T H E
M O N D A Y
N I G H T
R A B B L E
We are here as always in the middle of a bar in New Jersey.. we talk to the show that you talk to at home. Last week, Jericho got his main event at the next PPV and Ric Flair is going to be retiring.
So now let’s get through the names and the politics!
HERNANDEZ – The Spaniard!
ERIC – The Giant!
JEN – The Sicilian!
BILL – The Six-Fingered Man!
DANI – Princess Buttercup
..and I, her Wesley, Dread Pirate Hatton.
Let’s not forget the little boys and girls listening to the story, The Insyders.
Due to the last few weeks of problems with INSIDE PULSE. I’m currently working on a blogsite for the Rabble and RabbleCast. Stay tuned next week for more information.
Now though, to start the show… CHRIS JERICHO! That’s right, he’s actually curtain jerking and Hernandez hasn’t gotten here to mock me for it.
“He looks like a chipendales dancer!” – Dani
She is commenting on his purple vest. Jericho in the HOUSE!
He gets in the ring with the mic and explains that he has come back to get a title match. He even explains that Sanchico Moreno commented that you don’t just show up and GET a title match. Of COURSE not. To do that.. he had to piss Randy Orton off.
So when he got his match last week – he felt a tingle in his pocket… as his cell phone vibrated. The bigwigs telling him what he already knew… he had his title match.
This all interrupted by Raaaaaandy Orton!
“Hey!” – Bill
Randy explains that ‘EVERYTHING’ is about Chris Jericho.
“Not Raw the last few years…” – Bill
He gave him the title shot because he knew he could beat him. Randy’s gone through Triple H, Shawn Michaels, and John Cena. Jericho explains that he’s gone through Stone Cold in the Rock in ONE night.
Randy seems to think that he can wipe the smirk off of his face. Jericho tells him to do it.
“They’re gonna kiss!” – Bill
This all stopped by Regal!
“BRILLIANT!” – Me
He explains that tonight’s going to be a pick your poison style night. Sooooooooo Randy picks..
“Umanga & Triple H” – Me
Umanga. And Jericho picksss….
“The midget!” – Jeffrey
“Giant Gonzalez?” – Hernandez
Oh right.. Shawn Michaels.
Jeff vs. Snitsky later.
In the hallway… Mickie and MaaaaaarIIIIIAAAA…
COMMERCIAL ONE – 9:13
MARIIIIIA! Looking tasty in silver.
MICKIEEE! In white stripes….
“The really hot team versus…….?” – Bill
“Beth & Melina?” – Me
Here comes Melina!
“She has a good walk.” – Dani
“It’s called bowlegged.” – Hernandez
And now Beth Phoenix.
“She has headbands to match her outfit..” – Dani
“It’s very Flash Gordon.” – Me
“BETH!!!!! AHHHHHAAAAAA” – Bill
MICKIE & MARIA vs. MELINA & BETH
Boobie boobie boobie boobie MUSHROOM MUSHROOM
Match starting with Maria with a split legged Thesz Press. Melina pushes her off and a tag to Beth. Beth points out Mickie. She watns to wrestle her. She pushes Maria into Mickie and makes the tag.
Mickie now in the ring with beth. She runs to the corner and kicks Beth. Beth charges her again and grabs her leg pulling her down. Beth picks up Mickie and spins her for a spinning powerslam.
Fisherman suplex. Pin. Win.
WINNER: BETH PHOENIX & MELINA
In the back Todd talks with Shawn Michaels.
Shawn tells us that tonight, he can use the superkick.
This all interrupted by Kennedy on a big screen behind him!
“McFly, jusst put in your card!” – Me
“Needles?” – Hernandez
He’s going to bring something out tonight that might break Shawn’s heart! Neat.
“MARTY JANNETY?!?!?” – Me
“Kennedy is going to beat up Sherri’s corpse” – Insyder Soak1313
COMMERCIAL TWO – 9:23
Kennedy is in the ring and wants to bring out three friends of Shawn.
