The (Late) SmackDown Report

Welcome to this week’s edition of the SmackDown Report. Everyone is in for a treat tonight as I’m covering for Troy, who couldn’t do the column this week due to reasons I won’t say. I’m going to keep to a similar format that Troy does for the SmackDown Report, just because it wouldn’t be the SmackDown Report without the analysis after each match.

SmackDown 12/14/2007

We head straight to the opening video to kick off tonight’s show. Michael Cole and JBL inform us that we’re 2 days away from Armageddon. Edge comes out onto the stage without music, interrupting the opening commentary. He intros his “love of his life”, Vickie Guerrero. She is wheeled out by Assistant GM, Teddy Long. Edge blabs on how courageous she is for being here tonight. She was attacked by Undertaker three weeks ago, as the recap would show us. The fans are not buying this act. She’s not doing very well…she’s mentally scarred, emotionally distraught, and is thinking about psychological help. She returns to fulfill the duties as the General Manager. At Armageddon, Batista defends the World Title against Edge and the Undertaker. The three stars will be in action tonight. Edge gets the task of starting things off tonight. She sends Teddy to the back to get Edge’s entrance music started. And making his first appearance in a long time, FUNAKI!

Edge v. Funaki
Edge gets a waist lock on Funaki. He lets go and they jockey for position as Edge gives a clean break in the corner. Funaki misses a charge and he pats Edge on the neck. Drop Toe Hold by Funaki…that’s the only offense he gets as Edge gets a boot to the jaw. He gets serious, but Funaki nails a stiff kick. BULLDOG by Funaki! Funaki is on top and the Tornado DDT is countered to a flapjack. The Edgucator connects and Edge nails the spear for the three!
Winner: Edge

I still mark out when Funaki appears on SmackDown and he did get a minimal amount of offense in against Edge. One out of Ten. If we can only have the Cruiserweight Championship brought back to SmackDown and have Funaki appear more often, that would be fine by me. The match was to give Edge a warm-up for Sunday, although, it left much to be desired.

Teddy and Vickie remain on the stage throughout the match, with Vickie clapping. Edge comes back up and Vickie asks for a round of applause for Edge. She announces Batista vs. Kane in a Last Man Standing Match and Undertaker takes on Mark Henry & Big Daddy V in a handicap match. She orders Teddy to take her back to her office. Teddy doesn’t seem to like this.


December 24th is the Tribute to the Troops show. I’ll be there celebrating the holidays with everyone on Inside Pulse!

We’re back and Michelle McCool is embracing us with her appearance. Last week, Jamie Noble defeated Chuck Palumbo three times in a row. We get EXCLUSIVE CONTENT of Chuck being pissed off backstage. Michelle tries to calm Chuck down, but he decides to blame her for the loss. Well, she did flash Jaime her bra. It’s a tag team match tonight as Kelly Kelly is coming out to assist Michelle. A few days ago on ECW, Kelly Kelly was taken out by Victoria and Layla. Michelle prevented much of a post-match beatdown that took place. Victoria’s partner is, of course, Layla.

Michelle McCool & Kelly Kelly v. Victoria & Layla
Michelle and Victoria start things off. Michelle counters a back drop and Victoria nails a couple shoulder thrust. Michelle nails a top rope assisted backflip armdrag. Kelly gets tagged in and she nails a cross body for one. Victoria takes control and tags in Layla. Layla goes to town on Kelly in what is already many times better than their prior encounters. Kelly Kelly gets caught in the Widow’s Peak, but she wiggles out and tags in Michelle. She takes Victoria to the ropes and follows up with a high kick. Layla tries to intervene…take a guess as to who wins that exchange. Kenny Dykstra trips up Michelle and Victoria gets a two count. Chuck Palumbo comes out and chases Kenny with his motorcycle. Michelle is distracted and Victoria rolls her up for the win.
Winners: Victoria & Layla

I’m probably going to get hate mail about this, but both Kelly Kelly and Layla are trying to improve. It’s much better to let them continue to improve than to just pretend that they don’t exist. Look at Candice Michelle on RAW…she was bad starting out, but she improved greatly. When you have Beth Phoenix, Mickie James, Melina, and Victoria as great, established female wrestlers…with Candice looking to join the pack, it’s great to see Layla and Kelly at least try to learn the craft. Two out of Ten by the SmackDown Diva Standards. It was okay and at least the storyline between Kelly and Layla is continuing, as well as Chuck and Michelle. I am impressed.

We get a replay of the closing moments of the match.

