The SmarK 24/7 Rant for Meadowlands Show – December 10 1984
– Live from New Jersey
– Your hosts are Gorilla Monsoon and… Howard Finkel? Trainwreck ahead. This leaves Gary Michael Capetta to do the ring announcing.
Playboy Buddy Rose v. Jose Luis Rivera.
Giant stall from Rose to start, as he flaunts his “ripped” body and gets a woman at ringside to disrobe him. Finally he starts with a slam on Rivera and stalls some more. This gives Jose a chance to fire back with his own slams and chases Rose from the ring. Back in, Rose quickly tosses him and they do some weak brawling on the floor, and back in where Rose takes over. Rivera takes him down with an armdrag and goes to work on that, which uses up more time. Ugh, I can see the 20 minute draw coming down Broadway. Pardon the pun. Rose escapes and gets a back elbow, then kips up to really step up the workrate. Not often you see Buddy Rose doing that. Rose stomps him down, but Rivera rams him into all four corners, but misses a blind charge and Rose gets a neckbreaker and DDT to finish at 11:43. Thank god, it wasn’t a draw. They call the move a “Las Vegas Jackpot”, but then this was pre-Snake anyway. Just your usual kick and punch opener. **
Johnny Valiant v. Steve Lombardi.
They do a nice mat sequence to start, but Valiant elbows him down and pounds away in the corner before tossing him. Valiant follows with an elbow from the apron and slams Lombardi on the floor, then sends him into the stairs for good measure. Lombardi pulls him out and shows some fire, but gets slammed on the floor again and whipped into the apron. Back in, but Valiant sends him right back out again. Into the ring after Lombardi recovers, but Valiant stomps him down and backdrops him. Lombardi fights back in the corner and gets a hiptoss, but has no followup except for a dropkick, and Valiant easily dodges a second try at it. Valiant chokes away on the ropes and drops Steve on the top rope, then drops an elbow for the pin at 7:00. Valiant just totally guzzled Lombardi here and gave him nothing. To be fair, Lombardi had his shot at a comeback, but didn’t have any idea what offense to string together. 1/2*
George Wells v. Charlie Fulton.
Wells is really only notable for being Jake Roberts’ first ever Wrestlemania victim, but never did anything in the sport. Fulton is like the jobber version of Ted Dibiase based on his look. They trade headlocks to start and Wells gets an armdrag, then they criss-cross into a Wells superkick and another armdrag. They fight over a top wristlock, but Wells wins and takes him down with a flying headscissors and goes back to the arm again. The announcers discuss how Fulton was a Vietnam vet, and really that’s a gimmick that has never really been explored in wrestling — the seemingly normal guy suffering from war flashbacks that are driving him crazy. Fulton throws knees to fight back and tosses Wells. Back in, we hit the chinlock and Fulton drops the leg for two. Back to the chinlock, but Wells fights up and slugs Fulton down, then drops a knee for two. They exchange headlocks and Fulton resorts to choking (although the camera angle clearly shows he’s not even making contact), but now Wells up again and finishes with a pair of running chop blocks and a shoulder tackle at 13:09. Zzzzzzz. *
Ken Patera v. Jim Powers.
Patera overpowers Powers to start and takes him down with a headlock, then hits the chinlock. Powers shows fire and stomps him in the corner, but Patera takes him down again and then tosses him, slamming him on the floor to follow. Back in, Patera chokes him down and finishes with the swinging full nelson at 8:15. Total squash. *
SD Jones v. Bobby Heenan.
This should be fun. This stems from the famous angle where Jones & Andre teamed up against Studd & Patera, which resulted in Heenan cutting Andre’s hair. Jones whips Bobby into the turnbuckles for his first big bump, and he immediately runs away. Bobby starts begging early, but SD pounds away and sends him flying out again. Heenan tries a headlock on the floor, but Jones sends him into the post instead. Jones slingshots him back in and rakes the eyes, but Bobby can play that game too. Heenan gets a knee and pulls hair, then drops a knee for two. Bobby gets some weak offense, but Jones shoulderblocks him down again to end that. Heenan goes to a chinlock next, but Jones finally gets all fired up and breaks loose, making the big comeback as Bobby bumps around as a result. Heenan sells a headbutt with a 180 and they do a weird sunset flip spot that gets horribly blown. Jones tries a bodypress, but Heenan rolls through for the pin at 11:27, using the tights for the win. Not enough comedy, but Heenan was bumping like crazy. **
Women’s tag team title: Desiree Peterson & Velvet McIntyre v. Penny Mitchell & Peggy Patterson.
Patterson shoves Velvet down to start, but the champs go to work on her arm. Over to Mitchell, who grabs a facelock on Peterson, and over to Patterson again for a headlock. They take turns stomping Peterson down and holding the eternal facelock and headlocks. We get a false tag as Penny Mitchell switches to an armbar instead of a headlock, and Velvet keeps getting drawn in because of the evil armbar. Peterson finally gets a cross body for two and it’s hot tag Velvet. Big boot for Penny is followed by a spinkick, but she gets caught in the heel corner and hairtossed by Peggy Patterson. She hits an enzuigiri on Mitchell, however, and brings Peterson back in for a slam. Desiree gets caught in the wrong corner yet again and beaten down, as this goes way past the point of watchability. Finally heel miscommunication gives us another hot tag to Velvet, who gets a victory roll on Mitchell for two and a sunset flip on Patterson to finish at 17:17. This was LONG. *1/2
– Intermission time, as Cal Rudman interviews George Wells, Johnny Valiant, and John Studd.
