I was in Disney World this weekend and got home this afternoon, and my DVR completely was filled up with the wife’s episodes of the Today show and I missed RAW. Apparently I missed quite a fun time. The ending’s spoiled for me, but I’ve got the show for watching tomorrow morning. Outside of knowing that the title changed hands twice in twenty four hours and HBK returned, I don’t know anything else. That pretty much spoils the entire show, but let’s pretend that I still want to watch it. And let’s also pretend that I won’t find out what happened with the RAW replay on ECW tonight, but whatever.
Okay, show starts with a recap of the ECW title match from No Mercy. Here’s a recap for you:
Big Daddy V dominates, Punk fights back and eventually gets the best of Big Daddy V. Striker interferes, Punk still has the title. Expect a series of rematches until John Morrison returns and takes the title from Punk. That could all change if Punk’s recent exchange with Tony Atlas is heard from Johnny Ace from Atlas’ point of view instead of Punk’s.
Oh jesus. Tonight is Punk vs. a returning Morrison. I spoke waaaay too soon. Juice-Boy is back.
Big Daddy V over Tommy Dreamer
Wow. Before the match we get one of those “dating style” videos from Big Daddy V from the ECW 2.0 early days. Dreamer is tonight’s sacrificial lamb. Let’s do the short and simple version of this mess.
#1: Big Daddy V dominates Dreamer.
#2: Tazz says “How do you prepare for this?”
Kevin Thorn over James Curtis
Kevin Thorn needs to gain some traction. I don’t think fighting Joe Nobody will help him much. Maybe he needs to put more conditioner in his hair and grow a full beard. It worked for John Morrison. Do you see how much I’l talking about this match? Somehow I’m not talking about this five star barn burner.
Joey and Tazz talk about what Tazz did for the ECW title. Somehow Tazz glosses over the fact that he made up his own belt and defended it while the champion was on the shelf with an elbow injury. Instead Tazz says he did whatever he needed to get the title.
Post match Thorn looks pissed. I think it’s because he screwed up the torture rack and instead dropped James Curtis’ ass onto the canvas instead.
Backstage, The Miz makes fun of Kelly Kelly for liking Balls Mahoney. Kelly Kelly is distracting because she’s sporting some kind of magic bra, because she’s never before had cleavage that popped out so much.
Promotion for Stone Cold’s movie. Blah.
The Miz over Balls Mahoney
Balls has Teddy Balls with him. I hope this doesn’t turn into Al Snow/Head. Anyway, Balls goes after Miz, Miz goes to the ropes and gets an advantage with an unfair break. Miz whips Balls and gets a flying forearm. Balls hits Miz’ head into the turnbuckle a few times and goes for punches in the corner, but only gets a few before he’s cut short.
Miz throws Balls onto the ropes and hits a few forearms and flies over the top rope and drags Balls neck onto the ropes. Miz goes for the head in a rest hold and Balls fights out and drags Miz off of him. Miz gets an elbow to the face and a cothesline before the Balls punches. He hits the last punch but gets a two. TWO!
Balls goes tot he apron, but pauses to look at Kelly Kelly and gets hit to the outside to the table by the Miz. Balls is out on the floor and the Miz wins by count out. FUCKING LAME.
Post match the Miz throws Teddy Balls into the crowd. Today is a day that will live in infamy like the day Al Snow was forced to eat Pepper by the Big Bossman, Pepe was thrown into a wood chipper and Moppy was thrown into a wood chipper.
If you don’t remember who the hell John Morrison is, here’s a recap video. Shame they don’t include the fact that he was implicated in the recent drug bust or that you can expect to see him with less pronounced abs than in the past tonight because he’s probably been off the juice for the past 30 days.
Remember the RAW recap that I was talking about earlier? Here it is. Here’s the hard sell for Cyber Sunday. I miss Taboo Tuesday.
Juice Morrison over CM Punk
He’s back and still looks just as HGH’d up as he did before. Before the match we get another recap from No Mercy, same edit as before. Punk is sporting no beard. What a good attitude he has for shaving that beard off. Punk’s also got taped ribs. Morrison goes to the ribs quick.
Punk regains control with a welcome to Chicago MFer and Morrison gets a few more shots to the ribs. Morrison goes to a abdominal stretch. Punk can’t get a hip toss, neither can Morrison. Punk hits a monkey flip and a clothesline on Morrison, sending him out of the ring. Punk attempts a plancha, but lands on his feet and attempts a suplex on Morrison onto the steps. Instead, Morrison drops Punk ribs first onto the steps. Ow.
Back from the break Morrison doesn’t quite back a bow and arrow, but it’s something. Punk fights out, misses a clothesline and Morrison hits the takedown/backbreaker combo. Morrison attacks the ribs more and hits a jump over the ropes from the apron baseball slide. Morrison kicks Punk in the back as he attempts to get into the ring and then gets thrown back into the ring. Morrison hits a few knees and hits an inverted back breaker, but can only get a two. TWO!
Morrison goes for the neck and calls a few moves to Punk on the apron in the process. Punk fights out with a few punches and gets pushed into the corner and gets hit with a few shoulders in the mid-section.Morrison clean breaks in the corner and misses with a charge. Punk hits a springboard dropkick (ala Jericho). Morrison gets back on the apron and trades blows with Punk. Punk ducks a shoulder block and kicks Morrison in the chest. Punk hits a few elbows and a kick to the front of a seated Morrison and the back. A jumping knee wields a two. TWO!
Punk hits the rising knee and bulldog and that only gets a two. TWO! Morrison hits an enziguiri and only gets a two. TWO! Morrison takes his time going o the top rope and is stopped midway. Punk goes for the GTS and Mosrrison hops out and hits a springboard enziguiri. Punk hits an enziguiri of his own and attempts to go to the top. He’s crotched on his way up and Morrison hits a reverse suplex and pins the current ECW champion. Punk’s head snapped pretty hard on the canvas, hope he’s okay. I’m surprised Morrison didn’t blow any major spots in the match, he was spotty at best when he didn’t have ring rust.