Monday Night Rabble

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ORTON DESTINY CHAMP
CHAMP DESTINY ORTON
ORTON CHAMP DESTINY
DESTICHAMP ORTINY…

nevermind..

T H E
M O N D A Y
N I G H T
R A B B L E

So last night we crowned a new champion. Then he lost, so we crowned a new champion. Then he lost, so we crowned a new champ. So it’s Orton. I guess I’m ok with that. I guess.

So here are the Rabbletiers for the week:
DANI – She holds my heart.
JEFFREY – He holds my beer.
ERIC – He holds more earings than any of us.
MIKE – He actually has held wrestling titles.
BILL – He holds pens… occasionally.
..and your holder of the Rabble Court, Me, James Hatton.

And finally, the holders of the forums – The Insyders!

What do the Insyders think?
“I hope that there are MORE AMIBGUOUS DATA STREAMS tonight.” – Insyder JigsawPuzzle
“So I think the BBB is actually going to be Bam Bam Bigelow. If anyone can crush Triple H, it’s Bam Bam” – Insyder SarcasticWolf

Starting the show off with the Chairman, Vince McMahon!

He explains how the title switched a bunch of times last night. We get a gratuitous video montage. Orton is our champ. So yeah, history was made. RKO on the table. It of course, didn’t break…
“Ow, that table probably lost its smile after that RKO” – Insyder SarcasticWolf
“I guess it didn’t break cause it’s tired of everyone’s bulls***.” – Insyder Blackheart

Vince promises there will be more history tonight!
“I’m taking the belt again..” – Me

He’s actually having all the Raw folks come on out and they have to shake Randy’s hand.
“I’m bored already.” – Dani

Vince starts to explain Shhhyber Shhunday and we are stopped by Vince standing at the top of the key. He looks weird in white with his light show.
“Vince: “You remember Cyber Sunday, don’t you?”
Crowd: Silence…” – Insyder DarkSlimer

“Isn’t cyber sunday Jericho’s idea???” – Insyder Tommyboy925
“Technically, Vince stole the idea from him.” – Insyder DarkSlimer

He gets to the ring and he looks a touch angry. His first words to Vince, ‘Shut up.’ Triple H explains that people don’t care about Cyber Sunday right now..
“Or ever, really..” – Me

They care about tonight. He’s invoking his rematch clause.
“Called it last night.” – Bill

Vince explains that he feels it’s not the right thing to do.
“Stephanie asked me not to let you.” – Dani

But, because Vince is fair… tonight Orton vs. Trips…
“Not for the title?” – Eric

Vince struts up and says, ‘wait.. yes, Trips vs. Orton’…
“AND?” – Me

‘..and his partner, Umaga. Handicrapped match.
“Oh joy, another handicapable match” – Insyder SarcasticWolf

COMMERCIAL ONE – 9:13

Hey, here comes the new Woman’s Champion.. Beth Phoenix.
“So I fast forwarded, did I miss anything in this match?” – Eric
“No.” – Me
“I saw she’s bringing in the era of the Glamazon..” – Eric
“As long as she’s not bringing in the era of Glow..” – Dani
“Glow is awesome, shush.” – Me
“Did someone implant a tiara in her head?” – Insyder SarcasticWolf
“You can’t be a Glamazon without a tiara” – Insyder tommyboy925

So now here comes Melina and Jillian.

Now here comes Candice. Mickie. Maria! All clothed in pink.
“Its an all female Hart foundation!” – Insyder Evil Crippled Hand

BETH / JILLIAN / MELINA vs. MARIA / MICKIE / CANDICE
12 Angry Breasts.
“Is that booing?” – Bill
“That’s the siren in the music.” – Me
“I’d be booing” – Bill
“Here’s a group I’d like to clusterf**k.” – Insyder Blackheart

Maria charges Melina and hits a head scissors! Quick tag to Candice. Baseball slide to Melina. She throws Candice to the corner, Melina charges.. some crap happens.

