CPO: Halloween Creepiness Extravaganza

Last week we (the royal we, man, the editorial we) said:

So here is your mission: I want to do an, on Halloween, Halloween Column next week. That is not, to say, a column on Halloween, but rather one on the day of Halloween (nee All Hollow’s Eve). So, I want you to g-mail me with the creepiest non-horror movie, or the creepiest moment in a non-horror film. The creepiness can be unintentional, intentional, irrational, or something which only you, the reader, would find creepy.

My wife offered the answer of Cronenberg’s Crash. She finds this film super creepy, I find it to be romantic. And yet, I’m the one who believes that James Spader is making love to Rosanna Arquette’s suture wound.

Although, my wife does have a point. Holly Hunter is in the picture, and it is a bit creepy to see Elastigirl have nasty car crash sex.

Anyways, one of the top answers on this question of creepiness?


I love the people that read this column.

South Australia’s Steven G had this to say:

The film that creeped me out the most ever has been Mel Gibson’s The Passion Of The Christ. Not because I believe or not (I don’t, for what it’s worth) but because the bloody realism in the depiction of the violence was so over the top and down-right gory and, dare I say it, creepy, that I could not get the images out of my head. Especially the scourging scene, the nails going into the flesh and the shoulder being dislocated.

That’s the creepiest, most terrified I have ever been in cinema.

I wasn’t so much creeped out by the flick, having hardened my soul on a strict diet of ’70s horror like I Spit on Your Grave and the like. I did have this to say about the flick last year. Widro has starred out the “u”s in all my “fucks” sadly. Why might you ask?

Because of step four.

Step 4: Don’t say fuck anymore, cause fuck is the worst word that you can say. No you shouldn’t say fuck, no you shouldn’t say fuck, fuck no!
At any rate, I’m in Chicago. We don’t say fuck; we say “feck!”

Where was I?

The big J is indirectly responsible for some more creepiness, switching the genre from historical fiction to Documentary. Mr. Mike “Bring Da” Noyes “But Leave out da Funk” had this to add:

The documentary Jesus Camp was one of the scariest films I’ve ever seen.

I haven’t seen Jesus Camp, which is odd considering what a documentary whore I am. I have seen Deliver Us from Evil, and will attest to the creepiness of seemingly amoral, possibly nonhuman, pedophile priests.

Mark B(ukake) knows his Radiohead “Creep” from an STP “Creep” or even a TLC “Creep”.

2LDK was a pretty goddamn creepy movie, and I’m almost entirely certain it wasn’t meant to be horrific.
Two Japanese women beat the ever-loving fuck out of each other for about half an hour.

I mean, there’s a lot more to it than that; it’s a character study of two people who come off as vaguely shallow but are a good bit deeper than expected, and it’s also something of a study as to what ultimately happens when two people who absolutely despise one another are not only forced to live together, but also put into direct competition with one another for something.

The ending was cliche and the scene directly preceding it was cheesy and unnecessary, but otherwise it’s full of creepy and horrific scenes without being a horrific movie. Largely because, as noted, the girls beat the shit out of each other and it’s pretty rough for the sort of movie it is.

The “Large Marge” scene in Pee Wee’s Big Adventure was also rather fucked up when I was seven. Now, not so much.

I remember running out of the room the first time I watched that scene. Damned Tim Burton creepiness.

In an effort to avoid real Piracy, here is a re-enactment I found on the Youtubes.

Guru-ess of the late lamented Beyond the Threshold, Gloomchen, knows her creepy.



I’ll let her get her get back to her Guitar Hero III hijinks, now.

The lovely and talented Marmadyth offers us a list:

1. (creepy movie) Howard the Duck (no explanation needed, I hope)
2. (creepy part of movie) Peggy Sue Got Married – whether it is a dream or not, I find the prospect of being trapped in a teenager’s body terrifying. Not only do you once again have to contend with parents, but you have to deal with your PEER GROUP. It’s a fate worse than death.
3. (creepy part of movie – maybe it’s just me) A League of Their Own – when Geena Davis, wholeheartedly and willingly abandons baseball to be a housewife.
4. (creepy movie) A Beautiful Mind. He doesn’t know that his friends don’t exist!!! Argh!

Now is not the best time to tell Marmadyth that I am one of her schizophrenia induced hallucination.

Chloegoth, who wears black but rarely recites gloomy poetry, gives us:

Nursery rhyme songs.

You know, ‘cos a little kid usually sings one right before it gets eaten or possessed or something creepy like that.

They give me the willies.

Freddy Krueger and the Undertaker have used this thing to their respective advantages. Let’s see we’ve got:
Ring around the Rosie– which a popular urban myth is about the black death
London Bridge is Falling Down – thoroughly creepy
Three Blind Mice – about myopic rodents who get their tails hacked off with kitchen knives
Humpty Dumpty – a song about the irrevocable nature of death
Miss Muffet – about a wicked spider

And the more cheery ones about baking 24 blackbirds into a pie, you know, “to make pies so that birds may be alive in them and flie out when it is cut up.”

We’ve stumbled off of movies though.

We’ll let Mark B(albaroy) lead us back:

Y’know what I saw over the weekend that would scare the holy fuck out of a little kid?

Monster House.

Show that to your kids and they’ll have a complex forever, man.

For those who haven’t seen the film, and mind not yonder spoilers, the film is about an evil house. Sometimes it sleeps. Sometimes it eats people. Sometimes the house chases after little kids.

Did I mention it that the house was some sort of bastard reincarnation of a carnie woman?


But if you really want to give your kids nightmares, and don’t need to do it surreptitiously by means of a children’s CGI flick, then here you go.

They are horror flicks, true. This breaks my own rule. But they are guaranteed to scar your children for life!

That series is almost as creepy as this flick.

For enhanced creepiness: