The SmarK 24/7 Rant for World Championship Wrestling – January 25 1986

The SmarK 24/7 Rant for World Championship Wrestling – January 25 1986

– Watching that Xmas Prime Time made me realize how much I was missing these shows. Hey, there’s a crazy amount of content on this channel and I’m only one guy.

– Your hosts are Tony & David.

– The opening montage has the BEST FINISH EVER with Ron Garvin, one I’m shocked they didn’t do more often with him. Check it out: George South whips Garvin into the corner, sets up for a monkey flip, and Garvin casually puts his lights out with Hands of Stone and pins him. Someone needs to lift that finish (using a pair of knuckles or something) because it’s awesome.

– We start with Magnum TA, who is READY to face the threat of Nikita Koloff. Sadly, the same could not be said of his readiness to face the threat of telephone poles. Hey, it’s been 21 years and there’s only a few months left in his career to get my licks in anyway.

– Barbarian v. George South. South tries to slam Barbarian to start, but gets nothing, and in fact gets press-slammed himself. South tries to overpower him, but gets caught in a backbreaker and headbutted down. South lamely fights back, but Barbarian drops the leg and tosses him. Paul Jones kicks South in the face and Barbarian bites him on the nose, although it’s not like they can make South any uglier if that’s what they’re going for. Because let’s face it, he’s not a good looking guy. Barbie won’t let him in, so South comes in with a sunset flip, but Barbarian pounds him to break and puts him down again with a big boot. Shoulderbreaker and rear chinlock follow, setting up the flying headbutt at 4:40. Rather leisurely outing for Barbarian. The replay uses what sounds like “Battle Without Honor or Humanity” (aka the Kill Bill song), but I’m not sure if that’s Crockett’s music or a WWE overdub.

– Manny Fernandez gives props to Barbarian for being big and tough, but he’s the BADDEST.

– Arn Anderson, who is now the OFFICIAL World TV champion after winning the tournament, again states the Ole will be back soon to defend the National tag team titles, although in fact they were abandoned pretty soon after this with Ole’s “no show” as the kayfabe reason, and eventually replaced as a secondary title by the US tag belts. Arn is in a particularly good mood because NWA President Bob Geigel has now ruled Dusty’s COWBOY BOOT OF DEATH is now illegal. David notes that he only wore it for protection, but Arn thinks he’s GUTLESS. Touche.

– Ron Bass v. Mike Simani. Bass powers Simani down and works a headlock, but Simani bails. Back in, Bass pounds him in the corner and backdrops him out, and a suplex gets two. Simani makes his sad comeback, but Bass elbows him down and finishes with the Iron Claw at 2:49. This Ron Bass babyface run is not exactly setting houses on fire, I’m guessing.

– Ron Garvin, with a sequined vest and haircut straight out of Chris Jericho’s new wardrobe, recaps his knockout of Ric Flair last week and tells him to start saving his money because he’s about to fall into a lower tax bracket. If only Flair had LISTENED.

Ivan Koloff v. Patrick Tanaka. Ivan pounds Tanaka down and drops the leg, but misses a knee and Tanaka fires back and puts Ivan on the floor. He slugs away in the corner, but misses a blind charge and gets chopped down. The commentary talks about how the Russians are down to two because of an injury to Khrusher Khruschev, which I believe was code for “He’s gone from the promotion” because I don’t recall him being around past that point. Which is good because I’m sick of trying to remember how to spell that name. Koloff works a facelock on the mat and then pounds away, before hitting the Russian Hammer and a legdrop for two. Tanaka keeps getting the offense but he’s booked to make rookie mistakes like not hooking the leg or putting his head down, the latter of which leads to a neckbreaker and Russian Sickle for the pin at 5:30. Tanaka was given a not insignificant amount of offense here, again somewhat foreshadowing his later status as semi-star.

– Ric Flair shows off his new sweater and teases the women with promises of wearing jeans one day and showing off Space Mountain. Flair shows a video of last week, and his deadpan complaints about outside interference from Dusty when Tully and Arn are holding Garvin is funny stuff. Luckily, Garvin escapes and knocks Flair out. Flair says he went down to show that he’s just an average human being on his worst day. Oh, and Tony can tell his wife that Ric says hello. Woo!

– Manny Fernandez v. Tony Zane. Manny rides him down to start, then gets a dropkick and works the headlock. He finally lets go and chops Zane down, then goes right back to it again. Zane whips him into the corner to escape, but Manny bounces back with the Flying Burrito to finish at 3:11.

– Dusty Rhodes is out to counter Flair’s points, as usual, and gets the ZINGER by noting that Tully ran away from a good looking woman to hang out with a man instead, and what’s THAT about? Crowd goes crazy for that one, and Baby Doll nearly cracks up in the background a couple of times.

– The Rock N Roll Express v. Thunderfoot and Bob Owens. Robert overpowers Mr. Foot and works the headlock, and Ricky comes in with the monkey flip and goes into the armdrags. We’re over to Bob Owens, who quickly gets double-teamed by the champs, and now Ricky goes to work on the leg. They trade off on that as David pushes the idea of fans voting for Rock N Roll v. Midnights for the Superstars on the Superstation show. PLEASE, GODS OF 24/7, GIVE ME THAT SHOW! They set him up and knock him down with the double dropkick at 3:37. Nice energetic squash from the RNR.

