JunkNews Book Excerpt: The Diary of Chris Benoit

The following is an excerpt from the Diary of Chris Benoit, soon to be published by Judith Regan.

Dear Diary,

Y’all know who dis be? Ha ha. Just kidding. I’m in a bit of a ‘gangsta’ mood today as I met the new black wrestlers Cryme Tyme. Their gimmick is going to be that they steal shit and act like idiots. I’m honestly excited for them because I think when we get new wrestlers in it’s an opportunity for us to make money. I told them this and the short one said, “Money?” The tall one said, “Money?” And I said, “Yeah, yeah.” They both laughed for some reason. I made them do 8000 squats.

Why did God make me so short?

I think it’s just great that Stephanie McMahon and Triple H are married. Whenever I get upset over stuff I just think about the two of them together and I can’t help but smile. That’s a lie. I can help it, but I don’t want to hold it in and hurt my face! Ha ha.

I did six flying headbutts last week and only got one concussion. The doctors and Nancy keep telling me to stop doing that move but I think I’ll be okay if I can keep it down to only one concussion a week. Stupid Nancy. Sometimes I just want to grab her by the waist and give her a big hug and tell her everything is going to be fine.

I still miss my friend Eddie. I think of him every time I roid up with Chavo.

Besides that not much is going on. Nancy keeps promising me that she’s going to fix the oven. I’m getting really tired of take out. She better fix that oven.

Love you Diary! Kisses!

xoxoxoxoxo

Chrissy

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