For Your Consideration What If Wrestlemania Were Today?

Welcome to Week 32.

I know, two weeks in a row. Oh, how I spoil you people.

Well, the writers are on strike and all of America sits slack-jawed, not fully appreciating the magnitude of a writer’s strike. Ladies and gentlemen, this may very well be the end of television as we know it for a while. In case you’ve been living in a hole somewhere, allow me to fill you in on the problem.

This is the battle of greedy versus really greedy. Not exactly the most sympathetic way to begin an argument, but to most people, this is the rich guy going against the richer guy. In a sense it is because writers make quite a bit of money if they’re on a successful show, but of course it is the studio executive that is walking away with the big bucks. About three years ago, the WGA and the studios negotiated a contract extension that seemed a little to smooth and amicable. It turns out that the studios were willing to concede smaller points because they didn’t want to let the writers in on the next big thing coming down the pike, secondary programming revenue.

There has always been this tenuous and at times contentious relationship between the writers, the producers and the studios. Without the writers, there would be no characters and no dialogue and essentially no shows. Without the producers, the writers would be left to write books and magazines and be known by all of 10 people. And without the studios, there’d be no money. So the way this all broke down for hundreds of years was like so: the studios get ad revenue for the shows and pay the writers and producers a decent (if somewhat unfair salary), but the producers make back their money when the show goes into syndication after the government ruled that networks can no longer own the rights to reruns. This unbalanced pay distribution got upended a few years ago with the discovery that people would pay hard-earned money for DVDs and online downloads of shows they could watch for free. Apparently the studios and guilds underestimated the stupidity of the viewing public, and thus the secondary programming revenue stream was born.

Despite the fact that the writers create the show and craft the episodes that are being sold on the 8 cents a disc DVDs that retail for 50 bucks, they aren’t getting a dime. In addition, the studios are making the shows available for download on online stores, which costs them nothing and nets the writers a grand total of zero dollars. The biggest indignity? That the networks are streaming the shows online with ads and not factoring those profits into the monies given to the writers. So in short, they’re stealing their hard work, making a huge amount of money and not distributing the wealth. The writers’ answer? Stop giving them the shows to make them money.

This is where you come in, John Q. Public. The writers are counting on you becoming outraged at the lack of new TV and rallying behind their cause. Unfortunately, understanding the complex and unbalanced pay distribution system in television requires a degree in Telecommunications. Fortunately, I have such a degree, and thus have been able to break this down into easy-to-swallow chunks. And you thought all I was good for was bitter analysis and obscure Simpsons references?

The first casualty of the strike we all know about are the late-show programs; Letterman, Leno, Conan, Daily Show, SNL and Colbert. These shows are clearly written day-of, and without writers (some of the hosts are WGA members), there ain’t no damn show. Unfortunately, the combined viewership of these shows isn’t enough to cause a serious backlash that will force the studios to crumble. The majority of those viewers are already people in the know, which sort of dulls the “shock” value.

Thankfully, the next major casualty will hurt the studios and networks bigtime, the soap operas. While the late-night shows attract yuppies with iPhones and Heineken Kegs, soaps tend to draw housewives and college kids. Housewives are statistically the least “in the know” and the least to care about issues like the WGA strike. However, take away her stories and she’ll raise holy hell. This could work in the favor of the writers, who can curry support from these desperate housewives (even I’m ashamed of that) by playing the sympathy card.

Of course, the major blow will come in January when the networks run out of fresh episodes. Once “Grey’s Anatomy” and “Heroes” goes away, the Nation will realize just how major this crisis is. Sure, we have “24” and “Lost” episodes, but there was only 5 or 6 shot before the strike. What does this mean? Reality TV! And not Reality TV like “Survivor”, because those shows have writers or “story editors” who are WGA members. No, we’ll get cheesy game shows and all the COPS you can handle. But don’t worry folks, American Idol is still safe and sound.

Oh yeah, and the WWE is still on the air. Why? Well, Dusty, P.S., Lagana, Koskey, DeJoseph and Gerwitz are not union writers, so they can keep churning out fine family entertainment. And since we still have World Wrestling Entertainment to enjoy, we might as well rip into it while it’s on, so

For Your Consideration What If Wrestlemania Were Today?

Now I’m not much for the out there fantasy booking. I think a lot of the time its people coming up with ridiculous scenarios that see underground favorites pushed to the moon contrary to the main purpose of the company; to make money. I know, what a blasphemous statement! The WWE exists to make money. They are a company just like any other and that’s where fantasy booking always hits a wall.

The WWE are a lot like the Florida Marlins. I’m going to repeat that because it’s kind of an odd statement. World Wrestling Entertainment is analogous to the Florida Marlins. The Florida Marlins are generally considered a joke by most MLB standards, yet they are consistently one of the most profitable teams in baseball because they make fiscally responsible decisions rather than flashy chances. The WWE is the same way. They could push guys like C.M. Punk to the moon, but it would come at a heavy price. That was why John Cena was heaven sent. He was the type of guy that carried the youth appeal as well as the mainstream audience. Granted he was hardly as well known as Austin or The Rock, but John Cena was slightly more recognizable than say Finlay. With John Cena gone for the foreseeable future, the WWE is faced with a major dilemma, that dilemma which happens to take place on March 30th 2008.

