Pulse Wrestling’s WWE RAW 15th Anniversary Report

Welcome to Pulse Wrestling’s LIVE WWE RAW Report. You got me, Paul Marshall, in the driver’s seat for all three hours tonight as RAW celebrates their fifteenth anniversary! I’m under the weather, but nothing can stop me from providing a great report…unless the weather stops me. Let’s GET IT ON!

January 11, 1993 began a new era for the WWF. The remix of all the RAW themes is being played, which I find very interesting. Explosions all around the arena and we’re live from the Arena at Harbor Yard!

We kick off RAW with the McMahon Family. Vince welcomes everyone to MONDAY NIGHT RAW! He brags about how RAW is the best show on television. Linda can’t be here tonight because she was throwing up to the sounds of Vince’s ego, HAHA! He asks for the photographer to come to the ring and Hornswoggle comes out. Hornswoggle chants by the crowd. Mr. McMahon says that his kids want him to die and rot in Hell so they can inherit the fortune. However, the point is moot as he says that he loves everyone. They get ready for the picture, but they are interrupted.

It’s the King of Kings, Triple H! Vince wonders what he is here for. Triple H waits for his “pop” to die off. He calls the people smart. Triple H brings out some of the people that Vince had supposedly “loved”. Out comes Melina, to which Vince says that he didn’t have sex with her. He now brings out Sunny, who’s looking pretty good tonight. Hornswoggle gets him some sunshine, but this goes down hill with the introduction of Mae Young. Well, Mae gave Vince a crotch buster some time ago, so I guess that counts as one of his supposed “relations”. It was at Moolah’s funeral and Vince was drunk. Shane leaves the ring wanting to throw up. Vince was thinking about Linda during the time. Triple H says that the list goes on. There was one, that Vince thought was a woman, but truly wasn’t. Out comes Howard Finkel and a whole bunch of fat oily men, along with Patterson, Brisco, and Abe “Knuckleball” Swartz.

Stephanie says that Vince has too many problems. Too many that she decides to liplock Hunter! Hunter says that he will see her at home. Vince says that he hates everyone and he hopes that everyone goes straight to Hell! Vince leaves the ring and Hornswoggle is down. Triple H says that he hopes that someone could make this al better. Out comes the “Ho Train”! Horny’s gonna get him some tonight!

Up next, Jeff Hardy versus Carlito for the Intercontinental Championship!

Commercials.

We are back! Later tonight, we will know who is the greatest RAW Superstar of all time. But, it is time for our LADDER MATCH!

Intercontinental Championship – Ladder Match: Jeff Hardy v. Carlito

Carlito immediately leaves the ring to get a ladder. Hardy tries for a baseball slide, but Carlito avoids it and he nails Hardy with the ladder! Carlito scales the ladder, but Hardy pulls him off. Twist of Fate try is countered to a clothesline! Carlito is on the offense as he sandwiches the ladder in front of Hardy. Hardy throws the ladder at Carlito. Carlito gets a warm introduction to the ladder, but Hardy gets caught. Both men take turns brutalizing the other with the ladder. Carlito is on the apron…DROPKICK! Carlito lands HARD on the ladder! Hardy has another ladder and he sets it up. He climbs the ladder but Carlito SPRINGBOARDS on the ladder! Carlito does the SUPER SUNSET DROP and we get “HOLY ****” Chants! We take a break…

Commercials.

We’re back and Carlito is on the mat! Hardy climbs the turnbuckle, hops the ladder, and misses the leg drop! Carlito puts the boots on Hardy. Carlito looks to Pilmanize the leg, but he decides to bring another ladder into the ring! He throws the ladder on top of the other!. He stacks the ladders together and he suplexes Hardy, with Hardy’s legs landing on the ladders! Carlito sets the ladder up and it seems that the ladder is too short. Hardy is back up and he clubs Carlito’s back. Carlito nails a chop block to Hardy’s left leg. Carlito sets Hardy up on a ladder at the corner. Carlito looks for a splash, but Hardy scouts him and he back drops him ON THE LADDER! Hardy is on top and he nails the SWANTON BOMB! Hardy is on one leg and up the ladder. Carlito tips the ladder over, but Hardy lands on his feet. Hardy looks for the twist of fate, but Carlito COUNTERS to a Backcracker ON THE LADDER! Carlito sets the ladder and he climbs it. Hardy is on the ladder too and it is a fight on top! Hardy knocks Carlito off the ladder and he unhooks the title!

