Hi there guys and gals, and welcome to yet another Pulse Wrestling Roundtable – this time for WWE’s Cyber Sunday, which has shaped up to be a great looking card.
Care to have a gander at what your favourite Inside Pulse Writers think about it? Who did they pick to win the WWE Championship? What kind of match stipulation do they think we’ll see HHH beat Umaga in? (Come on… we all know he’s going to win).
WWE CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH
Randy Orton vs. ?
(Fan’s choose Orton’s opponent: HBK, Jeff Hardy or Ken Kennedy)
Danny Cox: Wouldn’t it be some shit if CenaHogan held the title for years like he did only to have Orton hold it all of a month? Doubt it’ll happen, but you never know. I voted for Kennedy at least a good fifty times, but you know that won’t happen. HBK is back oh joy, screams, and shrieks.
Fan’s Choice – HBK
Winner and STILL Champ – Randy Orton
Matthew Michaels: Randy’s keeping the belt.
Fan’s Choice – Jeff Hardy
Winner – Randy Orton
Vinny Truncellito: I really don’t buy the authenticity of the fan voting. Therefore, if WWE wants HBK in this match, HBK will “win†the “voteâ€Â. This being the case, are they going to hot potato the belt to the Forty-Something Kid? I’ll guess no. I think RKO will find a heelish way to hang onto the strap.
Fan’s Choice – Shawn Michaels
Winner – Randy Orton (no title change)
Mark Allen: It doesn’t matter won wins, Orton is still coming out as Champion. They can do a Michaels-Orton match proper at Survivor Series and/or Armageddon and they can do Jeff-Orton at the Rumble. This would save Triple H for WrestleMania.
Fan’ Choice – Shawn Michaels
Winner – Randy Orton
Paul Marshall: I would rather see Jeff Hardy getting the shot, but it seems that the WWE (and Randy Orton) wants Shawn Michaels to be the winner. What does that do to Jeff Hardy and Ken Kennedy? I say book them in a match with the Intercontinental Championship on the line. You got six matches…seven if you count the Diva’s thing…nevermind. That’s the best use for this pick. The World Title match, however? That’s an easier pick than the Fan’s choice…
Fan’s Choice – Shawn Michaels
Winner – Dr. Randy K. Orton, C.E. (Concussion Expert)
Paul Beasley: Orton retains, so that they can give us the HBK pay-off match later without the fans screwing it up by voting for someone else, and then keep it through until he drops it to Trips (or maybe even Jericho – ah, a man can dream…).
Fan’s Choice – Jeff Hardy. In a move that will cause Vince to cancel next year’s Cyber Sunday because the fans don’t do what he wants.
Winner – Randy Orton
Iain Burnside: It’s weird how all three candidates reflect different parts of Randy Orton. There’s the irritating loudmouth guy who keeps putting his foot in it, namely Kennedy… wow, I just started thinking about Karl Kennedy from Neighbours instead… okay, reading books about human sacrifice most of the day whilst short of sleep, having recurring nosebleeds and a stonking fat headache derails my thought processes somewhat. Oh, and there’s the guy who loves him some drugs and has ample emotional baggage in Jeff Hardy. Then we’ve got the guy whose brash attitude and political power-ploys threaten to taint his reputation, which by normal measures would be just fine on account of being a good worker, namely That Jesus Guy. It’s Trinity Orton time. The stipulation is as meaningless as the match itself, or even the whole damn PPV, since there’s no chance in hell of Orton dropping the belt to anybody other than the Hs or Jericho, and certainly not this soon. The only person who can end this title reign sooner rather than later is the headlock guru himself, since you never can tell when he’ll shit out some steroids in Stephanie’s desk drawer whilst crank-calling the White House and non-verbally demonstrating to Ron Simmons why the northern hemisphere ought to contain no black people. Sadly, this all means that WWE is going to overlook a potentially great moment. The fans love to vote. The voting fans love to back the Hardys. The Hardy-loving voting fans especially love it when the underdog in question is Jeff in a major title match. Imagine if he won the vote and won the title. Forget the extensive circumstancial reasons why it would never happen and just imagine it… pretty cool moment, yes? Now, the problem is not that WWE won’t produce that moment. It’s that they don’t even remotely think that they should and refuse to even contemplate it. After all, there’s a crippled forty-something Jesus freak to please. Pass me down the Kool-Aid.
