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So apparently that strange website X29.Save_Us.Jericho.Will.Appear.At.Shyber.Shunday.Com was in fact… a fake. I bit into it and bought the damn show, only to be let down. So maybe tonight. I’ve been trailing Jericho’s movements and tonight he is in Philly, so maybe? MAYBE?!?!?!
While I await the arrival of the rest of the Rabble let me tell you what we do here. We watch wrestling. We also make fun of wrestling and write it all down. That simple.
Admittedly, when the show is awesome or really garbage, we tend to be a bit more quiet. I’m sure you’ll understand.
Joining us tonight:
High Def Hernandez
Beta Test Bill
D. V. Dani
…and the Internet Insyderz, over at the Inside Pulse forums!
Oh, and me, James Hatton.
So to start the show we’re told we’re getting a Triple H Handicapped match… because that’s what the world wants to see.
“OH Boy! Triple H In a Handicap match, that’s new and refreshing. I sure hope someone “Saves” That match.” – Insyder kmkd
“Jericho is back? I love that show!” – Insyder Lrrr
“I predict Y2J to show after the HHH match, so he doesn’t overshadow his H’ness” – Insyder Evil Crippled Hand
Starting the show though… Maria! She’s a kitty cat.
“I was actually surprised with the amount of clothing on the divas for the Halloween contest.” – Dani
And let it be knownst that Victoria is wearing a sumo suit. She wins.
DIVA BATTLE ROYALE
“So… when did Kelly Kelly get implants?” – Insyder McCavanagh
So this all starts up and the only thing fun to watch is Victoria. Admittedly Layla is whipping on Maria.. stupid, but it’s something to notice.
Someone got thrown out… no idea who. So all the girls try to push out Victoria. They fail. Someone in leopard print got tossed out. Jillian is throwing ‘Britney’s babies’ at people. She ends up getting thrown out by Michelle McCool. Maria gets sadly thrown out… Melina and Mickie go at it on the ropes while Victoria is still squishing someone in the corner.
Anyway, Mickie and Melina do a double elimination on the outside apron. It’s actually a solid spot. Victoria then does the Yoko spot against Torrie wilson in her football gear. Torrie then bodychecks Victoria and asks for her to get up.. but Victoria… can’t.
Someone (Kelly?) is still in the corner. Kelly and Torrie help toss over Victoria and then Kelly flips TOrrie…
“I think her new boobs are the winner” – Dani
Hey, Beth decides THIS is the time to come on down. She charges in and Kelly bails out, but is thrown back in by the heel divas. Beth grabs her and gives her the lift and drop. Kelly’s done. Seems reasonable to me!
“Beth’s music sounds like fantasy skate rink music.” – Insyder Evil Crippled Hand
We then get a flash to Cyber Sunday… where nothing happened.
In the back Shawn’s coming out.
COMMERCIAL ONE – 9:15
Hey! Oh, wait.. Hey… Shawn!
Shawn’s entrance lasts quite awhile… but he’s got a mic.
“I have no smile.. thank you g’night.” – Me
Shawn has some good news and bad news for us. The good news is he kicked Orton. The bad news is that he doesn’t have the title.
So he won the match, so he gets a rematch…. Sure! Which he wants… Sure! He wants it now.
“Cue Regal? …Nope! McMahon.” – Me
Strutting on down, he’s got no chance in hell.
“He sat down on something very sharp very fast.” – Hernandez
Vince gets in Shawn’s face, but asks the crowd if they want to see Shawn get his rematch. Who wants to see Shawn as the WWE Champion again. “What are you doing?” – Vince asks Shawn
“Standing here in all my merchandise.” – Eric
Vince explains that there is something Shawn wants even more than the WWE title.
“A signed picture of Jesus?” – Me
The real answer is apparently revenge. Vince explains that there is a part of Shawn that is rotten, whether or not he reads the bible. Ouch! He even throws ‘eye for an eye..’
“Ashes to ashes.” – Eric
“Spittle to spittle” – Hernandez
Finally Shawn screams out, “I ADMIT IT!!!!!!!”
