The SmackDown Report

Recap of the last few weeks for Edge, Batista, and the Undertaker.

We’re kicking off with Theodore Long, and he is now the Assistant General Manager. I like it. Long hypes up the Triple Threat at Armageddon before announcing that Montel Vontavious Porter will defend the United States Championship against Rey Mysterio. And there’s what should be your hot opening match. Edge interrupts. Edge says Long is giving title matches away like candy at Halloween, and that there will be hell to pay when Vickie Guerrero comes back. Edge stares down the camera momentarily, and even Long is looking at him as if to say ‘What the fuck?!’. Long talks down to Edge, and Edge asked if he’s ever wronged Long in a way – because he consistently finds odd ways to screw him out of the belt. I.e. Kane attacking Edge and Long not allowing Edge to defend the belt within thirty days. Edge says Taker cost him the belt, and that Long didn’t sign Edge’s return match. Long says Edge also cost Taker the belt, Long is giving Taker and Edge their rematches at the same time – both of them bring up good points. Long books Edge vs. Kane tonight!

Tonight: the V.I.P. lounge with Michael Hayes, of all people. Also tonight: Batista is in action. I sense a squash!

Commercials.

We’ve got brand new graphics! They announce Kane vs. Edge later tonight.

The Miz and John Morrison vs. Jesse and Festus
Layfield does the duelling banjos before hand, I believe. Miz and Jesse start. Miz goes for a hip toss but Jesse turns it into an arm drag. Jesse slides under Morrison and drops him onto the apron. Jesse with a flying cross body to Miz for a two count. Morrison tagged in. Morrison with a backbreaker followed by a neck breaker for a two count. Miz back in with a facelock to Jesse. Miz misses an elbow drop, Jesse hits an enziguri and tags out to Festus! Morrison in only to get dominated by Festus. Festus with a big time flapjack to Morrison. Jesse in while Festus and Miz fight outside; Morrison drops Jesse on the top turnbuckle and covers for the early three count.
Winners: The Miz and John Morrison

Went too quick, but these two teams still mesh well. Three out of Ten. Is there any way we can spice this feud up a bit more? IF this is even an actual feud? They recapped a bit of their history so I’m assuming there’s something a bit more than just random matches. Their matches are good and their gimmicks have an interesting clash, but it’s just so flat so far. Also, the Jesse and Festus formula is getting tedious – can we see Festus get the loss already? Does it HAVE to be Jesse?

Elijah Bourke is with Anastasia Rose, and he’ll be facing Batista tonight. Bourke puts himself over, calling himself the best that ECW has to offer.

Up next: Batista goes through Elijah Bourke.

Commercials.

Recap of Kane taking out Edge at that stupid Mardi Gras celebration.

Batista vs. Elijah Bourke
Lock up and Batista forces Bourke into the corner, but Bourke knocks him away. Batista takes Bourke back into the corner for spears. Batista with a running clothesline in the opposite corner. Batista charges at Bourke but Bourke gets a low dropkick to Batista. Bourke sends Batista’s leg into the steel post and then continues the attack on Batista with the nice elbow drop in the corner. Batista kicks Bourke away, but Bourke regains control by clothes lining the leg of Batista. Bourke off the top rope into a cool but not as good as Cole thinks spear by Batista. Batista Bomb ends this.
Winner: Batista

Would it have been criminal to have these two go about four minutes more? I don’t think so. This was a lot better than what I was anticipating, if only because Bourke got credible offence in … only for Batista to shrug it off. Hey, that’s a lot better than some people get in squashes. Two out of Ten.

McCool gets hit on by Noble again. In an awesome move Noble has a shirt reading “Noble 2 – Palumbo 0”. McCool says she gets nauseous around Noble, and that Palumbo doesn’t need to shop at baby gap to find clothes which fit. Noble says that if he beats Palumbo tonight, then McCool goes out on a date with him – McCool agrees. All this needs is Nidia and a briefcase full of sex toys. I liked that Gunn / Noble feud way back in 2003, what I remember of it.

Commercials.