Winner and STILL Intercontinental Champion: Jeff Hardy ***

Commercials.

Todd Grisham is in the house and has Shawn Michaels with him! Fifteen Years ago, Shawn defended the Intercontinental Championship against someone he can’t remember. Tonight, Marty Jannetty is in the house! Mr. Kennedy will take on the real Jannety tonight! He mocks Kennedy before leaving.

A series of RAW Flashback vignettes play. Too many for me to type out, but all were entertaining.

Commercials.

The Triumph & Tradegy of World Class Championship Wrestling is on DVD.

In the ring are Santino Marella and Maria. He issued an open challenge to anyone and everyone. “Mr. Monday Night” Rob Van Dam is BACK!!

Santino Marella v. Rob Van Dam

Marella interrupts RVD’s taunt, eats an educated kick to the face, takes the Five Star Frog Splash, and loses.

Winner: Rob Van Dam NR

Pulse Glazer chimes in on AIM. “THAT is what Jericho should have done!” I wholeheartedly agree.

Evolution returns next!

Tommorow Night on ECW: Batista v. Elijah Burke – THE REMATCH!

It is time for the Evolution Reunion. Surprisingly, they don’t come out as an unit. Ric Flair, Triple H and Batista are inside the ring. Randy Orton comes out with a microphone. He doesn’t want to join them in the ring because they want to ride the coattails of his success. We get a flashback to August 16th, 2004, where Randy Orton was kicked out of Evolution. Triple H remembers that because it was very cool. They bicker as Randy Orton brings out his Rated RKO tag team partner, Edge. Ric Flair says to grab a partner and let’s meet up in a six man tag team match! Orton and Edge were thinking ahead and they already had Regal sign the match. Their partner…he’s been buried many times by Triple H…UMAGA!

Rated RK-Umaga-O walks down the ramp as we take a break.

Commercials.

Evolution v. Rated RKO & Umaga

We are JIP as Randy Orton tags in Edge. Flair and Edge are the legal men in the ring. Edge pummels Flair in the corner, but Flair comes back with the chops! Edge takes Flair down and tags in Umaga. Umaga beats into Flair’s skull and he applies the “Boring Nerve Pinch of Doom”. Umaga breaks the hold and tags in Orton. Orton nails his patented stomps on various parts of Flair’s body. Knee drop gets two as Flair gets sent to the opposite corner. Flair gets hit with a body drop, but avoids the dropkick as Batista gets tagged in. Batista is ON FIRE as he brings Edge inside the ring. Orton goes for the double team, but HHH is in to stop that. STEREO SPINEBUSTERS by Batista and Triple H! Umaga shoves the referee and call it a DQ.

Winners: Evolution **

Randy Orton and Edge run away, leaving Umaga in the ring alone with Evolution. Low Blow by Flair, spear by Batista, Pedigree by Triple H. Backstage, Jeff Hardy watches on.

RAW Flashback: Road Rage – Various vignettes of various types of road rage!

Backstage, Hornswoggle has gotten horny with Mickie James and Molly Holly! Regal stops the fun and mentions that Mr. McMahon made a Survivor Series rematch, Hornswoggle v. The Great Khali. It’s up next. Where is my NyQuil?

Commercials.

We’re back and I still can’t find my NyQuil…so I have to suffer for this upcoming match.

Hornswoggle v. The Great Khali

It’s the rematch that no one asked for, but Vince LISTENS TO THE FANS. The bell rings and Hornswoggle runs away from Khali. Khali grabs ahold of Hornswoggle and WHAT’CHA GONNA DO? Hulk Hogan is back in BLACK & WHITE! Khali calls Hogan inside the ring and he does so. Hulk’s hulking up! Khali goes for the overhead chop, but Hogan blocks it! Hogan can’t block the rest of the offense, but he’s hulking up again! He knocks Khali to the canvas! Khali rolls out of the ring as Hogan wants some more of him!

