Monday Night Rabble

Reviews, Shows, TV Shows

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…HA.. NO JERICHO

T H E
M O N D A Y
N I G H T
R A B B L E

“Well, let’s see if we can stretch out Save_US.222 one more week before people lose interest. Oh, wait.” – Insyder Flaming Toilet

Here we sit in the middle of New Jersey, watching wrestling. Why do we do it, because we’ve been doing it for a couple years and it just feels right. I’ve been informed now that due to my various outsources of wrestling entertainment, this very report and the RabbleCast, we’ve gotten people to watch wrestling again!?

WHY DO YOU DO THAT?!?! Don’t you read this!?

Oh, I’m just kidding. Let’s get to the Rabble.

Our Rabble-ites:
JEFFREY – Our bringer of booze.
BILL – Our teller of cash.
ERIC – Our player of games.
HERNANDEZ – Our speaker of Spanish (or Apache..).
JEN – The cuffer of ruffians.
MIKE – Our flyer of turnbuckles.
DANI – My lover of life.
…me… James Hatton, the writers of Rabbles.

Let’s not forget the poster of forums, the Insyderz!

Tonight, DX vs. Umaga & Orton. Whee?

And first, they start with the memory of Fabulous Moolah.
“I still blame steroids.” – Me

ARE YOU READY?

Bowwww to the maaasssters…..
“Hey look it’s Skinner again!” – Hernandez
“Weeee still have some shirrrrts left!” – Me

So Shawn started doing laps… and got tired. Hunter takes the mic.
“I see alot of DX signs… not a lot of… ya know… signs… for..” – Me
“That’s because SOMEONE takes them away.” – Me
“Triple H?” – Hernandez

We get the long pause as Hunter teases the mic.
“DAMN!” – Bill
“Finnnalllly the Rock ha… no.” – Jenna

“It’s for one night only” – Triple H
“…here comes the Superkick.” – Hernandez
“”One night only, cuz during the last run they got injured.” – Insyder Crippie

So just as they are about to yell ‘LET’S GET READY TOooooo’ we get the intro of Hornswaggle?
“So they’re making him a heel, eh?” – Me
“HORNSWOGGLED!” – Insyder GothamAnswer

Hunter asks Hornswaggle to go under the ring. Shawn then brings out a sheet of paper, it’s the run sheet for tonight’s show. Horny’s not supposed to be on until the ‘short section’ of the show. He then puts Shawn in a ‘short’ arm scissors.

So Horny won’t go under the ring because there is ‘a monster’. Hunter makes him go check. Shawn gets dropped underneath the ring, and pulled in…. who is it…. Boogyman?!!?

Geez… Boogie… in the ring and HE wants to join DX too! So Hunter and Trips are ABOUT to do the ‘lets get ready to ..’ and here comes.. KHALI!?!?!?
“Annnnd brand seperation is over.” – Me
“Daivari is back? Shit that is Mohinder.” – Insyder AFN The Last Man (Watching Heroes)
“I am thoroughly amus-KHALI’D! Its like being Hassan’d, only it sucks.” – Insyder GothamAnswer
“Khali is the new RickRoll.” – Insyder FlamingToilet

So Shawn doesn’t want Trips to talk to Khali… because he ‘doesn’t want to be turned into a slim jim’.
“This is the show.. buckle in everybody.” – Bill

Hunter then lets Khali go stand in the back…. and finally… outcomes Coach. He rags on DX for a touch. Hunter tells ‘George Jefferson’ that he should take the bass out of his voice. If he doesn’t, he’s going to tell Khali all what he said about him earlier. He has Shawn back him up because ‘Shawn can’t lie’.

