The SmarK DVD Rant for Drawn Together – Season Two
(Note: I’m dumping the A/V scores and overall ratings starting with this one and I’ll just mention them if there’s something really wrong with either one, so if anyone REALLY misses them or indeed even cares enough to actually read them, let me know)
No one would argue that reality TV has long been in need of a good dressing down, and certainly the concept of sticking cartoon characters in a house together should be a funny one. However, one thing about a concept like this is that a little goes a long way. 20 minutes is hilarious, but 3 hours of it can be a bit trying.
The idea is as follows: An unnamed “Jew producer” coerces eight dysfunctional cartoon stereotypes into a Big Brother-ish house with a million cameras and we watch the sparks fly. All the characters are pretty recognizable, but here’s a quick guide.
Captain Hero. He’d be the closest thing to the main character, a Superman clone who’s perverted and horny and increasingly gayer as the series progresses. He always runs from a fight, and he represents the ultra-macho frat boy characters on reality shows.
Foxxy Love. The most featured character of the second season, she’s a clone of crime-solving Hanna Barbera girls like Josie & The Pussycats. She’s almost as horny as Captain Hero and represents the “black power” soul sister characters on reality shows.
Wooldor Sockbat. Kind of an amalgamation of Spongebob and Stimpy, he’s listed as a “wacky whatchamacallit” and that’s good enough for me. When you need a wacky cartoon character who operates outside of the laws of physics, you get Wooldor. He’s the outcast weirdo on reality shows.
Princess Clara. An amalgamation of the Disney princesses, but with more abject racism. She is the voice of ultra-right wing conservatives and hates everyone but her own race. Basically, she’s Amber from Big Brother 8.
Spanky Ham. An internet download, drawn in the style of Flash animation, Spanky is the voice of vulgarity, saying whatever is on his mind. He is the crude party animal on reality shows.
Toot Braunstein. An obvious parody of Betty Boop, Toot is aging and still drawn in black and white, and is most frequently the brunt of everyone else’s rage in the form of fat jokes. She represents the self-obsessed bitch on reality shows.
Ling Ling. A parody of Pokemon, specifically Pikachu, Ling Ling is a caricature of all Asians, speaks in gibberish, and lives for battle. He represents the token foreigner in reality shows.
Xandir. Probably the only character with any real development over the course of the series, Xandir is a parody of Link from the Legend of Zelda, and lives by videogame rules — he can be controlled with codes and he has infinite lives. By the end of season two he is very, very gay. He of course represents the Gay Guy in reality shows.
At the end of the first season, they were trapped on a plane going down in the Caribbean while the house was destroyed, and they probably should have just left well enough alone and ended it there, frankly, but that’s where we pick things up in season two.
Disc One
The One Wherein There Is a Twist (Part Two). The Lost jokes come hot and heavy as last season’s cliffhanger is resolved by a meeting with “that douchebag Jeff Probst”. And his cock. The “uncensored” nature of this DVD becomes immediately apparent, as you see EVERYTHING now and it’s somehow a lot less funny that way. So everyone goes crawling back to the house after some incredibly filthy dick jokes with the producer. The plot, such as it is, sees Strawberry Sweetcake replacing the lost Toot. And she may be an incredibly cute Holocaust perpetrator. Remember: You can’t spell “slaughter” without “laughter”. Funny stuff, but it just goes SO over the top trying to offend, like the baby seal clubbing or the unfunny interludes with Toot on the island. The native with the drum sting would become a running gag throughout the season.
Foxxy v. The Board of Education. Spanky gets a virus and has to “gay marry” Xandir to get insurance, while Foxxy has to get a Mystery Solving License to continue unmasking child molesters. However, it turns out that there really is a huge conspiracy by The Man, as a Schoolhouse Rock parody confirms that the white man is just trying to keep black people stupid so they’ll keep buying bling. Just when you thought that racism couldn’t get any racismer. The gay marriage plot is a loser and the Schoolhouse Rock stuff was done 100 times better on the Simpsons.