“Bret Hart?” – Bill
HOLY SHIT! IT IS MARTY JANNETY!
Oh wait.. it’s a jobber.
“Marty was at home going….. I’M ON… wait a sec.” – Me
“Marty is currently doing his entrance in his bathroom” – Hernandez
“Awww…get me all excited over a Marty appearance and then crush my dreams.” – Insyder DarkStar
“How dare those heathens tease a Jannetty appearance…” – Insyder MrCavanagh
Next, his opponent at Mania X. The man who had the greatest ladder match of all time.. Kennedy disagrees.
RAZOR RAMON! Brilliant.
“Who knew that he had a Titantron video..” – Hernandez
They give him the mic for, “EYY YO” and then say ‘well that’s all you got…’
Finally, the man he faced at Mania XI… Diesal!?! Who Kennedy makes fun of how long he’s coming to the ring.
This is frigging brilliant. The Insyders don’t agree on me with this one.. maybe it’s because conceptually it’s making us laugh our asses off.
Kennedy feels this is all missing something. So he then introduces none other than Shawn Michaels himself… who is a dude wearing Shawn’s outfit.. and holding a sparkler.
Kennedy now wants to ask some questions.
“One word that summarizes your feelings about Shawn Michaels.” – Kennedy
“Egotistical” – Diesal
“Ey yo?” – Me
“Chump” – Razor Ramon
“Plate Glass Window?” – Bill
“Traitor.” – Marty
Kennedy has one word… “Loser”
Shawn might have to think of a new profession after Armageddon… and here comes the REAL Shawn Michaels.
“Aww, he’s only wearing a baseball cap.” – Dani
“That’s SO disrespectful.” – Bill
ONE SUPERKICK! Diesal Down
TWO SUPERKICK! Razor Down
THREE SUPERKICK! Marty Down
Kennedy bails and he goes face to face with the fake Shawn…. who bails.
“That ended kinda weakly.” – Dani
“He didn’t super kick the guy playing himself since that would have been a form of suicide, and that’s a mortal sin.” – Insyder DarkStar
COMMERCIAL THREE – 9:38
In the back, Vince talking with Coach. He explains that next week is the Raw 15 year anniversary and headlining will be showing up. HULK HOGAN!
“HE NEEDS THE MONEY!” – Me
Also… Trish Stratus!
Also, Stone Cold!
“Trish Stratus got a bigger response than Hogan did. Somehow I’m not surprised.” – Insyder DarkStar
“I mark for Trish.” – Insyder GothamAnswer
All stopped by Hornswaggle. Next week will also be a McMahon family portrait. Back on the tough luck situation… so he wants there to be a NO DQ Handicapped match between Horny vs. Carlito & Coach.
Vince tells Hornswaggle he has to be resourceful… so Horny steals his cellphone and makes a call as we head back to the ring.
“Hornswoggle is calling Scott Hall” – Insyder GothamAnswer
In the back now… Hunter choosing shirts while he talks to Regal. Haitch wants to know why he made the match for Armageddon. What’s his motive?
Regal explains that they were both sole survivors at Survivor Series.
“Wait.. how can they both be sole?” – Eric
Regal adds in the stip that the winner gets a title match at the Royal Rumble. Hunter has made a career of destroying people he hates.. and he doesn’t think he actually HATES Hardy at all.
Haitch explains that it doesn’t matter that he might respect Hardy. For a title match.. he’d pedigree his own mother… brother… father-in-law…
“Daughter?” – Bill
Hereeee comes Umaga!
“One of these days, I just wanna see them cut to Umaga in the back, with reading glasses, a news paper, and pipe.” – Insyder GothamAnswer
COMMERCIAL FOUR – 9:49
UuuMaga … but….
Jericho TIMMMM! BREAK THE WALLS DOWNNNN!
“How long before his pyro costs more than plates on title belts?” – Bill
UMAGA vs. JERICHO
COMMERCIAL FIVE – 9:55
Hey, we’re back… and in the match… we already missed during the break the 2nd rope dropkick and the top rope dive!