Result: No Contest NR

Hogan has the microphone and he is about to address the fans. Hulkamania is still alive and kicking! Hogan puts over the WWE and their top stars. He puts over his new show, the American Gladiators. Hogan and Hornswoggle pose to the crowd.

RAW Flashback: DX. That explains everything you need to know.

Commercials.

More RAW Flashbacks: “Bedpan McMahon”. Mick Foley and Steve Austin make Vince’s life a living hell.

Howard Finkel is in the ring! It’s time for the 15th Anniversary Battle Royal!

RAW 15th Anniversary Battle Royal
Participants: Al Snow, Bart Gunn, Doink the Clown, Repo Man, Steve Blackman, Pete Gas, & Bob “MR.” Bucklund, Gangrel, IRS, Flash Funk, Skinner, The Goon, Scotty 2 Hotty, Jim Neidhart, Sgt. Slaughter, & Gillberg

I won’t get too involved with the Battle Royal until it gets down to the final four. Here we go!

Gillberg is eliminated by everyone.
Bucklund is eliminated.
Doink the Clown is eliminated.
Gangrel is eliminated.
Al Snow is eliminated.
Pete Gas is eliminated.
Bart Gunn is eliminated
Flash Funk & Steve Blackman is eliminated.
The Goon is eliminated.
Jim Neidhart is eliminated
Repo Man is eliminated.

Final Four: Scotty 2 Hotty, Sgt. Slaughter Skinner, & IRS

Skinner and Sarge go at it, while IRS and S2H go at it. S2H beats IRS to the briefcase punch. S2H gets the WORM! Skinner eliminates S2H, but the Sarge gets the Cobra Clutch! Skinner gets out of it and he eliminates himself! IRS dumps Sarge and it is over!

WAIT! “The Million Dollar Man” Ted DiBiase is HERE! DiBiase has the money and he offers it to the IRS! The IRS takes it and he hops over the top rope! Ted DiBiase wins the Battle Royal!

Winner: Ted DiBiase ***

RAW Flashback: “Slap Happy” It’s a slap-fest out there!

Eric Bischoff is on his way to the ring!

Commercials.

We are back and Eric Bischoff is inside the ring! He wants to let everyone know that being invited to this extravaganza means a lot to him. He says that no matter how much things change, things stay the same. He goes heel on the fans by saying that he will re-invent the business over and over again.

Enter Chris Jericho. Eric asks why he is doing back when he fired him a couple years ago. Jericho asks Bischoff to “Shut the Hell Up!” He says that Eric is still an assclown to this day. He won’t forget being fired by Bischoff. Bischoff says that Jericho should save the fans $40 and forfeit the match right now! Jericho says that he could beat his ass right now. Jericho is the master of the microphone as he uses the word “off” in many forms of context. He knocks Bischoff’s block off, but Orton runs interference. Jericho has the LIONTAMER locked on Orton! Orton taps out wildly as Jericho taunts him some more. We take a break.

Commercials.

We’re back as “The American Dream” Dusty Rhodes joins the commentary table. We have a World Tag Team Championship match upcoming!

World Tag Team Championship: Cody Rhodes & Hardcore Holly v. The Redneck Wrecking Crew

Rhodes and Cade start things off. Cade has a side headlock on Rhodes. Rhodes nails a forearm and gets a wrist lock on Cade. Cade explodes with a spinning heel kick and Murdoch gets involved in the action. Murdoch scoop slams Rhodes and connects with an elbow for two. Murdoch tags in Cade and Rhodes is in trouble. Cade misses an elbow drop and Rhodes tags out to Holly. Murdoch and Holly are the legal men in the ring as Holly nails a perfect dropkick. Cade clotheslines Murdoch inadvertently! Alabamaslam connects! WE HAVE NEW TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS!

Winners and NEW World Tag Team Champions: Hardcore Holly & Cody Rhodes *

Dusty Rhodes celebrates with the new champions inside the ring.

