The SmarK 24/7 Rant for World Championship Wrestling – December 7 1985

The SmarK 24/7 Rant for World Championship Wrestling – December 7 1985

– Tony and David run down the Starrcade results…including new World champion Dusty Rhodes? Not so fast, partner.

– A rather distraught Tully Blanchard is our first guest, claiming that he never said “I Quit”.

– The Rock N Roll Express v. Jim & Mack Jeffers. The RNR of course have the belts again, having beaten the Russians at Starrcade. Morton catches Jim with a hiptoss out of the corner to start, and the Express slug him in their corner in tandem. Over to Mack, who grabs a headlock on Ricky, but gets caught in the Rock N Roll corner and double-teamed. They work on Mack’s arm and then hit him with the double dropkick at 1:56. Pretty short work for the champs this week.

– Ron Garvin v. Tommy Lane. Garvin gives him a little lovetap off the lockup, so Lane uses the hair to take him down in an armbar and stomps on the arm. He pounds away on the arm, which David notes is a really bad idea, and indeed Garvin gets pissed and chops him down. Lane misses a dropkick and Garvin gets two, then gives him another chop with MALICE~! Backdrop sets up the Hands of Stone punch for the pin at 1:56. Hey, déjà vu on the match time!

– We get some Starrcade highlights, which is weird because they showed Houston v. Darsow and Taylor v. Landel almost in its entirety on last week’s show anyway. None of the other finishes are shown, just brief clips.

– New US champion Magnum TA has an open contract and anyone who wants a shot is free to sign on the dotted line.

– Nikita Koloff v. The Italian Stallion. The graphic reads Arn Anderson, but David explains that he switched with Koloff. What a generous guy. Nikita pounds the hell out of Stallion and sends him to the floor, and back in for choking and a slam. He wants the Road Warriors, and gets so upset about it that Stallion slips in a dropkick. Nikita, barely fazed, kills him with the Sickle at…wait for it…1:56. Is this like that stupid Number 23 movie or something where we’re part of a huge conspiracy where all wrestling matches must end at the same time?

– You know you’re running out of people to interview when Tommy Young gets mic time. He explains the Dusty Finish at Starrcade and why Dusty is in fact NOT the champion. And this brings out Ric Flair, who is still wearing cashmere and the 10 pounds of gold, jack. The crowd goes more nuts for him this week than usual. We’ve gotta be getting closer to the Big Gold Belt era, too.

– The Road Warriors v. Paul Garner & Adrian Bivens. Having lost the AWA tag belts in September and finished up their commitments, the Road Warriors are now full time with the NWA at this point, and clean house to start. Hawk absolutely kicks the crap out of Bivens and then clotheslines Garner to set up the fistdrop. Gut wrench and Animal comes in with a press slam. Back to Hawk for the big boot. Animal powerslams him, Hawk adds another clothesline, and that’s all at 3:04. The cycle is broken! Rather more leisurely pace than usual for the Warriors.

– Magnum TA, Billy Jack Haynes & Sam Houston v. Arn Anderson, Ole Anderson & Tully Blanchard. I’ll give you one guess who takes the fall here, without even having seen the match yet. Hint: Five of the guys are on roids and one isn’t. Billy Jack overpowers Arn as the fans yell “I Quit” at Tully. Magnum comes in and Arn backs off, daring him to come to their corner. Ole comes in and TA smartly backs off, and they fight for the lockup in the corner. Magnum gives him a shot instead of a clean break, and that brings in Tully for the slugfest. Magnum press-slams him and follows with an atomic drop, but Tully pulls him into the post to take over. They slug it out in the corner and Tully lets Arn go again, and the faces quickly go to work on his arm. Houston comes in and out-wrestles Arn on the mat, but gets caught in the heel corner and pounded by Ole. Sam fights back out of the corner and Ole runs into some abuse from the other faces and backs off. Dude, you got shown up by SAM HOUSTON. Hang your head. Arn comes in and Magnum is all over him, and the heels are unsure how to proceed with this. Magnum grabs the headlock on Arn and Billy Jack chinlocks him, then press slams all of the heels in succession. That is f*cking AWESOME. That crowd goes nuts for that one, obviously. Tully regroups and tries it again, but Billy Jack quickly goes for the full nelson. However, this leaves him open for a sneak attack by Ole. Billy puts him in it next, but again he’s open to attack from Arn. Finally the heels gain the advantage, as Arn stomps him down and chinlocks him, then draws in TA to allow Tully to come off the top behind the ref’s back. That gets two and we take a break.

Back with Magnum kicking the shit out of everyone and it’s a pier-six brawl and the heels again team up on Magnum and he’s stuck in the wrong corner. Ole slugs him down and drops an elbow for two. Arn starts on the arm. It’s classic Andersons as they keep him in the corner and everyone trades off on him. Arn takes him down with a knee to the gut, and a kneedrop gets two. Back to the armbar, and Ole comes in and really cranks on it. Magnum slugs back, but just can’t reach his corner. Tully rolls him up for two to prevent a tag and takes him down with a cross armbreaker, and they keep changing off and working the arm. Billy Jack gets frustrated and fights them off Magnum, but that just earns Magnum more punishment while the ref puts Haynes out again. Tully takes him down with a facelock and turns it into a pancake, and Ole gets two. Magnum and Ole slug it out on the mat, but Arn cuts off another tag attempt. However, he puts his head down, and it’s…Ole cutting off the tag again. The timing here is just spot on. Back to the heel corner and Tully pounds him with knees and tries for the slingshot suplex, but Magnum reverses to his own suplex, and it’s HOT tag Houston. Jesus, tag Haynes you moron. Sam slugs away on the heels and gets a weak bulldog on Ole, but it’s a brawl again. Houston is left alone with Ole, and Arn hits him from the top to give Ole the pin at 17:30. Next week I give out lottery numbers. If someone was bleeding it’s ****, but as it is call it ***3/4 and go out of your way to check it out. Tremendous old school good v. evil tag action. Magnum’s sympathy heat here showed what a draw for the company he would have been.

– Dusty Rhodes is PISSED, daddy. However, he claims a moral victory because he still pinned the champion, regardless of what the final decision was. That’s OK, he would just book himself to win the National title about two days after this anyway. One thing I always liked about the NWA is that whenever the face won it, as rare as that was, they’d have the other faces run in and celebrate to really make it seem like an important moment rather than the throwaway thing that Vince Russo turned the World title into.

– The Road Warriors have words for the Russians. Sure, they all hung out in Minnesota together, but I bet that Darsow & Koloff were just SLEEPER AGENTS for the KGB, acting all American to lure us into a false sense of security while they stole our national secrets. For instance, I know for a fact that Russia didn’t learn that wrestling is fake until they brought they one back with them. Hawk is still working on his one-liners, as he notes that the Russians are going to have to retire from wrestling and get into the artificial limb business once they rip all of their arms and legs off. Weak.

– Jimmy Valiant v. Vern Deaton. Jimmy works the armbar and chokes Deaton out on the ropes, so he runs away. Jimmy slingshots him back in and applies a nervehold, and it’s elbow and elbow to finish at 1:40. Although if you add his pre-match trip to the announce table, it’s…1:56. Spooky.

– Next week: Khrusher Khruschev v. Pez Whatley for the Mid-Atlantic title.

– The Russians swear revenge on the Rock N Roll Express and Americans in general. Nikita’s grunting interviews have now progressed to the point where’s cutting full promos, and he cuts a crazed one against the Road Warriors.

– Terry Taylor v. Brody Chase. Taylor wrestles Chase to the mat for a one count and starts working on the arm, taking him down for two. Chase tries a headlock, but Taylor takes him down to escape. He goes back to working on the arm again and commentary is mysteriously edited out. Did a young Chris Benoit from Edmonton write a letter to Superstation TBS about his parents’ anniversary or something? Chase gets a few shots in the corner, but Taylor drops a knee and finishes with the five-arm and superplex at 3:36.

– The Barbarian v. George South. Barbarian pounds him down to start and does a Dr. Death triple press slam, then adds some biting for good measure. Shoulderbreaker into a powerslam and he finishes with the flying headbutt at 1:47.

– Buddy Landell v. Jeff Smith. This would be the one and only appearance for Buddy as the National champion on this show, as he would be fired pretty much immediately after this for failing a drug test. He suplexes Smith down and works the arm on the mat. Corkscrew elbow and figure-four finish at 2:24. See ya, Buddy.

– Paul Jones and Barbarian are out to protest the injustice of people claiming that Billy Jack Haynes is the strongest guy in the NWA, when clearly it’s Barbarian.

– Ivan Koloff & Khrusher Khruschev v. Jimmy Blackland & Mark Kirkland. Blackland slugs it out with Ivan to start, but misses a crossbody attempt out of the corner and gets dumped. Back in, he lets Kirkland go and Ivan pounds him down as well and adds a kneelift and a backbreaker for two. Over to Khrusher, who drops Kirkland on the top rope and takes him down with the Russian Hammer. Back to Ivan, who finishes with the Sickle at 3:26.

– Final words from Tully before we wrap it up for another week.

Another great show as Crockett really starts to hit its stride at this point. I can watch combinations of Magnum and his cronies against the Andersons all day.


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