By Paul Marshall
We begin tonight’s episode of RAW with Mr. Kennedy inside the ring. He gets his microphone and he reminds everyone that Sunday is Cyber Sunday. He runs down the contenders, comparing Jeff Hardy to Hillary Clinton – they have no testicles which is just wrong. He compares Shawn Michaels to Rudy Guillani. Both men are tough, but they live in the past. He gloats about being the U.S. Champion and this year’s Money in the Bank. He also beat some top people to get to where he is at. He quotes JFK, in his own way. This is how the 2008 Presidential Election should run.
Jeff Hardy interrupts from the cheap seats. He doesn’t take being interrupted very well. Hardy says that his approval ratings suck. Kennedy doesn’t want to debate tonight and he talks about the facts. Hardy reminds everyone that Kennedy failed at trying to pass off as a McMahon among other things. Hardy hops the rail and he is taking it to Kennedy. Orton comes out and gets him a piece of Hardy. It is two on one until the calvary comes out. HBK takes on Orton, who runs like a coward. Hardy gets back up and he nails Kennedy over the top rope. Chalk one up for Hardy, who is left standing after a wild start tonight.
Tonight: Candice Michelle v. Beth Phoenix in a Two out of Three Falls Match
Commercials
We are back as we get a recap of what happened before the break. Our first match is very interesting.
Mickie James, Paul London, & Brian Kendrick v. Melina, Lance Cade, & Trevor Murdoch
Nice to see Melina hanging out with the A-list rednecks, but it is nicer to see Mickie James wearing the same color outfits as London & Kendrick. London and Cade start things off. Back and forth action by the two men with London using his speed to get the advantage. Tag to Kendrick, and he has Cade in an armdrag. They tag back and forth until Mickie tags in. This brings Melina into the match, as it is mixed tag rules. Mickie nails two vicious kicks and Melina tags in Murdoch. Kendrock gets involved, but his assault is stopped with a jawbreaker. Cade tags in and he nails a neckbreaker for two as Melina does her primal scream. Murdoch gets back inside and scores a two count. Murdoch and Kendrick fight to the ropes, which allows Cade to tag in. Nice kick to the head as Murdoch and London get the tags. London nails a spinning heel kick for a two count, interrupted by Cade. Melina tries to interfere, but is taken out by Mickie James. Cade looked to clothesline Mickie James, but he nails Murdoch instead. Cade gets tossed and London scores the victory!
Winners: Mickie James, Paul London, & Brian Kendrick
Match Rating: *** – Another great opening match with no faults. Great work by all involved.
Next up is Officer Diva, as the Diva Search contestants force Grisham to assume the position. All three finalists are live on RAW and we will see them later tonight!
Commercials.
We are back as Jeff Hardy and Shawn Michaels have a heart to heart. Tensions begin to build towards Cyber Sunday.
Cody Rhodes is reading WWE Magazine until Shelton Benjamin & Charlie Haas show up and pick on him. The good news, Cody doesn’t face Hardcore Holly the bad news, he has to face Shelton Benjamin tonight. Didn’t Cody beat Benjamin? Humility ensues as Benjamin looks to beat Cody up tonight.
More backstage fun as Coach wants Hornswoggle in a match tonight. William Regal doesn’t want to make the match. Regal tries to say that Mr. McMahon double-crossed Coach last week. Regal believes that McMahon loves Hornswoggle. Coach bribes with Regal, and the match is on. Apparantly, Coach doesn’t want to wrestle Hornswoggle. He wants Umaga to face the Lucky Bastard tonight. Regal says nothing as we head to
Commercials.
Back to the action as Cody Rhodes makes his way to the ring. He has a three match losing streak, losing to Holly three times, of course. Shelton is seconded to the ring by Charlie Haas. I smell something fishy
Shelton Benjamin v. Cody Rhodes
Benjamin opens the match with a stiff kick to the midsection. He backs Cody to the ropes and he works on the leg. Benjamin sets the leg on the ropes and he drops his weight on it. Rhodes gets back up and locks onto a side headlock. He lifts Benjamin up, but his leg gives away. Cody nails Benjamin with a knee to the gut, but it is the bad leg. Benjamin runs at Cody, who nails a corner bulldog for two. Irish whip to the ropes, but Charlie Haas scares Cody. Rollup by Benjamin is countered by Cody, who gets the three count.
Winner: Cody Rhodes
Match Rating: **
Post match, Benjamin and Haas beats Cody up until Hardcore Holly comes out to interrupt the festivities. Holly and Rhodes stand tall. They look at each other as it looks like Cody has earned Holly’s respect.
