So let’s get ready for some “extreme” wrestling!
We’re starting with…. Vince McMahon? Yeah. Vince McMahon. Maybe he’ll announce that Jericho is going to return to ECW. And perhaps the WWE will start showing Chris Benoit matches again. Vince is all business, he’s announcing that Cena’s injury required surgery to repair a torn right pec. She’s responsible? A junk-head, that’s who. Cena was supposed to fight one wellness violator on Sunday and he fought someone coming off of a recent suspension. I thought the days of promoting the junk that happens on RAW were over. Apparently not, and even if we don’t want to watch RAW, we have to anyway. Thanks Vince and company, we really appreciate the opportunity to watch your crap twice.
Cena will be out from six months to one year. As of tonight, Cena’s stripped of the WWE title. Why is this necessary tonight? Vince says there will be a WWE championship match, but no announcement as to what the match will be. I really wish that they would keep RAW and Smackdown or RAW and Smackdown.
No intro video this week, as it’s time for CM Punk to lead off the show in the proper fashion. It’s nice to see a champion that carries his belt around his waist. Punk’s got a mic…
Punk says he should be more focused on Dreamer and Burke tonight, but he’s only been thinking about one thing. Being straight-edge? Blatt’s birthday of October 3rd? Nope. It’s Big Daddy V’s attack last week. Punk respects Big Daddy V’s size, ability and desire to make an impact. Now he’s got Punk’s attention. He’s interrupted by Matt Striker, whose hair is a bit more poofy than usual. The attack last week wasn’t to get Punk’s attention, it was to announce he wants the ECW title.
CM Punk over Mike Knox by GTS
We saw this nearly one year ago, but the circumstances were different. Joey goes right to the history between the two. Punk has control with an hammer lock and throws some kicks. Punk wrestles his to the ground and tries a full nelson pin for a two. TWO!
Punk and Knox wrestle up, Punk stays on an arm bar. Knox pushes Punk into the corner and the ref calls for a clean break. They break clean with a stare down. Collar and elbow and Knox hits a knee to the gut and a forearm tot he back. Punk blocks a punch and hits some chops. Knox hits another knee, whips Punk tot he corner and hits a drop kick as Punk comes out of the corner and gets a two. TWO!
Tazz claims he used to do drop kicks all the time. Ha. Knox gets Punk in a hammer lock, Punk floats over and goes for a front face lock. Knox fights our and sits out to get a hammer lock on Punk. Knox drops some knees on the arm behind Punk’s back. Punk fights up, but Knox stays on the arm. Knox pulls Punk over and slaps on a key lock on Punk’s arm on the ground. Punk tries kicks to free himself, Knox lets up and slams Punk with his arm behind his back. Nice touch. Knox stays on the hammer lock and attempts a suplex, Punk flips over and starts with a few round house kicks and drop kicks Knox outside the ring. Punk springboard planchas to the floor and we’re off to commercials.
We’re back and Knox has control. Knox snake eyes Punk on the top rope twice and Punk’s shoulders still in pain, as it should be. Knox resorts to punches to the faces after he can’t score a three. What does he score? TWO! Knox drapes Punk’s throat over the top and floats over to the outside, pulling down on his throat. Knox gets another two (TWO!) and goes for a rear choke. Punk (and his beard) fight to their feet and throw some elbows and rolls up Knox for a two. TWO! Knox hits a huge clothesline and covers for… a two. TWO!
Knox goes back to the choke. Punk’s beard is too strong and he gets to his feet, but gets a back breaker and Knox slaps the choke back on. The beard hits some elbows, kicks, knees and a drop kick. Punk whips Knox and hits a drop kick and the rising knee, but is thrown off the bulldog. Knox goes for the bicycle kick, Punk ducks and hits the GTS. This one’s history.
Balls Mahoney’s coming to the ring and we’re going to commercials.
Follow up from earlier, Punk and Knox fought on November 7th and 14th last year. With this win, it’s Punk 3, Knox 0.