Tag to Beth, and somehow Mickie is in… I really missed something there. Beth beats on Mickie and tags in Jillian. Jillian wracks Mickie’s leg, and fast tags to Melina. Pin for two, and hot tag to Candice.

Candice gets the northern lights suplex for two. In run Maria and Mickie to doubleteam on Beth. Mickie fights with Beth. Maria beats with Melina. Candice and Jillian in the ring.
“Why are we paying attention to the ring?” – Eric
“Because we’re supposed to wath Candice Michelle suck.” – Dani

So Candice gets a victory roll. The end.

Hi Maria

WINNER: 6 Happy Breasts

COMMERCIAL TWO – 9:24

In the back, Regal has redecorated Coach’s office.
“Regal looks like hell.” – Eric
“He does…” – Me
“Withdrawl?” – Eric

So they show us pictures of British people… Regal’s friends.. George Michael, Elton John, and Elizabeth… Coach cracks smart that all three are Queens.
“William Regal is a man’s man, you know” – Insyder SarcasticWolf
“See? Just because Cena is gone doesn’t mean the gay jokes have to go away to.” – Insyder DarkSlimer

This is all stopped by Vince, who asks about Hornswaggle. Regal says he is taking a nap. Regal then pawns off the job of watching Swaggle to Coach.

Of course, he’s missing. (From the closet..) Regal blames Coach amusingly.

The first commercial for Shyber Shunday.
“”DAMN IT I thought it was about to be a Save_US spot and its a stupid Cyber Sunday spot” – Insyder Conner Dunsuren

Coming up in a bit – a Cena interview.

COMMERCIAL THREE – 9:34
“Extended Vince promo… check…
Diva match… check…” – Insyder FlamingToilet

Hey, wait.. It’s Maria’s Italian music… but no Maria?! Oh, it’s Santino!

His opponent…. VAL! Yay!
“Holy crap, Val Venis in a storyline.” – Insyder Blackheart
“The porn star who should be champion” – Insyder Conner Dunsuren
“Now I see why Venis wore a shirt last week… looks like someone got a nasty case of WELLNESS!” – Insyder Flaming Toilet

SANTINO MARELLA vs. VAL VENIS
Plumbing Porn… hm..

Santino rolls out and grabs Lillian’s mic. He first wants to introduce Lillian Garcia.. and she’ll be performing with her band in espanol.

He admits to Santino that he can’t fight him tonight.. he has a pressing engagement.. so Regal gave him this substitute…

“Snitsky?” – Dani
“..woopdefuck..” – Me
“It’s.. umm.. not my fault?” – Bill

SNITSKY vs. VAL
Lame
“So is this squash not his fault?” – Insyder Conner Dunsuren

Lock up and Snitsky boots Val’s leg. He removes his kneepad and works the hell out of Val’s leg.
“I like that for this gimmick they told him to never clean himself and to cut himself shaving.” – Dani
“And they gave him Austin Powers’ teeth.” – Me

Snitsky hits an underhook something er another. A pump handle other thing. The End.

WINNER: SNITSKY
“What is Val Venis thinking/feeling about being the most voted guy for the WWE Title? Then he gets to RAW and told he’s jobbing to THAT” – Insyder MarkAllen
“Man…his back looks just like my junk” – Insyder Chucky

We’re now getting a flashback package of Evander Holyfield with Matt Hardy? Why?

And now, another flashback to Cena’s injury.

COMMERCIAL FOUR 9:45
“Yay! Cena is next! *smoke break*” – Insyder FlamingToilet

SAVE US TIME! – SAVIOR_SELF – REV12:22! Heee’s coming!
“REV22_12? Hatton is going to be on Raw on the 22nd of December?” – Insyder SarcasticWolf
“No, Raw is gonna be in the 2212th IHL.” – Insyder Chucky
“So it has finally happened. the WWE is acknowledging that only the Rabble can save them.” – Insyder JigsawPuzzle

Hey look, it’s Cena! He’s out for 7 – 12 months. He doesn’t want to insult the fans… but..
“YER AN ASSHOLE!” – Me

..it’s going to take recoop time.
“Oh.” – Me

He continues to prattle on about Orton.

HEY!
“Neigh?” – Eric

HEY!
SAY! Etc.
“Ghey?” – Jeffrey

So, here comes Orton…
“It’s the Little League spot?” – Bill
“How so?” – Me
“Slapping hands going ‘good game’.. good game.. good game..” – Bill

COMMERCIAL FIVE – 9:54

Umaga Time.
“Good to know that face turn went well for him..” – Me

ORTON & UMAGA vs. TRIPLE H
Stop… Hammer Time
“Wait.. what’s the main event?” – Bill
“The hand shaking?” – Eric
“I hate it.” – Bill

Insyder’s thoughts:
“Back in my day, we put the main events on at the END of the show. And that’s the way it was and we LIKED it!” – Insyder Chucky
“IN MY DAY they didnt even show the main events on TV as they would start 4 minutes before the show ended.” – Insyder Conner Dunsuren
“And they made us sit through Robin Hood to see the ending!” – Insyder FlamingToilet

Hey Trips gets thrown out and Umaga beats on him outside. Orton stompies all over Orton.
“Why doesn’t he just lie down?” – Eric
“Isn’t it for the title?” – Bill
“We have no idea…” – Me

(It’s apparently not.)

Orton holds Trips down and Umaga splashes. Oh, and Trips is bleeding again. Umaga holds Trips. Orton dropkicks him.

Samoan drop. Orton now holds Trips’ legs while Umaga climbs to the top. Finally, Hunter pushes Orton out of it, shoving Randy into the corner and dropping Umaga.

Trips now on his feet, he hits the kneelift on Randy. Goes for the Pedigree.. Umaga stops it. Umaga charges and Trips drops sending Umaga to the outside. Orton charges in for a spinebuster!
“Time to make the champ look really good!” – Me

Pedigree set-up again and Umaga hits Trips with a chair for the DQ.
“Aren’t you glad this wasn’t the main event?” – Me
“…but I’m not happy about the main event..” – Bill

WINNER: TRIPS via DQ

Trips then gets squashied all over the place by Umaga. We don’t care.

Bill even tries to start a boring chant in the bar.
“Wow. when was the last time you saw HHH take a beating like that? that was a fun match.” – Insyder soak1313

So the refs all surround him… and they treat this like he just got really injured.
“They are taking so much better care of him now than when he tore both quads.. COMBINED!” – Eric

Trips stumbles up the ramp. Literally stumbles.
“He’s dead Jim” – Insyder SarcasticWolf
“Okay, seriously, we can cut to commercial now.” – Insyder FlamingToilet

COMMERCIAL SIX – 10:10

Hey.. recap of Trips dying.. oh and Hunter moving through the hallways.. Vince stops him and says that Trips must also go out and shake Randy’s hand. He is going to have to be the first one.
“He probably just remembered it’s his turn with Aurora tonight.” – Insyder BBrianBlair2

Hey, Hooliganz!
“Heellanders?” – Me
“Hopefully.” – Bill

We get a flashback to the Highlander turn. Nice.
“Did JR said that The Highlanders being evil would SHAME Piper…Has he been watching the same Piper I have for the past 24 years?” – Insyder Conner Dunsuren & SarcasticWolf
“Well, he’s got cancer now, so every bad thing he ever did is erased from history. Just like Bobby Heenan.” – Insyder FlamingToilet

HOOLIGANZ vs. THE HIGHLANDERS!
Match of the night!
“If yer not down wit dat! …. We got two words for ya… YER CRAP!” – Me
“Can they tag with Finley?” – Dani
“With a manager of Roddy?” – Jeffrey

London starting with Rory. Suicide dive of both on both. In the ring is Robbie with London. Rory gets the tag and he is beating down on London. Fast tags with the double headbutt to London. Chinlock from Robbie. London fights out of it and armdrag!

Hot tag to Kendrick and dropkicks all over the place. Pins for two. Rory runs in to break it, but London comes in and tosses him out.

