Probably…
Oh right..
Shyber Shunday.
Now though:
T H E
M O N D A Y
N I G H T
R A B B L E
Here we sit in O’Brien’s Tavern in the heart of New Jersey…. ok, so it’s not the heart… it’s barely the kidneys. It’s kind of like Jersey’s ulcer. Somerset. Anyway, for those who aren’t aware of what the Rabble is – the Rabble is people watching wrestling. It’s that simple. We watch it and yell at the TV… just like you. We then write it down for thousands of people a week to read… just like you.
Our Rabbleteers tonight:
ERIC – From Information Superhighway Saturday!
BILL – From Telnet Tuesday!
DANI – From FTP Friday!
MIKE – From Porn
Starting in the ring… we have…. KENNEDY! He wants to address the candidates for Shyber Shunday. First we have the Intercontinental Champion, Jeff Hardy. He compares Jeff to Hillary Clinton.
“Neither will be president?” – Me
On the other hand, we have Shawn Michaels.
“He’s going to run out of hands.” – Bill
Anyway, Shawn is like Rudy Giuliani… both living in the past. He asks Shawn, “What have you done for me lately!”
“Eddie!” – Me
“Where’s your God now Shawn?” – Bill
“Ask Shawn.. he’ld say everywhere!” – Me
Kennedy then goes on to explain that he has wins over Rey Rey, Batista, and even the Undertaker. He’s a former US Champion. So to paraphrase a certain politician that shares his name… “Ask not what Mr. Kennedy can do for you.. but what we can do for Mr. Kennedy…”
He then gives us a political stance.
“A chicken in every pot!” – Me
“Some pot for every chicken!” – Bill
“….cluck man….” – Me
This is all interrupted by Jeff Hardy who is in the crowd.
“Which Hardy brother is it going to be? …Donatello?” – Bill
“Jeff Hardy is stealing the Sandman’s shtick?” – Insyder SarcasticWolf
“Does Jeff drink beer?” – Insyder Evil Crippled Hand
“Mystical Unicorn Juice” – Insyder RVD
He then yells at Jeff for interrupting him. Then says ‘Kennedy’. He then claims Kennedy’s approval rating sucks. Kennedy explains that Jeff doesn’t want to get into a debate for him.
“He’s right, he’s got the cool mic.” – Bill
“A main event political debate?” – Me
The crowd sides with Hardy. Jeff explains that Kennedy keeps failing. Trying to win the IC Title.. he failed! Come Cyber Sunday, he too will fail.
“The wellness policy.. YOU FAILED!” – Dani
So then Jeff charges in and beats on down in the midst of the ring. This is all broken up by Randy Orton who beats down on Jeff as Kennedy holds him down. Finally, running in extremely late…
“He’s old.” – Eric
Shawn takes Orton out. Jeff gets out of the hold with Kennedy and clotheslines him over the top.
COMMERCIAL ONE – 9:10
Tonight – Shawn & Jeff vs. Kennedy & Orton.
Now running to the ring.. THE HOOLIGANZ with a HOOLIGAN MICKIE!
“I”m a big fan of that team.” – Dani
“14 year old gentlemen, ready your hand-lotion…er…maybe not” – Insyder SarcasticWolf
Cade.. Murdoch.. and Melina?
“She doesn’t fit.” – Dani
“Which one of these is not like the other..” – Me
“Which one of these does not belong..” – Bill
HOOLIGANZ & MICKIE vs. CADE & MURDOCH & MELINA
SIX BREASTS & CADE & THE HOOLIGANZ
London starting with Cade. Gets Cade into a sideheadlock, runs the ropes to take him down to the mat. Cade throws him to the ropes and a shoulderblock. Cade throws him to the corner, London leaps up and over to the top for a flying cross body.
Tag to Kendrick and a sunset flip for two. Drops Cade down with a hiptoss. Fast tags back and forth. Bill would like me to point out that every time they drop Cade down, he slaps the mat. He feels Cade’s tapped out three times.
Finally a tag to Mickie and in runs Melina. Melina hits the roeps and a hairpull take down. Mickie then throws her to the ropes and hits the back kick. Before she can capitalize – a tag into Murdoch and in runs Kendrick. They fight against the ropes. Finally Murdoch hits a jawbreaker and a fast tag to Cade.
