The SmackDown Report

Perhaps I should offer an explanation as to my sudden disappearance. I moved, and the trouble that caused left me without internet, pay television, or even stupid free television temporarily. The first week without any of those was different. I got to watch my Boston Legal DVDs like some crazy, and even stumbled upon a copy I have of Judgment Day 2001. I watched the Birdcage a few times, which is all types of awesome. I got free television back, but only one stupid shitty channel. Then eventually got Internet back. And then, last but not least, my precious pay television. All is almost right in the world.

Also, in the last week, I’ve rediscovered my relationship with dieting and exercise. Walking the dog, walking into and home from TAFE (which is no easy trek), and then as much of the gym as I can handle. This has led to me being tired and, therefore, extra bitchy. So tonight, since I missed the early replay in favour of a long walk home from class, if I seem a bit out of it – bare with me. Besides, I haven’t done it in two weeks, I might be a tad rusty.

Recap of the Mysterio Guerrero I Quit Match from last week. Nice to see a vicious side from Mysterio, especially headed into Unforgiven. By the way, Khali attacked Mysterio post match (and from the footage shown, Mysterio makes it look fantastic, sells the Claw the best that I‘ve seen), but Batista makes the save and we’ve got a triple threat for the belt at Unforgiven. I’m thinking the match should be good. Tonight we’ve got Batista and Khali, but first Michelle McCool makes her way out with Chuck Palumbo. Is there a reason why they’re together, did I miss something, or is this just another random teaming?

Opening Match: Michelle McCool w/ Chuck Palumbo vs. Victoria w/ Kenny Dykstra
Victoria and Dykstra are still a great couple. Mc with a headlock takedown, Victoria turns it into some pinfall attempts. Victoria turns a wrist lock into a bridge. Victoria with a face lock. Mc trips Victoria and slaps her a few times. Victoria face plants Mc. Victoria with a sleeper, but Mc reverses it into one of her own. Clothesline by Victoria for a two count. Some nice chops between the two before Mc hits some clotheslines and some dropkicks. Mc with a belly to belly for a two count. Dykstra throws some water into the face of Victoria, so Palumbo attacks him while the divas have a catfight so we head to a commercial.


We’re back and this has been changed into a mixed tag team match. Palumbo is dominating Dykstra to start. Palumbo with a nice suplex for a two count. Palumbo spinebusters Dykstra into the corner. Palumbo runs into a high boot by Dykstra before getting tripped up. Dykstra works the knee of Palumbo. Palumbo regains the upper hand and nails a nice overhead belly to belly. Dykstra tags out to Victoria. Victoria tries to take Palumbo down, but Mc gets tagged in. Mc with clotheslines and a sloppy toss for a two count. Palumbo clotheslines Dykstra outside. Mc with a Chick Kick for the three count.
Winners: Michelle McCool and Chuck Palumbo

Before the break, this was turning into a really good diva’s match; the sort of match that I really wanted to see Mc and Victoria produce. I wasn’t disappointed, they do work well together. Afterwards, it was just Palumbo being impressive. Fun way to start tonight’s show. Five out of Ten.

Jesse and Festus got put in charge of Long’s Bachelor Party by Ron Simmons. Some random women walk in and begin dancing around Long, and a few guys turn up too.

Still to come: Batista against Khali. And Layfield’s got his hair done! Amazing! Also still to come: the first ever Belfast Brawl between Finlay and Kane.


Next week we’ve got the Marshall and Long Marriage. I’d almost forgotten about that too.

Some big fat druid is in the middle of the ring. Turns out to be big fat Mark Henry. Henry AGAIN shows us the footage of him taking out the Undertaker. I’d almost forgotten about this footage too. I was so happy. Henry gets on the microphone but ANOTHER Undertaker returns video plays. On the upside, the Undertaker returns tend to be nice and dramatic. And this video is actually pretty good compared to the ones I remember. Back in the arena, lighting hits an Undertaker symbol – now that’s old school.


The Diva Search is running again. Eve, Jessica, Lyndy and Taryn – I’m thinking it’ll be one of those girls. I hope it’s one of the athletes.

MVP and Matt Hardy are playing a game of chess. Hardy gets check over Porter, so Porter dramatically sneezes and knocks all the pieces off the board. Hardy reveals to Porter that Porter will be wrestling tonight. Hardy acts a bit like Edge from a few years ago, actually.

Noble tried to trap Hornswoggle? That’s cute.

Second Contest: Jamie Noble vs. Shannon Moore
Noble shoves Moore to start, so Moore gets some punches in. Noble runs into a kick by Moore for a two count. Moore sends Noble arm first into the top turnbuckle. Moore with a key lock on Noble. Noble shoves Moore off but Moore comes off with a shoulder block and Noble continues to sell the arm – sweet! Lovely to see some psychology. Noble gets a full nelson variation on Moore; Moore goes to reverse it, Noble rolls through so Moore gets a dropkick to Noble. Atomic drop followed by clothesline by Moore. Moore with a head scissors, sending Noble outside. Moore goes up to the top rope and nails a nice senton. Moore sends Noble in the ring for a two count. Noble with a very nice backbreaker for a two count. Moore sends Noble into the corner (Noble continues to sell the arm). Moore pretends to see Hornswoggle under the ring; Noble looks but Moore gets a school boy for the three count.
Winner: Shannon Moore

Very nice ending. Entertaining match, too. Six out of Ten.

Vickie Guerrero and Kristal Marshall are talking wedding stuff backstage; turns out Kristal is being lured into a lingerie party. I hate those parties.

MVP bitches to the referee about his match.


