Excerpts from This Morning's Alphabits: The Return


Yes. Like a slightly irregular boomerang or a new-release Blockbuster video rental, I have finally returned. Perhaps I was longed for by the masses. Perhaps there was so much distraction due to the controversy concerning the albums of Kanye West and 50 Cent, the VMAs, the start of the NFL season without Michael Vick and the New England Patriots caught cheating that I wasn’t even missed. Either way, my words are ever-ready to creep past the retina and seep into the folds of your mind and terrorize your thoughts and memories by emblazoning witty (and sometimes sarcastic) opinions on the lower left rear quandrant of your brain… right behind your times-tables.

I iPurchased the Kanye album, so I unfortunately have no little insert that shows the credits for who did what, what additional artists were featured etc., but I was just so eager to purchase the album (couldn’t get out to a Best Buy or Target) that I settled for the downloadable version. I enjoy the album thoroughly. Aside from the dominant trait of Kanye’s ego telling listeners how gloriously outstanding he is and how lucky we are to be in his fanbase throughout most of the album, I like the risks that he took with production. Also, his lyricism has improved exponentially since the first album. I just think it lacks the content range that his previous albums didn’t.

Now, for some reason monkeys seem to be SUCH a recurring theme for me (that is so unintentional… I started off with bears), so I will make a few comments about 50 “Mighty Joe Young” Cent… Don’t like him. Nope. You can’t make me. Most of his track names involve violence of the semi-automatic kind, which strays less than nine millimeters away from anything he’s ever done. There’s a track named “I’ll Still Kill”. Nuff said. I will occassionally like a beat or three (“I Get Money”), but he still says the same sh*t. Nothing new. Nothing good. It will always involve bullets or bonin’ in the back of his Benzo. The only thing different is that he wears suits more often in the videos and he has a beard, which only further solidifies my thoughts of him as a giant gorilla in a flashy suit. Yes, he’s rich. But so is Paris Hilton. Doesn’t mean either of them are talented. Their managers and PR people, however, are friggin’ geniuses.

In summation, I hate when people refer to Curtis Jackson III as “Fiddy” or “Fitty” in print; Britney Spears isn’t fat, she just isn’t talented; The Patriots, winners of the Super Bowl the same year of 9/11, ironically enough, are cheaters and should be recognized as such and that their organization may have been corrupt for years… much like the Administration; Don “the Dragon” Wilson still makes movies. The end.

Be good.