In the ring, Kendrick charges Robbie.. Robbie moves and a roll-up with feet on the top rope for the win.
“Illegal pin! Best move in the game!” – Bill

WINNERS: HIGHLANDERS

Diva. Woopdty…
“Look the diva challenge… I’m gonna go take a shit” – Insyder soak1313
“If ever a segment needed an Umaga run-in, this is it.” – Insyder FlamingToilet

In the back.. Coach is looking for Hornswaggle. Some random guy hasn’t seen him. Neither has Cody. Finally, Regal asks Coach if he’s found him.. and of course, he hasn’t.

NEXT – Hardy vs. Kennedy!

COMMERCIAL SEVEN – 10:24

Lillian now is coming out to sing.

“I will translate…
I like my eggs poached..
I train monkeys..
I am wearing my pants backwards..” – Me
“Where are they?” – Bill
“Nowhere near a town that would understand this.” – Eric
“Somewhere, people are going ‘WHO HIT THE SAP BUTTON!?” – Me
“This sounds like J-Pop, but spanish..” – Dani

“Is this Eddie’s new theme music?” – Bill
“stop that.” – Me

Insyder Thoughts:
“Where’s Hugo Savinovich and Carlos Cabrera when we need them?” – Insyder FlamingToilet
“Buried under a mountain of Spanish Announce Table Debris.” – BSUVincent
“Triple H had them fired to make more room for his ego I bet. Freakin’ Triple H, man.” – Insyder DarkSlimer
“Why can’t this be a sing-a-long with the Rock?” – Insyder Evil Crippled Hand

Ok, so Santino comes on out…
“Why is he here?” – Dani
“To be a meanie..” – Me

He wants to sing.. so he sings about hating the Condemned. With subtitles.

Funny.

COMMERCIAL EIGHT – 10:34

HEY! KENNEDY! KENNEDY!

Since actions speak louder than words, he wants his actions to speak that he is the future of sports entertainment.

“KENNEDY!”

He gets a great heel heat as Hardy comes on down.
“How injured is he?” – Jeffrey

JEFF HARDY vs. MR. KENNEDY
Non-title match – Kennedy’s winning

Two signs:
“Haired Warrior”
“Rainbow Haired Warrior”

This amuses us.

Kennedy and Hardy lock up. Side headlock from Kennedy. Turned to a waistlock from Jeff. Kennedy hits the ropes and throws Jeff back. Shoulder checks from Jeff.
“Oh, Jeff, don’t do that thing you did to Murdoch last night.” – Bill

He goes for the rolling legdrop. Misses. Grabs Kennedy’s legs. Hits the double legdrop for two. They get to their feet and fight out of it and Kennedy hits the northern lights suplex for a two count.
“What the hell? Two Northern Lights Suplays in the same show? Is Lance Storm booking the matches?” – Insyder SarcasticWolf

Kennedy then slaps Jeff and they tumble to the outside. Jeff then climbs in to hit the short baseball slide. Heads to the top turnbuckle and leaps for Kennedy.. MISSES!
“Jeff Hardy kills a fan!” – Bill

COMMERCIAL NINE – 10:44

We’re back and Jeff was getting ready on the top turnbuckle and Kennedy dropkicks him down. Single leg crab from Kennedy.

Jeff gets the rope and Kennedy ends it, only to hang Jeff’s leg on the rope and go all stompy on it. Finally Jeff pushes Kennedy and he flips to the outsid.e He tries to pull Jeff out, only to be kicked again. Finally Kennedy runs in and clips his leg!

Pin…. TWO ONLY! Great match!

Ken now picks up Jeff… they struggle and Jeff hits the jawbreaker! Jeff with backelbows, neckbreaker, selling the injured leg. Kennedy then makes a cheapshot right to the leg.

Kennedy hits the pin and legs on the second rope, still only gets a two count. He throws Jeff to the ropes, reversed for a side russian leg sweep. Jeff now goes for the double leg drop for two!

