the WWE would have a new unstoppable main event heel. It was an absolutely flawless plan.
Then we remembered that nothing can ever go right with the WWE. It’s Murphy’s Law. It’s a Voodoo curse (damn you Papa Shango!). For some reason, every time the WWE seems to be taking something in a logical direction it winds up being struck down by catastrophe.
I am in no way minimizing the tragic events that occurred in the WWE over the past two years. I am not arrogant enough to say that people suffering injuries or premature deaths is somehow secondary to the impact they have on storylines. What I am saying is that these events have seriously altered the trajectory of the WWE’s intended story arcs, and while they haven’t always been able to give the payoff they hoped (John Morrison as ECW Champion?), they’ve at least made a valiant effort to pay it off in the end (C.M. Punk as ECW Champion).
Then there was the steroid thing. I got blasted by some folks last week who disagreed with my stance on the whole steroids thing. Look, steroids are obviously (in one form or another) a part of pro wrestling. No one is walking around with the physique of Chris Masters because they used IsoPro. No one’s quad is tearing off like a fruit roll-up because they took a misstep. If you didn’t think that there was something going on in wrestling then you have your head in the sand. And enough with the fake outrage, okay? These guys were suspended as a dog-and-pony show. The WWE used to do internal suspensions and would keep the guy on TV so that they wouldn’t screw the company over. Now, when you take out a hell of a lot of workers, there are major gaps in the storylines. There are major holes on the roster. But f*ck it, I’m not getting into that whole thing again.
The “Who’s Vince’s SonÃ¢â‚¬Â storyline was played out incredibly well until last week when they blew their load and buried Kennedy. Oh, and f*ck Vince for his mock outrage. You knew, get over it. No one is going to buy the whole routine. If this violation lead to a 30 day suspension then hold the f*cking storyline for a month. Spread it out to Survivor Series. Hell, they kept the mystery egg going until Survivor Series and that got us the Gooker. Why not give us a surprise that actually pays off well in the end?
Ah, the WWE did the old knee-jerk reaction to throw the baby out with the bathwater. Ladies and gentlemen, Vince’s son is Hornswaggle.
What the f*ck? Why would they do this? To get a minor pop from a crowd that was hungry for Kennedy? So that the Internet would shit all over it and bury Creative? What did this angle accomplish? I am genuinely angry because my bitchfest about steroids last week was because the WWE was f*cking over the fans and f*cking over the talent and ultimately f*cking over the stockholders.
The fans gave this story the benefit of the doubt because we knew Kennedy was the endgame. They stuck with this ridiculous storyline and they got f*cked. The workers in the back put this thing over. Almost every superstar got some face time with this storyline, from Triple H to Balls Mahoney. Now all those workers who could have gotten that rub lost it because the angle is tainted. Ultimately, the shareholders were ripped off because the Kennedy angle had money written all over it.
How can I say that? Easy. As soon as they reveal that Hunter and Stephanie are married and throw in Shane, this is the McMahon War 2007. You might hate the McMahons, but a family power struggle brings in ratings. You build this to Hunter/Kennedy at Wrestlemania and you’ve got a minted main event. This elevates Kennedy, it reintroduces the McMahons and best of all, this is a McMahon story that has actual workers in the main slots. Plus, everyone’s guilty pleasure is Shane and I’d love to see him take the Plunge.
There were so many ways to take this. Okay, so it’s not Kennedy, so why not make it someone else. Go off the wall. Make it Brian Kendrick. Have it be Lance Cade. Hell, anyone they would have given this to would have gotten a hell of a rub and been instantly elevated. That person is a moneymaker, and the WWE is in the business of making money. People invest in the WWE with the belief that the company is working in the best interest of the shareholder. They didn’t do what was best for business. They didn’t make anyone a legit main eventer. Instead, they went for a cheap joke, because at this rate that’s all the WWE is.
This has been for your consideration.