Paul Orndorff v. Junkyard Dog.
OK, finally we’re into the meat of the show now. “Another One Bites the Dust” is pretty obviously edited out and replaced with “Grab Them Cakes” here for the Dog. This is basically the prime of both guys’ careers on the national stage. It’s the big stall to start, with no contact made until more than 5:00 after the opening bell. They fight for the lockup to start and Dog grabs a headlock and won’t let go. Paul reverses to a standing wristlock, but Dog is right back to the headlock. Good spot as Paul jumps the ropes to try to force a break, so Dog pulls him in over the top and then drops him on his face when he finally breaks. Orndorff stops to have his brow mopped by Bobby Heenan, then gets a thumb in the throat of Dog to take over. Dog fires back and sends Orndorff into the turnbuckles, and sends him to the floor with the headbutts. Back in, Orndorff chokes JYD down and drops a knee on the throat, and an elbow gets two. Back to the choking and Paul drops an elbow for two. Elbow off the middle, but Dog gets the fist up and blocks before making the comeback. Headbutt misses, however, and Paul clotheslines him down for two. Piledriver, but Dog rolls out on the sell and thus saves himself. Orndorff follows him out and slams him on the floor, not allowing him back into the ring again. Finally he powerslams him back in, but Dog reverses into a small package for the surprise pin at 17:33. How about that. Good stuff from two guys who knew how to build a match. *** Orndorff does the bigtime heel beatdown afterwards, drawing blood from a shot to the post and clobbering JYD with a chair.
– And now, just for fun, a special live Piper’s Pit in the ring. He’s on fire right out of the gate, starting with “You all live in New Jersey and YOU’RE booing ME?” and proceeding to bury the city until people are tossing garbage at him. He brings in a fan from the crowd and tries to talk him into moving out of the state, with no success, and the guy even gets a good shot at Piper in (“Have you ever drove from one side of the state to the other?” “I’ve driven, but I’ve never drove.”). Roddy switches to a woman from the audience instead, but gets discouraged when her favourite wrestler is Hulk Hogan, and that finally brings out his guest, Junkyard Dog. Except we get Sal Bellomo instead, delivering a message about JYD’s injury and thus why he can’t make it out. I don’t see this ending good for the kid. Piper actually calls him a “dumb wop”, which draws the ire of Bellomo, but Paul Orndorff heads out for a group hug to really intimidate Bellomo. They bully him for a bit, but JYD makes it out with a ridiculous looking bandage on his head and cleans house with the chain.
Cowboy Bob Orton v. Jimmy Snuka.
Orton tries the attack but gets whipped into the corner, and Snuka drops an elbow to send him reeling. Fistdrop from the middle rope follows, but Orton snaps off an atomic drop and drops an elbow to slow him up. They slug it out and both guys end up on the floor for a brisk double countout at 2:32. Never even got started. 1/2*
Sal Bellomo v. Brutus Beefcake.
Beefcake was so green at this point that they wouldnâ€™t even let him talk in his own promos. After some stalling, Beefcake gets a slam and follows up with more stalling. Bellomo gets his own slam, so Beefcake bails and gets advice from Valiant. My advice: In six years, DUCK! Back in, Beef tries the headlock, but gets dropkicked and can barely take the bump to the floor without help. Back in, Beefcake slugs him down, but Sal takes him down with a double leg and pounds him. Sadly, he wastes too much time, and walks into Beefcake’s high knee to end the brief comeback at 7:30. Just a squash. *
WWF title: Hulk Hogan v. Big John Studd.
“Real American” is clearly overdubbed on top of “Eye of the Tiger” here, and they even overdub the graphic, as “WWF Champion” becomes “Heavyweight champion” thanks to the dreaded editing department. Frankly I’m shocked they didn’t make it “WWE Champion” while they were at it. They try to slam each other early, but neither can do it. Studd uses the clubbing forearms, but neither man can knock the other down, nor slam the other. Hulk finally slugs away and hits the big boot, but again no luck with the slam. Man, he must really need the $15,000. He keeps coming with a clothesline and tries the slam again, but Studd pounds the back to block. Hulk gets the corner clothesline and ALMOST gets the slam, but Studd lands on the apron and pulls Hogan to the floor instead. Hogan goes into the post and does an oh-so-subtle blade on the announce table, clearly getting the gig ready while the camera is still on him. Back to the apron, but Studd won’t let him in. Hulk finally gets in and Studd goes TO THE TOP?! Yes, it’s that most dreaded of all clubbing forearms, the TOP ROPE CLUBBING FOREARM, which gets two. Clothesline gets two. Studd indicates that it’s time for a slam, and does so. Clearly a man of his word. Studd boots him out, having no real game plan here, but Hulk drags him out and slams him on the floor. And that’s ANOTHER countout at 10:01. Lame finish, but I’ve seen worse. *1/2
Take a pass on this one, kids.