Kendrick becomes the face in the corner as the fast tags continue to beat him down. Kendrick out of nowhere gets the enzuigiri and a fast tag to London. He hits the ropes and drops Murdoch. Dropkicks left and right. The big spinning heel kick for two as Cade stops the count.
Mickie charges in and Thesz Presses Melina! They head on out as Murdoch goes to clothesline Kendrick… DUCK… HE HITS CADE! RUNNING MOONSAULT FROM LONDON!
WINNERS: THe Good Guys
So Mickie heads out.. looking… confused? But she won.
Oh.. divas… whatever.
COMMERCIAL TWO – 9:23
Jeff Hardy is talking to Shawn… we’re not paying attention.
“Does he have tentacles crawling up his neck?” – Dani
“…apparently so… creepy.” – Bill
“Someone should tell Shawn that his 1993 look should have stayed there” – Insyder SarcasticWolf
Also in the back, Shelton and Haas are making fun of Cody Rhodes for losing over and over and over for losing to Bob Holly. Shelty explains that he is not going to lose to Holly tonight. He’s going to lose against Shelton.
“And then I’m gonna steal your wallet!” – Me
“Geez..” – Bill
“I meant Cody.” – Me
Anyway, he explains the difference is he respects Holly.
In the back Regal and Coach are explaining how Coach wants a match versus Hornswaggle tonight. Regal and he discuss how Vince might want that… Regal finally succumbs and agrees. Except Coach seems to think that Hornswaggle should face Hornswaggle.
Regal seems to like that idea! Amusing.
COMMERCIAL THREE – 9:33
Jamoe is still smoking and misses while Cody Rhodes come down to the ring. With incredibly lame music.
CODY vs. SHELTON
I missed the opening..
Shelty drops Cody and slams his leg on the rope. Cody fights to his feet, finally goes to the ropes and drops down to eat a boot to the chest. He out of nowhere hits a kneelift on Shelty, the bulldog for two.
Cody then hits the ropes, Charlie tries to hit Cody. Misses and he turns around for the roll up! Cody reverses it for.. THE WIN!!!
Cody now eats the beatdown from TWGTT.
WINNER: CODY!
In runs Bob Holly!!!
“He looks like a big red ape!” – Bill
COMMERCIAL FOUR – 9:41
In the ring is HARRY FUCKING SMITH! He’s the son of British Bulldog and he’s dedicating his first match to his dad.
HARRY SMITH vs. CARLITO
Famous Familia De Wrestling
They’re calling him D.H. Smith though…
“…what’s that supposed to mean I wonder? Designated Hitter Smith? Drunk Hooker Smith?” – Insyder Darkstar
Carlito starts up by armlocking. Harry hits a back arch to reverse it. Fucking cool. Goes for a pin for two.
“He lifted Carlito’s head with his mind.” – Bill
Carlito gets to the outside apron and hits the top rope for a dropkick for two. He shoves Harry into the corner and chops him down. Carlito slams again and knees into Harry’s back. Finally Harry gets to his feet, but eats a boot and a clothesline for two.
“How long before he’s fed to Bob Holly for a month straight?” – Insyder DarkStar
Carlito continues with side headlocks. Harry fights out and hits a northern lights for two. Throws Carlito to the corner. Back elbow from Carly and Harry was left waiting for it but still gets the two count. They fight in the corner, and Carlito tries to leap over, but is CAUGHT by Smith! POWERSLAM!
WINNER: HARRY SMITH!
In the back, Beth and Candice discussing going on their knees…
“They’re in an indy locker room.” – Hernandez
“Live from OVW!” – Me
COMMERCIAL FIVE – 9:52
So last week, Coach got into a Loony Tunes situation. Even the whimsical music. Nobody’s paying attention.
“That segment was WW equivalent of Gavin Quest” – Insyder SarcasticWolf
Here comes UMAGA!
UMAGA vs. HORNSWAGGLE
David vs. ….oh nevermind….
Lillian even looked sad when introducing Horny.
He walks into the ring tentatively.
Coach orders him in and he gets into the ring. THe bell rings. Hornswaggle runs.
This ends with Triple H’s music.
“I think Hunter is de-evolving. The eyecrest is getting bigger.” – Me
They get into the ring and beating the hell out of each other. Trips leaps onto Umaga Thesz style.