Tonight: Batista v. Kane in a Last Man Standing Match.

Up Next: Rey Mysterio is in action!


We are back as Chuck and Michelle argue backstage. Chuck blames it on his string of bad luck. He then complains about her date with Jaime Noble. She tells him not to do anything stupid and he punches a hole in the wall.

We are graced by M.V.P. at the commentary table. He is out to scout his opponent for Armageddon, Rey Mysterio. MVP puts over Rey as all man, but he’s half man-half amazing! MVP is better than everyone. Rey’s opponent is none other than Kenny Dykstra. It’s surprising that Victoria isn’t with him for this match.

Rey Mysterio v. Kenny Dykstra
Kenny works the arm to start off the match. He applies a variation of an arm wrench, but Rey goes up top and nails a hurrancurana! He leapfrogs Kenny and he flips him 360 across the ring! Rey is in control for the moment until Kenny slides out of the ring and trips him face first on the mat. He goes back to work on the arm, developing great ring psychology. His illegitimate father, Eric S, will undoubtedly agree with me on this one. Rey tries to roll out of the arm wrench, but Kenny is one step ahead of him. Rey gets out of it, but he gets nailed in the head. Kenny looks for a Razor’s Edge variant maneuver, but Rey flips him to the middle rope and the 619 CONNECTS! West Coast Pop gets the three count!
Winner: Rey Mysterio

Nice back and forth action between the two. MVP ruled on commentary, which added to my enjoyment to the match. Four out of Ten. The US Title match at Armageddon will be something to watch. At least this was not a squash match.

MVP is inside the ring as the referee separates the two of them. MVP has the mic and he puts over Rey greatly. He reminds Rey that on Sunday, they will battle for the United States Championship. He hands Rey the title for him to hold onto. He hands the title back to MVP. MVP looks for the handshake and Rey does not shake. He is interrupted by something, but it’s Kenny with a distraction. BELT / MICROPHONE SHOT to the back of the head by MVP on Rey Mysterio! MVP leaves the ring, satisfied with his work for the night.

Tonight: Undertaker takes on the “Mountains of Ebony Flesh” in a handicap match.

Up Next: Batista v. Kane in a Last Man Standing Match!


Smack of the Night: Vickie’s return to Smackdown. I covered it earlier, so there’s no need to repeat this.

Justin Roberts is in the ring going over the rules for the Last Man Standing Match. I like how he used the big word, incapacitate. This should be interesting as to see how this match plays out. Batista is one tired man this week, having competed on all the shows this week. What’s that about the brand extension? Monday was RAW XV, so that’s acceptable. ECW and Smackdown are practically one brand sharing talent, so that’s acceptable.

Last Man Standing: Batista v. Kane
Kane gets started off with a powerslam. He drops the elbow and Batista knocks Kane over the top rope. Kane drags Batista outside and he goes to work on the champion. Kane gets shoved to the steel post and Batista powerslams Kane! The referee begins the count. At five, Kane gets back up and Batista is on Kane. Kane reverses an Irish Whip and he nails the sidewalk slam. He goes to the top as the ref counts. He bails off with a clothesline attempt, but HE MISSES! Batista sends Kane to the corner and he nails the shoulder to the sternum. Kane runs into a Spinebuster and Batista goes for the Batista Bomb, but Kane backdrops out of it! Kane GOOZLES Batista and delivers the Chokeslam! The referee counts to eight, and Batista is back up! Kane pummels Batista in the corner, but Batista counters that with the Batista Bomb! Kane gets up at 8 and Batista climbs to the top. Kane looks for a Superplex AND HE GETS IT! Both men are under the referee’s count. Kane is up at 7 and Batista is up at 9! Both men do the double clothesline spot as we head to break.

We return as Kane tosses Batista out of the ring. Batista lands against the retaining wall and he is being counted out. Kane interrupts the count at 5 and they continue to pulverize each other on the outside. Batista bashes Kane against the steel post. Kane is back up at 6, but Batista looks for a Batista Bomb again. Kane shoves him INTO THE BARRICADE! Kane follows up with a kick to the face, sending Batista over the barricade. Batista gets back up at 7 and Kane is back on the assault. Kane has a steel chair and Batista SPEARS Kane out of his boots! Both men are down. Batista is up at 7 and Kane is up at 9. Batista pummels Kane against the barricade. Kane counters a whip, sending Batista TO THE STEPS! Batista is down for the count, but he gets back up as Kane is taking apart the commentary table. Kane smacks Batista in the head with the TV monitor. Batista struggles back up at 8. Kane takes him down and he finishes taking apart the table. Kane gets the steel steps and he places them near the table. Kane GOOZLES Batista! He gets on the steps and it looks like Batista will be chokeslammed to HELL! Batista counters out of it and he nails the SPINEBUSTER, breaking the table! Edge runs interference, spearing Batista! Both men are down as the referee counts. Batista is back up at 8 and Edge looks to spear him again, but Batista nails a back drop on Edge! Kane does not answer the count!
Winner: Batista

