Right into the intro music to start the show. Nothing so important that happened recently, like a Pay Per View event right?
We’re starting with Elijah, who looks upset about his loss on Sunday. Don’t worry Elijah, at least you weren’t suspended or released. Right John Morrison? Right Sandman? At least you made it to PPV. How long has it been anyway?
He immediately starts whining about the loss, saying that he would beat Punk 9 out of 10 times. Blah blah blah. Apparently he’s upset Kevin Thorn, because that’s who interrupts Burke. Thorn… has a mic? Thorn says Burke had his chance and blew it. It’s time for someone more deserving to step up. Someone with a brand new beard! Thorn reminds us he quit the New Breed, which is surprising they actually acknowledge back story.
“Vampire, I suggest you take a step back.” – Elijah Burke
The girls whine back and forth, which draws out Tommy Dreamer. Wow. Burke calls Dreamer a dinosaur because he makes original jokes. Dreamer reminds both of them that he wont he ECW championship. Ha. How long did you hold that belt Tommy?
“You say ECW like it means something to you.” – Kevin Thorn
This draws out Stevie Richards.
“What’s next? The Blue Meanie?” – Elijah Burke
Stevie says he’s the only person in the ring who didn’t get pinned last week. The four argue and it’s time for an authority figure to end this bickering. On cue.. ESTRADA!
Estrada announces the “Elimnation Chase to No Mercy”. I like this idea already. Estrada announces that the first match of the chase starts right now! Well… now after commercials.
I think this is going to work that we’re having a four way match this week, a three way match next week and a one on one match the third week. I’ll say this, whoever is booking this show now (mostly Lagna) really understand how to book with a small roster.
Dreamer vs. Burke vs. Thorn vs. Stevie
Stevie is eliminated from the Elimination Chase to No Mercy by Burke and Thorn
Dreamer and Thorn pair up first, leaving Stevie and Burke to fight as well. Thorn and Drreamer go outside, leaving attention to Stevie and Burke. Burke maintains control inside as Thorn has control outside. Dreamer’s sent into the stairs to bide time as Stevie throws some kicks to take control in the ring.
Dreamer makes his way into the ring and back suplexes Stevie and drives Burke’s head into the turnbuckle. Next he arm drags Thorn into the ring and goes for punches in the corner, but Thorn ducks out and pulls Tommy to the canvas back first.
Burke hits a “trifecta of German suplexes”. Fear not, no mention of Benoit here. Or Kurt Angle. Instead it’s Karl Gotch. We go back to the original pairings as Thorn takes Dreamer outside and Burke works over Stevie in the ring. Burke’s targeting the neck and misses jumping onto Stevie’s back and gets tangled in the ropes. Stevie moves and gets attacked by Thorn.
Burke hits the Outer Limits elbow on Tommy, but can only get a two. Attention shifts to Stevie and Thorn. Thorn gets hit with a few nasty sounding roundhouse kicks, but then Stevie gets hit with a Burke low drop kick. Stevie hits a running book on Thorn, but is too tired to capitolize on it. thorn’s thrown out and Stevie and Tommy go back and forth in pinning combinations with no three count. TWO!
Stevie is thrown out as Thorn comes into the ring, but Thorn can’t get a three. Burke wants to work with Thorn, but Thorn has different plans. Back and forth and Thorn goes out to a Burke punch. Now it’s Tommy and Burke in the ring as Stevie and Thorn fight outside.
Burke attempts a springboard plancha but is caught by Stevie and thorn. Tommy hits a baseball slide and knocks all three down. Tommy goes back to the apron and hits a running Lou Thesz press on Thorn and we go to commercial because all four men are down outside the ring.
We’re back and Tommy hits a spinebuster on Thorn for a two. TWO! Stevie hits a kick to the back of Tommy’s head fora two. TWO! Stevie slingshots Tommy neck into the bottom rope fora two. TWO! Burke hits a body slam on Stevie and then puts the boots to the other two men in the match. Burke throws some punches to Stevie in the corner as Thorn and Dreamer get to their feet. Burke makes a blatant pin with his legs on the ropes and Scott Armstrong won’t count.
