The SmarK 24/7 Rant for PrimeTime Wrestling – August 3 1987
– Eh, looks interesting this week, so what the hey.
– Your hosts are Gorilla & Bobby, who is without the neck brace this week. Heenan no longer needs it, because now he has the newest member of his family to protect him…Ravishing Rick Rude.
– Ravishing Rick Rude v. Jerry Allen. This was WAY before Rude got any kind of a serious push, as he was initially just around to work around the circuit with Hulk Hogan with no other plans for him. He’s still working out the kinks on the catchphrase, but manages to piss off the crowd regardless. Rude gives us a clean break and some posing to start, but Allen dodges him and Rude hits the floor. Allen was one of those guys who had the look and the talent, but just got labelled as a jobber and never shook it. Back in, Allen takes Rude down with an armdrag, but gets caught in a backbreaker while trying a bodypress. Rude poses to follow up and gets a sloppy clothesline for two. And we actually take a break at the 2:00 mark. They felt the need to split this epic up? Back with Rude doing more posing before heading up with the flying fistdrop, and that gets two. More posing and he grabs the Vulcan Nerve Pinch as Gorilla and Alfred discuss Sherri Martell’s Women’s title victory over the Fabulous Moolah the night before. That’s kind of eerie timing. Snap suplex times two from Rude, but Allen reverses a third try and misses an elbow. Rude follows with a dropkick and pounds him down, but another dropkick misses and Allen makes the comeback. Monkey flip and he slugs away on Rude, but Rick catches him with an inverted atomic drop and finishes with the body vice at 7:54. Total squash, and not very impressive, as Rude’s character didn’t catch fire until the Jake Roberts feud in 1988. *1/2
– UPDATE! WITH CRAIG DEGEORGE! We get clips of the Women’s title change in Houston, as Sherri wins the belt. Seriously, this channel has the worst timing as of late. Sherri gets a huge face pop for winning the belt, but turned heel soon after. Craig promises to keep us updated.
– And now, the continuing adventures of the Million Dollar Man. Dibiase is denied the honeymoon suite at a fancy hotel, so Virgil fires off bills until the androgynous clerk gives in. Then we cut to Virgil booting the newlyweds out of the room. Such a great character intro.
– Meanwhile, Ron Bass introduces us to Miss Betsy, his special whip friend.
– Outback Jack v. Johnny K-9. I’m pretty sure they’ve shown this one before. Jack gives K-9 a clean break to start, but K-9 won’t do the same for him. Jack misses an elbow and K-9 drops a knee in response and works him over with headbutts, but misses a diving headbutt and Jack comes back. Backdrop and slam set up the Boomerang to finish at 3:02. Jack was going nowhere fast at this point, beating jobbers but not moving up the card. 1/2*
– And now, the Snake Pit with special guest Randy Savage. There’s not enough drugs in them to make it a truly interesting interview, but this is the first official hint of Savage’s face turn, as Roberts relates a bit of conversation from Jimmy Hart where Jimmy felt that Savage couldn’t beat Honky Tonk Man because he’s all washed up and stuff. Savage disagrees with this and will go through the entire Hart stable to prove it if need be. Jake could talk, but as an interviewer he’s brutal.
– Brutus Beefcake v. Johnny V. Johnny attacks to start and talks trash while choking him out, but Beefcake comes back with a slam and comes off the middle rope with an axehandle. He does the old ram into the turnbuckles routine and puts him out with the sleeper at 3:25. Total massacre. And poor Johnny gets yet another haircut. 1/2*
– Dino Bravo v. Brady Boone. Another depressing double-death match. Bravo hammers away in the corner to start, but Boone fires back with a handspring elbow into a dropkick, putting Dino on the floor. Back in, Boone pounds away, but Bravo catches him with an inverted atomic drop and goes back to the CLUBBING FOREARMS. And now it’s over to the facelock, into a slam for two. Bravo works on the back and we take a break while he goes to the bearhug. Back with Bravo tossing Boone, but Brady comes back with a sunset flip for two. Bravo tosses him again and hits the chinlock back in the ring, but Boone gets a backslide for two. Back elbow follows, but a monkey flip misses and Bravo finishes with the side slam at 11:37. Insanely long. ** Here’s a tantalizing tease for you: Bret Hart is BRUTALLY honest about how much he dislikes Dino Bravo in his book, which I’m currently halfway through. That’s all you get from me for now.
– Meanwhile, the Hart Foundation talk about the booming popularity of pink in fashion, and Mean Gene plugs his tour of the Hart Offices (as seen on the Hart Foundation video). Nice continuity there.
– Meanwhile, an actual doctor (as opposed to Heenan’s personal doctor from a few weeks ago) reveals that Bobby has been (gasp) FAKING his neck injury all along. Why, that’s deceiving the paying customer!
– Nikolai Volkoff v. Tito Santana. We are joined in progress with Tito holding an armbar. Volkoff slugs him down in return and chokes him out, then stomps away in the corner. Tito fights back, but gets caught in the bearhug, and clearly that’s gonna be all for Tito. Once again I should note to Gorilla that if Volkoff was LITERALLY “squeezing the life out of Tito” then that would make Santana dead. The bearhug goes on forever and the standard press-slam into backbreaker gets two. Tito fights back and gets the flying jalapeno out of nowhere to finish at 7:05. Hey, a non-telegraphed finish, that’s something new and different for this show. **
– WWF World tag titles: The Hart Foundation v. Junkyard Dog & Rick Martel. Well, apparently this is after the departure of Tom Zenk and before Tito Santana replaced him and won the belts. This is a dark match from a Superstars taping, with Craig DeGeorge and Bruno on commentary, one of the commentary teams that I’ll have to listen to for all eternity in Hell, I’m sure. Martel controls Bret with armdrags to start, and blocks a sunset flip and gets two. Over to JYD for the expected power match with Anvil, and a small package gets two. Neidhart bails and regroups, and the Harts do the standard double-teaming in the corner until Neidhart misses a blind charge and it’s hot tag Martel. He slugs away on Bret, but Anvil quickly trips him up and Martel is YOUR face in peril. Bret gets the atomic drop and chokes away on the ropes, and gets two. They dump Martel and we get some good stuff with Bret playing the chickenshit heel and JYD chasing him around the ring while Neidhart drops Martel on the railing. Back in the ring, Anvil hits the chinlock. Back to Bret, but Martel slugs him down and Bret is forced to cut off the ring with the facelock. False tag to JYD, but Neidhart accidentally dropkicks Bret and their nefarious ways backfire on them. Hot tag to JYD and it’s headbutts for everyone, but the Harts sucker him into the corner and hit the Hart Attack…but it’s a DQ at 12:31? What kind of bullshit finish is that? That was a totally clean Hart Foundation win. THEY SCREWED BRET! Really good 80s tag match. ***