The match got a lot of time and had a lot of action to go along with it. Nine out of Ten. From beginning to end, this match was non-stop action. Even the interference by Edge couldn’t drag the match down too much. I enjoyed this match greatly.

Edge takes a steel chair and nails Batista with it. He is in all smiles, liking what he has done to one of his opponents at Armageddon.

Tonight: Undertaker battles against two big men.


We are back and we get a replay of the prior match. In Vickie’s office, Vickie congratulates Edge on his interaction tonight. They get all lovey-dovey, wanting champagne when Edge wins the World Title on Sunday. She wants a couple aspirin and a coffee. Edge orders Teddy Long to get them for her. My how far has Teddy fallen. It is interesting that they did not even explain how he got demoted to Assistant General Manager. If my mind serves me correctly, Vickie was his assistant before his heart attack. She became “Acting General Manager” during his absence. She gets injured and Teddy comes back saying that he is the boss as the Assistant GM while she is out for recovery. She returns and she is the boss woman. Where is the logic in all this? We take a pause from our current programming for an open letter to WWE Creative.

Dear WWE Creative:

Please get your heads out of your collective rear ends and PLEASE make some sense around here. You were on the ball with RAW XV, making it the best show I have ever watched…but tonight, you guys showed me that you can’t make the magic work on a repeating basis. Explain things more thoroughly.


Paul Marshall

Back to your regularly scheduled programming. Edge and Vickie make out…showing us that her neck isn’t really that injured. She sold the Tombstone perfect three weeks ago, but she can’t sell being injured when she kisses Edge. They giggle as we go to the RAW Rebound.

RAW Rebound: RAW XV was a great show. Check out my report, as well as Hatton’s Rabble, Scott’s Smark Rant, Bambi’s Make Movement, and Phil’s Reality of Wrestling. We have your RAW fix this week, so enjoy it.

It’s Biscuits and Gravy time as Festus is set for action up next!


WWE Slam of the Week: Jesse & Festus lose a great match against the Tag Team Champions, John Morrison and the Miz.

We’re back as the Miz makes his way out to the ring with Morrison in tow.

Festus v. The Miz
The bell rings and Festus goes from happy and calm to mean and wanting to kill. This spells trouble for the Miz as he gets shoved around in the opening moment of the match. Festus lands a big splash on Miz. He runs into Miz, but Miz gets a shoulder in his face. Miz runs into a high impact body drop and he gets on the ring apron. Festus gets hanged out to dry and Miz chop blocks his leg. Festus continues to use the power game against the Miz. Miz gets another chop block and he applies a sleeper on Festus. Big right hand connects and Festus sends Miz outside. Miz nails a baseball slide on Festus. Back inside the ring, Miz gets a chinlock on Festus, but Festus shoves him off. Miz is on top and he is CAUGHT by Festus! Morrison gets on the apron for a distraction, but HE is distracted by Jesse. Festus swings Miz around, connecting with Morrison, knocking him off the apron. A DVD variant move finishes the match as Festus goes back to normal.
Winner: Festus

It seems that this feud between the champions and Jesse & Festus is heating up. The champions beat them in a tag match, now they mix it up in singles action. Four out of Ten. Hopefully this feud is promising, but I’m sure everyone wants to see more of Morrison & the Miz against Jimmy Wang Yang & Shannon Moore. The Tag Team Division on SmackDown has gotten more interesting by the day. Keep it up!

Teddy Long comes out to the ring, not in a good mood. He stares at Jesse & Festus. FINALLY, JBL spills the beans. Vince McMahon replaced Teddy Long with Vickie Guerrero as the General Manager. Maybe I was getting ahead of myself with the nice rant I did a little bit ago. It makes sense now. Teddy has the microphone and he says that he has been asked to come to the ring and read the following announcement. The next scheduled match features the Great Khali and Hornswoggle. Look, we didn’t want this match at Survivor Series. We didn’t want this match on RAW this week. Do we really need to see this match take place tonight? Apparently Vince McMahon believes so. Welcome to Mid-card Hell, Khali. Hope you enjoy your stay.