Little Orphan Hero. The gang decides to start a suicide hotline, as a result of some fascist editing by the producers. They must watch Big Brother. Captain Hero learns that his planet didn’t actually blow up after all, and in fact they’re stealing cable from it. A tearful reunion with his parents goes bad when he has the always-awkward conversation about how he was aborted in Mexico. He works out his grief by destroying his home planet, then realizes his boo-boo. The suicide hotline stuff leads up to a stupid bit with an armless and legless undercover officer, and even the characters are admitting it sounds like it was written by a grade schooler. Now, I know what you’re thinking — normally suicide and abortion are instant comedy GOLD, but not here, sadly.
Captain Hero’s Marriage Pact. Hero is reunited with bedpost notch Unusually Flexible Girl. (“I missed you like a retard misses the point!” “What do you mean?”) Foxxy reunites the Foxxy Five and they end up dead after a night of partying and an orgy with each other. UFG’s “I’m Marrying Her…O” tattoo is truly awful stuff. Speaking of tasteless, Foxxy writes a catchy hit single about her band’s horrific death, then discovers that they’re not really dead, just mounted on her hood. Spanky’s “Oh, you black people and your hood ornaments” is another great line. Hero agrees to marry UFG, then immediately regrets it and sends her into the arms of Wooldor. Much like JD, he learns that he only wants what he doesn’t have. Like herpes. Funny stuff.
Clum Babies. This one is all kinds of weird. A pubescent Wooldor learns to masturbate, with (graphic) help from Foxxy, and starts producing Clum Babies as a result. Magical, healing spunk it is. Ling Ling finally gets a B story, as his years of casual battling are put aside for an arranged battle. Princess Clara’s cartoonish conservatism brings in the Veggie Tales, who teach Wooldor about abstinence and self-flagellation and Jesus. Clara, however, gets an ironic fatal disease and needs the clum to survive, which sets up Bob the Cucumber going on a John Woo-esque killing spree when they can’t figure out how to end the episode. Like I said, weird, although another really funny one.
Ghostesses In the Slot Machine. Turns out the house is constructed on an ancient burial ground, and naturally it’s haunted. So what else to do but build an Indian spirit casino? So this sets off our two plots, as Foxxy builds a strip club within and teaches Clara how to dance. Meanwhile, Captain Hero and Spanky take dirty bets on Hero’s battles…until the League of Heroes busts him for gambling on himself. Ethan Hawkman may be the funniest superhero name ever. Clara’s dreams of exotic dancing turn out to be an attempt to win her father’s love, as their already-sick relationship goes to the next level. Hero’s big showdown with the League turns into a soccer game as everyone is diving, and of course no one learns anything except “Don’t let Indians build casinos.”
Super Nanny. Best of the series, hands down. Hero is paranoid about all things Super, including TV’s Super Nanny. Ling Ling tries for his driver’s license, but since he’s Asian just stepping behind the wheel causes a giant accident in a sight gag funny enough to make me cough on my drink the first time I saw it. Hero lures Super Nanny into the house, but then learns the awesome power of the Naughty Stool. Doctor Wooldor Americanizes Ling Ling by taping his eyes open in another one of those bits that you SHOULDN’T laugh at, but do. And it turns out that Jo Frost is EVIL. Anyone who’s watched that show can tell you that. NEVER TRUST THE BRITISH! The hilariously wrong Asian jokes, showing how they supposedly view the world, carry this one past the comedy goal line.
Disc Two
Terms of Endearment. Hero uses his X-ray vision to peep at the girls, but gives Foxxy a brain tumor, which is exactly the kind of hard-hitting story that Superman won’t touch. Sadly, she’s turned into even more of a stereotype of blacks (“What was she before?”), and Hero is so remorseful that he decides to give up his powers…by riding a horse and falling into a wheelchair. Take THAT, Christopher Reeve! You got served! Of course, this backfired on the creators when Reeve died three weeks before this was to air in the first season, and thus it got pushed back into the second season. Although if people could tolerate all the other crap on this show, I don’t see how that joke was any worse. So we journey to the camp for censored characters. And you can just guess which cartoon mouse is the evil mastermind. Luckily everyone’s seen Superman the Movie and Captain Hero knows how to fix things.