Third Contest: Montel Vontavious Porter w/ Matt Hardy vs. Domino w/ Deuce and Cherry
Will Unforgiven be Deuce and Domino’s pay per view debut? Porter with punches right away, and gets a nice face buster for a two count over Domino. Porter with a headlock, Domino pushes him off and Deuce trips Porter from ringside. Domino scoop slams Porter, leg drop for a two count. Domino rips Porter’s singlet. Hardy tries to get the fans to rally behind MVP, which gets really irritating really quickly. Domino gets both his knees in the face of Porter for a two count. Porter with a school boy for a two. Domino nails a nice clothesline. Porter with punches to Domino, but Domino rakes the eyes of Porter. Domino with a double arm suplex before following up with a sleeper hold. Porter with a drop toe hold; Deuce gets on the apron but Hardy attacks him. Porter argues with Hardy temporarily and gets caught in a small package by Domino for the three count.
Winner: Domino

Slow match, but it did what it was supposed to and there was an interesting dynamic to it. Their match at Unforgiven might be pretty good actually. Hardy gets on the microphone and again tries to rally the fans behind MVP. Three out of Ten.

Another recap of Khali destroying Mysterio. Batista and Khali is still to come.


RAW Rebound. Note to everyone: Hornswoggle isn’t the son. It’s just a swerve by Triple H. Every single one of those clues, except for the stupid game one, refer to Kennedy – and looking up means his microphone. Duh. For anyone who didn’t get that: you’re a douche.

Backstage in the ladies party, Marshall reveals some lingerie. What a harlot. There’s a stripper in a box. And it’s that big fat ugly dude. He looks like he’s lost weight, actually.


The Great Khali yells at the camera. Apparently, Batista is in store for a preview of Unforgiven. Apparently, it also doesn’t matter how many opponents try to take on Khali – we are due for an Elimination Chamber.

Fourth Contest: Belfast Brawl: Kane vs. Finlay
Finlay attacks Kane during his entrance, using the shillelagh (feels like forever since I typed that). Finlay takes it to Kane around ringside, getting uppercuts. Finlay gets sent into the steel steps by Kane. Kane pushes his foot down on Finlay in the corner, but Kane runs into an elbow by Finlay. Finlay gets Kane down on the canvas and gets the butt drop for a failed pinfall attempt. Kane with a scoop slam to Finlay. Kane clotheslines Finlay outside. Kane spears Finlay into the barricade. Finlay gets sent into the ring but gets a swinging baseball slide and the action resumes outside. Finlay with a short arm clothesline. Kane sends Finlay spine first into the steel post; Kane charges but Finlay moves out of the way and Kane connects with the steel post.


We’re back and Finlay is working the arm of Kane. Finlay covers for a one count. Finlay gets a chair and hits Kane in the arm with it. Finlay places it on the arm of Kane and stomps down on it. Finlay hits Kane with the chair again before he resumes going for the arm. Kane with some rights to Finlay; Kane sends Finlay back first into an exposed turnbuckle, Kane charges but Finlay moves and Kane’s arm hit’s the exposed turnbuckle! Finlay covers for a two count, before going right back to the arm. Finlay slams Kane’s arm into the steel chair. Finlay sends Kane shoulder first into the steel post. Kane boots Finlay to the outside.

On the outside, Kane exposes the barricade and drops Finlay chest first onto the steel. Kane slams Finlay into the announcer’s table and then the ring apron, before throwing the top of the announcer’s table at Finlay! Thumb to the eye by Finlay and Kane gets sent into the steel post. Finlay gets the shillelagh but Kane attacks Finlay first. Kane with a sideslam. Kane goes up top and connects with the flying clothesline. Kane signals for the Chokeslam, but Kane grabs the shillelagh instead! Finlay tries to grab the other shillelagh, but Kane kicks it away Finlay tries for the chair, but Kane stops him. Finlay rolls out of the ring and Kane throws the shillelagh! Finlay gets sent back into the ring, and Kane throws the steel steps in as well. Finlay connects with a chair shot first; connects with the Celtic Cross for the three count!
Winner: Finlay

Very good for a SmackDown Match. Eight out of Ten.

Still to come: Batista vs. Khali.


Theodore Long gets locked out of his room and turns around to face Kristal Marshall. Marshall gets all pissy because of the girls at Long’s party, and Long gets all pissy because of the fat dancing stripper. Ron Simmons joins up for the obligatory quote, so they all resume partying.

Cole and JBL run down the Unforgiven card.

Batista makes his entrance


Main Event: Batista vs. The Great Khali
Damn let this be quick – I’m starting to sleep. Batista takes it right to Khali to begin, but Khali throws Batista around and gets a clothesline. Khali with elbows to Batista in the corner. Khali signals for the Claw but Batista escapes, only to be sent outside y a big boot shortly afterwards. Batista sends Khali into the steel post, but Khali isn’t all too effected. Batista hit’s a Spinebuster out of nowhere and tries for the Batista Bomb but Khali sends him into the top rope and nails the chop! Khali locks in the claw; Batista gets to the ropes, but Khali keeps it locked on through the count and gets disqualified.
Winner: Batista

Khali keeps the claw on afterwards, and they show the dramatic ‘upset child’ shots. One out of Ten.

The Inside Pulse
McCool and Palumbo defeat Dykstra and Victoria (McCool pins Victoria): 5/10
Shannon Moore pins Jamie Noble: 6/10
Domino pins Montel Vontavious Porter: 3/10
Finlay pins Kane: 8/10
Batista defeats The Great Khali via disqualification: 1/10
SmackDown 15/09/07: 23/50

I liked this episode. I don’t think that there was anything that really brought it down; apart from the party segments, and even they’re passable. Probably because I’ve already forgotten all about them, though. And I’m about two minutes away from passing out so until next week people, have a good one!

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