“AWW my quad.” – Me
Trips throws him outside.
“IRS is out!” – Hernandez
Trips climbs outside and grabs a chair!
“So…… streetfight?” – Dani
Trips runs across a table over the refs.. nothin but net.
This whole thing doesn’t end.
COMMERCIAL SIX – 10:05
We’re back and Umaga is still raging in the back.
“Do NOT throw that table.. it’s got merch on it.” – Jeffrey
“USE TRANQS!” – Eric
“A guy with a safari hat would rule.” – Dani
Todd Grisham… Divas…. Live this time.
There are three – let’s discuss:
“Please stop.” – Dani
The Gold one.
The Fishnet one.
The Asian one.
Fishnet on wins.
They tend to.
One of these girls…
“Has Chlymidea!” – Me
The Asian’s gone.
In the back, Orton and Kennedy want to have a talk together. We really are not paying attention to anything tonight. I apologize to the Rabble readers. It’s just a boring show… cept for the matches. They’ve been good.
COMMERCIAL SEVEN – 10:18
Santino and Maria… sorry.. wait… let me restart there.
Maria!
Santino shows us the 500th issue of WWE MAGAZINE. The ‘Fresh’ Giant.
“The Fresh Giant?” – M
THIS IS ALL STOPPED BY A SAVE US COMMERCIAL!!!
UPON_US!
“X_29? X_BI? Orlando Jordan is coming back?” – Insyder SarcasticWolf
It’s going on during the show!?!? NEAT! Dammit.. nobody walks out… that would have saved this show.
Santino thinks it’s Stone Cold bringing us a message.
“I am going to open a can of the ass whip. And that is the bottom line.” – Santino
“I love Santino.” – Dani
This is stopped by Ron Simmons… and there is a ref!??
“Here comes Ron SImmons to open up a can of ass-whip.” – Insyder DarkStar
RON SIMMONS vs. SANTINO
Damn
Santino starts with the leg clips from Santino. Ron pushes Marella into the corner. He geos for a big shot and it’s blocked and returned by Ron.
Ron goes for a big fist, and he’s tripped and punched on down. Finally, stomped and pinned for two.
Chinlock from Santino. Broken out and a back elbow sends Santino to the corner. He tries to capitalize and eats a shot in the nuts…. Ding.
“(In Mickie Mouse voice) Damn!” – Me & Bill
“Ron: (weakly) d… damn..” – Insyder Evil Crippled Hand
WINNER: RON via DQ
“So wait, they are building it up that Santino is going to face Stone Cold… is Stone Cold going to save Maria?” – Jeffrey
“Not really…” – Bill
Trips doesn’t care what match happens at Shyber Shunday. He then gives us every tagline he can.
“THE WARRRIORAAAAHHHH” – Me
Next: Candice.
“Is it over yet?” – Dani
COMMERCIAL EIGHT – 10:29
CANDICE vs. BETH
‘The Nobody really cares title match’ – Dani
“Ok.. shitty match number one.” – Me
Tie-up to start. Beth pushes her to the corner. Before breakingit she throws a few big elbows. Tosses Candice counter corner. Candice leaps her. Slins to the outside apron and then runs to the top turnbuckle and hits a rana!
In the middle of the ring, back on their feet – Beth misses aclothesline in lieu of a sunset flip, but Beth picks her up and drops her hard! Pin! WIN!
WINNER: BETH PHOENIX
ONE FALL!
COMMERCIAL NINE – 10:37
We’re back and Beth has her in a single leg – almost liek a Walls… but not really. Anyway, during the commercial Beth kicked Candice’s ass. Candice punches Beth to get out of it and shove Beth to the ropes. Beth tries to get in there and Candice throws a kick. Instead Beth throws a mean knee. More elbows and Candice gets a few hard shots and a bunch of big clotheslines for two.
Swinging neckbreaker from Candice. She jumps up to the top… Beth hits the ropes and Candice DROPS…. Holy shit, face first, head first.. something went WRONG!
They pull her in and pin her. The end.
WINNER: BETH PHOENIX
Ok so the ref makes her pin her. The ref’s run in as Beth is leaving. Candice is sitting up, but she’s knocked f’n silly.
“Ya know, I don’t mean to sound slike an ****, but after she got her brain rattled, Candice looks smarter, and more aware of what is going on.” – Insyder AFN of the Dead
The 30 replays show she landed on her head and shoulder..