Captain Girl. Hero’s never-seen sidekick Captain Girl dies at the hands of the Mad Libber (if they were HALF as witty with the rest of the show as they were with throwaway jokes like that, it would have been a million times better). Meanwhile, Toot wants a baby, so they get a Nicaraguan one. Hero has transference issues while going from Captain Girl to Wooldor as a new sidekick (“Captain Girl at least had the decency to tuck her balls between her legs!”) but Wooldor is as bad a sidekick as Toot is a mother. When you’re baby is pregnant, you’re a BAD mother. So remember: Have your babies spayed or neutered.
A Tale of Two Cows. The fourth wall gets bashed down yet again as Wooldor takes in Live Action Cow from the Live Action Forest. It’s a still photo of a cow, see. An incredibly stupid but somehow funny bit with the cow taking on Live Action Squirrel With Big Balls sees the cow becoming a hero. Meanwhile, in the B story, Toot attends her 10 year fat camp reunion, after she’s shunned for not being fat enough. That storyline and her resulting “romance” with Xandir proves to be a loser, but Wooldor bizarre story about killing a trucker and wearing him as a suit, along with Captain Hero’s rampant cowardice, saves the episode. More fourth wall stuff as the rabid Live Action Cow goes on a murderous rampage, killing off the Simpsons, the Jetsons, the Flintstones and South Park. Very weird stuff, but the cow story is hilarious.
Xandir & Tim, Sitting In a Tree. Xandir meets Hero’s mild-mannered (and very gay) alter ago, Tim Thomason, who looks just like Hero, but with glasses. Everyone else reads a bad review of their show in Entertainment Weekly, and goes from worshipping the magazine to hating it. Spanky is so distraught at being called the least funny character that he quits and becomes a hostage negotiator and giving us more cartoon parodies. The truth hurts, pig. Captain Hero, engaged in a bizarre love triangle with Xandir and his own secret identity, has trouble reconciling his two halves. This actually brings up one of the primary reasons why the show is both so hilarious and yet not very good — there’s a scene where it’s implied that Hero is getting sodomized by Xandir, and he’s doing a voiceover and notes that “Something was going on, and he could feel it in his guts.” That’s a funny line. Seconds later, he does a confessional where he then notes “I noticed I was getting f*cked in the ass more than usual lately.” That sums up the problem with the show right there, as they have a perfectly good punchline where everyone gets the joke, and then they proceed to kill it with the sledgehammer of vulgarity. They do that a LOT on this show, somehow needing to say things for the sake of shocking the viewer rather than advancing the story or hitting the joke. At any rate, Xandir comes way, WAY out of the closet here. The other storyline with the rest of the group invading the EW offices and murdering everyone is exactly the kind of childish reaction you’d expect from this show.
The Lemon-Aids Walk. Captain Hero’s secret weakness — sports games — is revealed, and he decides to do the AIDS walk to prove his manhood and “get more AIDS than anyone”. And when you need to prove your manhood, what better way than with steroids? It works for HHH. Surprisingly they go with the baseball punchline rather than the wrestling one. Hero ends up shunned and living with fellow users like Popeye and He-Man in a sobering scene. OK, not really sobering as much as really funny. Meanwhile, in the B story, Wooldor gets caught shoplifting and we get the millionth Shawshank Redemption parody. It’s kind of funny that a movie no one saw originally has inspired so many tributes. Oh, and no one can judge me but JUDGE FUDGE, baby. He’s only guilty of being so delicious! The hell with the rest of them, give the Judge his own show.