And much to the dismay of the viewing public, Umaga takes on Hornswoggle later tonight. Pray it’s quick.
Commercials.
We are back and inside the ring is the son of the British Bulldog, D.H. Smith, according to the scroll.
D.H. Smith v. Carlito
They lock up in the center of the ring. Both men jockey for position, as Smith takes Carlito on the exchange. Carlito misses a clothesline and Smith nails a overhead release suplex. Carlito gets on the offensive, nailing a dropkick for one. Carlito has a knee to the small of Smith’s back, but Smith gets out of it. Irish whip to the ropes is countered. Carlito scores with a kick for a close fall. Both men are back up and are tied at the corner. Smith breaks the hold with an European Uppercut. He nails a couple dropkick, followed by a Northern Lights Suplex for two. Carlito is back up as he nails a springboard elbow for one. Carlito gets whipped to the ropes, but he leapfrogs onto Smith’s shoulders. Running Powerslam connects and that is all!
Winner: D.H. Smith
Match Rating: *3/4
Backstage, Beth Phoenix and Candice Michelle go face to face, psyching each other up. The situation is tense, but we are in for a treat as the massacre of Hornswoggle is about to commence.
Commercials.
RAW is back on and the commentators show some “memories†of Coach and Hornswoggle from last week. It was a blast, I tell you. That blast was sponsored by ACME, where you can get all your explosive needs for one low price!
Umaga v. Hornswoggle
Even Lillian Garcia is disgusted. However, Hornswoggle comes out from underneath the ring. He knows that he has been sent to the execution chamber. Hornswoggle stalls getting inside the ring. Hornswoggle runs up the ramp as Coach doesn’t give chase. Things get more interesting as he runs to Triple H for help. Triple H enters the ring as he and Umaga give us a preview for Cyber Sunday. The referee gets ditched, but more referees try to restrain them. Agents now get involved, and they are still unsuccessful. Triple H gets tossed over the announce table. No matter how restrained either man get, the other attacks. These men are going to fight out of the arena, no doubt. Dozens of agents and referees finally restrain the order nope! Maybe this time they have them separated. No match here thank god.
Commercials.
A replay of the happenings from moments ago is played. Backstage, Umaga is tearing everything up as the multitude of agents and referees are keeping their distance from him.
We head over to Todd Grisham, who announces to the world wide audience the WWE Diva Search finalists! They are Brooke, Eve, and Lena. Sadly, one of them has to be eliminated tonight. Lena has been the unfortunate diva to be eliminated. The two remaining finalists have thirty seconds to convince us to vote for them. Head over to WWE.com to vote. Eve seems to be the one that will win it all, but that’s me.
Backstage, the two biggest egos in the WWE have a face to face. Orton says that the fans won’t vote for Kennedy, so the objective is to weaken Hardy and Michaels tonight. Orton thanks Kennedy for making the task of taking Cena out so much easier. Kennedy tells Orton that he’ll play nice during the match, but after the match all deals are off. Orton says that Kennedy doesn’t want to make an enemy out of him.
The tag match and the Women’s Title match is coming up later tonight!
Commercials.
Santino Marella and the lovely Maria make their way to the ring. Santino shows off the 500th issue of WWE Magazine. He names off some people in the magazine. Stone Cold Steve Austin is mentioned two hundred some-odd times. He’s interrupted by
Save Us X29
Please Stand By
2nd Coming
Upon Us
Santino believes that it was Stone Cold was sending a message. He goes into Stone Cold mannerisms until Ron Simmons comes out. Rematch time!
Ron Simmons v. Santino Marella
Marella attacks the leg to start, but Simmons backs him back up. Simmons brawls with Marella and wins on that exchange. Marella finds an opening for a two count. He applies a headlock as it looks like Maria wants Santino to win. Simmons fights back to a vertical base. He whips Marella to the turnbuckle. Marella nails a low blow in plain sight of the referee to get disqualified. Marella passes it off as an accident, but the referee isn’t buying it.
Winner: Ron Simmons via DQ
Match Rating: *
Todd Grisham is with Triple H. Triple H doesn’t care what match the fans pick. He looked into Umaga’s eyes and seen doubt. Sunday, he will see fear. At Cyber Sunday, Umaga will fall to the King of Kings.
The first of our two main events is up next!
Commercials.
Two out of Three Falls for the WWE Women’s Championship
Candice Michelle v. Beth Phoenix ©
If my mind serves me correctly, this is the first time the WWE Women’s Championship has been defended in a Two out of Three Falls Match.