So the translator tells Khali.. who hits Coach. The end.
“So he’s a face?? Weird.” – Hernandez

So everyone bails, leaving DX to discuss that this writing sucks. Like ‘Katie Vick’ sucks. Worst than a hand. Then they make the obligatory writers strike joke.
“Katie Vick Reference, Strike Reference.. If you can’t enjoy this, get the heck out.” – Insyder GothamAnswer

Oh, and later… Austin.
“Dani’s leaving early?” – Mike

COMMERCIAL ONE – 9:19

Hey Tom Green is here..
“Welcome to the 90s.” – Dani

So we get a flash to the Battle Royal from last week. Where Kelly won and then was beaten down by Beth Phoenix.
“YOU JUST POPPED MY TITTY!” – Mike
“She can be known as the boobkiller!” – Dani

SO here comes Kelly!
“Dani was right, that must be a push-up bra designed by NASA for Kelly Kelly” – Insyder SarcasticWolf

KELLY KELLY vs. BETH PHOENIX
Our starting match…

Kelly looks scared.
“She should be.” – Dani

“Where’s Austin?” – Eric

So Kelly charges and tries to hit Beth…. denied.
“Just lay down and take it!” – Mike

Beth grabs Kelly, single leg suplex. The end.

WINNER: BETH PHOENIX
“I’m glad we got that at 9:26” – Dani

In the back… Santino Marella! Bonjourno!

He has some bad news tonight. Stone Cold won’t be here tonight. If he was going to come, he would have shown up already. If he DOES show up… Santino brought a paper bag, since Stone Cold won’t be able to act out of it…
“Santino should have brought a blonde, that would distract Austin far better than a paper-bag” – Insyder SarcasticWolf
“…or glued yellow yarn to it, as well as drew eyes and a mouth on it.” – Insyder Crippie

COMMERCIAL TWO – 9:28

Jeff & Rey vs. Kennedy & Finley coming up?

So Carlito is in the ring with a jobber…. he tells him that he has a replacement for himself tonight.
“Is this guy here because DH Smith did drugs?” – Dani
“Good call.” – Me

So Spanish Kid is facing Snitsky.
“Snitsky? I’m putting Prison Break back on.” – Insyder DarkStar
“He’s Psycho Sid-lite” – Insyder Mr_Owangotang

SNITSKY vs. SPANISH KID
WINNER: SNITSKY

Snitsky then beats the hell out of Spanish Kid and Carlito.

Woooooooo… be scared of Snitsky…. or don’t. Nobody cares.

We get a Jeff Hardy music video. Nobody knows why…..
“Did he die?” – Dani
“He’s gonna….” – Hernandez
“No, they confused his footage with Moolah.” – Me

..From the department of similar thinking..
“Did Jeff Hardy die? Because I see no other reason he deserves a video package” – Insyder SarcasticWolf
“That video was the most interested I’ve been in Jeff Hardy in a long time, and I mean that in a totally non-gay way” – Insyder Mr_Owangotang
“If I was Matt Hardy I’d be ticked. He stuck with WWE while Jeff ran off and lost interest, but Jeff gets the Desire video.” – Insyder FlamingToilet

Annnnd in the back. Jeff and Rey talking.
“IS Rey standing in a bucket.” – Bill

COMMERCIAL THREE – 9:37

We return mid “Eddyyyyyyyy” – awwww…

And he who loves to fight! Finley!

And shot from a cannon… Rey!

Finally, Jeff Hardy!
“His hair is one color, he’s no longer the rainbow warrior!” – Mike
“They lost the Skittles sponsership.” – Me

KENNEDY & FINLEY vs. REY & HARDY
Tag Team back again..
“I bet Nash’s brain just exploded from the ring being full of “vanilla midgets”” – Insyder SarcasticWolf

Jeff starting with Jeff, fighting into the corner. Back into the ring with a side headlock from Finley. Hardy pushes him out and eats a shouldercheck. Finley gets the arm wringer on Hardy. Takes him down to the mat for a two count. Finley goes for a DDT and it’s blocked into a pin.

They fight to the ropes and Finley pushes Jeff, Jeff slaps Finley and then Kennedy goes after Jeff.