RAW Flashback: “Look Who’s Here.” The stars come out when the WWE comes to town!

Commercials.

RAW Flashback: “The Divas”. No comments necessary.

Jillian Hall is in the ring. She has an album coming out on iTunes tomorrow. I’m sure that no one will download them. She tries to sing, but Trish Stratus is back baby! Trish makes fun of her album. Trish had a big ego, so Jillian says. Lita comes down the ramp and it looks like Lita and Trish are about to come to blows. Lita pokes fun at Jillian Hall a bit. Jillian pushes through the two of them and she sings again. Lita and Trish play “Deck the Halls” with Jillian Hall and she’s singing better right now! Trish and Lita hug in the ring.

RAW Flashback: “The Funniest Moments”. Mae Young giving birth to a hand…I’m gonna need some heavy pills to erase that from my mind.

Commercials.

RAW Flashback: “Holy” Matrimony.

Lita looks at the monitor and Kane is right behind her. Kane and Lita try to be conversational, but Ron Simmons gets involved. DAMN!

It is time for our MAIN EVENT! Mr. Kennedy makes his way out to the ring. He’s going to face Marty Jannety NEXT!

Commercials.

WWE Rewind: Mr. Kennedy and his mock panel.

Mr. Kennedy v. Marty Jannetty

The bell rings and they get in a tie up. Kennedy gets a wrist lock, but Jannetty gets a drop toe hold! Both men jockey for position in the early going and Kennedy gets the advantage. Kennedy works a half Boston Crab on Jannetty, slowing the pace of the match down a bit. Jannetty fights for the ropes and he gets ahold of it. Kennedy works on the leg and gets a two count. Corkscrew leg take down gets a one count and Kennedy continues to work on Jannetty. Enzugiri connects and Jannetty mounts some offense! Jannetty gets a suplex for two! Jannetty gets Kennedy in the corner, but Kennedy stops that offense and nails a clothesline. Kennedy goes for the Green Bay Plunge, but Jannetty COUNTERS WITH THE ROCKER DROPER! Jannetty goes on top, but Kennedy hangs him out to dry. Green Bay Plunge is COUNTERED to a rollup for two and three-quarters! Kennedy drops Jannetty on the second rope and he gets an Impaler DDT for three!

Winner: Mr. Kennedy ***

Kennedy lays waste to Jannetty, but HBK comes out to the rescue! Michaels beats Kennedy out of the ring, but when Michaels turns to help Jannetty…Kennedy beats down on Michaels. Triple H comes out in DX attire and HBK sends Kennedy packing. They crotch chop and we’ve seen it all tonight!

Mr. McMahon gets ready to make his final appearance tonight!

Commercials.

Mr. McMahon is in the ring and we will find out who is the Greatest Superstar in RAW History! He talks about that man. He asks for an envelope from a security guard. The Greatest Superstar in RAW History is…VINCENT KENNEDY MCMAHON!

Not so fast! Mankind comes out and interrupts. Vince says that he knows that he is jealous. The Mandible Claw is applied on Vince! The bells toll and the Undertaker walks down the ramp. He is inside the ring as Vince gets back up. CHOKESLAM! Vince is down and out as Undertaker kneels down. The lights go black for a moment and Vince is reeling. The Undertaker has left the building, but Stone Cold Steve Austin is out and about. Austin has the microphone right now. He calls McMahon’s carcass a pitiful sight. He calls for the beers. Austin lies down next to Vince and he spills some beer. He helps McMahon up. Wait for it…Wait for it…STUNNER! Mr. McMahon is legally dead in the middle of the ring. Steve Austin says that the greatest superstars of RAW are the fans! That’s the bottom line! He invites all the WWE superstars past and present down to the ring. CM Punk is in the ring, most notably. He’s straightedge, so he’ll have a Pepsi instead. Regal has a Coca-Cola in his hand. Everyone dumps their beer on Vince McMahon. He tries to enter the ring, but Stone Cold knocks him out of it. Everyone drowns Vince with beer as we go off the air. Goodnight everybody!

Show Over.

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