Top 100 Moments of The L Word #90-81

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Less than 9 weeks to the Season 5 premiere and now, another installment of the Top 100 to bide the time.

Or something like that.

#90 – Random Act: Alice Teaches Phyllis

Episode – Layup (404)

The first Random Act to appear on the list and certainly not the last. Here, the episode begins with Alice instructing Phyllis…who’s in the midst of her first sexual experience with another woman…on the proper points of causing Alice to orgasm, while Phyllis excitedly kisses, licks and at one point apparently even chews away at her lover under the bedsheets.

Note Of Fun

Leisha Hailey, as Alice is in true comedic form here and most of the scene consists only of seeing Alice’s facial reactions to what Phyllis is doing while Alice tries to teach her older student. It’s one of those moments that made Season 4 what I was mostly hoping it would be and that’s pure entertainment.

#89 – Funny Lady, The Pillow Queen

Episode – Loyal (208)

Alice and Dana enjoy one another’s company on the couch as Al tries to figure out what to rant about for her KCRW tryout. Working on a serious voice, she reads her typed out article for Dana, but Dana’s too busy wondering what Alice has done to her voice. She’s trying to be serious, but Dana reminds her that her strength is being able to make people laugh. Engaging in more chat (included a whisper of Alice wanting Dana to use a dildo on her) leads to Dana lying on top of Al, forcing her, playfully against the couch on her back. “Are you topping me?” asks Al, to which Dana refers to her as, “the Pillow Queen.”

Note Of Fun

This segment was not only humorous, it was also educational as I was introduced to the wonderous terms, “topper,” and, “pillow queen.”

#88 – Bette Takes Off With Angelica

Episode – Left Hand Of The Goddess (312)

This is how Season 3 ended. Bette, fearing that Tina and Henry are about to legally take little baby Angelica away from her in the form of full custody, practically kidnaps the child in the evening hours. The moment sets up the main point of contention for the start of Season 4 and causes quite the rift during offseason between fans.

Note Of Fun

Some people do the strangest things in a point of desperation. For Bette, this would be that point as she was now beginning to Angelica as her child, instead of hers and Tina’s child. By the time Season 3 ended, I was convinced that Bette Porter may very well be an evil genius. She picked out the donor, had Tina go through the pregnancy, made sure that the donor in question was closer to her racial background, so when the eventual split happened, she would have an edge of sorts in the form of, “well, I’m biracial and so is the child, which means I have a cultural advantage over my ex and should have custody.” Evil genius, I say!

#87 – Shane & Cherie Finale

Episode – Limb From Limb (114)

It wasn’t the best of breakups or the best of circumstances to begin with. Cherie Jaffe, rich wife of rich business man, Steve Jaffe found herself enamored with Shane MacCutcheon, the younger, cute hairstylist. It was an exciting affair, but along the way there were some speedbumps. Most notably, Cherie was still married, but there was also the matter of Cherie’s teenaged daughter, Clea developing a crush on Shane. That crush would splinter everything apart for the Jaffe family and of course, for Shane and Cherie as a couple. In the Season 1 finale, they talk for what appears to be one last time. Shane is heartbroken, having fallen in love with Cherie. Cherie’s emotions tend to indicate similar feelings, but her words tell a different story. Steve represents security for Cherie, which is more important than any feelings she could possibly have for Shane. Tearful, they both part ways at the Provocations exhibit, not to see each other again for some time.

Note Of Fun

This is perhaps Shane’s defining moment in Season 1 as it sets the stage for her coming insecurity with Carmen in Seasons 2 and 3 (and possibly with Paige as well if the Season 5 promos are any indication). She nevers wants to feel that heartbreak again, finding solace in one night stands and brief affairs.

#86 – ID’s, Please…

Episode – Luck, Next Time(110)

One of the funnier moments of Season 1, as the Group Of Friends arrive at the studio, where Kit is participating in a music video shoot with Slim Daddy. While waiting in the car to get in, Lisa (Lesbian Identified Man) calls Alice, feeling left out. It turns out that he is being left out as he’s just not part of the group. Shane wishes her friend well by encouraging him to drop the lesbian man schtick. The guard doesn’t let the Group Of Friends in, not recognizing them on the list. Triple, Slim Daddy’s assistant in the limo behind them walks out of the ride and to the guard asking about what the holdup is. Realizing who the ladies are, Triple takes over, convincing the guard to let them in as they’re each a part of Slim Daddy’s management and assitant team. Dana is given the title of being Slim’s, “white lady.”

Note Of Fun

“And that…that’s his white lady.” Pretty much makes the scene right there. I really liked seeing the Slim Daddy and Triple characters, though they were only around for a brief time.

#85 – Nosferatu

Episode – Lifeline (305)

Needless to say, Alice has had a very wild date with Uta Refson, the lesbian vampirologist. Topless and bound by her wrists to a rope hanging from the ceiling, Alice is now Uta’s willing playtoy. Uta embraces Alice with her fangs and as things get more intense, Alice…already thinking that Uta may very well be an actual vampire…looks at Uta’s vampirology certificate on the wall in the mirror, realizing that UTAREFSON is NOSFERATU spelled backwards. Closing her eyes, Alice just lets the moment happen, as Uta takes her.