Thorn puts Burke up in a torture rack, doubtfully in a homage to Lex Luger, and drops him, but can only get a two. TWO! Dreamer grabs Thorn and goes for a Texas Cloverleaf, but he’s too close to the ropes. Dreamer next goes for Burke and hits a fall away slam as Thorn gets to his feet and attempts a crucifix, but instead Thorn gets super kicked by Stevie while he’s wide open. That only draws a two. Dreamer attempts a DDT and screams the move, but instead gets clotheslined by Burke with the sweep/clothesline. Burke goes tot he top rope but gets cut short by Tommy, but Tommy gets knocked to the floor by Stevie. Stevie goes up after Burke, but Burke cuts that short and they go back and forth with Stevie nearly accidentally knocking Burke to the floor. Instead…
Thorn hits a powerbomb on Stevie, who hits a superplex on Burke. AWESOME. The crowd goes wild and gives an old school “EC-Dub” chant. Tommy hits a FROGSPLASH on Stevie, then Tommy gets thrown outside the ring, and Burke covers Stevie and Thorn holds Burke and Stevie down for the three count.
Burke celebrates outside and Stevie is obviously upset inside the ring. I’m sorry, did I just see a twenty minute match? What happened? Why are they giving me what I want? I’m nervous. This show is getting better each week.
CM Punk is backstage with a big ol’ beard and the ECW title. Burke stops by and asks for an autograph because it’ll be worth more after he beats him for the ECW title. Punk wishes Burke good luck and Burke remembers that Punk said “luck is for losers” last week.
Anyway, next up is the Miz, who has the Nitro Girls in tow. Kelly’s got the Balls Mahoney teddy bear she got last week. Doe anyone else get scared seeing that thinking it’ll turn into Moppy or Pepe? Brooke sets up Teddy Balls in the corner and we are “treated” to Extreme Expose dancing. At least it’s “Push It” by Salt n’ Peppa.
Amber: What the f*ck with the dancing?
Balls Mahoney’s music hits and everyone rejoices. Apparently the Miz is going to watch Balls fight today.
Balls Mahoney over Mike Knox by spinebuster
I’m getting tired of seeing Balls lose and get called a loser. Shockingly, Joey makes the connection that Knox was Kelly’s boyfriend.
Balls gets a headlock and is pushed off by Knox, who hits a nice drop kick and leg drop. Lots of elevation. Knox gets a headlock and Balls fights out, but Knox gets Balls down and can only hit a two. TWO!
Knox goes back to the rear chinlock. Balls predictably fights out, but gets thrown to the corner. Knox hits an elbow and Balls comes out of the corner with the Balls punches and hits the last one. Even my wife gest into the chanting there. Knox misses a bicycle kick and Balls plants him with a spine buster and gets the three count.
Balls asks Kelly out, but Kelly is pulled away by the Miz. Balls announces that answer is a “yes”. If no answer means “yes”, I went through high school getting all the wrong ideas.
Okay. The good wrestling is over.
It’s nice to see a payoff to this angle. They’re even giving it the proper booking too. Nice long intro video and it’s the main event. Granted, I’m not saying that this should be the kind of match that’s always in the main event, but if they’re going to take the time to build an angle like this, they better put it in the main event because of the time they’ve spent building up to it. That and Striker’s wearing a nice suit tonight.
Bad sign: BIG DADDY V NEEDS A BIG DADDY DIET
Big Daddy V over Boogeyman by elbow
I think this match should be on a PPV, but I kinda think it’d be a waste of a PPV match. Big Daddy gets an early advantage and goes for the worm bag. Boogeyman attacks from behind, but that doesn’t last long. Big Daddy maintains control and yells a bunch of stuff that’s unintelligible in the process.
Boogey starts doing the weird twitchy dance and start hulking up. Boogey hits a few moves but can’t hit his choke bomb on Big Daddy V. Big Daddy hits an elbow and that’s the match. All that build up for what is essentially a squash. I suppose we can all rest well tonight because we know who’s the better man between these two… um … men.