Fan’s Choice – JEFF HARDY
Winner – RANDY ORTON
WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH
SPECIAL GUEST REFEREE
Batista vs. The Undertaker
(Fan’s choose the Special Guest Referee: ‘Stone Cold’ Steve Austin, JBL or Mick Foley)
Danny Cox: As much as I’d enjoy seeing JBL as the special ref, you know the fans aren’t going to lean that way. I think even Foley gets beat out for a chance for everyone to see Austin. I do believe that the WWE has decided to go back to the rumored long title run for Taker when he won the belt right before his injury and had to pass it off to Edge. I also think it’s going to be a little cool seeing Austin and Taker in the ring together again.
Fan’s Choice – ‘Stone Cold’ Steve Austin
Winner and NEW Champ – Undertaker
Matthew Michaels: Batista’s on the poster for Armageddon holding the belt, and has never beaten Taker before (I believe), so…
Fan’s Choice – Steve Austin
Winner – Dave
Vinny Truncellito: If there is any truth to the public vote, I figure Austin will win, just so beer-drinking rednecks can see the Rattlesnake on their TV screens. But if it IS rigged, JBL wins. Batista failed to defeat ‘Taker in several high-profile matches this year. So unless they want to completely bury Big DAVE (which they might want to after those excerpts from his book hit the streets) he’s got to score a victory here.
Fan’s Choice – JBL
Winner – Batista
Mark Allen: Batista will win this match so their series goes 1-1-2. Then Undertaker can win his belt back at Survivor Series. Plus it plays on his anniversary theme they always do at Series for Taker. I think JBL wil be the ref and both Batista and Undertaker will lay him, leaving Foley to come in and sub ref. Austin will make an appearance anyways to Stunner Santino Marella.
Fan’s Choice – JBL
Winner – Batista
Paul Marshall: The fans aren’t stupid. JBL has as much a chance of becoming special referee as I do getting a job in the WWE (which is slim to none). Between Austin and Foley, I give that edge to Austin since it guarantees a stunner for someone. (Santino, perhaps?) Anyways. Batista/Taker will most likely steal the show with their brawling styles. This won’t be for the faint at heart, just like their prior matches. I’m going out on a limb and say that Batista retains, only to lose next month.
Fan’s Choice – Steve Austin
Winner – Batista
Paul Beasley: Batista gets the win because they keep shoving it down our throats that he can’t beat Taker. Plus the posters for the next PPV kinda give that away. Slow and dull – just how Vinny likes it.
Fan’s Choice – The Fans are too stupid to pick JBL, who could do a great job as a heel ref, so they’re bound to pick Austin. Which means we’ll have the obligatory double-stunner again, proving once more that a retired wife-beater with no knees can beat up two active wrestlers. Of course, all universal laws will be undone when Undertaker is forced to sell the stunner.
Winner – Batista
Iain Burnside: As good a job as Santino Marella has been doing on Raw lately, I have no earthly idea why they’re setting him up to be fed to Austin just as Austin is being set up to referee a Smackdown title match on PPV. Then again, why is Marella being led to the proverbial slaughter at the hands of a non-wrestler who makes a handful of appearances per year and has done sweet fuck all to improve business in the past five years? Ah, hell with it. Considering most of Raw is geared towards highlighting the antics of the owner, a wannabe announcer, a leprechaun and Ron Simmons, the Marella stuff is the least of that show’s concerns. Smackdown’s concerns for the most part revolve around hoping to the greyest of heavens and hells that none of their remaining headliners get seriously injured. Taker’s already back way too soon, which may well suggest that they wanted to get the title back on him as soon as possible to build up steam for Edge’s return next month. On the other hand, if they were going to do that then they ought to have stuck to the original idea of a four-way here so that Taker could get the belt without pinning Batista and they’d have an actual reason for another singles match between the pair at the next PPV. The only conclusion to be drawn from all of this is that trying to figure out WWE booking plans is as painfully unproductive as poking yourself in the eye, non-stop for an entire day. Just, please, don’t vote for JBL. We need him announcing this match and slagging off Austin, not stumbling around the ring as Michael Cole tries to carry the commentating duties single-handedly.