First Fall
Phoenix backs Michelle into the corner and she nails some brutal hits. Michelle finds herself on the edge of the apron. She climbs on top and nails a hurrancurana. Sunset flip try is countered to a two handed chokebomb. Phoenix goes up 1-0. The second fall ensues as we head to commercials.
Commercials.
Second Fall
We return with the second fall in progress. Phoenix has Michelle in an unique double leg submission. Candice has had little to zero offense during the break. J.R. calls this a Boston Crab, but I question that. Michelle slaps her way out of the move, but she is met with a hard kick to the chest. Phoenix nails timely shots to the face, but Candice gets the offense in. Clothesline gets a two count as Beth takes control. Inside cradle by Michelle gets a two count. Michelle gets a spinning heel kick for two as well! Candice goes up top. Phoenix hits the ropes and Candice lands HARD on her neck. It looks like a legit injury as the referee talks to Phoenix. They go right to the finish.
Winner: Beth Phoenix (2-0)
Match Rating: **1/2 – Nice match until the ending, which was unfortunate.
The commentators are hushed up a bit as Candice Michelle sits up. It looks like she was legitimately knocked out. Candice lies down as they call for an ambulance to the ring. Candice is moving around, so that is a good sign. What appeared to have happened, she lost her balance when Beth Phoenix hit the top rope. The full force went to her head, neck, and shoulders. The EMT’s wrap a neck brace on Candice. J.R. notes that high risk moves sometimes pay off and sometimes they do not.
Randy Orton makes his way to the ring. The main event is NEXT!
Commercials.
We return to the show as the card for Cyber Sunday is announced. I’ll be participating in the roundtable this weekend, so keep an eye out for my picks.
Shawn Michaels & Jeff Hardy v. Randy Orton & Mr. Kennedy
Michaels and Kennedy begin the match. They lock up and Kennedy is the aggressor. He nails rights to Michaels. The role is reversed, but chops hurt harder than rights. Botched neckbreaker doesn’t connect, but Kennedy sells it anyways. Hardy gets the tag and nails a wraparound clothesline. On the top, Hardy nails an elbow to Kennedy’s back. Hardy misses a splash and Orton gets the tag. He works on Hardy in the corner. The referee pulls Orton back, only for Hardy to get a little offense in. Short arm clothesline connects for a two count. Kennedy gets into the match and he gets a close count on a elbow. Hardy gets on the ropes, and Kennedy whips Hardy over. Hardy avoids contact and he tags in Michaels. Michaels gets the jawbreaker and scoop slam, but could not scale the turnbuckle. Orton gets the tag as Michaels gets pummeled. Orton circles around Michaels as he picks him up. Michaels gets his second wind, but Orton sends Michaels to the turnbuckle with force. Kennedy gets the tag and a close fall. He applies the abdominal stretch on Michaels. Michaels fights out of it, but Kennedy nails a double backbreaker for a two count! Green Bay Plunge attempt fails, but Michaels runs into a reverse elbow. Orton gets tagged in and he works on the leg and hand of the Showstopper. Orton taunts the crowd and that revives Michaels. Kennedy tags in and he gets nails some vicious shots to the kidneys for a two count. Orton gets back in and he applies a body scissors to force a submission. Michaels fights out of it as both men fight it out. Orton gets a chop block and prevents a tag. Michaels connects with the enzugiri as both Kennedy and Hardy get tagged in. Hardy is all over Kennedy as he nails the corner dropkick for an interrupted two count. Michaels knocks Orton out of the ring and he nails the plancha. WHISPER IN THE WIND connects on Kennedy. Hardy climbs to the top, but Kennedy follows. Kennedy gets knocked off. SWANTON BOMB connects and Hardy scores the win!
Winners: Jeff Hardy & Shawn Michaels
Match Rating: ***1/4 – Match of the Night, enough said.
Post Match, Orton attempts the RKO, but he gets KICKED into next Sunday by Shawn Michaels! Hardy and Michaels stand tall as the show ends.
Show over.
The Inside Pulse
Quick Results
Mickie James, Brian Kendrick, & Paul London d. Melina, Lance Cade, & Trevor Murdoch (***)
Cody Rhodes d. Shelton Benjamin (**)
D.H. Smith d. Carlito (*3/4)
Umaga v. Hornswoggle never happened
Ron Simmons d. Santino Marella via DQ (*)
Beth Phoenix d. Candice Michelle two falls to zero to retain the WWE Women’s Championship (**1/2)
Jeff Hardy & Shawn Michaels d. Mr. Kennedy & Randy Orton (***1/4)
