OF THE YEAR…
LET’S MAKE IT COUNT.
T H E
M O N D A Y
N I G H T
R A B B L E
I only just realized that with next week being Tribute To The Troops and the week after that being New Years Eve this is the last Rabble for two weeks and of 2007! That’s weird.
Oh well – let’s get to Attributing Our Troops (See what I did there?):
JEFFREY – The Army
MIKE – The Navy
BILL – The Merchant Marines
HERNANDEZ – The Battle Of The Network Stars
JENNA – The American Gladiators
ERIC – An Army of One
…finally, me, your Mission Accomplished Incarnate, James Hatton.
Let’s not forget the proletariate that keeps us alive, the Insyders over at the Inside Pulse Forums!
So we start off with a flash to last week where Vince was taken down by Mick Foley, Stone Cold and Undertaker.
Girls in Santa’s Little Helper Outfits… Good fucking Christ. Jillian, Melina, Victoria, Layla. Holy crp. Layla and Jillian look the best somehow…
Now though, here come the good girls! Mickie, Maria, Michelle, and Kelly… ok many screenshots needed.
“Xanta Klaus?” – Jeffrey
Maria starting with Jiullian. Jillian screws up a snapmare. Maria does a cartwheel over Jillian and then does a split on her face.
“That was hot” – Mike
Tag to Kelly and a double hairpull sends Killy for the one count.
Tag to Layla, double clothesline on Kelly for two. Stompy Stompy Kelly tossed to the corner, Kelly rolls her up to for two.
Tag to Michelle, who looks the best for the good girl side of things. Layla gets tossed to the ropes and a fast tag to Melina. Hiptoss from Melina. Snapmare.
“Perfect would be proud.” – Mike
Michelle gets tossed to the ropes and she gets a snapkick in the back. Melina now hangs her up in the tree of.. ouch. Tag to Layla. A leapfrog squash onto Melina. Layla goes up for a moonsault annnnnnd WHIFF!
“Anyone hear the saline pop?” – Me
Michelle tag to Mickie, wearing satin chaps. Rana on Victoria. Neckbreaker from Mickie for two. Mickie kicks in the gut. goes for the DDT… HIGH HIGH end! Three.
Photos!
In run all the girls and we have a girly girl cluster-f. All four girls send the badgirls to the center… and here comes Vince!??!?
WINNER: GOOD GIRLS
Vince is stumbling down to the ring… slowly… upset…
“Back like a dog.. or something.. whatever” – Bill
“Bark like a reindeer!” – Hernandez
All the girls clear out.
Vince grabs the mic and explains that he was celebrating the 15th anniversary when he was beaten and bathed in beer.
“Every Raw star…”
“…urinated on me.” – Me
Vince lambasts the fans for enjoying his anguish. Vince doesn’t understand it.
“I AM A HUMAN BEING!” – Me
“Elephant McMan?” – Bill
His feelings were hurt. He even SAYS ‘I am a human being.’
Cue Jeff Hardy?!
“Have a rainbow! BAMF! And he’s gone.” – Bill
Hardy faces Jeff in the ring. Vince tries to talk and Jeff takes the mic!?!?!?
Jeff wants to explain some things. He then compares Saddam Hussein to Vince McMahon to try and pimp the Tribute show next week…
In the end, Vince seems to start crying. He even goes and sits in the corner crying.
“Emo Vince sucks.” – Me
“What is he.. Raven?” – Eric
COMMERCIAL ONE – 9:16
Ok so Vince is still in the corner and Regal is sitting in the corner trying to coax him out.
“Come on Buttercup… cheer up!” – Me
This is all stopped by Triple H.
“Look here comes Mister Haitch, the father of your grandchild!” – Bill
“Wow, a match first.. then 30 minutes of bullshit. I hate wrestling.” – Mike
Trips of course gets a mic and asks ‘Liberace’ (Regal) to let him handle it, since he’s almost famous. He waves his hand in front of Vince’s face. ‘Can’t see me..’