Fan’s Choice – STEVE AUSTIN
Winner – BATISTA
ECW CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH
CM Punk vs. ?
(Fan’s choose Punk’s opponent: Big Daddy V, The Miz or John Morrison)
Danny Cox: How pointless would the match be if The Miz was actually in it? And I’m not sure if they still have plans of putting the belt back on Morrison, but Punk needs to hold it a bit longer. It’ll end up being Sir Fats-A-Lot and Punk will win by countout or dumb DQ or something.
Fan’s Choice – Sir Fats-A-Lot
Winner and STILL Champ – CM Punk
Matthew Michaels: This match scares me. I think if Big Daddy V wins, he takes the belt. Ack. If either of the others win, Punk keeps it.
Fan’s Choice – The Miz
Winner – CM Punk
Vinny Truncellito: Can’t imagine what the fans want here. I’ll guess Morrison gets the shot and regains the title.
Fan’s Choice – The Tuesday Night Delight, the Shaman of Sexy
Winner – John Morrison
Mark Allen: I hope Miz gets the vote just to piss everyone off. If it’s Miz or V, Punk will win. V is going to spend more time on SD! anyways. If it’s Morrision, he gets the belt back.
Fan’s Choice – Big Daddy V
Winner – CM Punk
Paul Marshall: We’re supposed to care about the three heels? Obivously, the fan’s mindset on this match would be to pick the one opponent that CM Punk can beat. This is the most obivous choice that if someone else gets picked, then the system is rigged, just like the 2000 and 2004 Presidential Elections.
Fan’s Choice – The Miz
Winner – CM Punk
Paul Beasley: Big Mammy V will beat Punk, because as we all know, in WWE the size of your tits reflects the size of your push.
Fan’s Choice – I don’t want to think that the fans would choose Big Daddy V over the other two, who might actually have an interesting match against Punk. But I do think exactly that.
Winner – Big Daddy V
Iain Burnside: This is a weird one – asking the fans to choose a heel from three candidates that are barely over, if at all? The build-up indicates that they want people to vote for who they think Punk is least likely to be able to beat, except they booked that match at No Mercy and chickened out of actually doing it. If the majority of fans decide to vote in the guy who they think Punk is least likely to drop the title to then it would mean voting for the most irritating candidate, albeit the only one that’s been doing a good job lately. That leaves Morrison as the candidate people would vote for simply due to – try not to laugh – star power. Yeah. I have absolutely no idea how this one is going to turn out and, to be honest, I simply don’t care enough to try and figure it out. Hell, WWE didn’t even think they were going to have an ECW TV show for 2008 until just a few days ago, so I really doubt that they have been putting much consideration into the direction of the title. Maybe the rumours that they just wanted to build up Viscera so he could go to Smackdown mean he won’t actually get the ECW title – or maybe the ‘talent merger’ negates that idea. Maybe the WWE’s inexplicable fondness for Morrison mean that they want him to regain the title in a bigger setting – or maybe the lack of much else to do on this card means they’ll go for the switch here if able to. Maybe I’m afraid of the way I love you. John McCartney? All in good time.
Fan’s Choice – JOHN MORRISON
Winner – C.M. PUNK
Triple H vs. Umaga
(Fan’s choose the stipulation: Steel Cage Match, First Blood Match or Street Fight Match)
Danny Cox: It’s a toss-up between Street Fight and Cage Match here, but either way Umagna is going to somehow win. Trips won the match at No Mercy and neither guy got the upper hand on Raw even though I think Trips got the better showing in the brawl. Umanga is going to somehow get a victory here by hook, crook, or thumb.
Fan’s Choice – Steel Cage Match
Winner – Umanga
Matthew Michaels: Please, like anyone’s NOT voting cage match.
Fan’s Choice – Cage
Winner – Hunter
Vinny Truncellito: Meh.
Fan’s Choice – Steel Cage, I guess
Winner – HHH, of course
Mark Allen: This could very well end up being the match of the night, regardless of stipulation. Both men will bleed and there will be a sledgehammer involved, regardless of stipulation. Triple H will win, regardless of stipulation.