I will be attending Wrestlemania this year for the first time. One would think that years of watching the product would leave me jaded and cynical, but somehow the allure of Wrestlemania is still in tact for me. It is, as clichéd as it sounds, our Super Bowl. It is the biggest event in wrestling, and for once I’ll be there to see history. Unfortunately, unless things turn around soon, I may witness one of the weakest Wrestlemanias in history.

Looking at the situation the WWE is faced with right now, there aren’t exactly a ton of surprises that they can throw at the audience based on their current roster. The big stars on RAW are Triple H, Shawn Michaels, Bobby Lashley, Randy Orton, Kennedy and Chris Jericho. Smackdown’s got Lashley, Taker, Rey, Mark Henry, Khali, Edge and MVP. ECW’s got Morrison, Punk, Viscera and Miz. With the exception of the Hardy Boys, there aren’t a hell of a lot of folks to move up to the main event level. There is no guy waiting in the wings to bust out between now and March, so it’s safe to assume that our main event will come from this crew.

First up you have the WWE title match. The smart money is on keeping the belt with Orton until Mania. A strong heel going into Wrestlemania makes for an easier story than a babyface looking to keep the title. While Randy isn’t exactly the kind of guy that sets the world on fire, he’s enough of a heel to make things credible. Before I even get to this match, there’s one scenario I have to lay out for you folks.

Shawn and Randy are squaring off at Survivor Series on the 10th Anniversary of the Screwjob. Vince called the DX reunion a onetime thing, which has piqued my interest. My guess is that Vince is going to make this a title versus career match where Vince can screw Shawn over and “cost him his career”. It would bookend the whole saga since Vince did the same thing to Bret for real. This allows Shawn to go home and spend time with his family. It also frees up the #2 face slot for Lashley. Most importantly, it gives Hunter a reason to be angry for months. This can ultimately lead to Michaels/McMahon at Wrestlemania, tying up the chairman and a top star without taking up a title match.

Now that Shawn’s out of the way, we’re faced with two potential challengers for Randy Orton to face; Lashley and Hunter. The mystery here will be revealed when we find out who is feuding with Orton after HBK’s gone. If they go right into a Lashley/Orton feud then that means Orton/Hunter at Mania, which makes more sense. That way the Rumble can be about Vince trying to screw Hunter but Hunter overcoming odds, blah blah blah. So you’re storylines going into Mania would be Shawn looking to get revenge on Vince for ending his career and Hunter going against Orton to stick it to his father-in-law. These two matches are unexciting but surefire moneymakers.

Over on Smackdown, you’ve got a few scenarios at your disposal. If Edge takes the belt of Batista, then we’ll get Edge/Taker at Mania which is a surprisingly fresh match. Edge/Batista could also be alright, but that seems more suited for the Rumble. This allows the streak versus title storyline we got one year ago, only this time Taker’s injury won’t hamper the plans.

ECW is pretty much screwed because of its limited roster. We could see Punk/Viscera, Punk/Morrison or Punk/Miz and none of those match-ups ignites any kind of excitement. This is why ECW is either going to be infused with new talent or folded into Smackdown entirely because of their limited options. Punk/MVP or Batista/Morrison would be fresher match-ups, but does that mean the ECW title officially becomes the European Belt?

We’re bound to have a MITB Ladder Match, and the way the roster is looking it should be pretty stacked. You’ve got Rey, Kennedy, Jeff Hardy, Matt Hardy, Chris Jericho and Lashley all looking for something to do. Unfortunately, same goes for Khali, Henry, Viscera and Umaga.

There isn’t any major “shocker” set up for Mania. No Trump-esque move they could make. The lone exception would be Ric Flair’s retirement match. But even that would come with a mountain of skepticism. And more importantly, who would be the one to get the honors? If Hunter and Shawn are tied up with other matches, who would be the person to get the honor of wrestling Flair in his last match? Would Hunter give up his title match to be the one to retire his mentor? Would Shawn? Maybe a young guy like Kennedy or a Hardy? That would be the ultimate wild card slot, but this is all predicated on Flair patching things up in time to make the program count.

So it looks like I’ll be getting a potential dud Mania. No big push moments like Austin winning the belt for the first time or a classic like Savage/Steamboat. It’ll be Hunter winning gold again or Taker winning gold again, interspersed with some contrived big spots and a “grand entrance” or two. I’ll still be there regardless, and even if there is no major Wrestlemania Moment, I’ll still be able to say I witnessed the Granddaddy of them All.

This has been for your consideration.

P.S. Let me know what you think the WWE should do for Mania. E-mail me at awheeler316@yahoo.com. Next week I’ll post some of the best (and worst) suggestions.