In the ring Jericho has a stretch on Umaga. Umaga picks him up and hurls him to the outside. Umaga drags him in and a short arm clothesline. Big splash for two.
Umaga continues to stomp and beat down on Jericho and moves into the nerve pinch. Finally, Jericho gets back to his feet and drop toe holds Umaga down into the corner. Umaga gets up and Jericho charges to eat a kick to the face.
Umaga beats him down into the corner. Sets him up for the butt bump. Charges and Jericho rolls out just in time. He heads out and to the top. Flying shoulder to the back of Umaga’s head.
“Donkey punch!” – Me
They both get ot their feet and Umaga throws blows that are ducked, Jericho hits a few chops. Hits a bulldog. Hits the LIONSAULT!!! Two count!
Jericho standing in the corner, Umaga gets up and tries to charge him.. moved and CODEBREAKER!
Randy in now! Kicks Jericho! RKO! Jericho ATE it!
Jericho’s out cold.
WINNER VIA DQ: JERICHO
Hornswaggle is coming on down now. Ooooboy. Smell the ratings skyrocket.
COMMERCIAL SIX – 10:05
Carlito time. With Coach!
And heeere comes Hornswaggle who wants Lillian to announce something. ‘He made a phonecall?’
“He’s mildly autistic.” – Hernandez
He bought some protection… whooooooo?
In come the APA!?!??! Holy mark out shit!
“Is anyone else marking?” – Insyder GothamAnswer
“I AM FREAKING OUT RIGHT NOW” – Insyder Soak1313
“Why waste an APA reunion in this?” – Insyder MrCavanagh
“Who cares, it was awesome!!” – Insyder DarkStar
HORNSWAGGLE w/ APA vs. CARLITO & COACH
Double arm neckbreaker from Bradshaw. Spinebuster from Ron.
“Damn!” – Bill
We are reminded this is no DQ as Bradshaw and Ron just destroy Coach.
“We heard Marty… Razor.. Diesal..” – Hernandez
“Someone found a cd..” – Me
“Did you know there was wrestling in the 90s?!” – Hernandez
The APA slams Hornswaggle onto Coach.
Left in the ring is the APA… Bradshaw has the mic. “The APA doesn’t discriminate. IF you have money… the LOTS of money.” Ron wants the mic, but JBL keeps talking. Bradshaw then pimps out his money show and Smackdown a bit.. Ron keeps getting denied the mic.
Finaly Ron steals the mic. He won’t say it because the crowd starts chanting Damn…. Ron seems confused in fact until finally – DAMN!
“This was shorter than the return of DX.” – Hernandez
In the back now.. Snitsky with Todd. Hardy has something Snitsky wants.
“Rainbow hair.” – Hernandez
COMMERCIAL SEVEN – 10:19
Hey.. Jeff Hardy!
JEFF HARDY vs. SNITSKY
Inflicting crap is his job.
Jeff starting with punches on Snitsky. Snitsky throws him to the corner though. He leaps and is caught by Snitsky. Charged right into the counter corner.
Boot to Jeff’s face in the corner. Double underhook from Snitsky right into his armpit.
“SMELL ITTTTTT!” – Hernandez
Hits a sidewalk slim for two.
“Snitsky not making any mistakes.” – JR
“..except career path..” – Me
Finally Snitsky goes for a legdrop annnnd WHIF!
“Hey, that was a mistake!” – Me
Dropkicks now from Jeff. As a note, the crowd is dead even for Jeff in that match. He hits the whisper in the wind. Two count. Goes for the Twist of Fate… pushed out to the corner. He ducks a boot! Runs up for the Swanton.
WINNER: JEFF HARDY
“Annnnd Snitsky not unpinned this year.” – Me
“Stopping the unstoppable monster?” – Jeffrey
“Oh he’s been stopped… just not pinned.” – Hernandez
So Snitsky knees Jeff. Grabs a chair and is about to set him up and hey.. here comes Triple H with a sledgehammer!