A Very Special Drawn Together Afterschool Special. Xandir wants to come out to his parents, so the house engages in some roleplaying to help him practice. And of course everyone takes it WAY too far and they get caught up in their own story. Xandir ends up caught in a prostitution racket and learns about Cleveland Steamers the hard way, while Hero and Toot have some seriously confusing times as his parents. The goofy Movie of the Week roleplaying is actually a better story than most of the episodes, because the writers were able to calm the hell down for once and focus on getting the parody just right. That being said, the ultimate punchline might as well have been broadcast from space because everyone sees it coming, but sometimes the obvious way is the best way.
Alzheimer’s That Ends Well. Clara goes on “Extreme Vaginal Makeover” to get rid of her Octopussoir, so we get as many vaginal jokes as they can cram into 20 minutes. Trust me, it gets old FAST. Toot is diagnosed with Alzheimer’s and locked away in a home, but we learn than it’s all just a scam perpetrated by old people so they can be lazy all day. The old folks turning on her and cutting the brakes of her walker is a pretty inspired joke, but the vaginal makeover story was just too much of an already marginally funny bit.
The Drawn Together Clip Show. In true Big Brother fashion, it’s time for the LIVE Drawn Together finale, where the winner will be crowned. Lots of fourth wall stuff as usual, as they play with airdates and add retardedly funny pop-up video fun facts. And it’s just a clip show, basically, which is weird for a show that only has 15 episodes in a season. It does, however, raise another point: If this had been the only episode of the show, done as a standalone bit, it would have been absolutely hilarious and people would have talked about it for years. To me, that shows that the characters aren’t strong enough on their own to sustain a series, because it’s basically a half-hour concept and little more.
Overall, this show pretty much defines hit-or-miss. It’s written like they’re all doing coke in the soundroom and trying desperately to cram every offensive joke they can into 20 minutes, and sometimes it work and mostly it doesn’t. When it works, it’s funny enough to carry the show, but when it doesn’t (like with most Toot or Spanky bits) it falls flat and just makes you groan more than anything. As well, they can’t seem to decide what the show is even ABOUT. Is it a reality show parody starring cartoon characters, or a cartoon parody set in a reality show? Sometimes they’re stuck in the house, most times they just go where they want according to the needs of the plot.
If the characters were better it would be less of an issue, but really the only guaranteed laughs come from Ling Ling and Foxxy. Xandir and Clara are a one note joke, Hero is just all over the place, Spanky and Toot are painfully unfunny most of the time and Wooldor depends on the context he’s placed in. It’s not the ridiculously offensive humor that bugs me, it’s the fact that a lot of time they just do a fart joke or have someone saying something horrible that no real person could get away with, and rely on the contrast of the cartoon image doing bad things to carry the “joke”. It’s funny in a twenty minute episode, but taken over the course of a season it can only be sustained for so long before it just looks desperate.
That being said, the show is hilarious a lot of the time and is well worth watching if you’re not easily offended, but it’s heartbreaking because the potential was there for so much more if they had better writers and direction and characters and story ideas.
Extras
Fairly sparse, as you’d expect from a low-key release like this. You get a series of 5-minute interviews with the voice talent, most of whom look nothing like you’d picture, and commentary on two episodes: Terms of Endearment and A Very Special Drawn Together Afterschool Special. You also get the dumbest special feature I’ve seen in quite some time, the Potentially Annoying Commentary on the Commentary. Yes, it’s a second audio commentary on Terms of Endearment, as they play the first track and then comment on the commentary. Given that the original commentary isn’t very good to begin with, this is a bad idea that only gets worse.
The Pulse
Overall, I like the show and will watch because when it’s funny it’s absolutely hilarious, but be warned that you have to wade through some terrible stuff to get to the great lines. And also be warned that if you don’t think there’s humor to be found in pedophilia, AIDS, suicide, abortion, drugs or racism, then this show is more than likely just going to offend you rather than amuse you. It’s certainly an acquired taste, but if sophomoric humor is what you’re looking for, this show delivers in spades.
Recommended.