This all ends to the outside where all four start going at each other, with Finley and Kennedy going face to face. Ooooo tension!
“KISS HIM FRODO!” – Me

COMMERCIAL FOUR – 9:46

Back and Kenendy is in the ring with Rey Rey. Throws Rey to the ropes. He ducks a clothesline and hits a second rope crossbody. Rey ends up getting thrown again and hits a headscissors. He charges Kennedy and gets tossed to the outside apron. Goes for the shoulderblock. Top rope and leaps onto Kennedy for a Rana. He hits the ropes and eats a dropkick to the knees! Dragged to Finley and a tag.

Finley takes it to Rey, slamming him into the ropes and then a one leg crab. Rey crawls for the hot tag, but Finley drops the single leg for the cheapshot. THe tags back and forth between the heels now working on Rey’s leg.

Finally fighting in the corner. Rey gets to the top and leaps to Finley for a wheelbarrow bulldog. Hot tag to Jeff who gets clotheslines all over Finley. Neckbreaker onto Kennedy. Pin for two. Charges Kennedy in the corner. Hits the turnbuckle dropkick. Throws Kennedy to the corner and it’s reversed into Jeff being tossed and the Whisper In The Wind. Pin made and Finley grabs Jeff and HURLS him out of the ring.

Finley goes to go get Kennedy, and top rope dropkick sends Kennedy to the middle rope! 619!!!! He the runs and hits the West Coast Pop to the outside with Finley! Behind him Jeff hits the Swanton on Kennedy for the win!

WINNER JEFF HARDY & REY REY

In the back… Maria wants to let Santino know that Austin is here. Santino explains that this is just a rumor. He won’t hear another word about it, so Santino is heading to the ring.
“Anyone see Maria taking a Stunner?” – Mike
“If Maria takes a Stunner.. I’m leaving louder than I would have before.” – Dani
“Good Lord, Maria’s dress was so tight I think I saw the outline of her liver” – Insyder Mr_Owangotang
“On a related matter, she needs to lay off the sauce.” – Outsyder Cash Kerouac
“Was that a shot at Santino?” – Insyder Chuckles

COMMERCIAL FIVE – 9:57

Sanntiiiiiiinooooooo! With a slinky blue Maria!

He grabs the mic. Santino explains to us that Austin just isn’t going to be here tonight. He then makes some cracks at the people of LA. He gives us all of the Bottoms Lines… to cue the glass shattering! Time for ‘Cold Stone Steve Austin’ … I love Santino

In his hands, a Condemned DVD.

So Austin’s got himself a mic. He shakes Santino’s hand, and says he’s happy to meet him. He explains that he’s been misquoting Stone Cold. It’s not ‘ass-whip’. It’s not ‘Stomping a mudpie’. It is not the ‘Bottom Lines’ even though he does like to sometimes say more than one thing.

Austin asks what Santino thought about the Condemned. He calls him a redneck. Santino asks him about the fight choreography. He says that he feels it was so violent he can’t believe Austin could hurt people that way. Austin then compliments him on having his own opinions, but now that he’s gotten his opinions out of the way, so why not have a few beers and shake hands.

Santino wants a glass of red wine. He won’t drink ‘the beer’. So Austin then gives him a copy of the Condemned…. to which Santino reads the back, drops it, then gets a Stunner.

So Steve then stuffs the Condemned in Austin’s mouth and heads to the back.
“Beer truck?” – Maria & Santino.

Maria tries to help Santino out as Austin comes on down with a beer truck!
“I thought he drank Miller?” – Eric
“They lost it with the Skittles sponsership.” – Me
“I did not know Raw had reruns.” – Insyder AFN The Last Man

Austin runs in the beer hose and guess what… it goes off too soon. A few rows of the audience get doused. So does Santino. A lot.

So after a long beer dousing. Maria is left in the ring.
“Oh this is a bad idea.” – Dani
“Ohhh it’s time for a raping…” – Me

So what does he do. HOSE TIME ON MARIA! Ok… that’s allowed.
“Quick! Someone send Kelly Kelly into the ring!” – Insyder AFN The Last Man

COMMERCIAL SIX – 10:16

So apparently THE ANSWER is THE CODE &
THE CODE is THE ANSWER
“Can You Break The Code? WE ALREADY HAVE DAMN IT!” – Insyder GothamAnswer
“…and the Seether’s Louise… whatever.” – Me

Vince in the back talking to Horny. He wants to address the issues with Coachman. It’s important for a man to stand on his own two feet. His time is coming on Survivor Series. Since, at SS.. he’s facing Khali. Wow. Smell the workrate.