“I killed Mister Body!” – Me
“I screwed Bret.. I SMOTHERED DANIEL!” – Hernandez
Shawn admits he wants to make Randy Orton suffer. He wants his rematch. So does he get it, or doesn’t he. All of this right in Vince’s face. So Vince lightly mentions Survivor Series then says, ‘YOU GOT IT!’ Shawn in turn throws a Superkick with intent to miss.
“Shawn fights… to the PAIN!” – Me
COMMERCIAL TWO – 9:29
Oh good… Diva time.
“Hasn’t that been the whole show so far.. Shawn counts.” – Eric
It’s time for Hardcore Holly? I guess it’s time for Hardcore Holly!
“Bob Holly is on. time to switch to heros/football.” – Insyder Evil Crippled Hand
“Family Guy for me.” – Insyder DarkStar
His partner – duh – Cody Rhodes!
Versus the World’s Greatest Tag Team – duh!
HARDCORE HOLLY & CODY vs. TWGTT
In matching tights!
Match starts with Shelton grabbing Hardcore and throwing him into the corner. Holly goes to hit on Haas and Shelty clotheslines him to the mat. Shelton grabs him and continues to keep him choked in the corner with a fast tag to Charlie. It’s now Haas and Holly in the corner going for a chopfest, but Haas gets a belly to back takedown.
Haas pulls him into Shelton and further tags and beatings. There is finally a tag to Cody and he gets a top rope crossbody, hits a few shoulderchecks for two. He continues to run after Haas, gets Irished into the corner but hits a counterrope powerslam? Nice!
Haas tries to go for a ddt, but Cody’s hang wraps the arm to deny… Cody then hits his OWN DDT.. And wins it!?!?
“A DDT winning the match? Where’s Jake Roberts?” – Hernandez
Cody goes to shake Holly’s hand, and he seems upset.
“Why’s he upset?” – Eric
“He’s HARDCORE!” – Me
COMMERCIAL THREE – 9:39
So while I was smoking, they showed Candice’s face being hit hard by the canvas.
Todd is hanging with Beth, and she takes credit for Candice’s injury.
“…All this time that Candice spent honing her craft..” – Beth
“Ahem!” – Eric
In the back, Murdoch is reading the WWE magazine, and Mickie comes back to thank him for pushing her out of the way of being hit.
“Wait! Murdoch can’t read!” – Me
“It has pictures…” – Eric
So Mickie and Murdoch talk about how he doesn’t like to see women get hurt. Anyway… Cade wants to make sure that Murdoch’s head is in the game… blase blase
“Where is Murdoch’s chin?” – Insyder Soak1313
“His sideburns got them in a special deal…” – Insyder MarkAllen
Regal is in the back discussing how they don’t need any more injuries, so Vince should stay out of harms way. He then gets to say ‘Triple Haitch & Youmanga’ Teehee… Vince also wants to know where his son is. Regal finds ‘precious’ and brings him in to talk to Horny privately.
Vince explains that he’s sorry he hasn’t been around for Horny the last few weeks, but he wants him to stand on his own two feet. That’s why he is facing Coachman tonight. Vinnie feels that every man should be knocked down… and if you are a McMahon, you’ll get back up again.
“No ya never gonna keep me down…” – Me
So if Horny’s a McMahon, he’s gotta learn to hate.
“Hate?” – Eric
“No… Heat….” – Me
“I hate this hat! I hate this gimmick! I hate that I’m short!” – Eric
“If Horny has to show that he can hate, he should wrestle Coach while wearing a Klan robe.” – Insyder BigFunk
Horny then runs out like a Tazmanian Devil.
COMMERCIAL FOUR – 9:52
Wait a sec…. it’s the Jericho Video… Break_The_Code! 2nd Coming! Upon_Us! 19!
Coach comes on down… and Hornswaggle gets a longer entrance.
COACH vs. HORNSWAGGLE
Wait… Special Guest Ref?? Mick!