“Mark the time, Vince McMahon has officially flipped.” – Trips
“9:21” – Mike
Trips sits down with him and wraps his arm around him. He says ‘Ok, I’ll be the bigger man. I’m sorry. Does that make it better? I’m sorry that I came out here and ruined your family portrait and made out with your daughter and poured beer all over your body while hanging out with your bastard-midget son… my bad Now, for the love of god.. leave the ring, before they cancel the show.”
Regal asks that Triple Haitch give him a modicum of compassion.. or so help him he’ll…..
Trips goes nose to nose with him..
“Eskimo Kisses.” – Bill
“..get security.” – Regal
So Vince grabs a mic. Tells Regal to get Coach. Regal and Coach versus… Triple H. He also ‘Hopes something bad happens tonight. I hope something bad happens to each and every one of you..’
“He’s going to blow up the ring.” – Jeffrey
“…the stadium.” – Eric
COMMERCIAL TWO – 9:26
COACH & REGAL vs. TRIPLE H
Oooo Hatch
“From the 15th Anniversary to this…” – Eric
So Regal and Coach are in their suits. Coach gets knocked out, and Regal holds up for a punch or two. He gets tossed to the corner and eats a knee lift.
Regal rolls out and goes headfirst into the table. Coach tries to attack. He gets thrown into the stairs. Regal sets him on the turnbuckle and Regal hits him with a FIELDGOAL kick into the ringpost.. badass!
Coach goes for the pin.. denied.
Now Regal is holding up Trips and Coach is beating him down. FInally Regal sets him in the corner, and he charges and eats a boot. Now Hunter is going back and forth. Throws Hunter to the ropes and this is reversed with a kneelift from Hunter again.
Now while Coach is getting his asskicked. Regal heads outside and puts on the brassknucks! He runs in and eats the spinebuster. Coach though has the knucks now…
He looks up and Trips is standing right there, and he’s been caught with the knucks. He hands them right over to Triple H. Hunter clacks him on the head with them.
“Doesn’t he get DQ’d for bonking him on the head?” – Bill
“No, but Little Bunny FooFoo is pissed.” – Me
“HE’S A GOON! BUNNY FOO FOO IS A GOON, SIR!” – Bill
Pedigree. Done.
WINNER: TRIPs
So last night at Armageddon – Jericho didn’t win the title. So tonight, Y2J has invited JBL to come on down.
COMMERCIAL THREE – 9:38
Tag Team Champs Time.
HARDCORE HOLLY & CODY vs. CADE & MURDOCH
Rematch tiiime..
Cade starting with Cody. Cade throws him to the corner and begins beating him down. Quick tag to Murdoch and Cody gets a few punches in, but then eats an atomic drop! Cody reverses it and tags in Holly. Throws him to the corner, choppies all around.
Throws Murdoch to the ropes and eats a face shot. He goes for the Alabama Slam on Murdoch and it’s stopped by Cade who grabs Holly. Big boot to the face and then doesn’t pin him!?
Weird spot, but the tag to Cade charges in and pins for two.
Anyway, some stuff happens and Cade ends up in the ring with Cade and hits a gorgeous bulldog for two. Stopped by Murdoch. Holly runs out with him and they beat on each other on the outside while Cody and Cade in the middle of the ring. Cade goes for the lariat, ducked reversed, DDT!
WINNER: CODY & HOLLY
Tonight, Shawn & Jeff vs. Randy & Kennedy latah.
Also, Flair & Umaga in a Career Match.
COMMERCIAL FOUR – 9:47
RIC FLAIR TIME! Wooooooooo!
He has a mic. He explains that he will NEVER retire. He then explains the whole ‘Ric wins or retire’ story.
Ric tells us that walking away from wrestling isn’t even an option at this point.
“I don’t even know my real last name!” – Mike
In his career, I have old friends.. new friends!
“I have alzheimers!” – Me
Ric then puts over all the young talent, but he’s not ready to start the second half of his journey…
“Second HALF?!” – Bill
COMMERCIAL FIVE – 9:57
RIC FLAIR vs. UMAGA
Ric wins!
Ric starts with circling Umaga a little. They lock up and Ric hits the ropes… and struts.
Charged by Umaga, he ducks and throws some chops. Umaga throws him down and hurls him into the corner. Umaga now doing all the stompies. A cople big fists to the back of his head.