Balls has a mic. He may have been blinded by Kelly, but not blinded enough to remember the Miz’ cheap shot. Meanwhile, he still wants an answer from Kelly Kelly. Kelly comes out with Teddy Balls (they call him the Balls Bear, but I like mine better. Note to the WWE, start using “Teddy Balls”). Kelly’s in the ring and Balls wants to know if she’ll go out with him. She answers…. “yes”, and the ECW slut has a date. The Miz comes out with his hair freshly dyed black because he’s a bad guy. He says it’s time for Kelly to go. As the Miz goes to grab Kelly, Balls hits him with a cheap shot and Kelly holds Balls back.
FINALLY! They explain what the hell is going on with the Miz and Extreme Expose. The Miz owns the contract of Extreme Expose and if she wants to date Balls, then she’s out of Extreme Expose and ECW. This would have been nice to explain to us WEEKS AGO. It would have made this whole stupid angle make some sense. Kelly and the Miz and the girls go backstage and Kelly tries her best at acting sad, leaving Teddy Balls in the ring.
Because we can’t have a long match between Dreamer and Burke because that’s what I want, Styles and Tazz run down the card for No Mercy. They need to update the picture of Punk they use, as he’s sporting a full on beard nowadays. I’m gonna forget to put in my picks so here they are.
Candice Michelle, Rey Rey, HHH, CM Punk, Great Khali and Randy Orton.
Tommy Dreamer over Elijah Burke by DDT
So these are the “finals” for the No Mercy title shot. Burke wants a handshake but doesn’t get one. Dreamer smothers Burke to start and gets whipped to the ropes, but shoulder blocks Burke down. Stare down and Burke hits a punch, attempts a body slam, but gets slammed instead. Another slam, Burke gets up and hits Dreamer’s head to the turnbuckles a few times. Burke whipped to the corner but hits a reverse elbow. Burke gets draped onto the top rope and gets holed up in the tree of woe. Dreamer hits the drop kick and clotheslines Burke out to the floor. Dreamer goes outside and waits on the apron. Dreamer hits the Lou Thesz press from the apron and Burke is slowly getting up outside and we go to commercials.
We’re back and Burke has control. Burke goes for the head and Dreamer rallies the dead crowd. Burke throws a few fists and Dreamer wants more. Burke hits a kick and a punch to Dreamer’s face and Dreamer drags himself up and wants more. Dreamer ducks a clothesline and hits a neck breaker. Dremaer hits a few punches and whips Burke and hits a flapjack. Burke drags Dreamer down face first into the turnbuckle and Burke gets tot he top. Dreamer pulls himself up, crotches Burke and goes for a superplex. Instead, he’s thrown from the top and Burke attempts a super sunset flip, but Dreamer sits and gets a two. TWO!
Burke sends the boots to Dreamer and hits the hanging elbow in the corner. Burke goes for something in the corner and misses, which leaves the window open for Dreamer to hit the DDT and claim his spot as #1 contender! Old man river gets his hand raised and the Cuban music hits. Armando comes out and says the Elimination Chase isn’t over and there’s still one man left to enter. Big Daddy V. V makes his way out to the ring quick and Dreamer hits a baseball slide. Dreamer comes outside and V hits a clothesline and V sends Dreamer into the ring. The bell rings.
Big Daddy V over Tommy Dreamer
V hits a body slam, standing head butt, and chokes Dreamer with the bottom rope. This is retarded. After three week of matches with Dreamer and Burke going back and forth in all of their matches, they sidestep it for Big Daddy V to come and take the title shot? This is shitty deluxe.
Dreamer hits a few moves, but it’s pointless. This match is just a formality. I don’t understand why they wouldn’t have just entered Big Daddy V into the Chase in the first place if this was going to be the outcome. It’s like they knew tomorrow was my birthday and wanted it to be a shitty one for me.
WWE: Hey Blatt. How’s it goin?
BLATT: Pretty good.
WWE: Happy birthday.
BLATT: Thanks, that’s so kind of you.
WWE: Wanna see Tommy Dreamer fight CM Punk fro the ECW title?
BLATT: Hell yes!