Jamie Noble vs. Chuck Palumbo w/ Michelle McCool
Noble goes right to the leg of Palumbo, but Palumbo throws him off. Palumbo goes for a delayed vertical suplex but Noble falls behind and knocks Palumbo down to size, but Noble comes off the ropes into an overhead belly to belly by Palumbo. Palumbo sends Noble into the corner with a spine buster, before Palumbo gets a clothesline to Noble. Palumbo runs into boots by Noble. Noble off the top with a cross body but gets caught by Palumbo. McCool on the apron, flirting with Noble – Palumbo almost runs into McCool, and Noble gets a school boy on Palumbo for the three count!
Winner: Jamie Noble

This just got one step closer to the Noble / Gunn feud. Alright match, but not as good as their others. Two out of Ten.

Cole and Layfield hype up the WCCW DVD.

Up next: Porter, Hayes, V.I.P Lounge!

Commercials.

Montel Vontavious Porter has the ring set up for the V.I.P Lounge. Porter hypes up the WCCW DVD, and says that he was a huge fan of World Class Championship Wrestling growing up, and says that Freebirds vs. Von Erichs was his favourite rivalry. We get footage of WCCW. Porter introduces Hayes. Hayes and Porter have a bit of a tense moment. Hayes talks about WCCW and he believes that the DVD has a hell of a message to it; say no to drugs. Hayes and Porter get pissy with each other, with Hayes demanding more respect, so Porter begins blatantly insulting Hayes in the name of entertainment. Porter brings up Hayes’ relationship with the Hardys, and Hayes says it’s common knowledge but is off subject. Porter reminds Hayes that it’s Porter’s show (hehehe), and then asks Hayes what it felt like to see Porter destroy Hardy. Hayes says that when Matt comes back Porter will have a huge problem on his hand. Hayes brings up how Porter got pinned by Rey Mysterio, and reminds us about the US Title Match at Armageddon, with Hayes predicting that Porter will lose the belt to Mysterio. Porter calls hayes the third wheel in the Freebirds, and as a wrestler Hayes couldn’t even lace up Porter’s boots. Porter calls Hayes an old man. Hayes demands more respect for everyone from yesterday – Funks, Von Erichs, Flairs, Rhodes, etc – and that Porter doesn’t have to worry about yesterday or tomorrow because Hayes is about to whoop Porter’s ass! Porter gets the first shot in, and Hayes almost gets in a DDT but Porter regains control and hits Hates with the Playmaker! Porter tells Hayes that nobody cares about the past; they only care about the present and tomorrow, which is MVP. Rey Mysterio makes the delayed save and hits Porter with the Seated Senton, before the pair fight around the V.I.P lounge! Porter makes an escape. Now that was a really good segment, even though I have gotten over the whole “no respect for yesterday” idea. When we’re closer to Matt Hardy’s return, I want to see more interviews between these two.

Amazing to see these two have so much to accomplish in one interview (the DVD, Armageddon, Matt Hardy, respect for the past) without making the interview feel cluttered or loosing the fan’s interest. My sole problem with this segment was that Mysterio’s run in was far too late, but at least it wasn’t far too early.

Recap of Edge and Kane from July.

Commercials.

The pay TV begins screwing up, so I miss the Anatasia Rose and Batista interview. I could write a transcript of an imaginary interview between the two, but it would mostly be the two calling each other bitches.

RAW Rebound: Orton and Jericho choose each other’s opponents. I’m surprised they wasted a match like Jericho / Umaga so early in his return.

Hornswoggle is pretending to drive Deuce and Domino’s car. They bust him and Finlay stands up for him. Finlay lets Hornswoggle break the aerial.

Up next: Deuce vs. Finlay.

Commercials.