Headbutts from Umaga, and a snapkick to the back of Ric’s head. Thrown to the ropes, he eats a boot. A splash for two.
Nerve pinch time. Flair fights to his feet, but is brought back to his knees. He finally throws Ric to the ropes and hits a back elbow. Umaga finally charges and eats his own back elbow. Umaga then goes for a fist drop… and no! Whiff! Ric hits a few chops, charges Umaga and a samoan drop! Pin for.. grabbed the rope.
Belly to belly from Umaga for two. Squashes off the second rope. Right back into the nerve punch. Umaga now continues to pummel Ric, followed by a big headbutt.
Umaga to the top rope. Leaps for the headbutt. Miss! Double count begins and up by 7. Flair comes up with the chops. Clips Umaga’s leg. Goes to set up the figure four.. but he’s kicked out. Now to the outside, Ric gets thrown into the corner post.
Umaga sets Flair up on the wall.. he charges and MISS! Umaga charged right through the security wall!
Flair crawls… gets in at 10!
“WOO! Ten!” – Bill
WINNER: RIC FLAIR
Ric grabs the mic… one last thing.. “WOOOOOO!”
In the back, Jericho coming on down.
COMMERCIAL SIX – 10:11
Jeeerrrichoooo TIME!
“Cigarette Break!” – Hernandez
“YOu gonna take up smoking just because of Jericho?” – Jeffrey
“Yeah, a muffler.” – Hernandez
Jericho of course has a mic.
“Oh, and the cutest little eyebruise.” – Bill
He feels that last night that he beat Randy Orton, but he’s not happy about it because it was due to a DQ. We see the flash to JBL booting him.
So due to this, he’s invited JBL down to the ring, but since he’s coming down here.. he’ll have to go to Smackdown.
JBL appears on the Titantron.
“…sorry…” – Hernandez
“My bad.” – Me
JBL explains that he can’t be there to see Y2J.. he’s a Wall STreet darling. A media maven. Jericho shouldn’t have that kind of temerity.
“And they have lost half their audience with the use of ‘temerity’.” – Bill
Y2J explains that people around the ring get beaten down all the time. They then go on to make fun of the timekeeper, Mark Eaton, for a good minute.
“Sorry Mark, see ya next week.” – Bill as JBL
So Y2J is going to show up on Smackdown and surprise JBL when he leasts expects it.
“Except that he just told you.” – Tommy
So JBL throws down the threat, that if Jericho goes to Smackdown.. he wont’ be in the Royal Rumble.. he will never..ev..evvvv..evvver be a champion agaaaain.
Y2J asks “What happened to you JBL?”
“..back problems” – Bill
“I did some racist crap and almost lost everything.” – Jeffrey
Jericho then compares him to Bill O’Reilly, Shawn Hannity, Michael Cole, and Joey Styles. He then calls him a ‘wrestling afterthought.’ JBL’s face is awesomely disgusted.
JBL explains that he has to go out there and commentate and put over wrestlers that can’t even lace his boots. JBL promises Jericho that he is coming to Raw. He was the longest running Smackdown champion.. and he is and will always be a wrestling God.
BRILLIANT PROMO WORK!
COMMERCIAL SEVEN – 10:26
Santino Time….. MARIA! In something altogether different. Lacey and booty and.. good christ.
Oh, and Carlito!
And the Hooligannnnnzzz!!!
CARLITO & SANTINO vs. THE HOOLIGANZ
Carlito keeps his job!
“He lost his beard!!!” – Bill
“He’s no longer Amish.. so he lost his power.” – Eric
“You’re right, those vests have no buttons.” – Bill
Carlito and Santino argue about who starts. Santino takes the lead with Spanky. They go back and forth faking moves. Spanky slaps him and hits an armdrag. Tag to London. Double armdrag.
London works the arm and throws him to the ropes. Punches from London. Ducks it a few times and leapfrom and a HUGE dropkick from London.
Santino tags in Carlito. Kicks him London a few times. Throws him to the ropes and hits a back elbow dropping London. Carlito hits the ropes and London gets up and hits a hard rana. Then a monkeyflip with a tag to Spanky! Flying cross for two!