Fan’s Choice – Steel Cage
Winner – Triple H
Paul Marshall: The Steel Cage stipulation was abused royally the last month and a half. I like a good old fashioned Street Fight, since that plays to both their strengths. Maybe the feud will end here… The match itself? Never bet against the King of Kings.
Fan’s Choice – Street Fight
Winner – HHH
Paul Beasley: I’ll give ya two guesses. Which should make it easy, what with there only being two competitors, but you’ll only need the first guess. Trip wins, clearly.
Fan’s Choice – Steel Cage Match. Because the others are just too uninteresting for words. I mean a cage match is pretty uninspired, but First Blood. Screw that. Pointless.
Winner – Triple H
Iain Burnside: I’ll be generous and suggest that Triple H will lose no more than three matches between here and WrestleMania – and none of them will be clean jobs. This is not one of them. And would you idiots stop cheering for the guy? As a babyface he’s running on nothing but diesel power. It ain’t good.
Fan’s Choice – STREET FIGHT
Winner – TRIPLE H
MVP vs. Matt Hardy
(Fan’s choose the stipulation: Wrestling Match, Boxing Match or Mixed Martial Arts Match)
Danny Cox: Why isn’t this for the United States title again? Yeah, I don’t get it either. The fans will probably pick an MMA match even though a wrestling match would be the best choice. If it was wrestling, it’d be a good match. Anything else is going to make it extremely dull. And since it’s not for the title, Hardy will of course win.
Fan’s Choice – MMA Match
Winner – Matt Hardy
Matthew Michaels: This is interesting. Especially if the fans pick MMA match and Hardy’s still injured.
Fan’s Choice – MMA
Winner – MVP
Vinny Truncellito: What? You can vote for NOTHING special at all? I hope they don’t try to fake an MMA contest, and boxing’s been done already in this feud. As far as the winner goes, it’s time to pull the trigger.
Fan’s Choice – Wrestling Match (how original)
Winner – Matt Hardy
Mark Allen: I really hope its a Wrestling Match so Hardy can win and progress the feud into the logical step of a US Title match.
Fan’s Choice – Wrestling Match
Winner – Matt Hardy
Paul Marshall: Finally, a one-on-one match between MVP and Matt Hardy. Now if they would put the U.S. Championship on the line, we’d be doing better. Matt Hardy bled like a stuck pig during SmackDown and took thirty-something stitches to close the gap. For a man like him to continue on, despite what had happened (which wasn’t a work)…he is awesome. MVP is already awesome, so this will be too hard to decide. It doesn’t matter what the stip is because any of the above will work. I like MMA since it’d be a new concept…but with it being the WWE, I’d be willing to bet that anything MMA-like would be laughed at by the real MMA fighters.
Fan’s Choice – Matt wants it, so I’ll say the stip will be a wrestling match.
Winner – Matt Hardy
Paul Beasley: As far as the winner is concerned, I can see the completion of the MVP face-turn happening here. He’ll lose by DQ after Matt is beaten up by someone, and then he’ll turn and protect/save him. Because life really is that saccharine sweet. It also let’s Matt get ready for his next feud, possibly the returning Edge.
Fan’s Choice: MMA. Because watching WWE try to figure out how to do a worked shoot match is like putting Eugene in a room full of shovels and telling him to take his pick.
Winner – Matt Hardy
Iain Burnside: Even Alanis Morrissette could not fail to appreciate the irony of having to vote to try and get WWE to put a wrestling match on one of their PPVs. If you’re wondering whatever happened to her then, well, just stop. The MMA option is of course the most intriguing one. It remains to be seen whether or not it will provide more perversely amusing comedy than having to vote on what they try to eat this time around. Patented Godwinn-brand slop? Whatever Jeff Hardy keeps in plastic bags about his person? Eric Cartman’s balls?