Both on their feet again, and Jeff kicks him in the gut. Goes for the Twist of Fate. Kennedy counters! Jeff counters! Single arm X-Factor!??! Jeff climbs up for the Swanton!

KENNEDY MOVES!!!!! PIN!!!! JEFF REVERSES THE PIN!!!

GETS IT!??!

WINNER: JEFF HARDY!

Fantastic match!

In the back Regal and Vince are talking about Hornswaggle… Regal explains that he’s been taking an extended.. outstanding.. nap. Coach runs in to explain he hasn’t been able to find ‘him’.

They go on a Abbott and Costello bit about who they are looking for, only to find Hornswaggle sleeping in a steamer trunk.

Vince then tells Regal to bring Hornswaggle to the ring. Regal tells Coach.

Here comes everyone to the top of the key. Our main event hand shaking is next.

COMMERCIAL TEN – 10:56

Heya, Vince is in the ring with the red floor… Vince explains that all the superstars are at the top.
“Hey, Charlie’s there!” – Eric
“Noted.” – Me
“Super Crazy is still on Raw?” – Eric
“Who knew?” – Me
“He didn’t..” – Eric

So here comes Randy! In a suit and all. He gets up to the top of the podium and we all await the wrestlers to begin walking.

Vince first shakes Randy’s hand and gives him the mic.
“I thought Trips was going to shake his hand first..” – Me
“Well Vince fucked that up, didn’t he?” – Eric

Randy explains that he’s the best. He refers to himself as the ‘One Man Dynasty’
“I will be the WWE champion for a long long time.” – Orton
“No Mercy notwithstanding.” – Bill

Vince wants Trips to come on down now to shake Randy’s hand.. and he’s not at the top.
“Under the ring?” – Bill
“Under the podium in a fetal position?” – Me

“I don’t care how long this takes..” – Vince
“You don’t have any more time, it’s 11:05” – Bill

So we wait… (11:06) Randy has been given the authority to go back and get Trips… and SHAWN MICHAELS MUSIC!?!??! No shit!

Insyder thoughts:
“HOLY SHITE” – Insyder Evil Crippled Hand
“!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” – Insyder DarkSlimer
“WELL HOT DAMN” – Insyder Conner Dunsuren
“I’m marking out like a little girl right now” – Insyder soak1313
“Man I was popping for Michaels, then the Marlboro man comes out.” – Insyder AFN_of_the_Dead

…and from the ‘Great Minds Think Alike File’
“HBK looks like Skinner” – Mike & Insyder MarkAllen

He meets him at the top of the key! He’s wearing his hat and vest.. he walks forward, backing Randy to the ring again. He charges in and spears him down, beating the hell out of Randy!

SUPERKICK! DEET! DONE!

Shawn climbs on top of the podium..
“Trips leaps out, drops Shawn on his quad.” – Me

So we got HBK on the top of the podium on his knees in praise position.
“Praise Allah?” – Me
“NO!” – Jeffrey
“What, he’s right. He’s facing Mecca.” – Bill

So that’s the show…

What did the Insyders think?
“I think the end saved the show” – Soak1313
“The show was alright till the end when the ROOF BLEW OFF” – Evil Crippled Hand
“Okay, I’m in shock. Didn’t even mark out. I was legit surprised. I think the fans were with me…” – Editor MmPulse
“That was the best 3 minute RAW ever. Because nothing happened before Shawn came back. Right?” – BSUVincent
“Boring-ass RAW, but a f**king awesome ending.” – Blackheart
“Wow, continuity in WWE programming! Shawn Michaels returning with a vengeance against Orton almost makes up for pretending that Roddy Piper was a saint throughout the years.” – BBrianBlair2

What did we think?
“Best ending to Raw that I’ve seen in months.” – Jeffrey
“So I guess the promos are for Jericho..” – Bill
“I dunno..” – Eric
“Needs more chaps.” – Amy (Who was quiet the whole show)
And I say… KENNEDYYYYYY… lost? Oh well. Jericho at Shyber Shunday!