“KNEES AND TOES KNEES AND TOES!” – Me
So Candice is done for awhile.
“And since we’ve ran through the time we needed for her match… we can cut now.” – Dani
In the back, Orton heading to the ring.
COMMERCIAL TEN – 10:47
Shawn.. he’s a heartbreaker er something… and still has a neck.
The Rainbow Warrior is here! HOLY SHIT! ..heh.. I said that straightfaced. He too has a neck.
Kennedy! Kennedy! Ken-neck-edy!
HEY! THe Necked Champion.
“Wait, it’s off center.. it’s still a spinner?” – Eric
We all groaned at that.
ORTON & KENNEDY vs. HARDY & MICHAELS
Four necks
Shawn and Kennedy are starting up. Lock-up to start. Kennedy pushes Shawn to the corner and a big kick to the gut. Kennedy beats the hell out of Shawn in the corner, and as he backs off, Shawn throws him right in the corner with the big chops.
Shawn then misses the swinging neckbreaker. Follows up with a stomp.
“And THAT’S for messing up my neckbreaker!” – Me
Jeff gets the tag and hits the middle buckle for a double axe. Wraps Kennedy up and hits the neckbreaker. Climbs up and hits another double axe. Kennedy in the corner, Jeff leaps – Kennedy moves – Jeff’s head spins!
“TWO NECKS GONE!” – Me
“Where’s RVD?” – Eric
Tag to Orton now. He goes to swing at Jeff, but it’s blocked and Jeff hits his own, but Orton just destroys him with a clothesline.
Tag to Kennedy and he stomps down Jeff and follows up with elbows for a two.
Kennedy throws Jeff to the ropes. He holds on the ropes and boots Kennedy for the running leap to tag Shawn! Atomic drop and clothesline. Shawn now goes to the top rope, but Orton runs after him. Gives Kennedy enough time to attack Shawn and throw him to the ring.
Orton and Kennedy now beating down on Shawn. Orton completely in control of the match at this point. He picks up Shawn and goes for a hit, but it’s blocked with chops to chest. Randy then throws Shawn to the corner HARD. Tag to Kennedy who goes for a pin for two. Kennedy then goes for the abdominal stretch. Shawn tries to fight out of it… slowwwwwwly gets to his feet and begins the assault back.
Kennedy though catches him and hits a double backbreaker for two. He goes for a third, but Shawn fights out of it only to be dropped down again. Tags back and forth with Kennedy and Shawn is the face in trouble.
Orton hits Shawn into the bodyscissors/chinlock. Right into the side headlock. Shawn and Orton then break it down into chops and punches. Orton grabs onto Shawn’s leg and goes for the tag to Jeff. Shawn hits the enzuigiri and crawls for the tag.
TAG!S AROUND! Jeff in with Hardy! Jeff hits the big Thesz! Kicks Kennedy. Caught with the mule kick. Double leg dropkick from Jeff. Pin! Stopped by Orton. Shawn runs in and stops Orton sending him outside and diving to him.
In the ring, Jeff hits the whisper in the win! He climbs up and goes for the Senton, but Kennedy follows him up! Grabs him for the suplex… Jeff pushes him out and HITS THE BOMB! We’re done!
WINNER JEFF & HBK!
As Jeff turns, Orton is waiting… RK – SUPERKICK FROM SHAWN! WHACK!
“Dude! It was the Glass Joe sell!” – Insyder SarcasticWolf
“The shirt came off, no one cares about the match anymore” – Insyder Gotham Answer
“Patterson does” – Insyder SarcasticWolf
That’s that. We fade to black as they discuss Shyber Shunday.
Hell, the Insyders really weren’t even that interested in the show. That is what you get when you have a show that’s about people enjoying a show. When the show is bad… we have lots to enjoy. When it’s great… we have lots to enjoy. When it’s mediocre and in the middle of the spectrum, we are completely without anything to say.
What did the Rabble think?
“I want to see Candice drop off the top rope again.” – Jen
“I think it will be better when Jericho’s back.” – Amy
“Is it possible that Shyber Shunday might be good… no.” – Hernandez
“I got nuthin” – Eric
“It was boring” – Dani
“Eh.. average show..” – Jeffrey
We’ll see you next week… Jericho maybe? Please?
