The show starts with an opening video package, detailing the whole “fight for the right” thing that they have going on. I want to believe that Kaz has some kind of shot, but being that they haven’t really given the guy a microphone since sometime around never, my hopes aren’t terribly high.
Before we go to any actual wrestling, it should be noted that Kurt Angle is outside with his wife, and they’re waiting for Kevin Nash to arrive…which he does. Angle is basically trying to tell him how much he values him, and how much he needs him. Just to show how much Nash really means to him, Angle, heel that he is, gives Kevin a signed picture of himself. Predictable, but cute, as Angle writes, “Kevin and Kurt, BFFs” on the bottom, remarking, “BFFs, Best Friends Forever, that’s catchier than NWO 4 Life!” Nash tells Angle how that was a shoot, and how he and Scott and Waltman are still friends, but that tonight, he’ll be ringside to watch Sting kick his ass. Does this just mean that Nash is going to turn on Sting tonight? These things always tend to turn out that way.
Match 1:
VKM, Tomko, and AJ Styles vs. LAX and the Steiner Brothers
To hear Tenay sing the praises of Tomko and Styles is weird. I still have yet to be impressed by Tomko, but he still has that New Japan Tag Title, and has held it for months. Am I missing anything about this lunkhead, or he really just the giant sack of average that I peg him as?
As for VKM, the fact that they still have jobs blow my mind. As far as I’m concerned, none of these guys have anything left to offer, and should be sent to rot on the indy scene with Tatanka and one of the nine different Doinks.
Styles and Homicide start, which is probably the best you can do with the group assembled here. Rick is tagged in after some standard stuff by the two most talented men in the ring, but Styles bails like crazy to tag in Kip James. Kip, for some bizarre reason, is STILL wearing the Torrie Wilson shorts/leg covers combo, and I have no idea why someone hasn’t corrected him yet. For a company that seems to be as much about the internet as and being “smart” as TNA, they seem not to listen to the majority of the Internet Wrestling Community, who absolutely hate the ludicrous fashion choice.
Wow, I just spent a lot of time discussing Kip’s tights while the match went on. Watching this, it’s really kind of apparent how far ahead LAX is of their partners, the Steiners. Part of me really wants to love the Steiners, but Scott simply isn’t what he was, and no amount of nostalgia will change that.
Tomko and Homicide square off, and Homicide goes for a monkey flip as we go to commercial. Why would he even try that on someone who has over a foot and a half on him, huh?
(Commercial)
There’s a commercial for the new Christian Cage DVD, which actually looks REALLY interesting.
Okay, so Hernandez is just beating up…basically everybody, which is what they should be doing with the guy. I mean, he sells when he should, but I like the idea of this big (but not too big) bull that can, under the right circumstances, take on all-comers. However, in a moment of ludicrousity, Kip James ALMOST beats LAX with the Fameasser, but Hernandez kicks out. However, a new member of the LAX comes to ringside with a sock with…something in it. Homicide whacks BG with it, and Hernandez falls on him for the pin.
Winners: LAX and Steiners, Hernandez via loaded sock
So now we have a new member of LAX? Any chance of it being someone worthwhile? I swear, if it’s Julio Dinero, I’m going to jump off a cliff.
He’s not dead or anything, right? I don’t feel like wikipediaing him, so I’m going to hope I didn’t just accidentally say something offensive.
Next is an interview segment with Sting, where he talks about how he’s going to rip Angle into little itty bitty gold medal-wearing pieces. We cut to the Angles, and Karen Angle has one of the best lines I’ve heard in a wrestling storyline in awhile when she says, “That wasn’t Sting talking, that was a pissed-off parent!” Angle then tries to get his wife to seduce Kevin, and Karen actually earns her paycheck, doing some pretty good acting in protest while Kurt acts like an ass.
I have to say, I like how they’re making a distinction between the wrestling motivations and the family motivations, and it was a neat touch to have Karen point out that the Sting here isn’t thinking about defending the title, but that, instead, it’s about getting revenge for the wrong done to his son, and it’s neat to see the whole scheme backfiring on them. So, a little gold star for the writing for that segment. Not sure how I feel about the whole “seduction†bit that they’re going for (as it never works unless the target is Vince McMahon or Batista, the latter of whom will just screw them then do what they want anyway), but for now, okay.
We’re about to go to the second match when we go to a commercial.