In the back now, Hunter has been asked to come out and waste time because Stone Cold messed up the ring. Shawn runs in and ‘has taken care of it’… So we get the DX Dancer… which is the big fat naked guy dancing with glowsticks.

Shawn apologizes that he doesn’t know what cool is.. he’s got a wife. Instead, Hunter brings out ‘Kendra’ and ‘Bridget’ who dance around. Shawn leaves with his eyes covered. Amusing.
“Steph’s gonna murder him, when she finds him in the locker room with one or both of them bent over in a hammerlock” – Insyder SarcasticWolf

COMMERCIAL SEVEN – 10:26

Cody and Hardcore in the ring… In the back though, Cade & Murdoch are on their way and Mickie wants to wish them luck. This all stopped by Cade.

MURDOCH vs. CODY
Singles Match…

Murdoch starts with the lock up and clubbing Cody’s back. Throws Cody to the ropes and Cody drops for the slap. Gets up and hurls Murdoch to the corner. Cody charges and leaps out to the apron. Murdoch though punts him on the way in.

Murdoch hits a snapmare right into a necklock. Moves it into a chinlock. Cody fights out of it, but is brought RIIIGHT back into it. Murdoch clubs him on the back, throwsCody to the corner and Cody tries to throw a boot, but it’s caught.

Cody breaks out and hits a hard dropkick. A few kneedrops for a pin.

Murdoch charges Cody in the corner and he DOES eat a boot this time. Cody goes to the top. Kicks Cade down from interrupting him and hits a sunset flip!

WINNER: CODY RHODES

They now talk a little bit about Fabulous Moolah. They gives us a nice montage for her with a standing ovation.

COMMERCIAL EIGHT – 10:39

Hacksaw Jim Duggan in the ring with Super Crazy?
“HOOOOOO!”
vs.
“SIIIIII!”

facing The Worlds Greatest Tag Team?

TWGTT vs. HACKSAW & SUPER CRAZY
Odd…

Charlie charges and beats down on Crazy. Slams him down quick and tags in Benjamin. Hacksaw tries to get the crowd to chant USA… they won’t do it. Just won’t.
“Ooh it’s a Haas pop” – Insyder SarcasticWolf

Benjamin slams him. Tag. Haas does it again too!

Fast tags continue to just beat the hell out of Super Crazy. Crazy ALMOST gets the tag and Benjamin elbows him. Shelty gets on with the big punches. Goes for another slam, reversed by Crazy! Grabs Shelty and rolls him up!

THE END! Hacksaw didn’t even get into the ring!

WINNER: SUPER CRAZY

COMMERCIAL NINE – 10:47

UMAGA & ORTON vs. DX & HHH
Main Event..

So everyone comes on down and the clusterfuck begins. Orton gets tossed and no Umaga gets double punched. Double charges from Umaga. Double drops him off the top turnbuckle.

Look… I’m going to be honest with you. THe entire Rabble left. It’s me and Eric left in the bar. So I’m just going to let you know who won.

It’s going to be DX, but I’ll let you know if there’s a swerve.
“Wake me when Orton and Youmanga are buried” – Insyder SarcasticWolf

COMMERCIAL TEN – 10:57

Hunter is the face in peril.

Orton sets up for the RKO. Fails at it.

Hot tag to Shawn. JesusKick to Orton. Done.
“Has Orton won a match since becoming champion? I don’t think so.” – Insyder DarkStar

WINNER: DX
“Toldja.” – Me

See, even at the end of the show since there was little to nobody there… I just shut the laptop and left. I apologize to you all for such a lackluster ending to what had been a fairly entertaining show, but when you do something that revolves around people being around and everyone leaves. Well, you understand.

Til next week kids.