WWE: That’s a shame. We’re gonna give you Big Daddy V vs. VM Punk instead. Happy f*cking Birthday.
BLATT: I HATE YOU!
WWE: Fuck you.
I’m upset if you couldn’t tell.
The Inside Pulse
So let’s get ready for some “extreme” wrestling!
We’re starting with…. Vince McMahon? Yeah. Vince McMahon. Maybe he’ll announce that Jericho is going to return to ECW. And perhaps the WWE will start showing Chris Benoit matches again. Vince is all business, he’s announcing that Cena’s injury required surgery to repair a torn right pec. She’s responsible? A junk-head, that’s who. Cena was supposed to fight one wellness violator on Sunday and he fought someone coming off of a recent suspension. I thought the days of promoting the junk that happens on RAW were over. Apparently not, and even if we don’t want to watch RAW, we have to anyway. Thanks Vince and company, we really appreciate the opportunity to watch your crap twice.
Cena will be out from six months to one year. As of tonight, Cena’s stripped of the WWE title. Why is this necessary tonight? Vince says there will be a WWE championship match, but no announcement as to what the match will be. I really wish that they would keep RAW and Smackdown or RAW and Smackdown.
No intro video this week, as it’s time for CM Punk to lead off the show in the proper fashion. It’s nice to see a champion that carries his belt around his waist. Punk’s got a mic…
Punk says he should be more focused on Dreamer and Burke tonight, but he’s only been thinking about one thing. Being straight-edge? Blatt’s birthday of October 3rd? Nope. It’s Big Daddy V’s attack last week. Punk respects Big Daddy V’s size, ability and desire to make an impact. Now he’s got Punk’s attention. He’s interrupted by Matt Striker, whose hair is a bit more poofy than usual. The attack last week wasn’t to get Punk’s attention, it was to announce he wants the ECW title.
CM Punk vs. Mike Knox
We saw this nearly one year ago, but the circumstances were different. Joey goes right to the history between the two. Punk has control with an hammer lock and throws some kicks. Punk wrestles his to the ground and tries a full nelson pin for a two. TWO!
Punk and Knox wrestle up, Punk stays on an arm bar. Knox pushes Punk into the corner and the ref calls for a clean break. They break clean with a stare down. Collar and elbow and Knox hits a knee to the gut and a forearm tot he back. Punk blocks a punch and hits some chops. Knox hits another knee, whips Punk tot he corner and hits a drop kick as Punk comes out of the corner and gets a two. TWO!
Tazz claims he used to do drop kicks all the time. Ha. Knox gets Punk in a hammer lock, Punk floats over and goes for a front face lock. Knox fights our and sits out to get a hammer lock on Punk. Knox drops some knees on the arm behind Punk’s back. Punk fights up, but Knox stays on the arm. Knox pulls Punk over and slaps on a key lock on Punk’s arm on the ground. Punk tries kicks to free himself, Knox lets up and slams Punk with his arm behind his back. Nice touch. Knox stays on the hammer lock and attempts a suplex, Punk flips over and starts with a few round house kicks and drop kicks Knox outside the ring. Punk springboard planchas to the floor and we’re off to commercials.
We’re back and Knox has control. Knox snake eyes Punk on the top rope twice and Punk’s shoulders still in pain, as it should be. Knox resorts to punches to the faces after he can’t score a three. What does he score? TWO! Knox drapes Punk’s throat over the top and floats over to the outside, pulling down on his throat. Knox gets another two (TWO!) and goes for a rear choke. Punk (and his beard) fight to their feet and throw some elbows and rolls up Knox for a two. TWO! Knox hits a huge clothesline and covers for… a two. TWO!
Knox goes back to the choke. Punk’s beard is too strong and he gets to his feet, but gets a back breaker and Knox slaps the choke back on. The beard hits some elbows, kicks, knees and a drop kick. Punk whips Knox and hits a drop kick and the rising knee, but is thrown off the bulldog. Knox goes for the bicycle kick, Punk ducks and hits the GTS. This one’s history.
Balls Mahoney’s coming to the ring and we’re going to commercials.