London charges Santino on the outside. In the ring, Spanky eats a backstabber for three.
Nice.
WINNER: CARLITO & SANTINO
Santino grabs the mic and explains that for the first time an Italian and a Columbian… to which Carlito explains that he’s Puerto Rican. They can’t lose. He has Maria and Carlito likes to swap spit with men who don’t want to be cool.
Fun.
COMMERCIAL EIGHT – 10:36
In the back.. Randy talks about a match.. we don’t listen.
Also Ric talking with Trips. New Years Eve, two weeks from tonight. Ric vs. Trips.
“FINGER POKE OF DOOM!” – Me
COMMERCIAL NINE – 10:43
Hey, main event time!
Here comes Jeff Hardy. Annnnnnd Shawn!
JEFF HARDY & SHAWN MICHAELS vs. KENNEDY & ORTON
Marty Jannety RETURNS!
Jeff starting with Randy! Side headlock.
Orton Headlock Count: 1
Throws Jeff to the ropes and armdrags from Jeff. Tag to Kennedy.
They lock up. Throws Jeff to the ropes. Shouldercheck to Kennedy and the double leg drop. Jeff goes and throws Kennedy to the outside while Orton is on the outside…. in runs Shawn…
Double plancha! Jeff onto Randy. Kennedy eats some Shawn.
COMMERCIAL TEN – 10:53
Baaaaack…
“Hey, not a headlock.” – Bill
Shawn rolls to tag to Kennedy for no reason. ANyway, Jeff gets whipped into the corner, runs up and goes for the whisperrrr WHIFF!
Tag to Orton while Kennedy has Jeff all locked up. Orton leans over Jeff and just beats down on him. Randy hits a knee drop and a tag to Kennedy.
Kennedy kicks him around the ring. Finally Jeff hits an elbow and the spinning neckbreaker. Tag to Shawn who beats the hell out of Kennedy and an atomic drop. He tosses in Randy. Hits the crossbody. The nip up and eats a clothesline HARD from Kennedy. Nice!
Pin from Kennedy for two. Kennedy pulls him to Orton for the tag. Punchies now from Orton. They fight into the corner and Shawn drops. Right into the headlock!
Orton Headlock Count: 2
Shawn fights out of it. Gets tossed to the corner hard for the pin. Two. Garvin stomps. Tag to Kennedy who chokes Shawn on the second rope. He goes in to hit Shawn again, but eats a chop or two. In turn he gets stomped down in the corner and the running knee driver.
Pulls him in for two.
Chinlock from Kennedy. He fights out of it and hits the jawbreaker. Hits a chop or two on Kennedy. Goes for the superkick! Denied! Caught and the enzuigiri.
“Was that a ghetto blaster?” – Bill
“Yes it was.” – Me
Shawn goes and tags in Jeff for the hot tag. Jeff charges, ducks Orton and baseball slides Kennedy. Hits a snakeeyes on Randy Orton. Kick in the gut, face driver forrrrrrr TWO! Stopped by Kennedy. In runs Shawn and they fight to the outside. In the middle Jeff hits the twist, reversed into the RKO. Pushed out into the Twist of Fate.. Jeff hits the Swanton!
THE END!
WINNER: JEFF HARDY & SHAWN MICHAELS
“After last week.. eh.” – Hernandez
“I thought they might have fired the writers, apparently not.” – Jen
“It was overall letdown from last week.” – Tommy
“I loved the promo. Hot promo.” – Bill
“Monkeys that write promos are brilliant” – Eric
“..and I liked Maria..” – Bill
“..who didn’t?” – Me
“50% good show, they are doing better.” – Jeffrey
“And me, I say after 10.. I enjoyed myself.” – Me
So before I let you all go with this show, I just wanted to thank all of you over the last year who have sent in your thoughts, and a special shout out to the Insyders who, even though they’ve had a quiet couple weeks have made this report better than it was last year. So, here’s to a new year of Rabbling. Whether it is in a special show capacity or in a full every week affair, I wanted to make sure I thanked you all for letting us be one of the reasons you come to Inside Pulse.
Thanks again, and we’ll see you next year.