(Commercial)
Match 2: Championship Tournament
“Cowboy” James Storm vs. Eric Young
Yes, Eric Young is still scared of his pyro. The two mix it up to start, and Eric actually gets the upper hand, body slamming the bigger man, and even messing him up enough to wear his cowboy hat. Storm chases him around, but Young escapes. However, Jackie Moore grabs Eric’s leg, and Storm baseball slides him. He brings Eric back in with a DDT off the second rope, and gets two with it. Hey, Storm is using the HHH high knee! I figured HHH gets a nickel every time someone uses that move.
You know, I always hear people talking about how great James Storm is, but he has yet to really set my world afire. I mean, he’s decent, but I don’t see him as this amazing heel that everyone sees. Yes, he’s got a neat drunken redneck character, but I don’t feel that he’s THAT entertaining. He doesn’t have that wrestling spark that can keep him up there guys like Joe and Christian. However, as if he can sense me writing about how unimpressive he is, he hits Young with an enziguri and a lungblower for two. Something odd: during the lungblower, Tenay says that Storm “stabs the back.” Why make the one WWE reference that would fit that move?
Endgame comes when Storm charges Eric, but hits Jackie instead, and clocks her right in the head. Storm checks on her, then Eric checks on her while Storm looks upset…and so, of course, Storm clocks Eric with a superkick for the pin.
Winner: James Storm via Last Call
After the match, Jackie is a bit bothered, so she tries to offer Eric a beer, but Storm snatches it out of her hand, and she kind of reams him out for it. Eric eventually gets his beer, and I begin to wonder why there’s this friendliness towards him. Are they really going to do something with Jackie and Eric? Because that might be, y’know, interesting.
Backstage, Karen gets ready to seduce Kevin, and she asks Jeremy, “How do I look?” Jeremy, looking directly at her chest, says, “Great,” so she smacks him and makes him look her in the eyes. She goes inside, and the actual seduction is kind of a joke, as Kevin plays hot, and then drops her on the couch, basically saying that this MIGHT have worked ten years ago, but that she’s still an Angle, so she should basically just get the hell out, which she does.
This was what it was.
(Commercial)
“Earlier Today,” Tenay is interviewing Team 3D, and they talk about how much they’ve been screwed over the past few…well, ever. Team 3D seems to be taking over for Kevin Nash, as they’re now the ones beating up on the X Division. They’re mad at the Motor City Machine Guns (i.e. talented wrestlers), and say they’re going to beat up on these little boys “because they can.”
With the end of that interview, Sonjay Dutt comes down to the ring, and with the spare change gimmick, they are FINALLY doing with him what they should have done months ago. “The Guru†Sonjay Dutt cannot be a face, and they’re planting the seeds of heeldom in him, and that makes me kinda happy, although I’m not quite “tingly†yet. Wait til he goes full-bore heel, and I’ll give you an update on that front.
Match 3: 4-Way X-Division Match
Sonjay Dutt vs. Havok vs. Shark Boy vs. Petey Williams
These matches are always difficult to call, but they’re also entertaining. A few things become immediately apparent: Sonjay Dutt is the smoothest wrestler I’ve ever seen, hitting beautiful hurricanranas and moonsaults in a near flawless fashion; Havok has something to him, as he has some really innovative offense in him, such as a rear Thesz Press that fits the berserker-look of his character; Petey Williams is in great shape, flexing his pecs as he suplexes and DDTs; and Shark Boy, although I love him, is really out of his league here, although I’m still happy to see him on TV.
However, this never goes anywhere, as Team 3D comes out and just annihilates all of the X-Division guys following a trainwreck spot on the outside. They 3D Sonjay, give Shark Boy a crotch shot with a belt, and powerbomb Havok and Petey through tables.
No Contest
See, when they do angles like this, there’s really only one point: to eventually have the heels defeated by the very people that they started their war on. However, we then have a rather large question that we have to answer, which is, of course, who gets the privilege of taking down the Dudleys? If it’s Christopher Daniels and XXX, it’s a waste of all of them, and even though Samoa Joe has held the X Division title, he certainly doesn’t fit what the Dudleys have a problem with. If it’s the MCMGs, then perhaps this can be something great, but I’m not going to be too pleased if this goes on for months and months, and they’re just burying and burying for no reason.
Next: Sting and Angle! Hitting each other!