Fan’s Choice – MMA
Winner – MVP
Rey Mysterio vs. Finlay
(Fan’s choose the stipulation: Stretcher Match, Shillelagh on a Pole Match or a No-DQ Match)
Danny Cox: The No-DQ has worn out its welcome and stretcher matches are boring unless Mysterio is being strapped to one and swung up against the ringpost. Unfortunately they will use Finlay as a stepping stone here and have Rey do some freakish climb to the top of the pole and leap down with the shillelagh and win it. Michael Cole will then go into convulsions because “FINLAY GOT BEAT WITH HIS OWN WEAPON!!!”
Fan’s Choice – Shillelagh On A Pole Match
Winner – Rey Mysterio
Matthew Michaels: I don’t care who wins, I just want to see a fight with an ENDING.
Fan’s Choice – Stretcher Match
Winner – Finlay
Vinny Truncellito: No-DQ offers the most possibilities for an exciting contest, so I hope it gets the selection.
Fan’s Choice – No-DQ Match
Winner – Rey Mysterio
Mark Allen: I don’t really care much about this match either way. I do think its great that there is a very real possibility that this could be a pole match and Finlay and Rey are maybe the shortest guys on the roster. That shilleleight will be involved regardless of match type I’m sure.
Fan’s Choice – Shilleleigh on a Pole
Winner – Rey Mysterio
Paul Marshall: It’s sad that the only heel to this point I picked winning is Randy Orton, but I disgress. Finlay is midcard fodder and Rey is being re-elevated to the main event picture. With that said, since I’m picking Street Fight for HHH/Umaga, I’m guessing the fans want to see a Stretcher Match.
Fan’s Choice – Stretcher Match
Winner – Rey Mysterio
Paul Beasley: Rey’s obviously gonna win this, because Article 7 of the Laws of WWE state that Rey cannot lose unless a) It’s for a World Championship, or b) He’s injured. Article 27 states that “The WWE in no way accepts responsibility for not knowing what to do with Finlay.
Fan’s Choice – Shilelagh on a Pole Match. Because they’re retarded and think that Vince Russo is a wrestling god.
Winner – Rey Mysterio
Iain Burnside: Yikes. Choosing between these less than stellar options is like being asked to choose matches for that fabled Best of Al Snow tape. Actually, I’d have voted for Kennel in the Cell if it was listed. You just know that Finlay would snap and start stiffing the dogs – and nothing could be funnier than Mysterio being chased around the ring by a canine bigger than he is. Either that or something more exciting should have been placed on the pole, like Dominik, or a box of Lucky Charms, or there are three gym bags but only one of them hasn’t been shat in and if you don’t pick that one you lose. As it is, I guess we’ll just wind up with some more stretcher action. I had competely forgotten about the relevance of it to their No Mercy match, which shows just how much my memory no-sells these PPVs nowadays, but it fits in well.
Fan’s Choice – STRETCHER MATCH
Winner – REY MYSTERIO
DIVAS HALLOWEEN COSTUME CONTEST
Maria vs. Mickie James vs. Melina vs. Jillian vs. Lilian Garcia vs. Victoria vs. Torrie Wilson vs. Michelle McCool vs. Kelly Kelly vs. Layla
(Fan’s choose the Winner?)
Danny Cox: Mickie better be in something very revealing.
Fan’s Choice – Kelly Squared
Winner – Kelly Squared
Matthew Michaels: Uh.
Fan’s Choice – Maria
Winner – Maria
Vinny Truncellito: Uh how could we guess who will win until we see what they’re wearing? Lame
Fan’s Choice – No idea
Winner – Don’t care
Mark Allen: Eh, who cares?
Fan’s Choice – Mickie James
Winner – Mickie James
Paul Marshall: The obligatory “Let’s cram all the divas into one segment” moment. Teenage boys all over the world will enjoy this moment. But for me…same stuff, different time. The only thing that will save this abortion is that Beth Phoenix showing up and disposing of the trash, just to prove that she is truly a Glamazon.
Fan’s Choice – A pair of breasts
Winner – A pair of breasts
Paul Beasley: Maria, because she’s not won any of these bimbo competitions for a long time and she’s on the most popular show. And I will still not care about these contests other than the obligatory “time alone with my thoughts”. And with my right hand.
Fan’s Choice – Maria
Winner – Maria
Iain Burnside: See below.
Result – NO THANK YOU