So Trips paces around Jeff wielding the sledgehammer and bouncing up and down.
“I like when it makes the jingly noise.” – Me
Finally, Trips helps up Jeff and they go for nose to nose.
“You got really soft hands.. you moisturize?” – Bill
COMMERCIAL EIGHT – 10:32
In the back… the blonde girl who can’t sing is hanging with Vince. All interrupted by Regal who tells Vince that Stephanie is on her way. Here. Tonight.
In the back, Shawn putting on his hat.
COMMERCIAL NINE – 10:39
Next week, Vince will announce the ‘greatest superstar of Raw history?!’
“Yokozuna?” – Hernandez
“Koko!!!” – Me
HBK is here!
“Hey.. Shit” – Bill
HBK vs. RANDY ORTON
Main event stuff..
Match starts with ducking a punch. Shawn goes for the superkick and Randy bails. Shawn follows out and back in and gets punched down and stompy stomps all oer him, but Shawn hits a fast neckbreaker.
Spinning headlock drops Randy.
“Does that count?” – Me
“Randy Orton IS in the headlock..” – Bill
Randy Orton Headlock Count: 1
Randy tries to fight out of it, and Randy gets to his feet. Pushes Shawn to the ropes and hits him with a back elbow. Stomp and a pin for one.
Front face lock going for a suplex to Shawn. Blocked. Randy gets him over, but Shawn lands back on his feet but eats an elbow. Shawn pushes him to the ropes, and Randy goes up for a back body, but hits the sunset flip…
Shawn turns it right into the ankle lock!?
“NEVER KURT ANGLE… NEVER KURT ANGLE!” – Bill
“Who?” – Jeffrey
Randy finally grabs the rope and crawls out..
COMMERCIAL TEN – 10:52
We’re back with a chopfest between Shawn and Randy. Randy goes for a bodyslam, but Shawn reverses into a waistlock. Clothesline sends Orton to the outside. Shawn rolls out and he sets up for the superkick.
He charges and Randy ducks.. and ends up kicking the timekeeper.
“THAT’S CONTROVERSIAL!” – Me
“Poor stan.” – Hernandez
Shawn checks on him and tries to get into the ring. He’s grabbed and then DDTd off the second rope. Now the Garvin Stomp. Pin for two. Continues the beatings with a bodyscissors & headlock.
Randy Headlock Count: 2
Shawn fights out. They goc chop to chop that Shawn wins. Throws Randy to the ropes. Reversed. Shawn hits the flying cross. Nip up! Inverted atomic drop. DUcks a clothesline and hits a backslide for two!
Bodyslam from Shawn and heads to the top. Flying leap. Hits the elbow!
Starts to tune up the band… J E S U
Plancha off and over the top ot hit Kennedy!
This of course ends in a countout.
WINNER: RANDY ORTON
Randy’s got a mic and declares himself the winner.. but in runs Jericho! Thesz Press. Spear and more punchies. Randy goes for the RKO – Jericho ducks it and drops Randy for the Walls!!! He can’t get it in though…
So in the back… Vince and Stephanie. Stephanie wants to talk to Vince out concern. She wants to ask about all the people he invited that hates him. Stone Cold. Hogan. Mom. So Steph wants to talk about the man that got beaten up the most out of all of them… Vince.
He is worried for him. He says anyone that disagrees can go straight to hell.
“Stephanie’s gonna blow up Vince’s limo again!!!” – Insyder DarkStar
That is that.
So what did we think?
“Pretty good.” – Bill
“I think that was my favorite show of the year.” – Jeffrey
“It was fun I liked it Yay! At least Scott Hall showed up for Raw!” – Hernandez
“Did they finally fire the writers? Stay tuned.” – Jenna
“Why is the build up for the 15th anniversary better than the build up than all the ppvs this year?” – Eric
“You don’t realize, but you are paying $40 to see the show next week.” – Bill
And that is that. I enjoyed myself. One of the better shows this year.. all around good stuff. No Santino though which makes me sad.
Tags: Raw, WWE