“Still not Jericho” – Me
“That would have been a waste.” – Jeffrey
Horny hugs on Mick’s leg and they give each other highfives. Mick then checks on Coach… he calls for the bell and then stops Coach from running in. So he lets thm charge each other again.
Coach tries to push him to the corner. Horny drop kicks his knee. Coach gets pissed and tries to bodyslam him. Horny slips out of it, and Horny runs towards Mick who flips him around right into Coach’s chest. He goes for the pin for one.
Horny climbs the bottom rope.
“HIGH RISK!” – Hernandez
He misses the splash onto Coach. Mick gets blinded somehow.. I missed it… anyway. Coach then clubs Mick Foley’s back, goes to grab a chair and it’s taken from him by Mick. Mick clubs him once and gives Horny a sock….
Horny climbs up to the VERY TOP! Five star splash!?!
“The tadpole splash?” – Eric
“Winner – Noone” – Dani
“He looks like a fuzzy, retarded El Gigante” – Insyder SarcasticWolf
Todd in the back talking to Triple Haitch. Trips has a new shirt that as Dani put it is “From the school of RVD airbrushing.” Todd tells him that things aren’t looking good for him going into the Handicapped match. Hunter then thanks Todd for explaining the flipping obvious.
Hunter then no sells the fact that he’s facing them.
COMMERCIAL FIVE – 10:06
HOOLIGANZ TYME!!! Awwwww… just Paul London.
So here comes Cade.
LONDON vs. CADE
Starting up with side headlocks. Cade throws Lodnon to the ropes. He hits the crossbody for two. Right back into the side headlock. Cade throw shim to the corner, bounces back into a belly to back suplex. Pin for two.
Cade hammers his back and sends him to the corner. As Cade charges in, London leaps to the outside, catching Cade in the face. Hits another flying crossbody. He charges Cade and eats a back bodydrop but lands on his feet. Cade hurls him over the top rope and as Murdoch is goign to capitalize Kendrick charges and SUICIDE OVER THE TOP!
Cade though in the ring gets caught up in a sunset flip, picks London out of it and hits a compacted powerbomb! The end.
Wait, as Cade & Murdoch are going to leave, the Heellanders head on down… they look at Cade & Murdoch as the Heellanders go and hit a double stungun on London! Then a double on Kendrick! Nice.
COMMERCIAL SIX – 10:13
Rainbow Warrior time! Jeffffffffff Hardy..
“..i predict… kennedy…” – Dani
IT’S HARRY SMITH!!! WOO!
..they shake hands, so it’s a tag team match..
“OOOOoooooooh” – Dani and I
JEFF HARDY & HARRY SMITH vs. CARLITO & KENNEDY
“It’s good to know that this conflict is reduced to the old addage “my dad could beat up your dad.”” – Outsyder Slash Scareohack
“”My dads dead…”” – Insyder GothamAnswer
Hardy starting off with Kennedy. They lock-up and Hardy pushes Kennedy to the ropes, but Hardy eats the shoulderblock. They fight for a hiptoss and Hardy throws a clothesline and knocks Kennedy’s block off. Tag to Carlito and he shoulderchecks Jeff in the corner. Jeff fights out of it with kicks, caught, mule kick.
Quick pin for one. Carlito gets tossed to the ropes, they have a crossrope spot and Carlito drops for the monkeyflip and Hardy hits the double leg drop. Tag now to Smith. He takes up an armlock, wrapping Carlito up. Carlito though brings him to the corner and starts kicking the hell out of Smith in the corner.
Brings out Smith and throws him to the ropes, drops down and eats a boot to the face. Then hits a back bodydrop on Carlito and clotheslines Carlito over the ropes. Jeff charges in to stop Kennedy and hurls HIM out of the ring. Heels on the outside.. faces on the inside..
COMMERCIAL SEVEN – 10:25
We’re back and Smith and Carlito are in a figure four spot, but that ends so Carlito just beats on Smith. Right back into the figure four. Carlito continues to just pound on his leg. They keep sitting up and punching ack down, finally Smith breaks it and as he’s going for the tag gets leg clipped and a tag to Kennedy.