We’re back for some more tough love involving Hornswoggle. Last week, Khali put the Vice Grip on Finlay and he sold it like a champ.

Hornswoggle v. The Great Khali
Finlay comes out to the ring and he goes toe to toe with Khali. He nails Khali with the shillelagh, but the referee takes it away from him. That doesn’t stop Finlay as he takes it to Khali. Runjin holds Hornswoggle captive and he threatens to hurt him. He gets taken out by Finlay unceremoniously. Khali nails the tomahawk chop, followed by the double choke bomb. He stands tall over Finlay a second week in a row.
Result: Match never took place.

Tonight: Undertaker takes on Big Daddy V and Mark Henry.


Ric Flair returns to SmackDown next week in a Career Threatening Match!

We’re back as Michelle McCool talks with Kelly Kelly. They enter the locker room and it’s covered in roses and balloons, courtesy of Jaime Noble. He notices the black eye on Michelle, but she denies the allegation that Chuck was behind it. She explains that it happened during the European trip. She is impressed at Jamie’s sincerity. He has his best blue jeans dry cleaned and his best pair of underwear ironed out. What a visual. Kelly brings up an idea of a double date – Noble and McCool, along with Kelly and Balls Mahoney. Noble and McCool decline the offer. He got her a nice dress for her to try on.

Michael Cole and JBL run down the line-up for Armageddon. It is a great card, if they do things right.

Up Next: The Main Event.


Handicap Match: Big Daddy V & Mark Henry v. The Undertaker
The bell rings and it is two-on-one rules. Undertaker uses his boxing skills in the early going, but V and Henry work together. Henry splashes Undertaker in the corner Henry looks to suplex Taker outside the ring. Undertaker nails a big boot on V and he takes Henry down! Undertaker nails the vintage leg drop on the apron, but V is there to halt the momentum. Undertaker slides off V’s body and sends him to the steel post. Inside the ring, Mark Henry gets Undertaker in the bearhug!. Henry sends Undertaker to V and he does the Samoan Drop for two! Henry gets a cover himself for two as well. Both men pummel Undertaker as they talk smack to each other. Undertaker fights out of the ropes and he separates the masses. He nails the clotheslines to both men in the corners. GOOZLE to Big Daddy V! GOOZLE to Mark Henry! The Laws of Gravity defy Undertaker as both men get out of the move. Henry sends Undertaker to V’s elbow, knocking him silly. Henry sacrifices himself as V splashes both him and Undertaker at the corner! Now V has Undertaker squashed in the corner and Undertaker gets out of it! He whips Henry to the ropes…CHOKESLAM to Mark Henry! He survives!
Winner: The Undertaker

This was a slow match. While Batista and Kane had a LOT of action, this match had the action…but not fast action. Two out of Ten. Handicap matches suck for the most part, but the job was done. Everything was set to make Edge look the freshest for the World Title match at Armageddon. The match would have been better as a Gauntlet style match, but it did its job. I just didn’t enjoy it as much as the other matches tonight.

Big Daddy V clotheslines Undertaker post match. Undertaker fights back, but the numbers game proves to be too much as Big Daddy V nails a double handed choke bomb. Mark Henry nails the big splash and V drops the elbow. They repeat this again and they nail a double Torture Rack on Undertaker! Edge comes inside the ring, liking how this has turned out. He mocks Undertaker as he fakes a rise up, but he falls back down. Edge looks cautiously as the show ends.

Show Over.

The Inside Pulse

Edge defeats Funaki: 1/10
Victoria & Leyla defeats Michelle McCool & Kelly Kelly: 2/10
Rey Mysterio defeats Kenny Dykstra: 4/10
Batista defeats Kane: 9/10
Festus defeats The Miz: 4/10
Hornswoggle versus The Great Khali never happened: NR
The Undertaker defeats Mark Henry & Big Daddy V: 2/10
SmackDown 12/14/2004: 22/60

This show was a better show than what they put on in the past. Batista and Kane went all out days before Armageddon and they delivered tonight. The show was centered around the Triple Threat Match at Armageddon, with Edge having the easiest night due to Vickie Guerrero running things. Teddy Long looks more like a butler than what he once was. Rey / MVP has a great chance of being a great match. That’s all from me. Next week, Troy will be back. You can catch me this weekend on the Roundtable. I might sneak up a live Armageddon Match-by-Match report…and I will definitely be back on Monday for RAW. What a busy weekend this will be. Have a great weekend everyone!

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