Finlay w/ Hornswoggle vs. Deuce w/ Domino and Cherry
Deuce takes it right to Finlay to kick start the match, but Finlay gets the upper hand. Finlay with uppercuts to Deuce, and a running spear in the corner. Finlay with a headlock takedown. Finlay with a clothesline to Deuce, following up with the butt thump. Domino chases Hornswoggle under the ring, distracting Finlay enough for Deuce to attack him. Deuce gets a two count over Finlay. Good Finlay chant starts up. Finlay blocks a right by Deuce and gets offence in until Deuce gets a high kick to Finlay. Hornswoggle takes to Cherry and Domino with a fire extinguisher, distracting the referee long enough for Finlay to hit Deuce with the shillelagh for the victory!
Winner: Finlay

Never clicked, as usual with Deuce’s single matches, but they did something at least. One out of Ten. Post match, Khali makes his way out – Deuce and Domino get revenge on Finlay, but escape in time for Khali to attack Finlay. Khali gets Finlay in the Vice Grip! Finlay’s face looks pretty cool in the grip, like a weird bloodless horror movie victim … I may be the only one who thinks that, though.

Commercials.

Cole and Layfield run down the Armageddon card.

Batista is doing commentary for our main event, and Edge doesn’t have the horrible pyro work tonight. Edge addresses Vickie Guerrero, again doing the down the barrel of the camera schtick.

Commercials.

Edge vs. Kane
Edge lures Kane into the corner to begin, but Kane doesn’t take long to throw Edge in the corner. Kane drops Edge throat first on the top rope before going after the knee of Edge. Kane sends Edge shoulder first into the steel post before pulling Edge into the steel post. Kane hooks the arm of Edge on the bottom rope … I think he’s working over the arm, but don’t quote me on that. Kane drops Edge with a right hand, before Kane forces his knee in between the shoulders of Edge. Kane misses an elbow drop and Edge capitalizes with elbows. Edge off the ropes into a scoop slam attempt by Kane, Edge slides behind Kane and gets a reverse X-Factor. Edge with a low dropkick to Kane, sending him out of the ring. Edge jumps off the apron but gets caught by Kane, who slams Edge into the ring apron. Kane steps up onto the apron but Edge spears him off and into the security rail.

Commercials.

We’re back and Edge is in control. Edge hit’s a spear to Kane in the corner. Kane throws Edge off of a DDT attempt, and follows up with a pair of running clotheslines in the corners. Kane with a sidewalk slam to Edge. Kane goes up top but Edge attacks, only for Kane to send Edge back down onto the canvas. Kane jumps off with the Flying Clothesline but Edge avoids it – there’s something we don’t see much nowadays. Kane stops the spear by booting Edge in the face. Kane runs into a boot by Edge, Edge off the second turnbuckle into a throat shot by Kane! Kane goes back up top and hit’s the flying clothesline! Edge gets to his feet, Kane grabs him by the throat but Edge sends Kane throat first into the top rope! Edge grabs a steel chair and takes it into the ring … and automatically gets the disqualification? Uh?
Winner: No Contest as far as I‘m concerned

Whatever happened to the idea of only disqualifying someone after they actually do something wrong? Match was better than most of their previous matches due to the good second half, which was ruined only by the stupid DQ ending. Four out of Ten. Kane attacks Edge post match, but Edge drop toe holds Kane into the steel steps. Edge follows up with a spear to Kane. Edge positions Kane on the steel steps and gets ready for a conchairto variation, but Batista makes the save! Batista keeps Edge at bay until the lights go out! When we return, Undertaker has Edge by the throat – but Batista spears Undertaker! SmackDown fades out.

The Inside Pulse
Miz and John Morrison defeat Jesse and Festus: 3/10
Batista defeats Elijah Bourke: 2/10
Jamie Noble defeats Chuck Palumbo: 2/10
Finlay defeats Deuce: 1/10
Edge draw Kane: 4/10
SmackDown 07/12/07: 12/50

Not a completely lacklustre episode, saved by some good segments and interesting developments. A lot of fans should get a great nostalgia kick from the Hayes / Porter segment. The two worked well together, and I honestly hope that after Armageddon the attention shifts back to Hardy / Porter with Hayes representing Matt Hardy until his return. Outside of that though, the rest of this show was just there. The opening segment between Edge and Long was good as well. The rest of the show was acceptable but not anything to go out of your way for, which is usually something you’ll find on SmackDown. Until next week, have a good one!

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