(Commercial)
Interview with Rick Roode, and, as Crystal says, “Mrs. Brooks.” Congratulations on your nuptials, Traci! Mazel Tov! Roode says that he attacked Samoa Joe last week because it was business, and that, if he wants to be the top dog, the best thing to do is to take out the top dog. You know, I kind of rip on Roode, but frankly, he does have a good amount of potential. His interview skills aren’t bad, and he’s solid in the ring, if unspectacular, kind of like Val Venis. You know, I’ve always thought ol’ Val deserved a push.
Match 4: TNA Championship
Kurt Angle vs. Sting
Wow, you can start to see Angle’s hair grow in a bit. Weird. It really makes a difference in how he looks. More grizzled, almost, like Randy Couture.
They take some time locking up to start, feeling each other out, as the announcers prattle on about how much of a big deal this is. Well, if nothing else, the wrestlers seem to be treating this match like they have a half an hour to fill. It makes me wonder if we’ll get a full on pay-per-view match, as Sting brings Angle down into a headlock. Just a lot of basic stuff for now, but the crowd is, somehow, pretty into it. Still, they’re taking it slow, although Angle cracks Sting with a European uppercut, and Angle gains some measure of control. Another uppercut, but a charge off the ropes just ends in Sting spinebustering him.
Quick thoughts: I know some people are sour on Sting, but let’s be honest here: even if he isn’t the ratings draw that TNA was hoping for, he’s certainly a worthwhile main event talent, and can still deliver in the ring and on the mic, despite being in the over-40 club. Back to the match: as Sting pounds on Angle, Kevin Nash comes out, which obviously means that Sting is about to get doublecrossed, especially because the announcers say that things just got worse for Kurt Angle. See my logic?
(Commercial)
When we come back, Sting still has the upper hand, and clotheslines him to the outside of the ring, throws him into the guardrail, then into the steps, and so on. Then, just to make sure things get really screwed up, Sting falls back on Kevin Nash, who’s just sitting there, and Sting decks Nash right in the face, knocking him off his chair. So, now we can have some guff between Sting and Nash.
See, the ending is where things really kind of fall apart. Nash gets up to do something when Sting has the Scorpion Deathlock on Angle, and Sting gets up to attack Nash. Angle gets up and takes the opportunity to push Sting into the official and into Nash, then hits the Olympic Slam on a stunned Sting. The ref, however, is out, and Angle motions for Hebner to come into the ring and make the three count…which he does.
Wait, really?
Winner: Kurt Angle via Olympic Slam
The ending is just incredibly anticlimactic, and I’m shocked to believe that a single Olympic Slam could keep Sting down. To make matters even more confusing, Nash gets into the ring and goes to shake Angle’s hand, suggesting that they were in cahoots all along…but Angle gives him the finger and runs away. Huh wha now?
And now, the refs are arguing, and Jim Cornette comes out, and no one has a fucking clue what is going on. Le sigh.
(Commercial)
Cornette gets the refs together, and says they’re gonna go in the back, watch the tape, and make a decision. Tenay, apparently, has a problem with this, and he gets in Cornette’s face about it. Hey, Tenay’s taking a stand; wait to go, Mike! Cornette, however, gets right back in his face and basically tells him to shut the hell up. Oooooh.
Match 5:
Angel Williams vs. Awesome Kong
Just to give a sense of how important the women’s match is, Tenay is still steaming about how Cornette spoke to him, and he leaves the booth to go give the commish a piece of his mind.
Oh, the match? Angel fights valiantly, but Kong crushes her skull with a spinning backfist, then kills her dead with the sitout powerbomb for three.
Winner: Awesome Kong via sitout powerbomb
As much as I like that TNA is actually trying to something with the women’s division, they need to be careful so as not to have Awesome Kong be a division killer right off the bat; don’t bury Angel, ODB, and some of the newer girls, to the point where you just have Kong and Gail Kim. I like Kim, but make it a division not just two people feuding at a time, like WWE typically has.
After seeing some video of Abyss getting the rat shoved on his head last week, we are sent backstage where they say that “Jeremy Borash scheduled an interview with Abyss.” Really? An Abyss interview? That was planned out in advance? Well, it doesn’t matter, because all that’s happening is Black Reign beating the crap out of him while James Mitchell watches on. Black Reign hits him with the Darkness Falls weapon (which is a silly name for “knife on a stick,”), and then puts his head in a freaking vice, as Abyss screams like crazy.
I wonder, how many times can we see Abyss tortured and maimed? Is this just going to be his lot for the rest of his wrestling career? Thumbtacks, glass, barbwire I like to think Abyss has some talent, and doesn’t have to take this route. Mick Foley was a great storyteller, but acknowledged his limitations, and used the hardcore stuff to tell a story, but you also had morons like Vic Grimes who were just good at doing stupid shit and getting cut up and broken. Please, Abyss; think about the future, and if this is really what you want to ALWAYS do.
(Commercial)
In Cornette’s office, Kevin Nash is demanding a match with Kurt Angle, and has a bit of a face off with Matt Morgan, which is kind of neat, even though I definitely wouldn’t want to see that match.
Hooray! Christian Cage has come down for commentary! Life was suddenly wonderful, and full of delicious possibilities (it’s E.L. Doctorow damned if I’m openly plagiarizing in a wrestling recap.
Match 6:
Junior Fatu vs. Robert Roode
They actually wrestle the match in the right way, with Fatu just too big for Roode’s typical offense to do any damage. His chops are ineffectual, and Fatu basically shrugs off all of his offense. He superkicks him, and goes for the Banzai Drop…but hits Roode’s knees. Roode hits a DDT, and it…works? That makes no sense! Samoans have heads that can stop a .50 caliber round!
(Commercial)
When we come back, Fatu finally comes back with some jabs, but Roode hits him with a blockbuster(!) for two…however, it was one of those kickouts where the big guy pushes the little guy into the air, but Fatu forgot to do the actual pushing, so Roode just sort of hopped up from all fours. Some more back and forth, and Fatu hits a Samoan drop, and then a chokeslam after a bit more. We also get to see a Fatu DDT, which is good primarily because of the way Roode sells DDTs, which is up there with the Val Venis and RVD renditions. What’s especially interesting about this match is the occasional shots to Ms. Brooks, who gets an odd pleasure out of watching Roode get beaten on.
Fatu goes for the big butt charge, but Roode moves out of the way and hits the ref instead, who collapses in the corner. Roode goes for a clothesline, but gets superkicked, and he falls into the corner on top of the ref. You probably know what that means. After a hefty bit of anal violation, Roode gets up and angrily low blows Fatu. Roode readies a chair, but Samoa Joe comes out, whacks Roode with the chair, and he wobbles into a Rikishi Driver. That, my friends, is, as the French say, “El fin.”
Winner: Junior Fatu via Rikishi Driver
And then Samoa Joe realizes, “Oh yeah…Christian is on commentary.” So, of course, he charges the announce table and chases after everyone’s favorite Canadian. And, when we come back from the next break, we’ll get Cornette’s decision. Yip-a-dee-doo.
(Commercial)
Oh, before I forget…sometime after the Fatu/Roode match, we see Kevin Nash…slowly…chasing after Kurt Angle, who hightails it out of there in his rental car, leaving his wife behind. Okay, that’s pretty funny, as Karen takes her heels off, throws one of them at Kev, and runs after the car.
So we cut back to the ring, as Mike Tenay and Jim Cornette are in the ring, and Cornette has made a decision: while he cannot change the outcome of the title match, he CAN make a match for Genesis that makes Angle’s possibilities for leaving the PPV with the title a bit less than stellar. And so we get the following match: Kevin Nash and Kurt Angle vs. Sting and a partner to be determined by Cornette. As if on cue (because, you know, it is), the lights go out, and Sting appears in between the two of them in the ring. First of all, says, Sting, he’ll find his own partner, and two, he doesn’t know HOW this solves anything, so Cornette explains: whoever scores the pinfall or submission in that match will become the new world champion, so even though it’s a tag match, it’s every man for themselves.
Well by TNA standards, those rules aren’t that convoluted. If Sting gets a good partner, this could be something good, even though Nash, while entertaining, is FAR past his prime as a performer, and even his prime wasn’t that spectacular from an in-ring perspective.
Here’s hoping.
The Inside Pulse
Okay, my honest opinion? TNA has certainly used the two hours that they’ve been given each week incredibly well, but it’s certainly not the best that they could be doing. Of course, it depends on your priorities. As you can tell by now, I’m not a fan of VKM, so any time that they’re on my television is wasted TV time.
I’m also a bit perplexed about the treatment of the X Division. When a particular division is so crucial to your identity, is it really a good idea to have a storyline that’s all about proving how useless and obsolete it is? It’s dangerous ground they’re a-treading, and I hope they know what they’re doing.
Oh come on, who are we kidding?