Note Of Fun

Erica Cerra was most excellent during her brief time as Uta Refson in Season 3. It’s a shame she wound up in the Land Of The Dead Marios not long after this. Her appearance as Uta however was not her first in The L Word as she had made a brief appearance in the Random Act: Git Of The Magi scene as, “Dancer,” being seduced by Francesca Wolff, the moment that introduced Francesca to the audience, in fact. I realize Erica’s busy with the whole Eureka thing, but it’d be great to see her be able to reprise Ms. Refson again. Maybe someday.

#84 – Claude Asks About Marina

Episode – Legend In The Making (401)

It’s the moment that forever defines the brief time of Claude Montague, Jenny’s tryst addicted girlfriend. Marina Ferrer, back in town on business has dropped by the Planet in a surprise visit. She walks over to Jenny and Claude, saying hello to the girl who broke her heart but good back in Season 1, sending her into a downward spiral. She also says hello to Claude and Claude is immediately smitten and curious. With Marina departing for her hotel suite, Claude asks Jenny, “do you think she’ll have sex with us?” Jenny very poignantly says, “No.” Claude makes a very simple suggestion, much to Jenny’s surprise. “Ask her.”

Note Of Fun

I admit, as Season 3 ended, I didn’t really give a damn about Claude. In fact in my summary/review of that particular episode, I couldn’t even be bothered to remember her name. By the end of this episode however, my attitude had changed dramatically and suddenly I was a big fan of Claude. I’m just weird like that. Or maybe just perverted.

#83 – Jean-Paul’s Big 3

Episode – Pilot (101/102)

In the beginning, Bette and Tina were simply a couple looking for a male donor. They wanted someone attractive and artistic and in Jean-Paul Chamois, it appears they have hit the jackpot. He has no longing to ever be part of the child’s life, having no problem with signing papers that would give up his parental rights to Bette (with Tina as birth mother, of course). The fatal flaw in the plan however involves a misunderstanding in the process. Jean-Paul is expecting to have sex with Tina, but instead is informed that he will be donating himself (so to speak) into a cup. This misunderstanding disintegrates any chances of Jean-Paul’s assistance, as the couple walks off. Jean-Paul decrees in the only way he knows how, the natural process of bringing a child into the World. “Hey…ze penis…ze pussy…ze baby.”

Note Of Fun

“Ze penis, ze pussy, ze baby,” has become one of many cherished L Word phrases and this is the moment that brought us that little nugget of joy.

#82 – Manhood Of Oz

Episode – Life, Loss, Leaving (201)

Ivan learns the hardway what happens when you give someone a key to your place. It means they can enter whenever they want, even when you’re in the shower. Kit wanders in, slightly early for her meeting with Ivan over the proposition plan to purchase the Planet from the Ferrer family. As a result of being way too early and with Ivan in the shower, Kit wanders around the house, finding her way to Ivan’s bedroom. It’s here where she sees Ivan’s artificial manhood and wig. Beginning to inspect the foreign object of sorts, Ivan emerges, horrified at seeing Kit under these circumstances. In her manly guise, Ivan is a consummate gentleman to Kit. But now stripped (literally) of that guise and her purest feminine form, Ivan is beligerent in wanting Kit to just leave the house. Disappointed and confused, Kit departs from the house. With Kit gone, Ivan raises her arms in frustration, revealing armpit hair.

Note Of Fun

All things considered, Ivan makes a much better man than she does a woman. Kinda makes ya wonder what would’ve happened had Jenny never showed up in the first place. No Jenny, no stress on Tim or Marina, thus no Marina strife with Francesca, thus no Francesca pulling her funding of the Planet, thus no need for Kit to buy said Planet…see where this is going? Yes, it’s all Jenny’s fault!!!

#81 – Anytime

Episode – Last Dance (311)

At Camp Imalahkaha, the Group Of Friends have gathered for one last goodbye to Dana, her ashes in tow. She wanted to scattered amongst the waterfall and her friends are making sure that wish is granted. Tearfully, Alice says goodbye to the love of her life and best friend. Bette is sure that Dana is in a much happier place now, but Shane cannot take solace in that idea, as her angst lashes out at the circumstances of Dana’s final moments, dying alone in a hospital room. Shane begins to storm off in her grief and anger, with Carmen soon following. The Group Of Friends each scatter parts of Dana’s ashes into the river below. Jane Sibbery’s “Anytime” begins playing for the audience as what appears to be an image of Dana flows in the waterfall, at peace. Carmen, overcome in the moment and trying to console her girlfriend, agrees to marry Shane (Shane having asked earlier in the episode).

Note Of Fun

All things considered and hindsight being 20/20, Carmen would have been better off not saying a damn word. Something to keep in mind about this moment. It was initially leaked out to the internet before Losing The Light (Episode 310) and you’ll notice that this is from Last Dance (Episode 311). This basically means that L Word fans realized their worst fears about Dana’s demise before the demise became official days later on Showtime. Part of me still believes that this scene was leaked intentionally, if for no other reason than to stem the rolling tide of anger and shock of what was to come. If that was the aim, then Showtime at least got half of their wish, as Dana’s death was no longer a shocker (‘course people who were into spoilers pretty much knew already, but whatever). The anger from the fans persisted and still persist to this day.

Coming soon, #80-71!