– And of course, this brings out Jim Cornette to annoy Tony. He brings “an honest to goodness replica of the Cornette family history,” so you know it’s legit. He’s really tired of all the 12-year old girls writing in with crayons and asking him why his team keeps beating up on Ricky. God, I love 80s Cornette. I swear to god he doesn’t take a breath for the entire 5 minute rant.

– Nikita Koloff v. Bob Brown. This isn’t Stampede heel Bulldog Bob Brown, for those of you on the edge of your seats wondering about it. It’s actually like the midget version of Goldberg, seriously. Whose wife did this guy screw to not get pushed? Koloff pounds away on him and takes him down with a knee, but Brown hammers away with forearms as we take an oddly-timed break. Back with Nikita elbowing him down and then finishing with the Hammer and Sickle at 2:37.

– The Russians introduce Barry Darsow’s replacement, Baron Von Rashke. The Nazi teaming up with the hardline Russians is kinda messed up. At least he’s got the hair for the job. Ivan recycles Cornette’s joke about the “Lee Brothers” with respect to the Road Warriors (their real names are Ug Lee and Home Lee, you see), and Baron riffs on them by calling them “Road Runners”. Oh, snap. And that is all the people need to know!

– Jimmy Valiant v. Paul Garner. Longer than the usual quickie from Jimmy, as he hiptosses Garner and dodges a charge, putting Garner on the floor. Into the post, which he dedicates to Tully Blanchard, and back in for some choking and fingernail raking. Elbow and elbow finish at 2:00. The funny thing is that Jimmy wrestles like a total heel but he’s such a goof that fans cheer him anyway.

– Tully and JJ (who is now dressing more like the way we know him) are out to accuse Baby Doll of having a big ass (perish the thought).

– Bobby Eaton v. Wee Willie Wilkins. This guy seriously picked that as his wrestling name? Eaton offers to wrestle him on his knees, then reneges and slams and tosses him instead. Condrey chucks him back in for a suplex by Eaton. Cornette does commentary and calls out moves from the table at the same time, because he’s hilarious. So we get a vertical suplex, a double arm suplex, and a side salto, leading to a backdrop suplex off the top and the Alabama Jam to finish at 2:35. The Midnights go for the cheapshots afterwards, but the RNR make the save.

– Ron Garvin v. Mark Hawk. Garvin takes Hawk down and quickly chinlocks him, then powers him down with a facelock, then works a sugar hold for a while before knocking him out at 2:57.

– Ron Bass wants Barbarian in a test of strength, having moved past Black Bart finally.

– Black Bart v. Josh Stroud. Ironically, Stroud is the black one. They slug it out and Stroud goes down, and Bart pounds away in the corner and drops a knee, then slams him to set up the flying legdrop at 2:41.

– Back with Magnum, and he’s PISSED. The US belt is HIS. So SUCK IT, jack. OK, so I added the last one.

– Back with the Russians again, as Nikita responds to Magnum’s filthy lies.

– Rocky King v. Baron Von Rashke. What the hell is with Rocky’s afro? Is he Miss J now? Baron pounds on him and slams him into a kneedrop for two while Ivan questions the Warriors’ sexuality on commentary due to the makeup. Iron Claw finishes at 1:30, even with the afro blocking it. And that is all the people need to know!

– Back with Slick Ric, who wants to bring things back down to earth for a minute. The usual stuff here, but the final line (“You can ride Space Mountain all night long…if you’re 18 years of age or older”) is show-stealing stuff.

– Arn Anderson & Tully Blanchard v. Italian Stallion & Don Kernodle. Weird seeing Tully & Arn a year before they were Tully & Arn. Stallion gets a monkey-flip out of the corner on Arn to start, and the proto-Horsemen bail and regroup. Kernodle comes in and headlocks Tully, and the faces pinball him and send him running again. The faces work on Tully’s arm and keep dragging him away from Arn, and Kernodle even gets cheeky with a hammerlock slam, but it’s over to Arn, and he’s pretty pissed. Stallion goes for the arm and Kernodle works on it with a hammerlock on the mat, holding on even through a takedown attempt by Arn. Stallion comes in and stays on it with an armbar, but when Kernodle tags in again, Tully gives him the cheapshot and the heels take over. Tully drops elbows on the back and hits the chinlock, as does Arn. Kernodle escapes with an atomic drop, but Tully clobbers him from behind and drops an elbow for two. Arn pulls him out of the ring and rams the shoulder into the post, and back in. Kernodle blocks the slingshot suplex and reverses to a vertical one, but Arn blocks the tag and takes him down with a wristlock. Kernodle fights back again, but Tully gets the blind tag and just schools him. Tully goes up, but Kernodle catches him with a powerslam for two. Hot tag Stallion, but he gets a sleeper on Arn and turns his back on Tully like a MORON, allowing Arn to finish with the gourdbuster at 9:09. Pretty decent little tag match to finish this week. **

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