In he comes and they are just working the hell out of Smith’s leg. Smith starts to break out of it and almost makes it to Jeff but the evil doubleteaming gets in and a blind tag to Carlito. THe ref actually calls for Kennedy to switch back in only for them to have to tag back.
So the frequent tags back and forth, both just working on the leg more and more and out of nowhere Smith hits a SWIFT enzuigiri to make the hot tag to Jeff!
He clears house on Carlito. THrows him to the ropes, reversed and reversed again into the wrap-around clothesline. Carlito throws him to the corner and Jeff runs the ropes for the whisper in the wind. Pin is stopped by Kennedy. As Smith tries to stop it Kennedy runs in and boots him down. Hardy though hits the Twist and the Swanton for the win!
WINNER: HARDY & SMITH!
COMMERCIAL EIGHT – 10:35
SAN-TEE-NOOOOOOOOOOOO – No Maria.
He wants to make a complaint to the WWE Travel Department because he was unable to get to ShyberShunday to give Stone Cold a piece of his mind. The airplane movie was NOT the Condemned though…
And on the TitanTron… Santino with a bald cap. It’s f’n brilliant!
Santino-Cold admits that he was right that Santino should have been the star of the Condemned.
Once again – Santino = Brilliant. So Maria heads on down to the ring, and she’s wearing purple sparkley things. She explains that ‘He’ will be here.. who? Maybe Tom Hanks with the AIDS… She explains that AUstin will be at Raw next week.
“And those be the real bottom lines because Santino Marellas say it to be so.” – Santino
COMMERCIAL NINE – 10:45
I’m not discussing the Divas.
Eve won. She’s the one that looks like Christie Hemme sorta…
“Hell, just have Maria come back out and call it a wash.” – Insyder Evil Crippled Hand
“Tall Candice wins. Other chick gets a contract anyways.” – Insyder GothamAnswer
Another Commercial!?!?! Another Jericho commercial!?!??! Launch_19! Break the Code!
“The WW has gone past plaid?” – Insyder SarcasticWolf
“please, please, please, please.” – Insyder Evil Crippled Hand
dammit.. just orton coming..
COMMERCIAL TEN – 10:54
“Wait, does that mean they have less than 5 minutes for this match?” – Jeffrey
…yes. Yes it does.
Heeere comes Umaga! (10:58)
TRIPLE H AT THE TOP OF THE KEY (11:01)
“Someone should clue Triple H in that they only have 5 minutes of air time left.” – Insyder DarkStar
TRIPS ON THE APRON (11:02)
TRIPS vs. ORTON & UMAGA
Bell rings. They stare at each other. They go fist to fist. Trips in the corner with Umaga nd Orton and Hunter fight on the outside. He throws Orton to the stairs, runs in and hangs Umaga on the rope. Flips Orton into the ring in the corner. Umaga charges and Trips moves!
Hunter hits a forearm on Umaga. Goes to hit the pedigree on Orton and Umaga stops it! Now Umaga and Orton beating Hunter in the corner. (11:04)
Trips tries to fight out of it knocking Randy and Umaga down. He ends eating the samoan drop. Garvin Stomp from Randy. Splash from Umaga. They continue to beat him down in the corner untillllll hey! Shawn!
Shawn tosses at Randy, punches Umaga down. They turn and double clothesline Umaga over the top rope. This is stopped by Hunter’s music playing?
“Is Triple H gonna run down?” – Me
In the back, Vince and Regal watch. Regal apologizes for this not working like Vince wanted it to. Vince says it did work out the way he wanted to.. so how about next week.. the one time only return of DX. Vince stares off angrily.
“Someone forgot to turn the key.” – Hernandez
Apparently, that is that.
What did we think?
Jeffrey – “Yeah….. umm.. yeah. Harry Smith, pretty f’n good.”
ERIC – “Did anything actually happen? Santino.”
DANI – “I just don’t care anymore. Call me when Jericho comes back.”
HERNANDEZ – “The greatest storyline continues.. the non-return of Jericho.”
JEN – “I can’t follow that..”
Tags: Raw, WWE